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SpringHeeledJack
26th Aug 2010, 15:34
One's home phone has been plagued with these f-ing cold callers for the last year or so, even though it is ex-directory and registered to the TPS (Telephone Preference Service) which should legally block any such calls. What has been happening is that most of these calls are from companies in India, "working on behalf" and are therefore not covered by the TPS. Many are of the silent call variety whereby a computer auto-dials many numbers at the same time, there's usually no-one there, and i find them not just annoying, but also invasive and menacing :mad::mad::ugh: especially if they come in the evening when home relaxing. My elderly neighbours have taken to unplugging their phone at night, which can't be right.

BBC News - Cold callers 'should be banned', Which? survey finds (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-11090087)

Any ideas ? Apart from sending a nuclear cruise missile to Bangalore :E



SHJ

Gainesy
26th Aug 2010, 15:37
Apart from sending a nuclear cruise missile to Bangalore

Can't see why you should rule that out. :confused:

vulcanised
26th Aug 2010, 15:40
There's a device called True Call which will handle all those calls without your phone even ringing. It also takes messages from those selected to get through.

It costs more than the average answering machine but it does a lot more too.

trueCall (http://www.truecall.co.uk/acatalog/trueCallShop.html)

Storminnorm
26th Aug 2010, 15:41
I quite like people I don't know taking such an interest in me.
It gives them something to do, and I quite like the little chats
that we have. Certainly beats some of the TV programs lately.

BOAC
26th Aug 2010, 15:48
SHJ - TPS cannot 'block' anything - they merely provide a list of TPS registered folk and (UK) companies are SUPPOSED to check the list before they call. Guess what? I do find a mention of TPS however does send them scuttling away. Other techniques are the whistle, someone at the door and "this is the police - why are you calling this number? We are here on a murder investigation"

The really annoying ones are the automated 'checking for a live number' calls.

S78
26th Aug 2010, 15:53
I normally let the conversation run and see if I can get the salesperson to hang up first. Managed it just the once with a chap trying to sell me a cell phone.

Saleschap: ' How would you contact your wife in an emergency?'

me: 'roll over and wake her up'

He lost interest in the call after that.....

Sallyann1234
26th Aug 2010, 15:58
There's a device called True Call which will handle all those calls without your phone even ringing. It also takes messages from those selected to get through.

It costs more than the average answering machine but it does a lot more too.

trueCall

I have a True Call and recommend it.
Hint: it's cheaper to buy from Amazon than the maker's web site.

Evanelpus
26th Aug 2010, 15:58
Depends how playful I'm feeling as to how I respond to them.

If I'm in a bad mood, I have been known to tell them to foxtrot oscar.

However, if I feel like playing with them, I let them 'sell' me their product and just as I'm about to hang up I'll say something like "Oh, by the way, does it matter that I'm a registered bankrupt?"

Works everytime!

SpringHeeledJack
26th Aug 2010, 16:01
TPS cannot 'block' anything - they merely provide a list of TPS registered folk and (UK) companies are SUPPOSED to check the list before they call. Guess what? I do find a mention of TPS however does send them scuttling away.

Agreed, i meant that they (the UK companies) are liable to fines of £1000 per call if they transgress the list of TPS customers, so in a way they are blocked by fiscal means. I wonder how tough the TPS people are in prosecuting these miscreants ? It makes me wonder what percentage of cold-called customers actually purchase something ? It must be enough to keep the callers at it.....



SHJ

tony draper
26th Aug 2010, 16:11
Just shout obscenities down the phone and hang up,actually that just annoys the buggas and they call you twice as often.
I pick up and say hello if the delay is two seconds or more before they respond I just hang up if they do respond within the two seconds and commence their spiel I just say not interested and hang up,trouble it does not discourage them,they will try again.
Like junk mail they should be outlawed.
bastards!!!:suspect:

zarniwoop
26th Aug 2010, 16:16
Let them prattle on for a few minutes then start asking them about their underwear - colour, style, pattern and so on, that ought to do the job.

Just don't blame me if it doesn't work.

Evanelpus
26th Aug 2010, 16:19
If you have Caller Display, most of the cold calls show as International, so you have the choice to ignore them. However, a lot of UK banks have their call centres abroad so this could be a duoble edged sword if you are expecting a call from your bank.

Caboclo
26th Aug 2010, 16:20
I canceled my land line. Just use a cell phone now, with my internet through the cable company.

