Traditional Squadron Songs

[Snapshot]

Thought a thread on traditional Squadron songs would be in order!
I ALWAYS get a humungous smile when I recall such inter-Air Force/Sqn songs and banter around the bazaars. Usually accompanied with copious amounts of beer, smoke and the odd piano in flames etc.
Some of you know I am producing a Buccaneer Tribute CD so, whether its Banana related or not, thought it would be cool to add the 'best' ones to the CD just for the sake of it.
Here follows the one that started me off.

Trust you dont mind Flatus?

'Taken from a recent post from Flatus Veteranus'

On 208 at Abu Sueir we adopted (out of bolshiness and perhaps prescience) as our marching song the following litle ditty :-

"Gegen England"

"The flag flies high at the masthead,
We'll fight for the honour of the Reich!
No longer do we tremble
At England's military might!
So give to me your hand, fraulein,
Your lilly white hand, fraulein,
For today we march against England, Against England! Against England, England's Island shores!(x 3)"

And if I fall in battle, and sink to the bottom of the sea (big splash!)
Remember this mein fraulein, my blood was shed for thee (sob, sob!)

So give to me your hand, fraulein...etc etc"

Arriving in the anteroom at the head of a column of 208 mates singing this, already half-pi$$ed, and late for the dining-in night, and giving the nazi salute to the President (a HQ MEAF Wg cdr) went down like a lead balloon. Another "axminster shuffle" (nice one BEagle!) by me next morning. Happy days!

Cheers Flatus, read my comments on the RAF/Luftwaffe thread.

So, who's next?

I recall being in the 'Sandymount' near Valley with 'Hagar' a few years ago, as the bar kept us upright, well almost. I was introduced to the subtle tune of

"Rolling down the runway,
throttles open wide,
see the mighty Phantom,
sway from side to side...

What was the rest?
Snapshot.

[Wholigan]

Snapshot,

I wrote a song to the tune of "The Flag" when I was on 17 at Bruggen. I've carefully refained from giving anyone all the words over the years, but I thought "soddit, why not". So here they are; incidentally, I am a QWI, so I'm allowed to write songs like this! :) :)

The QWI Song.

Oh the JPs banter the QWIs, they fight for the right to keep their score.
But the QWIs say to the JPs, the range is 1900 not 4,
So give to me your film JP, your over-exposed film JP,
'Cos I'm going to scrub your strafe score,
And your bombs for being low, being low, being low
'COS I'M GOD!

Jump into the front of the T-Bird, and I'll show you how I earn my pay.
Don't do it the way I show you, just do it the way I say.
Look at the way you push and pull JP, you'll never get a bull JP,
Well all right that must have been a lucky one,
Just don't do it that way again, way again, way again
'COS I'M GOD!

Now watch while I get my speed right, and my height is more or less OK.
And I pickle on the target, now that's the QWI way.
What do you mean off plot RSO, that must be a load of rot RSO,
For I'm showing the JP how to do it,
Therefore that plot must be wrong, must be wrong, must be wrong
'COS I'M GOD!

And now we're back in the ciné room, and that's where I come to the fore.
I can bollock you for your parameters, but I can't tell you your score,
But listen to me you should JP, 'cos I am fuc*ing good JP,
Even though my own scores are abysmal,
I can bull-sh*t my way through, my way through, my way through
'COS I'M GOD!!




[This message has been edited by Wholigan (edited 13 June 2001).]

[Flatus Veteranus]

Shaibah Blues
(Origin between the wars, MEAF. Somersetshire was a troop ship)


We're leaving Khartoum by the light of the moon,
We're sailing by night and by day!
As we pass Kasfreet, we've f**k-all to eat
'cos we've thrown all our rations away!
Shire, Shire, Somersetshire!
The skipper looks on her with pride.
he'd have a blue fit if he saw any sh*t
on the side of the Somersetshire!
This is my story, this is my song,
I've been in this air force to f**king long!
So roll on the Nelson, the Rodney, Renown,
you can't sink the Hood 'cos the b*stard's gone down!
I've got those Shaibah Blues, Shaibah Blues,
I'm fed up, and I'm f**ked up, and I'm Blue!
Jesus wants me for a sunbeam, and a f**king fine sunbeam am I!

