Pirate opportunities in Somalia?

[lpokijuhyt]

Does anybody know of any recruitment agencies looking for pirates at the moment? I'm fed up with the aviation industry and want to move into something more lucrative. Is it hard to build your pirate hours?

[Der absolute Hammer]

At the moment they are looking to crew up a long range BN11.

[abhi88]

:}PS.Send me a PM! I might be able to help you! Fluent ARABIC is a mandatory requirement!

[Dutchie1984]

As always, a lot of PIC hours required.

[Tony Tornado]

Looking for something more lucrative? Here it is bro: become a car mechanic! This is what I'm gonna tell my children one day too:}.
Forget about being a doctor or a lawyer and especially a pilot. Cars are the way to go. This year I was ripped off four times by four different mechanics. It's amazing what they can do to you when you are in trouble. The best one was a drunk Chrysler mechanic on duty who took my car into the dealership's shop after the car died on me. This moron called me at 3 AM from a bar asking for cash in order to fix the friggin car...:}

[Carrier]

Quote: "As always, a lot of PIC hours required."

Quite right! it's just like aviation. There's no getting away from it - you will still have to pay your dues. You can build up time and gain experience here: The Fleet - Sea Shepherd (http://www.seashepherd.org/who-we-are/the-fleet.html) Once you have gained enough experience and proved you are capable of handling entry level jobs such as harassing Jap whalers you will then be ready to step up to the majors.

[lpokijuhyt]

I was thinking of getting the PPL (private pirate license) and then working my way through the ranks. Unfortunately I heard that some of the instructors are not really pirates, but pirate wenches instead. I am also considering of going through the pirate integrated course offered by a PTO (pirate training organization). Unfortunately, the new pirate cadet scheme has no firm offer of booty, just the promise of a cool eye patch.

[Dutchie1984]

Yeah and some of the PTO's are even accepting people who can't swim. It used to be such a noble profession.

[PK-KAR]

errr... I only got a MultiPirateLicense... where can I sign up? :}

[MungoP]

Important to remember that you need a minimum of a Commercial Pirates Licence if you're to make money out of it... otherwise it's just pirating for fun which restricts you to molesting female captives.

[Csanad007]

I'm into this to. My commercial pirate license is okay. Am just finishing instrument pirate rating so I can do ambushes even in bad weather and at night! Just where do I send my CV?

[Der absolute Hammer]

You can send your CV to

Pontius Pirate
Jerusalem
Palestine

[Csanad007]

So, I see now that this Somalian Pirate Ltd. is some offshore company!

[Staalburger]

Do you have your Sea Transport Pirates License? Where have you Pirated before and what is the largest type on your License?

Anything smaller than the Black Pearl wont suffice and can you come back to us when you have a 1000hrs on type and 500hrs ORS (on rough seas).Type rated Candidates with Multi Sail Experience will be given preference.

Remuneration package: Loads of bucks or death

Health benefits once out on the ocean: None (unless your surname is Phelps)

Must be willing to relocate to the second "Arshloch von die weldt"/District 10

Please contact us at "Pirates of the Indian" for further distressful information or go and work on the set of Pirates of the Caribbean IIIIIII for a first-hand feel of what you are letting yourself in for.... (without Keira Knightley)

Your Captain,

Jackismail Mohammad Sparrowimaradin

[alldaysushi]

Sounds like a great profession,

I hear the unions are somewhat tough to join, and dues quite high...:ok:

[GBV]

Do you provide black eye patches, steel hooks and wooden legs for your pirates?

[Ray D'Avecta]

Do you have your Sea Transport Pirates License? Where have you Pirated before and what is the largest type on your License?................Type rated Candidates with Multi Sail Experience will be given preference.


I have my STPL with MSE, however, I am looking for a change from the now not so lucrative waters of the Atlantic, to the more "happening" Indian Ocean.