Rollingthunder
26th Aug 2010, 16:21
My phone has caller display so if it comes up as a number I don't recognize or is unknown I don't answer it. Backup is a life jacket whistle - deafened a few in my time.

pigboat
26th Aug 2010, 16:31
Backup is a life jacket whistle -
Yeah, but remember those whistle tone thingies awhile back that allowed one to call international long distance for free? You'll probably get a bill for ten grand for calls to a porn site in Outer Mongolia or Upper Volta somewhere. :p

UniFoxOs
26th Aug 2010, 16:46
Jack,
BT have a facility called "Anonymous Call Reject". This just doesn't connect calls with "Number Witheld" or "No Number available". It's not cheap, but we put it on for a couple of years and reduced the number of these considerably. 6 months after stopping paying for it we still don't get many, presumably the pests have taken uff their databases after failing to get through.

Cheers
UFO

finfly1
26th Aug 2010, 16:56
Others have done this, but I invented it for myself. If I say hello and there is no immediate answer, I put the phone down beside the cradle and allow it to remain there until it begins beeping.

If it IS a called, in my most pleasant manner, I ask them to hold just for a second for me, please.

Then proceed as above. Some will hold for several minutes, giving fellow sufferers a brief respite.

radeng
26th Aug 2010, 17:12
I use the answering machine to screen calls. The automated callers just hang up: the ones who leave a message can be heard and answered.

Or one can fill them with duff information..........It's funny how they lose interest if you say that you are long term unemployed and disabled, living in rented accomadation on social security.

Just a spotter
26th Aug 2010, 17:18
I had a cold caller from a call centre somehwere in deepest India call one evening wondering if I wanted to reduce my phone bill .... my reply "I don't have phone ...", lead to one very confused chap "But how then sir am I talking to you" ... "Well, you obviously have a phone, how else could you call me? I don't have one."

He hung up.

I plan to use the same line when someone calls about my electricity billl ...... "don't use electricity, I'm Amish".

JAS

rgbrock1
26th Aug 2010, 17:24
Tony D wrote:

Just shout obscenities down the phone and hang up

Spot on Tony. It's what I do all the time. Works wonders too because after a tirade or two, coupled with judicious amounts of :mad::mad::mad: , they tend not to call back. Especially when you start bringing their mothers into the fray!!! (As in fother muckers)

Sikpupi
26th Aug 2010, 17:37
YouTube - Mother of all Phone Pranks (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2RAzjZ3zzY)

I enjoyed this Teleseller getting his come-up 'ens!!!

Gordy
26th Aug 2010, 17:39
For some reason cannot get the you tube to post...there fore here is the link:

Tom Mabe (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkdoogjic4I)

<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/mkdoogjic4I?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US&amp;color1=0xe1600f&amp;color2=0xfebd01"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/mkdoogjic4I?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US&amp;color1=0xe1600f&amp;color2=0xfebd01" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>

Sikpupi
26th Aug 2010, 17:41
Thanks Gordy.....not too good on this kind of thing!

Cacophonix
26th Aug 2010, 18:14
The answering machine represents the apogee of man's technological development. Those who don't have this technology are doomed to fail and spend hours talking to nincompoops.

ww-xEcfhfFY

ShyTorque
26th Aug 2010, 18:32
After a recent experience of one of my plastic cards being used fraudulently; I now refuse to say who I am on the phone, home or mobile, if it's obviously someone I don't know asking me to confirm my details.

If I get unsolicited calls at home I now ask for their name, the name of their manager, and details of the company they represent. When they ask why, I reply that I intend to report them because my number is registered to the TPS. That usually results in the phone going down pronto, usually with a muttered apology.

I recently had one really irritating chap begin arguing that it wasn't registered. I know full well that it is; I check every so often and asked him when he last checked. His argument tailed off; he wouldn't give me his details and he still put the phone down quite quickly.

Thing is, these folk are usually on commission. If they are arguing with me, they aren't earning. :E

birrddog
26th Aug 2010, 20:48
Answer, ask who they are looking for, tell them you will go get the person, put the phone down and walk away. Eventually they hang up after a nice long silent wait.

Bonus points if you make them listen to you on the dunny while they wait.

42psi
26th Aug 2010, 21:32
If I get unsolicited calls at home I now ask for their name, the name of their manager, and details of the company they represent. When they ask why, I reply that I intend to report them because my number is registered to the TPS. That usually results in the phone going down pronto, usually with a muttered apology.

:ok: That's the one I use .. it does work.


Many years ago I did once talk nicely to a cold caller, even made an appointment for the next week for a salesman to visit.

Poor chap looked very confused when I opened the door to him .....

he wanted to know where I intended to put the swimming pool ....

