Introduction, Funny flight crews

[Airliner Junkie]

Hello,

I'm new to this board, and think it's an awesome site.

First let me introduce myself. My name is Erik, and I'm a former long haul truck driver. Now I'm a full time student in the Information Technology industry due to a serious on-the-job injury. I enjoy flying so much that I go on flights just for the fun of it. My Father used to take us kids on just for fun flights long ago, and some of us are still hooked. I'm hoping that my next employer will allow me to do as much air travel as possible. :)

I was on a Southwest flight from SJC-PDX, when the FA doing the pre-flight safety demo asked the PAX to put their noses up against the windows to show their competetion just how full our flights really are. ;)

Anyone here have any stories of humorous flight crews? I think it's good to have some humor in flight as it relieves some of the stress associated with flying today. Comments?

Erik.

[TPuk]

I heard this when I flew Ryanair STN - Genoa recently;

Chief Steward on welcoming PA:

"Irish law does not permit the use of any electrical goods on board this aircraft, these include walkmans, personal CD players, hand-held computer games, and vacum cleaners"

It made me smile!

TPuk

[OO-AOG]

<< We hope to see you soon again on one of Northwest's flights >>

That was a flight attendant with sense of humor!

[Doors to Automatic]

Heard whilst held at the gate at DXB for 90 minutes inside a seething Qatar A300 - 25 screeming kids, temperature +40C, air conditioning off!!

"If there is anything we can do to make your flight with us more pleasant please do not hesitate to ask"

[BigJETS]

I forget which flight it was. "Ladies and gentleman, Im turning off the seatbelt sign and the cabin pressure." :)

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Rotate, Please! airliner/in-flight photo site (http://members.tripod.com/bigjets/flightline/)

[Xenia]

"Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to xxx, please remain seated with your seatbelt fastened until the aircraft comes to a complete stop at the terminal building and the engines have been switched off...besides to the best of my knowledge, we have never known of a passenger to make it to the gate before the aircraft..." :)



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*************************Happy Landings! :)
*************************

[BRUpax]

After a hard landing and heavy braking (to expedite vacating the runway) the male FA welcomed us to New York and requested the owner of a pair of dentures that rolled down to the front to identify themselves!

[The Sleeping Pax]

After a very long overnight flight SIN-AMS, a KLM Pilot announced that we were landing 50 mins early. As we disembarked the greeting we were given was
"Welcome to Munich."

[Maint99]

I was returning from a trip YYZ - YHZ in DC9. The pilot flying really planted it on the runway...twice!! The F/A came over the PA and announced " Welcome to Halifax...Welcome to Halifax"
--------------------------------------------
"You want it on the gate for when??"

[EGAC]

A trip in the US on Continental ("The Airline Pride Built" as they never stopped telling us) in the early 1980s brought the following :

1. A free drink for anyone who could guess the cabin crew's combined ages - voting papers were duly handed out and collected amongst much mirth.

2. A free drink for the passenger with most keys on their keyring - succesive callouts along the lines of "Any advance on...?" I think the winner had 57.

3. Several free drinks for any passenger producing a picture of Elvis as a child (tongue in cheek, this one -I think!).

4.On setting down an orange juice and a tomato juice on the aisle-side table the F/A advised my friend and I lest we be confused "The orange one is the orange juice!"

5. Upon landing the cabin announcement was "Welcome to Omaha Intergalactic Airport."

What else is there to say?

:) :) :) :) :)

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Safety is no accident

[GalleyWench]

Once deadheaded on a flight where the purser did the funniest announcements I have ever heard. The cabin crew consisted of 3 men. His introductory announcement stated their names then said,'but we all answer to dad'. During the demo he described how to use a seatbelt'for those of you that have not been in a car since 1965' and when demonstrating the seatbottom as a flotation cushion, stated that ' in the event of an emergency, paddle like heck but please remember they are the property of xx airlines and should be returned at your earliest convienance'. The pax were in stitches and it made for a great flight!!

[You splitter]

Some great stories of good cabin crew humour.
A c/s in our company when doing the safety PA likes to say to the pax regarding lifevests.
"There is a whistle with which to attract the attention of any passing sharks....."