My question is this: Will I need to do an Oceanic Conversion Course (OCC) in order to live and work on the Indian Ocean. If not, will my logbook of ransom notes suffice for evidence of experience?, or will I have undertake a simulated hijacking with an instructor?

[Capetonian]

I believe that someone well qualified, including only having one eye, may shortly be looking for a position where his qualities may be better used than at present.

Please write to :

Mr. G. Brown
10 Downing Street.
London W1 1AA

with details of salary etc. He may be tempted to apply for the position before May, when his current contract will be terminated.

[thats entertainment!]

I have heard of pirate companies, indeed one or two pirates (one infamous swashbuckling pirate in particular) who offer pay to sail schemes, with a promise of definately maybe some piracy somewhere once completed. Also, true to the history of this buccaneering trade, state sponsorship is still rife, although not readily admitted.

[GBV]

Is Eagleboat one of them?

I heard they have two pay to sail schemes, one off the Somali coast and other one in the Strait of Malacca. Does anyone know more about this particular company?

[ford cortina]

It seems to be a very tough career to get into, even George Harrison could not get a look in.......

YouTube - George Harrison on Rutland Weekend Television (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AarhZScyuz0)

[TonyWilliams]

otherwise it's just pirating for fun which restricts you to molesting female captives.

I didn't realize that pirates were so particular as to who they molest.

[MungoP]

OK... maybe it's just me but I'm particular who I bunk down with ... minimum one leg, maximum six but always female :}

[Staalburger]

Unfortunately employees must provide their own food,accommodation,ratings etc. I employ pirates who must be able to fend for themselves,survival of the fittest type setup:)

[Staalburger]

Any extra experience will be considered a bonus and you only need to a dunking course in the warmer waters of the Indian Ocean and you also would attend a course in "How to survive a shark attack" including eye-poking,kicking,screaming etc

Furthermore I have bought a highly sophisticated Pirates Simulator where you can go through procedural exercises like how to climb up the side of an oil-tanker with a piece of rope and how to duck flying bullets or catching them with your teeth.

This training is voluntary and free of charge

[B200Drvr]

As a senior manager for the "International community responsible for the administration of pirates" also known as ICRAP or CRAP for short. Please be advised that we will do CRAP back round checks on all those new members who "claim" to have previous experience. Further more, no operation may employ a new pirate without him having paid his "ICRAP money", and being in possession of his CRAP dangerous goods certificate. Every 12 months, you will be expected to do a CRAP CRM course, as well as a CRAP EPT course. Many operations do not pay for these, so you will be required to cough up for them yourself and do them on your own time.
Our organization prides its self on CRAP service, so should you be in a spot of bother please just shout OH CRAP, and we will see if we can hear you.
Many regards
CRAP management.

[Cave Troll]

I think I am going to become a gynaecologist. I have had enough of dealing with all the @rseholes in the aviation business. I need a new view ....... something with a bit of taste!

ct

[superserong]

Without a doubt the most intelligent thread in PPRUNE history!:D

[one day soon]

While I dont have any Indian Ocean commercial experience I did spend many years in the Royal Arrrrrr Force, will this help my cv to be noticed?
Thanks
Captain Gaspasser of the good ship Flatulence

[Der absolute Hammer]

http://rlv.zcache.com/pirate_in_training_baby_t_shirt-p235214404207910253c5jf_400.jpg

[I.R.PIRATE]

Been there done that.

[keitaidenwa]

Pay is crappy, but there is nobody collecting taxes and no annoying bureacracy to deal with - the goverment won't bring your business down here :D

[Mobotu]

MungoP - after a long contract away from home even the cabin boys start to become fair game after half a bottle of Captain Morgan's - Tongue in cheek(Not that cheek!):ugh:

[I.R.PIRATE]

Mobutu its the same but different.

Let me explain.

Lets say you stick your tongue in my ass. So therefore, we both have tongue in ass - its the same - but different.

