Avro Vulcan - The Owners' Workshop Manual

[Spurlash2]

Avro Vulcan - The Owners' Workshop Manual ? The Register (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/06/23/vulcan_manual/)

Click on the comments link at the bottom of the article, specifically, the one posted by 'Fluffykins'. Made me smile:)

[Extg3]

Some of the commentators seemed to expect a real manual. What do they expect for 20 quid?

[Roadster280]

Fluffykins made me smile too. Especially the sparkplugs....

Ah: Haynes Workshop manuals. There are many phrases and euphemisms which bear translation into everyday English. Here are just a few that may be in the Vulcan Version
:
Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise.
Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.
Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with a hammer.
Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read right through before you start. Now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.
Haynes: Prise off...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...
Haynes: Undo...
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (giant economy size).
Haynes: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: PINGGGG - "Jesus, where the hell did that go?"
Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part (and maybe a plaster or two).
Haynes: Lightly slacken...
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.
Haynes: Weekly checks...
Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it.
Haynes: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken, it's about to be. We warned you!
Haynes: One spanner rating.
Translation: An infant could do this... so how did you manage to **** it up?
Haynes: Two spanner rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, teensy weensy number... but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact, that would have been more use to you).
Haynes: Three spanner rating.
Translation: Make sure you won't need your car for a couple of days.
Haynes: Four spanner rating.
Translation: You're not seriously considering this are you?
Haynes: Five spanner rating.
Translation: OK - but don't ever transport your loved ones in it again.
Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Haynes: Compress...
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on it, throw it at the garage wall, then find some molegrips and a hammer...
Haynes: Inspect...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife, "Yep, it's as I thought, it's going to need a new one"
Haynes: Carefully...
Translation: You are about to suffer serious abrasions.
Haynes: Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.
Haynes: Get an assistant...
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.
Haynes: Difficult to reach ...
Translation: Assembled at the factory and never meant to be touched.
Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs removed.
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.
Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: Yeah, right. But you swear in different places.
Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...
Haynes: Using a suitable drift...
Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.
Haynes: Everyday toolkit
Translation: RAC Card & Mobile Phone (but don't forget your molegrips and hammer!)
Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
Translation: Unless you have a blast furnace, don't bother. Alternatively, clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.
Haynes: Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book, bar what you need to do.

[Alber Ratman]

The only valid Vulcan owners handbook is AP101B-1900 series of publications.. Most would have been shreaded by the end of 1984!!:eek:

VTTS must have a set.. Wouldn't have a permit to fly without them! Bet they have problems with the 5A1 mind..:E

[Ali Barber]

Got the Lanc Haynes Manual for Xmas a couple of years ago. Interesting read but never believed I would be expected to change the clutch in my mother's garage.

[MrBernoulli]

If you have a Grumman Lunar Module in the garage, this might come in handy.

Apollo 11 Manual: An Insight into the Hardware from the First Manned Mission to Land on the Moon: Amazon.co.uk: Christopher Riley, Phil Dolling: Books (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Apollo-11-Manual-Insight-Hardware/dp/1844256839/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1277336009&sr=8-1)

[Carry0nLuggage]

Haynes: 1202 alarm
Translation: Clamp with molegrips and beat repeatedly with hammer

[hunterboy]

The only valid Vulcan owners handbook is AP101B-1900 series of publications
I've got a set in my attic too.....although I think the odd manual is starting to go a bit mouldy.
ps I think quite a few sets sprouted legs and were kept as souvenirs.

[MAINJAFAD]

Haynes: 1202 alarm
Translation: Clamp with molegrips and beat repeatedly with hammer

Quality :ok::ok:

However, a better description.

Haynes: program alarm 1202

Translation: Buzz, follow the check list and don't try to operate the landing and rendezvous radars at the same time.

[GOLF_BRAVO_ZULU]

Ah, the Haynes manual. "Gently prise off cover, undo and remove large nut, ease steering wheel off shaft; replace car and refit steering wheel in reverse order of removal instructions". I think public libraries should confine them to the Fiction shelves.

Anyway, £20 is a lot of beer tokens. For just less than £16, I have just received, from Australia, a complete set of AP101B-1900-6A and AP4505A Vol 1 in PDF fomat.

[Evanelpus]

Think they should also add that you need rag to mop up the blood for when you are wirelocking the valves and pipes in the brake control panel.

Repeat after me, "Ouch, that hurts"

[Alber Ratman]

Anyway, £20 is a lot of beer tokens. For just less than £16, I have just received, from Australia, a complete set of AP101B-1900-6A and AP4505A Vol 1 in PDF fomat.