However you'd be surprised at the amount of complaints we get about this sort of jovial behaviour.

My opinion is that a little bit of banter helps relieve what can very often be a stressfull situation for some people. However all it takes is one pax to have a sense of humour failure and the letters of complaint about "the attitude of your cabin crew in what is a responsible role ensuring the safety of the passengers....blah blah blah.."

I guess some people can take it, others can't.

[Lurk R]

A few years ago during the safety demo, one of the male F/A (obviously gay) was making the most hilarious faces and expressions as the pre-recorded spiel was being broadcast. Funniest parts included the crossed eyes and sucked in face using the overhead mask and playing a little tune on the life-vest whistle. People on both sides of the aircraft (it was dual aisle) were watching him and laughing - in all seriousness it was probably the most attention that I've seen people pay to the safety demo.

[This message has been edited by Lurk R (edited 20 October 2000).]

[Jetbag]

I used to work for a well-know charter airline, and after a particularly bone-crunching landing, the Captain said as we pulled onto stand " Cabin Crew prepare doors for arrival....that's if they haven't fallen off already !!"

I have also worked for scheduled, and it is true - you can certainly have more of a laugh with the shellsuits than the businessmen. One thing is for sure, whether you are flightdeck or cabin crew, a good sense of humour is a must !!!

[pax domina]

Another Southwest story, from an MCO-CLE (and I believe I heard something similar on the return) flight I took a few years back to attend a friend's wedding . . .

"Put on your own mask before assisting others. If you don't like them that much, don't be that quick about it and let them suffer for a little bit."

I can't remember the exact wording, but it didn't sound at all callous. Actually, it got people giggling, paying attention to the demonstration, and remembering what was said.

[Airliner Junkie]

I once read a story where a FA put a toy spider on a passengers tray table. According to the story, the FA was repramanded. Since then, I have thought about doing exactly that to an FA in the galley area, but have been too chicken to do so. I think I'll keep it that way.

On another flight, just after takeoff, the FA announced that there was a landmark on the right side of the aircraft, and will the passengers look.. This landmark is "My house".

On a flight from SJC-RNO, the male FA was carrying a tray full of empty and very light plastic cups. When he got close to a row of passengers who had been teasing back & forth, there was a bump, and the FA proceeded to drop all of the dry cups on the ladies, pretending they were full. There was hysterical laughter throughout the cabin rear of the row where the incident happened. :)

Erik.

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[Xenia]

"As you exit the plane, please make sure you gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the cabin crew. Please do not leave children or spouses."



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*************************Happy Landings! :)
*************************

[Juliet November]

How 'bout these one's:
C/A doing the safety stunt says "In case of a drop in aircraft pressure, oxygen masks will automatically deploy from overhead. Don your own mask before assisting any child you may be travelling with. If you are travelling with more than one child, decide now which one you like most"

And this one I experienced myself o/b a SAS flight from CPH to BRU. It's an MD87 and we're only a handfull in business class. Very seasoned male C/A asks us weather we are all familiar with the safety procedures. Nods all around, one pax even say's "yes". The response from the C/A "right, then you stand up and do the dance for us". He then proceeded back to his galley and left the safety procedures with a very confused pax, and the rest of us laughing loud. Great flight, smiles all around.

Smokin'

[Back Course Bandit]

Flying BA from JFK-LHR in a 747.

After a pushback that seemed to take an eternity, we finally got moving. We then taxied for at least 10 mins, then held for a while, then another 5mins or so...captain came on the PA -

"Ladies and Gentlemen, i know it may seem like we're driving to Heathrow today, but i promise we'll be in the air shortly"



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"Landing an aicraft is simply controlled crashing" - Roy Slaven

[Goldie]

Last year due to windshear at Perth the A/C did a go around, on the second attempt with much buffeting we touched down only to have the engine cowl scrape the runway.

Instead of Ladies & Gentleman welcome to Perth the Purser announced Ladies & Gentleman welcome to Earth!

[slider]

A RAF TriStar returning from the Falklands whose passengers had each spent 4-6 months on the predominantly male inhabited isle were greeted with

" Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to RAF Brize Norton, and for all you WRAFS on board you are now officially ugly once more!"