Its a long time since I sang this, so please correct me, anyone.



------------------
presto digitate

[Wholigan]

Middle East .........

Shack stood on the runway, giving all he'd got,
Four were turning, two were burning, sounds an awful lot,
They might just get it airborne, and then again might not,
But we're in the Air Force for glory.

CHORUS
We're 8, we're 8 and basic are our needs,
We're 8, we're 8 and awesome are our deeds,
Everywhere we make a hit, for go**ies we don't give a sh*t,
We're in the Air Force for glory.

Several other verses and definitely NOT PC!

[Wholigan]

More Middle-East non-PC !!!

To the tune of "My Old Man Said Follow The Van".

When there's a war, then we'll be sent for,
To chase the go**y hordes back to their homes.
208 defends all your wives and mothers,
The people who know never send for the others,
'Cos they dilly, they dally, dally and they dilly,
Lose their way 'cos they are all 3rd rate,
No you can't trust 8 Squadron like the real fighter pilots,
That we've got on 208.

[A D Mate]

Rolling down the runway
throttles open wide
See the mighty Phantom
sway from side to side
Airborne again without a blip
Its just one more aborted trip
but we're pressing on regardless
For the wg cdrs AFC

Went to early briefing
Climbed into the kite
Opened up the throttles
And roared into the night
Leaving the flare path far behind
Its dark outside but we dont mind
Cos we're pressing on regardless
For the wg cdr's AFC

now the war is over
we've reached the promise land
the Wg cdr meets us and shakes us by the hand
well done chaps
I thank you men
I've just received by BEM
but we're pressing on regardless
for the wg cdr's AFC (and bar)

rolling down the runway
throttle open wide
see the mighty Falcon
sway from side to side
airborne again with just 9 G
I wish I had a nav with me (!)
But we're pressing on regardless
For the wg dr's AFC

rolling down the runway
throttles open wide
see the mighty Jaguar
sway from side to side
Airborne again, but only just
Its not much fun
With F*** all thrust
But.... etc

Have the words for several other charming ditties but most aren't too pc in this multi-sexuality world, you might know this one though:

When you're a pilot (to the tune of when I'm 64)

when youre a pilot on treble 1
you're on QRA
Dumping all your missiles
in the forth of tay
you don't need them
throw them away
you sit on your bar stool drinking your milk
we think you're a bunch of bums
Nobody needs you, nobody heeds you
F*** off treble 1 x2

When you're a pilot on treble 1
You are on display
Flying your formation in St Andrews Cross
Who authorised that - best ask the boss
Coming round finals, number 2 makes a twitch
Then your wing tips gone
Theres a big load of spray and you end in the bay so
F*** off treble 1 x2

When you're a pilot on 74
you fly in straight lines
Dresing up in all your fancy yankee kit
we don't need you, you give us the s**ts
you sit on your bar stool drinking your milk
then fall on the floor
Nobody needs you, nobody heeds you
F*** off 74 x2

[This message has been edited by A D Mate (edited 13 June 2001).]

[Tigs]

Another to the tune of "The Flag" not PC but what the hell, but should bring back memories of the mighty bannanas last great stand.

Oh Basra burns brightly on the Tigris, we bombed the Iraqui Ba@*+rds day and night
No longer will we tremble gainst Saddams military might!
Your ships we've sank Saddam
Youre airforce is W**k Saddam
For tonights the mother of all battles - Saddam, Saddam he's insane,he's insane, he's insane - Inshallah.