I explained that as they'd rung me convinced I needed one I was sure they'd know how to provide one to a first floor flat .. turned out they didn't

:E

Richo77
27th Aug 2010, 00:33
All you need to deal with these annoying gits is a 3yr old. Little Miss Richo will be 3yr next week but talks a blue streak. The home phone cannot ring without a stampeding of feet as she runs to get it.

If its a cold call, i simply hand the phone to her telling her that its someone who wants to hear all about potty training and Dora the Explorer.

Shortly thereafter, i get a strange little face telling me "daddy, there is no one there anymore".

Alternative 1: Start talking dirty to them, not telling them to foxtrot oscar just enquiring about their apparel and sexual proclivities.

Alternative 2: (paraphrasing Homer Simpson) Tell them repeatedly in a loud voice "you'll have to speak up, im wearing a towel!"

Alternative 3: (paraphrasing Kinky Friedman) Ask them to call back as "im right in the middle of someone".

I do like to mess with these people!

G-CPTN
27th Aug 2010, 01:19
Over the years I have rebuffed the double-glazing and conservatory salespeople by explaining that the property is a listed building. Sometimes they will arrange a visit, but the would-be salesperson usually twigs and calls off.
Those offering kitchens and bathrooms are rebuffed when you tell them that the property is rented, loft insulation installers when you explain that the roofspace has been converted into bedrooms and cavity-wall insulators when you describe solid walls without a cavity. The soon 'go away' - but I never admit that I am the person that they ask for - I simply ask 'who's calling?' which throws them off their prepared script, and I can offer to get who they are seeking whilst I lay the 'phone next to the radio for their entertainment until they tire of waiting and ring off.

ShyTorque
27th Aug 2010, 01:46
G-CPTN,

I long for the day I manage to put the phone down next to this for one of them:

ZW9yZhU9ytk

Jimmy Macintosh
27th Aug 2010, 01:58
I just don't pick up numbers I don't recognise. As soon as you answer your phone is registereed as active and you get more calls. I recall seeing in a TV show once that one company will sell (apparently this is illegal) their database of active numbers to similar companies. Once your phone is recognized as getting picked up it takes along time for it to come off the lists.

One major scam over in the US is: they will ask lots of questions etc. and wait until they hear you say 'yes' to anything, "Is this Mr So and so?". They will take that as verbal acceptance of their offer (normally trying to sell you discount vouchers etc.) and charge you for their 'service'. It is then your responsibility to realize you're getting charged and cancel. They have something along the lines of three months to process your refund. I don't know how they do it but they always ask for confirmation of the last four digits of your credit card and they seem to have access to the entire number ("Are the last four digits of your credit card 1234?")

It hasn't happened to me, but I have heard many people caught by it (Then again it might just be an urban myth).

I use 1-800-notes (website) in the US after a missed call to see who was calling, most US shysters are on it.

llondel
27th Aug 2010, 09:30
I usually look at the CLI and if I don't recognise it, let it go to the answerphone. Recently a couple of members of the silent call brigade obligingly provided CLI (using an 0845 number is a big hint), and being of a geeky persuasion, I engaged something I set up several years ago but never had chance to use - I run a thing called Asterisk on the home phone system and added the ability to blacklist phone numbers. So after the first ignored call and Google search, into the blacklist, which meant they could call as many times as they liked, but the house phone never made a sound. they got the "Hello World. {pause} Our phone system has been eaten by weasels" message followed by hanging up.

Load Toad
27th Aug 2010, 09:53
We get cold callers in HK. the number is either withheld or mostly with a '3' prefix. It used to be automated calls and faxes but you can subscribe to 'no call' lists for that.
They only speak Canto-pop - so when you speak English they say 'Sorry wrong number.' and ring off. I used to swear obscenities but now I just put the call down; the poor bugger calling is on a tiny wage if any - perhaps getting a commission if he gets a call to agree to being called back.

I find it hard to believe anyone buys anything from calls like this which mostly occur at dinner time or at the most inappropriate times.

tony draper
27th Aug 2010, 10:10
With digital telephone technology available now one would think it would be a simple matter to have a button on the phone that would block a number,phone rings pick up,ascertain tiz a junk call press block button and that number is forever barred,the telephonephone will not even ring if it sees that particular number is calling.
:)

shalo
27th Aug 2010, 10:38
After many years of utter frustration and more cusswords than I thought I knew (these callers have a way of pushing those angry buttons don't they?) I now have a service where I can block all hidden numbers. Since I activated this, the number of call has dropped by about 99%.
For the few that still get through, as has been mentioned above, a few choice questions regarding underwear and the like generally sort out the problem without me getting in a huff :ok:

LowNSlow
27th Aug 2010, 10:53
Mrs LowNSlow swears by repeated pressing of the # key on the handset. Somebody told her that it scrambles the system making the call. No idea if it works or not but she enjoys it!

txdmy1
27th Aug 2010, 12:31
please hang on I'm masturbating :O

Carry0nLuggage
27th Aug 2010, 12:47
Cold Caller: "May I speak to Mrs Luggage please?"