Allegedly ugly Squadron Leader WRAF on board objected!

[kaikohe76]

Couple of weeks ago myself plus friend (wife mine!) went Manchester Tenerife at night! with SPANAIR to start our hols. First class treatment throughout, very smart clean MD83, left and arrived on time, equally very smart courteous cabin crew, lovely catering. The whole journey was very enjoyable indeed and made a nice start for our hols. Very well done SPANAIR and many thanks, I was most impressed.

[KBaB]

are there any good, aviation humour web sites?

[Airliner Junkie]

Try these for starters: ;)

I tried to paste the link to "s k y g o d.com" several times, but it came back as *****.com. I have a feeling that I know why this is, and it's fixable unless there is a good reason.

The Aviation Humour Collection -- aviation jokes, stories and much more! (http://www.aviationhumour.co.uk)

More Aviation funnies (http://www.aircraftforsale.com/humor.htm)

Erik http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/cool.gif

[This message has been edited by Airliner Junkie (edited 04 November 2000).]

[Next Generation PSR]

One I've used this Summer

"Ladies and Gentleman, ***** Airways welcomes you to the island of Corfu, where rumour has it the roads are every bit as bad as the runway!"

[VnV2178B]

Arriving in BRU from BHX on SN2040 there was a PA announcement giving a list of the connections for the passengers on board together with the respective gates for departure the last one being "and finally Birmingham, for those of you who want to return there, B91".
( full marks to whoever thought this up and especially to whoever got the gate change info correct too, it saved me having to wade through the video screens. )

VnV...

[gravity victim]

Arriving at Dublin years ago in a BEA Trident, and a truly appalling landing, oxygen masks dangling,crashing noises from the galley, the works. As the Hawker Siddeley Groundgripper rolled to a halt the stunned silence was broken by an Irish voice piping up with: "Are we down,yet, lads?"
Howls of (Irish)laughter,and grim lemon-sucking expressions on Brit faces...

[pax domina]

VnV2178B - at least they realized they were announcing a connection to BHX on a flight that originated in BHX.

I recently had to fly MCO-ATL, spend 2-1/2 hours in the airport to sign some documents, and then turn around and fly back to MCO.

As we were arriving in Atlanta and they were announcing the gates for the connections I heard "Orlando, Gate so-and-so". Huh? Turned to guy next to me said, "Orlando? Didn't we just leave there?" (Actually, *he* was returning to Orlando, but late that night.)

Took me about thirty seconds to realize that the person with the connection to Orlando was - me! http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/redface.gif :)

It *was* an 0600 flight, so I wasn't entirely awake yet!

[Squawk 8888]

Landing a 172 on runway 33 at CYTZ, I flared high, came down flat, bounced about 30 feet then settled in. During the rollout Tower gets on the radio and informs me that they'll be charging me an extra landing fee.

[Rosebud]

After a heavy landing, or controlled crash!, my favourite greeting to pax is ' Ladies and Gentleman, now that the Flight Deck have carved their initials into the runway, welcome to ....... Usually raises a few laughs.

[The Boy Lard]

Hi everyone,

For giggles you cant beat:
http://my.ohio.voyager.net/~cuban8/contents.htm

Enjoy

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Flying is fun, not funny

[criticalmass]

A friend of mine got onto a budget-priced flight somewhere in the continental US. As they pushed back, the Purser began her announcements:-

"Ladies and gentlemen, we've found a wallet...(sudden hush in the cabin)...now that we have your full attention (and made the usual safety announcments, then:-)...now, who would like some peanuts?"

Several pax hands shot upwards, whereupon the FAs at the front and rear of the cabin just pelted small packets of peanuts at people all over the cabin! This got gales of laughter and the flight then proceeded with everybody in something approaching a merry mood.

[Round Hill]

PA made by Captain on arrival in Jeddah

"Welcome to Saudi Arabia where the local time is 200 years behind the rest of the world".