And if I die in Battle and crash in a fireball in the sand
Remember this my darling - the Harriers didn't lend a hand!
So where were you, you Harrier mates?
You couldn't miss the airshow dates,
So we left you festering at Gutersloh, Propping , Propping up the bar, up the bar, up the bar -up yours

[Snapshot]

Just got back after a night away, AWESOME, had to have a break half way through as I savoured the atmosphere of each song!
Keep em coming, this is going to be an awesome thread. If anyone is worried about one being too P Correct, e-mail it to directly, I still might put it onto the CD, might even have a Squadron song area of my website?
Lets not forget tradition, a MASSIVE part of our past, present (only just) and with luck, future. Keep em coming.
[email protected]
Snapshot.

[This message has been edited by Snapshot (edited 14 June 2001).]

[STANDTO]

Now then snapshot.

The old girl who lives next door to me is the widow of an old nightfighter pilot on 255 SQN. She lent me the squadron history a while back and I was surprised to find in it a little ditty along the lines of........

"......Your discipline's pathetic,
Your b£$lsh&&t is a farce
You can shove your fighting 255
Right up your F&*cking ar$e"

I nearly spilt my Pimms

[Q Banate]

A well-known one:
"I don't want to join the Air Force
I don't want to go to war
I'd rather hang around
Picadilly underground
Living off the earnings of a high class lady
I don't want a bayonet up my arsehole
I don't want my b0ll0cks shot away (SHOT AWAY)
I'd rather stay in England
In merry, merry England
And fornicate my f******g life away (COR BLIMEY)
On Monday I touched her on the ankle
On Tuesday I touched her on the knee
On Wednesday I confess - I lifted up her dress
On Thursday I saw it (COR BLIMEY)
On Friday I placed my hand upon it
On Saturday She gave my balls a tweak (BALLS A TWEAK)
On Sunday after supper
I rammed the f****r up her
And now I'm paying seven & six a week (COR BLIMEY)

and so it continues

QB

[Snapshot]

STANDTO,
EXCELLENT MATE, excellent, raise your glass to the old boy when next in the pub!
Please drop me an e-mail, have a few things to send that you might like.
Snapshot.

[Confucius]

Not traditional, but apposite for all us Herc Mates (especially the guild of Navigators after a night in Akronelli):


"Show me the way to go home,
I'm tired and I want to go to bed.
Oh, I had a little drink about an hour ago,
and it's gone right to my head.
Wherever I may roam, on land or sea or foam.
You will always hear me singing this song,
Show me the way to go home."

http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/puke.gif

------------------
http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/Gif/SPericani2.gif


[This message has been edited by Confucius (edited 15 June 2001).]

[Snapshot]

I suppose it had to be posted, ITS ABOUT TIME IT WAS!
How many of you would actually admit to singing this then?
Altogether now, to the tune of 'Que sera, sera'.

http://members.tripod.co.uk/AvCollect/pprune/songbook.jpg

Way back in 1954 was a designer with an idea,
he built a bomber stronger than $hit
and called it the Buc-ca-neer

(Chorus)
Buccaneer caneer, a classic of yesteryear
the future is crystal clear,
Buccaneer, caneer

Way back in 1964 I asked the CO "whats in a name?"
Should I fly Phantoms, should I **** 'Cats'?
He said "its all the same".

(Chorus)
Buccaneer caneer, a classic of yesteryear
the future is crystal clear,
Buccaneer, caneer

Way back in 1974 we brought the Jaguar shiny and neat
Goes supersonic, carries F##k all,
now it is ob-so-lete

(Chorus)
Buccaneer caneer, a classic of yesteryear
the future is crystal clear,
Buccaneer, caneer

Now it is 1984 we have Tornado, isnt it ace,
Bombs in a bucket, night TFR,
25 miles from base.

(Chorus)
Buccaneer caneer, a classic of yesteryear
the future is crystal clear,
Buccaneer, caneer


I KNOW ALL in the photograph do not mind me posting this, PLEASE no reference to names, I am sure many of you know the guilty :). If anyone has a snag with this, I shall remove it but all shall be FULLY revealed on the Banana CD (apologies, but this is NOT an advert)

BETTER TIMES! Or One HELL of a night!
http://members.tripod.co.uk/AvCollect/pprune/piano04_web.jpg


GIVE ME BUCCANEERS
Dont give me the Jaguar,
unless you refer to the car,
the car is a ground hog - the aircraft is half frog
dont give me the Jaguar.