Me: "There's no one here by that name."

CC: :confused:

(We've been living in sin for 2 decades. :E:ok: )


What I'd like to do is get us a premium rate phone number and get this on as many databases as possible. Then they can ring me as often as they like!:ok:

Lon More
27th Aug 2010, 12:48
Hi, this is Lon's deepfreeze. If you wait one minute I'll get the Magnetron to answer your call. If you can't wait, please leave your number and the dishwasher will get back to you as soon as inhumanly possible. Thank you for calling More Mansions and have a nice day.

Cunliffe
27th Aug 2010, 13:29
As a Londoner born and bred I am still fuming after a cold caller with a very strong Indian accent got fed up with me asking him to repeat unintelligible questions. He eventually asked " What's the matter, don't you speak English?". I'm sure that if I had asked him the same question it would have been classed as racist.

I have tried the "I haven't got a phone" gambit (in fact I thought I had invented it) and in the silence that follows you can hear the gears whirring.

I have often considered "I am a bankrupt" but refrained from using it in case it gets added to a list somewhere and my credit rating suddenly plunges.

x213a
27th Aug 2010, 13:46
Similar but...

I was halfway through a call about a broadband problem to a BT call centre somewhere in India when the woman stated she would have to put me on hold for maybe 5 minutes whilst she conducted some checks. I was dying for the toilet and thought "Yeah..plenty of time etc.."

Halfway through the bombing mission I hear "Hello, Meester X213A..."
Imagine her thoughts about all the strange noises and splashes and then me putting the handset down briefly whilst I wiped then flushed.

I gained at least a meg in download speed though so it worked!

rgbrock1
27th Aug 2010, 14:09
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.

The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'

The manager said, 'Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green.'

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, 'Mister Manager, I am ready.'

The manager said, 'Go ahead.'
Mujibar said, 'The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, yellow, this is Mujibar.'

Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems. No doubt you have spoken to him.

UniFoxOs
27th Aug 2010, 14:38
With digital telephone technology available now one would think it would be a simple matter to have a button on the phone that would block a number,phone rings pick up,ascertain tiz a junk call press block button and that number is forever barred,the telephonephone will not even ring if it sees that particular number is calling.


Tony, that's what the truecall does, as recommended by a couple of ppruners in previous posts, thinking of getting one myself now.

Cheers
UFO

Rollingthunder
27th Aug 2010, 15:07
Had a call from California yesterday, did not recognize number, did not pick up, think I lost my chance to be a star in Hollywood.

SpringHeeledJack
27th Aug 2010, 16:24
It was me! You were required to play a Lee Marvin type character in the upcoming straight to video film, but alas.......You snooze, you lose.

As an aside to the debate, I am also party to calls from 'partners' of my telephone provider trying to sell me products, and because in the contract with said provider there is small print allowing 'certain tie-ups' to happen, the TPS isn't being transgressed. Interestingly when contacted the provider denies any connection to said partner, yet partner is selling upgrades and so on of providers products. It stinks.....Looks like a true call is on the radar!



SHJ

crippen
27th Aug 2010, 16:34
I just tell them it is the middle of night and I am in bed.:=Then hang up!

Um... lifting...
27th Aug 2010, 16:46
"Do you have five minutes?"

"At this moment, I have two dozen Kumamoto and Malpeque oysters and an open bottle of Krug on cracked ice, and on the settee I have a redhead on the simmer... what do you think?"

*Click*

Outer Mongolia or Upper Volta

pb... you know that Outer Mongolia hasn't been in official use since the Qing dynasty, right? Though some Chinese functionaries still use the term... annoys the Mongolians no end. Upper Volta is these days known as Burkina Faso. I think maybe you need to get out more.

That Tom Mabe thing is hilarious... I haven't heard that in a while.

OFSO
27th Aug 2010, 17:23
Used to spend time in Bavaria in the depths of winter. Got a lot of cold-callers there.....

Hat, coat, alpenstock, glühwein....

rgbrock1
27th Aug 2010, 18:03
Servus OFSO:

Kein Lederhosen?