If you did, go to the City of Norwich Aviation Museum and repair the corroding remains of Arvo Tin Triangle that is dying there.. Sarfends one is OK, cos it gets a good coating of AV8 on a regular basis. Good old CPC..:E

[PLovett]

It always helps if you can speak technician. :}

Understanding Technicians

Terminology used by technicians

Stuffed
A description of an item of equipment indicating that it does not work quite as well as when it was new. This situation is not expected to change in the near future.

F##ked
Terminally stuffed.

F##k me
A technical expression meaning that after you have totally stripped an assembly you didn't really need to, you have read the manual to discover a major warning in bold type saying never to touch that part under any circumstances whatsoever, as it requires factory (overseas) realignment.

F##k it all
An expression that follows the tinging sound of a miniature spring or circlip bouncing off something on the other side of the room. Unfortunately, you didn't see where it came from, where it went to, and have no idea what it looks like.

F##king bloody f##k
An expression used after 2 full days reassembling and mechanical aligning to find that an extremely fundamental part is still sitting under the workshop bench.

Holy bloody sh#t
The expression used immediately after stripping the thread or hexagon off a small bolt and remembering that it had a left hand thread.




Sh#t, f##k, sh#t
The technical expression denoting full understanding that the thing you have just dropped into the bowels of the machine is not only critically important to the machines operation, but is completely beyond retrieval.

Sh#t, sh#t, sh#t
Something weighing 400kg is sitting on my finger.

Sh#t, sh#t, sh#t, sh#t, sh#t...
Something hot weighing 400 kg is sitting on my finger.

How the f##k...
Often used to indicate that in your opinion the designers of the machine might have done something a bit differently.

Bloody f##k
Somebody will have to find a first aid kit.

Holy f##king sh#t
This is a 440 volt circuit, and I think I've forgotten to isolate it.

Bu66er bloody f##k
You see a severed 200 cable wiring harness and reach an immediate understanding of why the equipment rack required extra force to close it.
NOTE: If the word 'Holy' is used in conjunction with this expression, it means that all 200 wires in the harness are the same colour.

F##king damn sh#t
I have just picked up the wrong end of a soldering iron.

F##king bloody damn
A general phrase indicating minor irritation.

Holy bloody f##k
My tie is caught by something being driven by a 200 horsepower motor and I can't reach the power switch.

Bu66er, f##k, damn
An indication of full acceptance that the final, binding quote given to the customer omitted the $1800 parts content of the job.

[waco]

PLovett

.........can I just say, many thanks indeed for posting that. You have really cheered me up. Just great.

[SWBKCB]

I agree - if the art of true comedy is timing, that hit the spot...

[flipflopman RB199]

As Albert Ratman so correctly said, the only definitive publication for working on a Vulcan B2 is the AP101B-1902-1A :ok:

This 'Manual' was compiled by former RAF J/T - Mr Andrew Edmondson, who some of you may know as the "Engineering Director" of TVOC, who managed to slot it in between carrying out his "vital" fundraising and directing roles during a difficult time for XH558....

The same "Engineering Director" who on one of his rare trips to the aircraft had a stand up argument with myself about how I had fitted the Hyd Reservoir to the wrong side of the bomb bay.... This is despite the fact that to do so would not only have been impossible, but also contrary to the hundreds of other Vulcans built. I could continue :ugh:.....

Take the book for what it is, a nice history on the aircraft, but not an entirely accurate one...:=


Flipflopman

[alisoncc]

But PLovett you missed the most important of technical comments. This, when spoken, is normally accompanied by a shrug of the shoulders on surveying the debris, "Sh** happens".

What readers also need to be aware of, is that Black Holes are not an invention of Prof Stephen Hawking. They regularly occur on work benches and under technician's chairs. Any important component that is inadvertently mislayed will be guaranteed to disappear down a black hole then via a time/space wormhole will reappear time-shifted some weeks later. But there is absolutely no chance of it being found at the time of being dropped.

[Pontius Navigator]

Alison, quite. I finger fumbled my bright silver GPS stylus in my car. It had black carpets and dark upholstry. Of the stylus no sign. Most obvious hidey holes are covered in this car.

Same on a SAAB some years ago. Mrs PNs credit cards migrated into the handbrake housing that was closed securely with a brush closure. Fortunately they re-emerged when I pulled the handbrake on hard on a hill at a phone box in France where we were about to ring the credit card company.