(Chorus)
Give me Buccaneers,
theyre British through and through,
The Banana Jet,
The Best we've had yet,
We are the last of the few.

Dont give me the Harrier jump jet,
You haven't convinced me yet,
Jets that fly backwards, is soon to be knackered,
Dont give me the Harrier jump jet.

(Chorus)
Give me Buccaneers,
theyre British through and through,
The Banana Jet,
The Best we've had yet,
We are the last of the few.

Dont give me this computer crap,
Its no way to tackle a SAP,
Its OK for Dicks, Germans and Spicks,
But a Gentleman carries a map (for Rick 'P').

(Chorus)
Give me Buccaneers,
theyre British through and through,
The Banana Jet,
The Best we've had yet,
We are the last of the few.

Dont give me Air Traffic Control,
They live in a bloddy great hole,
They scream and they shout, then F##k you about,
Dont give me Air Traffic Control.

(Chorus)
Give me Buccaneers,
theyre British through and through,
The Banana Jet,
The Best we've had yet,
We are the last of the few.

Dont give me the F-104,
Its only a ground loving whore,
It goes in a turn, flick spin and burn,
Dont give me the F-104,

(Chorus x2)
Give me Buccaneers,
theyre British through and through,
The Banana Jet,
The Best we've had yet,
WE ARE THE LAST OF THE FEW.

Snapshot
www.AvCollect.com (http://www.AvCollect.com)
www.BlackburnBuccaneer.co.uk (http://www.BlackburnBuccaneer.co.uk)

[John Eacott]

Plenty of songs available from the FAAOA, they have a book available "The Fleet Air Arm Song Book" at http://www.fleetairarmoa.org/FAAOA.html

[gravity victim]

A contribution from my father-in-law (ex FAA TAG):

Fairey! Fairey! give me your answer do.
What is wrong with mu Barracuda 11?
Dive bombing has strained my structure,
I've got a stressed-skin rupture,
And rivets pop
Along the top
and one of them might hit you.

Fairey! Fairey! What are we going to do?
Nine Wing's grounded - looks pretty bad for you.
When my Barra falls as under
I'll be a wingless wonder
I'll jump out quick
And bring my stick
And stuff it right up you.

(he has others, if anyone is interested..)

[gravity victim]

Here's one courtesy of my father-in-law,an ex-FAA TAG.

Fairey! Fairey! vgive me your answer do,
What is wrong with my Barracuda 11?
Dive bombing has strained my structure,
I've got a stressed-skin rupture,
And rivets po
along the top
And one of them might hit you.

Fairey! Fairey! What are we going to do?
Nine Wing's grounded - looks pretty bad for you
When my Barra falls as under
I'll be a wingless wonder
I'll jump out quick
And bring my stick
And stuff it straight up you.

[Chris Kebab]

A D Mate - great posting earlier!

I wonder how many people remember that ill fated day when poor old MM on 111 did indeed (have to) drop his tanks and missiles in the Firth of Tay! Seems only yesterday. Did 43 laugh - you bet your sweet ar$e they did!

[UnderPowered]

Ask Leeming about the one that starts:

'Don't bend down when the F-3's around.....'

Ah, sweet revenge....!

------------------
Land with 3 greens

[oldpinger]

Anyone know all (or a lot of) the verses of "Rotareee"?
I can last remember singing as a sqn en masse to a lot a of very confused USN P3 pilots at their happy hour.
Unfortunately I only know the first verse, as follows,
can anyone help with the rest?

