View Full Version : Draperworld !

28th Aug 2010, 17:01
Now there's a thought - Draperworld, your very own virtual reality world built to the likes and dislikes of our own dear Tony. I have my own views on the period in which it would be set, the politics, the clothes and styles, but it would be remiss of me to say so: come, then Tony, define a few parameters for us ! Tell us of the world, the gates of which will open to your fellow PPRuNers.....

tony draper
28th Aug 2010, 17:12
Hmmm, let me see,first level, Victorian Whitechapel,foggy night time, you lot in greatcoats top hats and carrying Gladstone bags, I would hunt you down with a pair of ivory handled SA Colts,you will be allowed no weapons.
You can run,but it will do you no good.

28th Aug 2010, 17:22
Excellent idea - in DraperWorld is there a dapper Peeler called Chief Inspector Eugene Hunt who can be heard to say:
"Gadzooks my dearest Bollinger Bloomers, there is a malcontent out there in this very district wreaking havoc whilst armed with a pair of ivory handled SA Colts. I say, Sergeant Carling, fire up the horse & carriage"

28th Aug 2010, 17:33
Sgt Carling: But Sir, to where shalt we go?

CI Hunt: One is unsure of his precise location but one suggests that a gentleman of his calibre (.45) can often be found in his shed at a place on the East coast of England.

Um... lifting...
28th Aug 2010, 18:16
They did this on the holodeck on Star Trek, I recall.

28th Aug 2010, 18:19
Well, now this thread is bubbling away, can we have the village pub called "The Limerick Arms" ?

Um... lifting...
28th Aug 2010, 18:21
Squeaking hinges, creaking boards underfoot, brilliant brass, burnished mahogany bar, labourers in the corner with their noses in their pints... that sort of thing?

28th Aug 2010, 18:25
There's a pub called the 'Limerick Arms
Where the barmaid dispenses her charms
Then in came young Draper
Out for a caper
And whisked her away in his arms

Bluddy hell OFSO you know it doesn't take much to get me going

tony draper
28th Aug 2010, 18:25
Hmmm, think we have done that already.
The wind howled down the cobbled streets and rainspattered on the broken panes of glass in the Ale house window, rough unshaven men sat at tables growing into tankards of Scurf the rough local ale brewed from , goat hides and rhubarb leaves, the stench of the tripe foundries permiated the atmosphere,.
Men crashed though th doors cursing the rain and bellowing for flagons of drink.
In the midst of this chaos sat a man cross legged on the floor ,in the folded knee position the brotherhood called the stance of the inert toad, his face a picture of icy serenity and calmness.
The men rough as they were, quick to break a Smurf flaggon on a fellow Tripe workers head , walked gingery round the fellow on the floor their snaggle toothed mouths grimacing in a smile of fawning subservience,for the man on the floor had a copy of the Manchester Guardian protruding from the folds of his long silk robe.

Um... lifting...
28th Aug 2010, 18:33
No fools they in this instance, though generally if brains were sticks, the lot of them wouldn't have enough to rub together to light a fire.
You could hear a pin drop (and indeed one did) as the gaunt & robed fellow pulled out his damp copy of the Guardian from his silken robe (brocaded, with pockets lined in vivid green), cleared his throat and began to read.

28th Aug 2010, 18:39
the gaunt & robed fellow pulled out his damp copy of the Guardian from his silken robe

All right, which of you PPRuNers fitted CCTV cameras in my living room ? Describes the present scene perfectly...

28th Aug 2010, 19:02
All right, which of you PPRuNers fitted CCTV cameras in my living room ?

The mood of the bar changed. A quiet hush fell over the assembled throng. Cigarette smoke (this was in the pre smoking laws days) seemed to hand motionless in the air.

Drapes drew back the hammer on the .45 in his right hand. The metallic noise caused a certain Jeremiah Jones to blink.

Draper nuzzeled his weapon gently in the direction of Jermiah.

'Summat to say, mate?' he asked, gently.

Um... lifting...
28th Aug 2010, 19:05
"N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-ooo... S-s-s-s-s-s-s-ir... said the buckskinned and bearded ruffian (picked up the wrong costume from Wardrobe... idiot), but I've left my mule double-parked, an' he's got a swollen prostate.

28th Aug 2010, 19:25
Myself and the delightful Ms Picker will be available to invest the Draper millions.

I know of a railway being built in Argentina which requires stockholders. Mr Draper will make 10 times his stake.

There are also superb investment opportunities in the South Seas.

Trust me.

28th Aug 2010, 19:28
Draper: Swollen prostate on yer mule, you say? What dost thou do here heinous swine? Here take these Marigold gloves (props dept a bit short on ideas) and go forth and massage the createures prostates and reduce the bellowing that all we here can hear.

Ruffian: Exits stage left pulling on yellow pair of Marigold gloves.