[Tomb Raider]

BA pilot who was famous for PA gags(he had to stop after one to many complaints)
My favouite,and normally in a silly accent;
"Ladies and Gentlemen,we have approx 40 minutes to run until our landing at LGW.We're about to start our decent.......so on a count of three....if you'd all like to lean forward!!!(Believe it or not,some did from time to time??)

[greg1]

I actually posted this in another thread where we were supposed to think up of obscene words sneaked into PAs, so I turned it into a PA. But the true story goes like this:

On a British Midland flight to one of the Channel Isles back in '87, the efficient male FA was merrily and obligedly serving his small crowd with flare and style (I believe he even did away with his regular shoes for a pair of comfy garflied sleepers -he did, honestly!). All was fine, except for one loudmouth who had in fact been getting on everyones nerves ever since the gate and showed no signs of letting down.

So when this guy clicked his fingers at the passing FA to get his attention (yes! he actually did that!), the FA froze in mid-step, turned around and said in an icy tone but loud and clear all the same: "Excuse me, sir ! It would take more than two fingers to make ME come..."

His female colleague FA who brought the story back to me that evening still had watery eyes and stitches all over...

[18Wheeler]

Couldn't get ANY Flight Attendants on the intercom at all one night, so had to get on the PA and make the announcement, "Sorry to bother you ladies & gentlemen, but if any of you see a F/A walking around, could you please send them up to the flight deck with a cup of coffee?"

On April 1st last year, I could help myself on the drop in to Sydney from over the ocean, "... and for those sitting on the left hand side of the aircraft, if you look very carefully you should just be able to make out the northern tip of New Zealand". Wait for a few seconds. "At this point I'd like to remind you that it's April 1st. Thank you!"

[gearup-lightup]

do any of you people have lives

[ExSimGuy]

Roundhill,

That BA skipper going into JED got fired for giving totally inaccurate information - the "Hejira" Calandar is almost 600 years behind the Gregorian (it's 20/10/1421 today) :)

and Gregory got it wrong too; he had Jesus being born in b.c. 4 ;) ;) ;)

[This message has been edited by ExSimGuy (edited 16 January 2001).]

[JOA]

on the way back from vegas on a united shuttle ahaha the male, rather flamboyant flight attendant was walking down the aisle to collect cups and trash before we landed and was saying as he would hold out the bag.."cups, trash, hubcaps, MOTHER-IN-LAWS!"

[man in black]

On PanAm from Rio to Miami on Christmas eve in the mid-80's, there was very, very light loading. The crew dressed up in Christmas elf costumes, sang slightly-off colored christmas carols, passed out gag presents, with the refreshments of a festive theme. No one slept. By the time we arrived, everyone was very "happy" (save the poor pilots) and the ground crew and customs/immigration people didn't know what to think. :) :) :)


[This message has been edited by man in black (edited 21 January 2001).]

[The Sleeping Pax]

No one slept? Not the sort of flight I want to be on.

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Wake me up when we get there

[ExSimGuy]

Man-in-Black,

Ah, yes, Pan-Am - those were the days! I still have my "Clipper Club" tags on my baggage (although the baggage itself has been replaced several times since then!) as it makes my bags easy to spot on the baggage belt :)

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What Goes Around . . . . .
. . often makes a better landing

[Speed Racer]

off the topic a bit on airline humour, but here's what a couple of champions did at Heathrow airport.. classic!

http://www.ernieshouseofwhoopass.com/downloads/airport.doc

[taber]

yeah check out my site.

http://www.airtoons.com

[Desk Driver]

On a Monarch flight to the Balerics the lady next to me asked the number 1 "excuse me can you tell me where can I smoke?

"Yes madam PALMA"


Flew from LHR - JNB and as we landed the anouncement was "Ladies & Gentlemen welcome to Cape Town....Oh dear one of us is on the wrong flight?"

Both made me chuckle!

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-------------------------
You fly em we'll fill em!

[bravo 2-0]

Just a few more doing the rounds ......