When I was young I asked my CO,
What should I do?
Should I fixed wing,
should I W#$k cats.....
It's all the same to me,

Rotaree, taree, the Seaikings the bird for me, she flies so gracefully, rotaree, taree etc

[Pub User]

oldpinger - more verses

The truckie pilots are so flash
designer labels, they have all got.
But ask the ladies, what they prefer
and a Big Chopper beats the lot.

Rotary, tary etc

Fast-jets jockies are so cool
they sound so punchy, on the RT.
But when they bang-out, fifty miles out
they call for rotary.

Rotary, tary etc

[Blacksheep]

Finally gone but never forgotten, the graceful queen of the skies... Not!

Shackletons don’t bother me!
Shackletons don’t bother me!
Clapped out abortions with flaps on their Wings,
Damn their propellors and their piston rings,
For we’re saying goodbye to them all, (a much too premature hope!)
Three fifths of five eighths of f*ck all,
You’ll get no promotion flying over the ocean,
So cheer up my lads f*ck em all

Now they say that the Shack is a mighty fine kite,
This we no longer doubt,
When you’re in the air with a Mig on your tail,
This is the way to get out,
Da, da, da, da, daaar (Sung while holding the arms outstretched as wings and jinking furiously. As if.)
Just keep cool just keep calm keep sedate, mate
Don’t let your British blood boil! (Sung with a very exaggerated posh accent)
Don’t hesitate shove ‘em straight through the gate,
And smother the b*stards in oil!

Apologies for mistakes and omissions. Brain damaged by too much beer and vibration induced orgasms...

*************************************
Per ardua ad astradome


[This message has been edited by Blacksheep (edited 19 June 2001).]

[Blacksheep]

Then there's the old FEAF anthem...

If you go down to old Penang,
looking for a Chinese bang,
Rickshaw wallah,
he will holler,
"Jigga-jig-jig for Malayan dollar."

With a rum and cocaah-cola.
Up your fat are-so-lah.
Mother and daughter,
rooting for Malayan dollar.

Early next morning you go sick,
show the M.O. your festering prick.
He says "Son.
You've got Ghon.
Fifteen needles up your bum"

With a rum etc.

All you moonies better take note,
its a f*cking long time before your boat.
If you wanna stay pure and sweet,
stay away from Bugis street.

With a rum etc.

Usually followed by the brothel song.

But THAT belongs on Jet Blast...

**********************************
THrough difficulties to the cinema

[Arm out the window]

Taking a side trip to the southern hemisphere, this is one which has been used to good effect by a number of RW squadrons, basically asserting that if you can't hover, then you're a poof.
Aussie and Kiwi rotorheads who served with the MFO Sinai will be familiar with it, from many a drunken SWAS (Sinai Wine Appreciation Society):

(to the tune of The Road to Gundagai)
Chorus "If you don't wok for fun, you take it up the bum, we are the boys from (insert squadron name here)"

Then there's the trashies, they are rather camp, but we know where they take it, they take it up the ramp!

Chorus

Then there's the triple ones, with their moving wing, but we know where they take it cos' they don't complete the swing!

Chorus

Then there's the Army, they are a bunch of boys, they all fly around in teeny weeny toys...

Chorus

There are heaps more, but I forget 'em.

[John Eacott]

Old Pinger,

IIRC, Rotaree was penned by Andy Lovesy and Ken Lamprey, back on 826 during Eagle's last cruise. Other noted songsmiths from 826 were Messrs Thorpe & Fish, but since they were GL they tried to keep it quiet. I've got all the old squadron song sheets from 824 (Ark) and 814 (Hermes when she was a very unhappy ship), lots of oldies.

Must dig out the tin trunk, heaps more song sheets there. I've even got a copy of the ditty sung by the Fisheads on the final dinner aboard Eagle, accompanied by the RM Band, singing the praises of us wafoos! :rolleyes:

[Batwing]

One of my favourites (songs that is)

Don't bend down when a Jag mate's around,
he might put his willy up yer bum,
he'll keep going he won't stop slowing,
till his knob end is red and glowing,
he'll tease you and squeeze you,
do anything to please you,
try and find an orifice that fits,
for Tornados aren't fighters,
we're not queer blighters,
and Jag mates are bum bandits da da da da da,
Jag mates are bum bandits da da da.