Offstage: Loud animal pain sounds

tony draper
28th Aug 2010, 19:39
Right to get back to Draperworld,second level, Culloden Moor very cold and wet,you lot with pre programmed weariness and ravenous hunger energy level very low,clad only in kilt and sporran full of lead shot, lead weighted divers boots adorne you feet,in front of you on a steep uphill slope 500 yards of deep mud and wet clay, on top of the rise Draper sat in nice warm Humvee twin chain guns roof mounted pointed downslope, it is you task to get the flag fluttering on the vehicles aerial,again you are unarmed.

One shall not bother wishing you luck,:E

Um... lifting...
28th Aug 2010, 19:48
In Culloden? Humvee? Hardly... you couldn't afford the petrol, for one... even in fiction. Pull the other one.
Mum'd also never let me out in that sort of weather without a cap.

28th Aug 2010, 20:06
Speaking from the, um, creative director side of the 'Tony's world', could one suggest that we have not had the minor key change in piano playing signalling his entrance in all the places mentioned.

(BTW though Lars, love the offstage animal pain sounds, Perleman at his best!)

28th Aug 2010, 20:13


Lon More
28th Aug 2010, 22:59
I've just found a cheat. By right clicking on the Gunness tap in the bar on the first level you can call on air support against the Humvee on the second level.

tony draper
28th Aug 2010, 23:05
Wont do you much good on level three when you are trying to disarm the Blue Danube you are chained to with only a banana and a empty crisp packet.
We know how to deal with cheats in Draperworld.:E

28th Aug 2010, 23:10
Ah, beautiful thread, advancing nicely. Reminds one of the "Pink War Machine" amongst other literary masterpieces of yore. Awaiting the arrival of the venerable Tricky Woo, sliding down his mountain in an armoured ATV. :}

Lady Sirikit - never fear as you are sure to be "en'role'd" as it were in the near future. These sorts of Sagas in here ALWAYS have to have a Damsel in them. :ok:

28th Aug 2010, 23:14
a empty crisp packet

Ah, but they would be OX crisps, coupled with a hint of the coaly Tyne, so with one bound our underdog (nation) was free....


So now where do we go having reached level 3, Richard Hannay territory?

28th Aug 2010, 23:16
There's a name - mis... misan... never mind.

So here we are, charging uphill in the rain (having taken off our ridiculous boots) with enough of us left to swarm around Draper's humvee, and we've let down the fancypants adjustable pressure tyres.

What now, Mr D?

Sorry - I'm way behind. Rushing to level 3 .... with a Webley, so watch out!

29th Aug 2010, 07:13
Given Mr Draper's nautical (or should that be naughty) inclination I thought of Draperworld being more than a little like this....!


29th Aug 2010, 07:37
rather than


Solid Rust Twotter
29th Aug 2010, 09:00
Lance Claymore parachutes into a stormy ogan (with SWH to fight off ravenous sharks), swims to a threatened Newkie Broon offshore rig while the roughnecks look on in awe and proceeds to fettle and defuse the porridge mine attached to the support structure.

Nubile maidens attend the celebration dinner with cream cakes and SWH borne on silken cushions.

29th Aug 2010, 13:41
I envisage "draperworld" being a society where shed-ownership is paramount. Anybody unable to dismantle any given item would be (rightly) ostracised.

I would imagine flat caps play an important role in "Draperworld" also.

Good topic for a post btw - long needed:ok:

Ancient Observer
29th Aug 2010, 15:19
Where will it be built??

That Gateshead place is just so out of the way. I'm told there is lots of cheap land available in Florida, and there's lots of free land just drying out nicely near New Orleans.

Lots of tourists at both. Not many places to buy flat caps, tho'.

Rather be Gardening
29th Aug 2010, 16:00
I found these round the back:

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRC27HmwAvf5WidMV0YxN_UA8R1VPpsC1RvGB1Wkdb _0Jg8A0c&t=1&usg=__1cfxe4-s9anLZUxRW1_VplqI-LA=

29th Aug 2010, 16:03
They'd be ideal for flattening a few caps.

Lon More
29th Aug 2010, 18:04
There's something missing from the game. Level 1 should have been about gaining the knowledge nd ability to construct the weapons used in subsequent levels.

29th Aug 2010, 21:10
Isn't level 3 where you join a team of crack Yorkshiremen from the 207th Ferret Trouserers tasked with stealing the secret formula of Gateshead Brown Ale from one of Mr Drapers Sheds & taking it back to Yorkshire to be brewed in Tadcaster. The secret is held in one shed, itself in a block of identical sheds. All the other sheds are booby trapped, and it is said that those who enter the wrong shed will never escape, destined forever to watch endless repeats of Home & Away while being fed on naught but brocolli.