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the
>> in-flight
>> "safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more
>> entertaining.
>> Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
>>
>> On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant
>>crew,
>> the
>> pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising
>>altitude
>>and
>> will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your
>>comfort and
>> to
>> enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
>> ___________________________________________________________
>> On landing the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all
>>your
>> belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make
>>sure it's
>> something we'd like to have."
>> ___________________________________________________________
>> "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only
>>4 ways
>> out
>> off this airplane."
>> ___________________________________________________________
>> "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you
>>enjoyed
>> giving
>> us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
>> ___________________________________________________________
>> As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington
>>National,
>>a
>> lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
>> ___________________________________________________________
>> After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in
>>Memphis,
>>a
>> flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take
>>care
>> when
>> opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing
>>like
>>that,
>> sure
>> as hell everything has shifted."
>> ___________________________________________________________
>> From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest
>>Flight
>> XXX to YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab
>>into the
>> buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat
>>belt;
>>and,
>> if
>>
>> you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be
>>out in
>> public
>> unsupervised."
>> ___________________________________________________________
>> In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will
>>descend
>> from
>> the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over
>>your
>> face.
>> If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask
>>before
>> assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one
>>small
>> child, pick your favorite.
>> ___________________________________________________________
>> Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
>>clouds,
>>but
>> we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
>> remember,
>> nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest
>>Airlines."
>> ___________________________________________________________
>> "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the
>>event of
>>an
>> emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them
>>with
>>our
>> compliments."
>> ___________________________________________________________
>> "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from
>>the
>> overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and
>>nose
>> before
>> assisting children... or other adults acting like children."
>> ___________________________________________________________
>> "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your
>>belongings.
>> Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the
>>flight
>> attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
>> ___________________________________________________________
>> And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta airlines
>>is
>> pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the
>>industry.
>> Unfortunately,none of them are on this flight!"
>> ___________________________________________________________
>> Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in
>>Salt
>> Lake
>> City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,
>>"That was
>> quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to
>>tell
>>you
>> it
>> wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it
>>wasn't
>>the
>> flight attendant's fault...it was the asphalt!"
>> ___________________________________________________________
>> Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas,
>>on a
>> particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach,
>>the
>> Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely
>>hard
>> landing,
>> the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to
>>Amarillo.
>> Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened
>>while the
>> Captain
>> taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
>> ___________________________________________________________
>> Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect
>>landing:
>> "We
>> ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us
>>to
>>the
>> terminal."
>> ___________________________________________________________
>> An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had
>>hammered
>> his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy
>>which
>> required the first officer to stand at the door while the
>>Passengers
>> exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ
>>airline." He
>> said
>> that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking
>>the
>> passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a
>>smart
>> comment.
>>
>> Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady
>>walking
>> with
>> a
>> cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no
>>Ma'am,"
>> said
>> the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we
>>land or
>> were
>> we
>> shot down?"
>> ___________________________________________________________
>> After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight
>>Attendant
>> came
>> on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats
>>until
>> Capt.
>> Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching
>>halt
>> against
>>
>> the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning
>>bells
>> are
>> silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way
>>through the
>> wreckage to the terminal."
>> ___________________________________________________________
>> Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like
>>to
>>thank
>> you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get
>>the
>> insane
>> urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
>>tube,
>>we
>> hope
>> you'll think of US Airways."
>> ___________________________________________________________
>> A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached
>>a
>> comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an
>>announcement over
>> the
>> intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain
>>speaking.
>> Welcome
>> to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles.
>>The
>> weather
>> ahead is good, so sit back and relax - OH, MY GOD!" Silence
>>followed
>> and
>> after a few
>> minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said,
>>"Ladies and
>> Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I
>>was
>> talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and
>>spilled
>> the
>> hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A
>> passenger
>> in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of
>>mine!"

[PAXboy]

A good number of years ago, we were on JNB to GRJ (George is the name of a small regional field in the Cape Province) on a SAA 737-200 and it transpired that there was a new member of CC on that day.

I am sure that this trick has been played many a time on some young lady's first day of making the demo announcement...

She was working her way carefully through the card, "... place the mask over your nose and mouth and breath normally."

At this point, someone on the flight deck who had obviously been waiting with finger poised over the PA button, pressed his override and made heavy passionate breathing sounds!

The poor girl! She managed to stagger on to the end.