[Staalburger]

Well your background sounds good but you forgot to mention how much Rum you can drink and would one-legged chicks be good enough for you? When a fellow sailor calls you a D*&S will you take offence or revenge?
We can arrange a meeting at the Dar-es-Salaam Yacht Club sometime,it has a great view,good food and it will give you a good idea of the setup at our main base:)

Captain Sparrowhimaradin ( if I remember correctly that is my surname)

[maxrated]

Cave Troll.

You should consider the home study gynaecology course that way you can you can keep your hand in and still be a full time pirate.

At your cervix.
Max.

[Stratocaster]

Aaaaaargh, gentlemen o' fortune !


CAE Aviation from ELLX won a contract to film us, pirates, off the African coasts. Think they use Caravans, but don't quote me on that.

Suitably qualified pirates might have a chance to win some fine sweet doubloons but hurry, it might already be too late.

Aircraft based in paradisiac island, finding lassies and grog shouldn't be a problem. A place to burry your booty probably will.
:ok:


With the best regards of Captain Othello and his salty seamen
:}

[Slapshot]

Are there members with Multi Crew Only Pirate licenses? I don't know how I would feel in a raid with a fellow Pirate who can only work in groups...

[will fly for food 06]

I have never gone solo in a sail boat and I cant swim but I do have a multi crew galleon rating and have sailed it across the training pond once. what are my chances of getting a job on a big ship or do I have to sell my soul to increase my chances?

[maxrated]

Fly For food 06

"what are my chances of getting a job on a big ship"

If you are from a previously disadvantaged background your chances are quite good but if you are a white caucasion male we require you to have at least 3 years prior experience of raping, pilliaging and hijacking passenger liners.

Additionally you should be a good team player, and skilled 'hostage ransom' negotiator and be able to speak Arabic and Swahili.

Applicants who are able to look good on CNN while steering an unseaworthy outrigger canoe while firing an Ak47 into the air shouting' Jihad' will get preference.

[will fly for food 06]

Oh:sad:

All that experience sounds like hard to work to me. Is there any way I can bribe someone to get onto a bigger ship? My parents have sold their house so I can be a pirate. I just want to be on a big ship so when we dock in port I can tell all the maidens that I am pirate.

[Trader]

To truly be competitive for the position of 'Cadet Pirate' you should have the minimum SPL (Sea Pirate Licence) and experience in thuggery, looting, debauchery, cheating, lying.

Those with airline management experience are assumed to excel in the above and will therefore be given first preference.

[captseth]

You guys have it all wrong. You should be pirating because of your love for the sea, not because you want more money. I'll take any decent pirating job I can find, hell, I'll even do it for free just to build some Pirate in Command time.

[albatross]

First you get your Private Pirate Licence, then Commercial Pirate then ATaaaargh Pirate Licence.

Funny stuff here


Luxury Pirate-Hunting Cruise - Maggie's Farm (http://maggiesfarm.anotherdotcom.com/archives/11581-Luxury-Pirate-Hunting-Cruise.html)

[Ray D'Avecta]

Captseth,

I'll take any decent pirating job I can find, hell, I'll even do it for free just to build some Pirate in Command time.

It is precisely people like you who are driving down the terms and conditions of pirating globally.

Can you not see that people like you make it even harder for every genuine one legged pirate wannabe to get on the ladder?

You come along with your two legs, self supplied machette / AK47, designer eye patch and motorised dinghy, and offer to 'pirate for free'!!!

Then we all wonder why our ransom notes are not being afforded the immediate attention they deserve, and even then insurance companies now want to haggle the size of the ransom. Experienced pirates are having to relocate from ocean to ocean in search of T&C's that will enable them to feed their enclaves. We have lost all respect. Gone is the time when all the kids in my rebel stronghold dreamed of becoming pirates. Now they all clamour for "respectable" careers like armed robbery, fraud, and investment banking.

Pay your dues to the profession,...start out with minor kidnappings, assault, rioting and looting like we all did, and work your way up. The rewards are sweeter when it comes with a sense of self fulfilment.

rant over..............:}

[lpokijuhyt]

Ray: Excellent post!