Draper, a shadowy figure dressed in a black leather overcoat & Fedora, rides around on a unicorn protecting his property, and thwarting would be attackers with laser beams fired from the bejeweled amulets created for him by a mad scientist sincewith locked away in the dungeon at Alnwick Castle for his own safety

Is that it Mr Draper Sir?

Lon More
29th Aug 2010, 21:19
THe JB Crew


29th Aug 2010, 21:22
Namib Fox that painting of Ulysses and the Sirens is by a Mr Draper - painted only recently. (1909 is but yesterday in Draperworld.)

I think you're onto something!

tony draper
29th Aug 2010, 21:25
Certainly,those traction Engines give me a idea for level five
You a stout harness ropes and a steep hill and one of those traction engines,me with large whip
Need one say more?
Oh yes there is no coal or means of raising steam on yonder engine and of course the direction you need to go is upward,me and my whip shall offer encouragement.

Lyneham Lad
29th Aug 2010, 21:46
Certainly,those traction Engines give me a idea for level five
You a stout harness ropes and a steep hill and one of those traction engines,me with large whip
Need one say more?
Oh yes there is no coal or means of raising steam on yonder engine and of course the direction you need to go is upward,me and my whip shall offer encouragement.

And we, the nameless, shall rise up in protestation. Despite our losses, in our glorious namelessness we shall overcome the Draperness and - spearing him in the nether regions with his own whip-handle, his Drapership will be transformed into boiler fuel and power our glorious traction engine up the steep hill to Nirvhana! All power to the namelessness.

Rather be Gardening
29th Aug 2010, 21:52
No LL, you can't do that, you'll make him cross! He's the very devil when he's vexed.


29th Aug 2010, 21:55
Oh yes there is no coal or means of raising steam on yonder engine and of course the direction you need to go is upward,me and my whip shall offer encouragement.

Pah, you call that a challenge?

We feed V2 on a diet of bread, spuds, sprouts and damn near everything else, tie her to the roof of said mechanical beastie and strategically place a naked flame. We then wait a short while to "let nature take it's course" and then the motion will be so fast El Drapo will be thrown from the contraption and flame grilled in the exhaust gases, with the world's first supersonic traction engine causing a sonic boom so loud it'll be heard in level 2.


Rather be Gardening
29th Aug 2010, 22:03
Hellsbrink, have you got a death wish too? Can't see V2 going along with your cunning plan; for a start the menu you're offering isn't likely to appeal.

Oh, you weren't going to ask nicely, were you? :uhoh:

tony draper
29th Aug 2010, 22:13
Team JB with much apprehension proceed to level six.:uhoh:

29th Aug 2010, 22:40
Caption: "Anyone we know?"

29th Aug 2010, 23:10
Caption: "Never again Ryanair !"

29th Aug 2010, 23:37
Caption: Draper servants who did not pass the annual revue.

30th Aug 2010, 15:16
Mr Draper Sir, that's a nasty one to throw at us.

Unless I'm very much mistaken, Level 6 is based on a 1890's style apocalyptic vision told by Scotsmen to their young children to frighten them into better behaviour. It is a world where the porridge factory has exploded & a tsunami of oat based breakfast has swallowed up whole towns. and those not wearing their sporran are swallowed whole.

JBers swim out the porridge sea & climb the steps to the museum on the left. After telling the watchman at the door that Lorna McDeepfried, the barmaid at the Dram & Drafty Kilt public house is serving topless, they are left alone to find the magic spurtle originally pulled from a stone by Draper when no others could get it out. Waving the magic spurtle & incanting the magic spell, the JBers are......

tony draper
30th Aug 2010, 15:42
Actually Mr B tiz the vision of a Frenchman.
Such scenes are common place in that land one understands.

Rather be Gardening
30th Aug 2010, 15:49
Tabloid fashion journalists cast out from Christian Dior's Autumn Collection, if I'm not mistaken.

30th Aug 2010, 15:50
Tabloid fashion

Dear God, there's a scary concept.

30th Aug 2010, 15:56
It comes from 15th century Edinburgh. The caption is: "Gardyloo!".

tony draper
30th Aug 2010, 16:14
A lone pruner survives to meet the end of level guardian.:uhoh:

30th Aug 2010, 16:16
Actually Mr B tiz the vision of a Frenchman.

Are you sure? I see no wine in the picture at all. Furthermore, none are taking industrial action. Is this a part of his mind that had no relation at all to reality?

30th Aug 2010, 16:21
The above item reminds me of the Chocolate Fountain
that my Cousin had at her Wedding.
It got everywhere.
What a laugh we all had!!!
(Too much marshmallow makes you sick.)

Lon More
30th Aug 2010, 16:22
I thought I saw the Guv'nor lurking in the background. Also is that not the mighty spurtle cast down at the lower right of the etching? or is it something much more sinister?