OFSO
27th Aug 2010, 20:38
Nein. Bin einer ex-Darmstädter. Also, sau blöd.

YouTube - Rodgau Monotons - Die Hesse komme (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaKEvK3gjzg)

But for the past 20 years, this has been my National Anthem:

YouTube - Hymne Barcelona FC (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELsYyWiGQOc)

james ozzie
27th Aug 2010, 22:18
I had a call from India at 02:00 my time. I said to him: "Do you realise you have called me at 2:00am?" whereupon, he replied, with obvious pride: "Oh, we are a 24/7 operation". I was (unusually) at a loss for words and hung up.

ExSp33db1rd
28th Aug 2010, 08:30
Mrs LowNSlow swears by repeated pressing of the # key on the handset. Somebody told her that it scrambles the system making the call. No idea if it works or not but she enjoys it!


The oppposite of this is when YOU want to make a call and find yourself having to shout answers to a Digital Doris, repeatedly pressing the Zero key ( haven't tried the # ) results in the device suggesting that there seems to be a problem, and " I'll connect you to someone who can help "

Works most times fairly quickly.

Rwy in Sight
28th Aug 2010, 10:13
I have the beginning of a cold. If I call someone on the list would that consider a cold cal and me cold caller?


Rwy in Sight

fitliker
28th Aug 2010, 16:04
What are you wearing ?
Let me turn the lights down and you can tell me what you like to do :E:E
He has never called back:ok:
My next one i have been saving is "I am so glad you called please send help,before he comes back to the dungeon as i do not know if i can take anymore....argh....hang up and put the kettle on and wait for the plod:}:}

jumpseater
28th Aug 2010, 23:27
We don't get many as we are on a preferential service, but when we do I usually play a bit. It's their commission they're losing and if I have time to pick up the phone I normally have their time to waste. Most recently we have been getting
CC: Hello, are you having a problem with your computer running slowly?
js: aah on which computer?
CC: Your computer.
js: yeh but which one, I use more than one. After 60 sec or so of this introductory wasting time service identifying which computer, js becomes helpful. Oh ok, yes the one I use normally is in the office, that's been a bit slow.
CC: are you in front of it?
js: nah
CC: can you get it or get to it?
js: yeh sure its about twelve miles away though:ooh:
CC: I can call back in ten minutes if that helps
js: erm nah its all right ...
CC: no its ok we are trying to help
js: ok then call back in ten if you really want to ...
js exit stage left to tea making facilities, puts feet up and relaxes

10 Mins later
CC: hello I called about your computer running slow do you have it now?
js: nah its twelve miles away like I said, but to get it and get back here at 60mph average speed would take 24 minutes, I didn't have a number to return your call so rather than miss your call I waited here for you to call back so I could tell you I hadn't got it yet.
CC: so you haven't got your computer in front of you.
js: I don't have a computer thats running slow, I said the one I normally use was running slow, but its not my computer ...
etc etc until the line goes dead, I've done a fifteeen minuter before, perhaps I should record and youchoob the next one ...:E

Rollingthunder
29th Aug 2010, 00:07
cold caller is running slow. Idiots .Total waste of space.

Think I should have been a RSM or a CFI in a previous life.

Dark Knight
29th Aug 2010, 01:22
Reply 1: I need to know your name, name and address of the company you are calling from and company you represent.

Why?

Because I need to know where to send the bill/account for this call

There is no charge for this call.

Yes there is; I charge a $25 service charge for you to use my phone and there is a further $25 a minute charge running on this call. This has already cost your company $50.

You cannot do this.

Yes I can it is my phone and time you are using.

About here or shortly thereafter caller hangs up though once got put through to very argumentive supervisor telling me I could not do this to which I persisted until she hung up.

Method Two: Tell them they I am very busy but will be with them in a minute; please wait.

Put phone down on bench turn on conveniently placed recorde to loudly play sound of couple making very noisy erotic, explicit sex. Go about other things.

After about 5 minutes pick up phone and ask `what did you wish to talk to me about?'

Sometimes they are still there!

vulcanised
29th Aug 2010, 13:29
"We are conducting a survey" (oh yeah!)

"What is your company name and invoice number?"

"I don't understand"

"I charge a fee of £35 to take part in surveys and I need to make sure you have paid before we start"

end of call

Bern Oulli
29th Aug 2010, 19:46
Or plumb this (http://www.andyleslie.com/Clips/AnsweringMachines-TheIrishMentalHealthHotline.mp3) into your answering machine.