.......
A few weeks ago I was on EZY running from LTN to EDI. The CC often do five sectors in a day and must not know if they are coming or going.

As we let down into EDI, "Ladies & Gentlemen, as we have started our descent into ... <pause> ... <pause>"

There was a general chorus of "EDINBURGH" from the pax!!

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A window seat on the sunny side of the aircraft, please!

[Herod]

When the cabin forget, as they do, that there are two guys up front gasping for a drink, the P.A.;
"More tea?" said the Mad Hatter.
"I can't possibly have MORE tea", said Alice. "I haven't had ANY tea yet".
usually gets the senior cabin member up pretty quickly.

"Ladies and gentlemen, if the passengers on the left look to the left they will see Paris. If the passengers on the right look to their left they will see the backs of the heads of the passengers on the left"

[aisleman]

On approach into Edinburgh 3-4 years ago: Pilot "For those seated on the left, the weather is cold; for those on the right hand-side of the aircraft it is mind-bogglingly cold!"

---------

Taking-off from Frankfurt around the same period - I'm sitting on the aisle seat of the last row of the front cabin of a 757. F/A comes out with drinks trolley, puts the brake on, releases the handle. The aircraft is still climbing steeply, so the trolley falls on top of me; I get covered in orange-juice/water/Champagne etc... Later in the flight, after apologising a few hundred times, the F/A starts the drinks service once more (with the aircraft level this time. When it's my turn I ask for G+T - "no ice, thanks, I got some in my pocket" (and I really did!).

aisleman
http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/cool.gif

[Fast Jet Wannabe]

I was lucky enough to be allowed to ride the whole flight from take-off to landing on the jump seat of a Ryanair 732 recently.

It happened to be one of the hosties birthday. Half way through the flight, at the end of the usual update PA, the Captain added, "and I'd also like to wish Sarah in the cabin a very happy birthday after her 35 very youthful looking years.

With that the flight deck door nearly came off its hinges being pulled open so quick, and a very mean looking face was thrust through. It was her 25th birthday!

[G-BPEC]

My favourite was last year on a BY charter Manchester to Venice. The Steward doing the PA came out with

"and looking after you in the rear cabin today are Patsy and Kim, winners of Miss Britannia 1976"

The look on their faces were priceless! ;)

[stickyb]

Slightly of topic, but an an announcement that could have come from LHR

Flight xxx to Glasgow departs at 10.30 ...etc etc, followed by
and the flight xxx to Dublin will depart when the little hand is pointing straight up and the big hand straight down



[This message has been edited by stickyb (edited 05 June 2001).]

[Julian]

Whilst coming into 25R at LGB at night, a commercial flight was coming into 30.

Tower : "XYZ I can see your strobe lights but your NAV lights do not appear to be working"

Captain : "Hang on I will check"

<Pause>

Captain : "Hows that?"

Tower : "Yep, thats fine"

Captain : "Thanks tower, it appears the First Officer doesn't have a clue what he is doing"

Tower : "OUCH!!"

------------------
Live fast..dies young...leave a good looking corpse!

[Slasher]

I remember flying into Sai Gon this time last year to the day. There were heavy thunderstorms on the approach with no way around them. The airport itself was 3000 metres visibility in moderate rain.
In buckets of turbulence we got struck by lightning at the left wing root and it made a hell of a bang. Fortunately we were jam-packed with a bunch of humorus US tourists (no rather scared), so it was apreciated by all when after landing I grabbed the PA and said in my Oz drawl "Ladys and gentlemen the captain here. Yeh we DID have a lightning strike as we made our approach but no damage was done to the aircraft. This happens sometimes when God wants to subtley tell me to leave married women alone. Thank you."

[ExSimGuy]

Slash,

How the blazes can any airline afford to employ you, if every day your a/c is hit by lightning? The cost of replacement avionics boxes must be horific :)

(Answer: "Sai Gon; What avionics boxes?")

[Slasher]

I wouldnt say every day ExSim. More like 2 to 3 times every monsoon period (May through September). In the years Ive been here its been only on 2 ocassions where the aircrafts PFM boxes actualy suffered some damage after Thor lashed out at me.