You are correct in stating that these young buccaneer types are dragging the once noble pirate profession to the bottom of the sea. Damn it....they have to earn the eyepatch! Hell, I didn't even get a parrot on my shoulder until after my 4th pillage. Unfortunately today it is all all about the PTP (pay to pirate) schemes. :hmm:

[Contract Dog]

I cant take credit for this, came from a mate, but too funny!

MOGADISHU. Somalia's pirates have announced that from now on ransoms need to be paid in pieces of eight or Spanish doubloons and delivered by a monkey in a bolero dragging the money in a sack. Meanwhile shipping companies say negotiations with the pirates are becoming increasingly time-consuming as the pirates' only response to ultimatums is "Arrrrhhh!"

The new demands were made at daybreak this morning by a Somali official who claims to be the Pirate King, although the US and Indian navy officials who received the demands said that the official did not look like a Pirate King as he had both his legs and the parrot on his shoulder appeared to be a rat with feathers glued to it.

They said he was also wearing only a grass skirt and a tiara reportedly stolen from a Chinese socialite.

According to the officials the Pirate King used the opportunity to say "Arrrhhh!" repeatedly, however in a break with tradition he also said, "Well shiver me timbers!"

They conceded that attempts to follow the Pirate King to his pirate lair had failed.

"Our main concern is for the hostages, who have been forced to watch pirate revelries, listen to pirate songs, and watch the pirates count their pirate booty," said Admiral Deepak Chopra of the Indian Navy.

However, he said, they had lost sight of the Pirate King's galleon after "sailing into a dense and otherworldly fog, in which we could see nothing but the cutlasses at our sides and hear naught but a distant laughter, as if a madman were luring us towards the very gates of Hell."

Meanwhile shipping companies have urged the Indian Navy to "move away from a romantic narrative approach to fighting piracy and towards using ballistic firearms".

According to a spokesman for Swedish shipping giant Smegma, providing future ransoms in antiquated Spanish coins was going to be far less difficult than handling delivery-monkeys.

"We stopped using monkeys to deliver ransoms to pirates decades ago for one simple reason: they're incredibly unreliable with money," said spokesman Jurg Gotterdammerung, alluding to the 1957 Suez Incident when a monkey named Mr Bojangles ran off with a suitcase containing $9 million in doubloons and spent it all on a small packet of nuts.

However Gotterdammerung said that the safety of the hostages was paramount, and if the pirates wanted a monkey to deliver the money, they would get a monkey.

"It's possible we can develop some sort of monkey-delivery system," he said. "Perhaps stapling the monkey to the money-sack and firing them both at the pirates from some sort of high-pressure air-hose."

Meanwhile Somali tourism officials say that piracy is hurting the region as a tourist destination.

"The graph was looking fantastic," said tour operator Ahmed Ahmed Al-Ahmed. "In the 1980s we had four foreign visitors. In the 1990s we had six, and since 2000 we had had seven."

But he said bookings had now slowed from one per year to "just a trickle".

[lpokijuhyt]

Contract Dog: THAT POST IS HILARIOUS !!!


AWESOME.:ok::ok::ok::ok::ok:

[Deanw]

Arrr, if ye rrreally want t' sprrread yerrr win's and apply ferrr pirrratin' jobs in forrreign countrrries, then ye ne'd t' be able t' be flappin' on like one o' th' locals, and a bottle of rum!

Speakie like a locally-borrrn Pirrrate, usin' this easy t' use trrranslaterrr:
capstrat.com: Talk Like a Pirate Day translater (http://www.capstrat.com/go/pirate/)

Argh!

[pipl]

Guys, serrriously, and a bottle of rum!, and a bottle of rum!, and a bottle of rum!, and a bottle of rum!, and a bottle of rum!, and a bottle of rum!arrre therrre any companies out therrre employin' 'aviatorrrs' in th' anti-pirrracy rrrole?

cheerrrs!