Fury as helicopter crew use helicopter for SAR mission

[stan bycompass]

From todays Sun

Embaressed Defence Chiefs have called for a inquiry as to why a West Country based helicopter actually went on an SAR mission.

The crew, Captained by Flt Lt Crab, are meant to sit around all day drinking tea on standby, conduct training missions and gob off on pilots website PPRUNE about how marvelous they are.

Instead the reckless crew took a Seaking HAT Mk17, of the same type flown by Prince Philip in the War of the Roses, and rescued a cat stuck up a tree in near by Barnstaple.

The flight, conducted in atrocious weather, with visibility down to nearly 20 miles at times with winds gusting to over 5 miles an hour
has angered local residents as a waste of tax payers money.

Pensioner Enid Imthick told Sun reporter John Madeupstory that she could not believe her eyes as the 50 tonne helicopter hovered with 500' of her house whilst the rescue of stranded cat Tiddles took place

"My tax payers money is for the RAF to spend all day telling us brilliant they are at SAR, not for things like this" she said

After the mission Flt Crab resumed his normal duties and spent the rest of the day telling anyone who was still awake how no one else was so uterley brilliant as the RAF and civilian SAR was completley dangerous and conducted by idiots.

Local Conservative MP William Expenseclaim has called for a full Public Enquiry

The Sun says -see page 9

:}:}:}:}:}:}

Contiunues ad nauseum for the next 500 pages......

[jellycopter]

Surely, this isn't an article from the Sun? There are too many facts!

JJ

[Neptunus Rex]

In a leaked document, widely believed to have come via the Grauniad, it is alleged that "stan bycompass" is the nom de guerre of Petty Officer Andrew Upper-Yardman, who joined the Navy after having failed selection for the RAF Police.

Having pierced his promotion ceiling as a result of an unfortunate misunderstanding with the Master-at-Arms of HMS Nancy, a shore establishment not a million miles from Soho, Stan/Andrew is counting the months to his pension.

Meanwhile, he is to be seen, together with his pet Chihuahua "Snowdrop," regaling the patrons of the lower-class pubs in and around Helston with his stirring tales of derring-do as a SHAR pilot in the Falklands. The men in white coats cannot be far behind.

[Tallsar]

Unfortunately it has also emerged that pending the results of the Royal Commission into the possible effects of SAR Harmonisation on future cat and cow rescues there is no room at any institution for ancient RN SAR crewpersons or their kith and kin presently operating under the guise of "Interim" arrangements at places too remote to countenance. This RC was initiated at HM's gracious pleasure some 10 years ago, chaired by the most sideways walking individual available, and not expected to report until 2017 at a cost of £6Bn. It is also rumoured that the nations storage facilities for a certain brand of chocolate digestives will be so fundamentally effected due to underuse, that a certain Dr Fox is giving serious consideration to bringing forward a much vaunted UK SAR bedroom and TV enhancement programme once the next generation of RAF feet can be measured to ensure the right amount and size of slippers can be procured at the most cost effecive price and with minimal impact on what is now left of UK manufacturing industry - located, it is believed, somewhere near Yeovil.

:ugh::hmm::hmm::hmm::hmm::rolleyes::)

[[email protected]]

Jeez - I didn't realise we were so good - it sounds like the sort of job the RN would have given themselves AFCs for:):):)

[sarboy99]

No, it wasn't raining.

[20Minuter]

Bet the Fire Service leaked it, let the Cat out the bag - Pussy's up trees is their business - Poaching eh. Mind you, they won't rescue anything these days, Elf & Safekey has seen to that. :E

[fincastle84]

If the Nimrod fleet hadn't been withdrawn from service then they could have provided top cover for such a dangerous mission & thereby blown the cat into kingdom come. Therefore the Sun wouldn't have had any evidence for their story & could have sold it to Sky!

[pumaboy]

Pensioner Enid Imthick told Sun reporter John Madeupstory that she could not believe her eyes as the 50 tonne helicopter hovered with 500' of her house whilst the rescue of stranded cat Tiddles took place

Must be one hell of a heavy machine at 50 tonnes:ugh::eek:

Crab must have taken his wallet on board for a ride :}

[Agaricus bisporus]

No, it wasn't raining.


Unfortunately this was misquoted by the press.

Should have read, "It was training."

[md 600 driver]

are you sure it was a pussy up the tree or puser

[pasptoo]

that would explain the 500' hover; to keep the cat out of the downwash maelstrom, least the pussy be blown off. :}

[212man]

Embaressed

Sure it wasn't the Grauniad?

[Soave_Pilot]

Looks like they were trying to build up some hours :}:}

[SASless]

I am greatly surprised by all this....as anyone knows SAR folks are not very adept at picking up any kind of pussy as they never quit talking long enough for the victim of their attention to say yes. Tiddles must have been properly mortified when manhandled by the Meat on the String....who most surely would have had to be wearing welding gloves and a leather apron which I am sure is proper HSE safety gear for handling previously treed felines inside the cabin, cockpit, tailboom, and electronics spaces of an airborne SeaKing.

Would it not have been more effective just to wait old Tiddles out....as like SAR crews....she wouldn't miss a meal time under any circumstance. A bowl of Fancy Feast at the foot of the tree would have had her down from her perch in just a few shakes.

Failing that....a farmer's twelve bore and some number six shot would have fetched her out in a flash.

Missy...my twelve week old kitten reviewed this post and suggest options two ond three were more Feline Friendly than the option used....that being having Tiddles actually ride a helicopter for any distance.

[[email protected]]

And the point of this thread Stan is what exactly?

Just like the Cafferys, you're not bitter:)

[bolkow]

yep, a heavy helicopter at 50 tonnes, but you know what crab is like, rather than use the customary 3000 fuel load of half a tank he likley knew this mission could at a momnents notice turn into a 36 hour jobbie. Always prepare for the worst!