Rather be Gardening
30th Aug 2010, 18:25
Lone pruner realises to his horror he left the flyspray can behind at the last level.

30th Aug 2010, 21:05
But fortunately had remembered to trouser the garden flame thrower from Mr D's shed, and managed to melt the ice, thus causing the guardian, in his distraction, to release the captive pruners held in the previously frozen lake, who then scragged him on the way to the next level.


tony draper
30th Aug 2010, 22:24
Ladies and gentlemen,welcome to level eight.:E
You are about to know pain.

31st Aug 2010, 01:51
And Inspector Plod, suspecting evil,
Began to inspect the cathedral.

He inspected every nook and cranny,
Even gave grim looks at old grannies.

Yet could he find the dubious Draper?
Nay, he was off on some other caper.

The old codger
Was a dodger,

Having taken flight
Into the darkness of the night.

Leaving wide open speculation
As to the wide compass of his education.

im from uranus
31st Aug 2010, 02:07
'Ere, wot 'appened to levels 4,5 and 7? :confused:

Loose rivets
31st Aug 2010, 05:32
They couldn't get ahead of the game.

Rather be Gardening
31st Aug 2010, 07:46
I reckon a squirt of Domestos would sort out that er ...... thing. And he could have bothered to blow his nose before sitting for his portrait.

Cardinal Puff
31st Aug 2010, 08:21
Level Eight is what happens when you feed SWH after midnight.:uhoh:

31st Aug 2010, 09:01
Draper Lane, London:

31st Aug 2010, 12:42
Resembles a PpruNe bash I think.

Um... lifting...
31st Aug 2010, 15:19
thought it said Diaperworld... sister's in town with the baby... carry on...

31st Aug 2010, 16:10

The lane, pre-Draper

tony draper
31st Aug 2010, 23:05
Level eleven.:uhoh:
oooh!! prunners yummy.

31st Aug 2010, 23:45
One needs to be very cautious when messing with number one hostile.

This is how it started out:


and this is how it ended:


Rather be Gardening
1st Sep 2010, 08:15
"Right Ppruners, I need a volunteer to crawl in and tickle the back of Beelzebub's throat. Volunteers ......... anyone .......?"

1st Sep 2010, 11:23
labourers in the corner with their noses in their pints... that sort of thing?

That's daft, they'd drown.:suspect:

1st Sep 2010, 11:30
Theres no return from this level...


1st Sep 2010, 11:58
Which one is you Tinny??.....

1st Sep 2010, 12:23
Who's the sweaty tart?:yuk:

tony draper
1st Sep 2010, 12:36
Dunno but I probably knew her Mum.:E

1st Sep 2010, 14:44
His Mum, tony; his Mum. He's a feller in drag. A Kai Tai. Ladyboy. No wonder you innocent and impressionable chaps get into so much trouble when venturing abroad... :rolleyes:

That photo is back in the sixties so if you knew his Mum you probably met in the Tokyo Bar. Indeed, most merchant seamen never made it beyond The Champagne. ;)

I'd rate the Tokyo as being on your level twelve.
...or thirteen, if you include the one-legged bar-girl.
And whatever you do, don't look under the table!! :suspect:

1st Sep 2010, 14:49
Frankly, I'm stunned and shocked by Keef's post. He's clearly a man of not-very-much cloth.

1st Sep 2010, 15:18
Does he know a good naturist camp with a low fence do you think?
Not very much cloth in there.

Lon More
1st Sep 2010, 15:37
Tinny's the one on the left in black with the high heels I bet :O

Meanwhile, back in Drapersworld the peasants had discovered a steam catapult last used on HMS Eagle

1st Sep 2010, 15:42
to launch the dustbins every Thursday morning?

1st Sep 2010, 19:29
Hells teeth, I'm confused by this level 11 lark, I can't even work out what we're up against....

Firstly there's Chewbacca's little brother who, in the absence of Milky Bars, we're told is eating Probationary PPruners. Suddenly then our senses are assaulted by a vision of devilment in red & we're asked for volunteers to go investigate....but as I'm on the verge of offering my services it turns out she/he is a lady boy from the 1960s who one of Drapers distant relatives (or not, I rather suspect!) who owned a black high-heeled shoe shop?

I saw something like this on Star Trek once when they landed on a planet where the plant pollen was hallucinogenic and Captian Kirk thought he could make a album of Beatles covers.

Wait a minute.....in the film the Matrix, wasn't the woman in red a computer model, and somewhere in there we had a woman in red? (That's a piece of software, not a "Model" draped over a computer). I think this is all a computer simulation that Mr Draper Sir is running on his laptop. The problem is that this software is an upgrade that hasn't been fully tested, and that maybe bits of it are the older software components left behind.

PPruners thus head for the Computers forum where BOAC & the assorted computer cogniscenti tell Mr Draper Sir how to fix his computer after which normal service is resumed