They fly so high, they fly so low,
they fly so low they often hit the ground,
they drop bombs and take nice piccys,
feel men's bottoms and su*k their willys,
They'll tease you and squeeze you,
do anything to please you, try and find an orifice that fits,
for Tornados aren't fighters,
we're not queer blighters,
and Jag mates are bum bandits da da da da da
Jag mates are bum bandits da da da.

The Jag soldiers on,
but it soon will be gone,
the Eurofighter's just around the bend,
it's really good and better than a Flanker,
but it still will be flown by a W*nker,
who'll tease you and squeeze you,
do anything to please you,
try and find an orifice that fits,
for Tornados aren't fighters,
we're not queer blighters,
and jag mates are bum bandits da da da da da,
Jag mates are bum bamdits da da da da.


No offence intended!

[Blue Stuff]

I fear that 'Chicago' and 'Tampax Factory' are also candidates for Jet Blast. What a shame. ;)

[EESDL]

Well, I think certain PPruners out there will agree that the songs listed so far are OK....but you can't beat the real thing

Some FOLA IN CONFIDENCE songs...

Aerospaciale:

The PUMA aircraft, give it a chance...
A plastic Wessex, it comes from France.
Aerospaciale, the say it works....
But we know better, it's fown by jerks!


The Army Song:

There's an Army aircraft airbourne
to the south of Crossmaglen.
It's a funny looking aircaft
flown by funny looking men.
And its wings are put on sideways
but they don't go round at all.
Spends its whole time taking pictures
flying just above the stall

It's been fired upon by gunmen
as it bimbles around the sky.
This is really not surprizing
since Pongoes weren't designed to fly.
Still, we need a better aircraft
and it's plain to me and you
that it's better done by Wessex
and the boys of 72.


F**KING GREAT WRACs

There's nothing as nice as going round twice
when you're trying to get in down at Bessbrook.
And it's twice as rough with the wind up your chuff
when you're trying to get in down at Bessbrook.

There're big loads and small loads and sorts of pax.
Booties and pongoes and f**king great WRACs.
And sometimes on Sundays there's bodies in sacks
When you're messing about down at Bessbrook.

The places we go would give you a fright
'cos with choppers like ours it's often quite tight.
and the worst thing of all is a tight one at night
when you're messing about down at Bessbrook.
And it's twice as rough with the wind up your chuff
when you're messing about down at Bessbrook.

[Chris Kebab]

Epic stuff - this thread has just got to be preserved in some shape or form.

[Snapshot]

Chris Kebab
As I said when I started the thread, if people add the tune that the song is sung to, I shall put them onto my Buccaneer Tribute CD.
DEFINATELY worth the effort.
Regards
Snapshot.

[Otis Spunkmeyer]

I've never sung it sober, let alone typed it out, here goes...

One night in Gay Paris
I paid five francs to see
A tattooed French Lady
Tattooed from head to knee
And on her jaw, was a British Man of War
And on her back was a Union Jack
So I paid five francs more

And up and down her spine
Was the (insert sqn, regt etc) in line
And on her lilly white bum bum bum
Was a picture of the rising sun sun sun
And on her fanny
Was Al Jolson singing Mammy (with actions)
How I loves her
How I loves her
How I loves my Mother in Law

I love my Mother in Law
She’s nothing but a f**king great whore
She nags me day ang night night night
I can’t get f**k all right right right

She’s coming round tommorrow
I hope she stays away
Isn’t it a pity she’s only one titty
And she’s in the family way

Last night I greased the stairs
Put tacks on all the chairs
I hope she breaks her back back back
‘Cos I do like wearing black black black

She’s fine, she’s dandy
And she makes my dog feel randy
How I loves her
How I loves her
How I loves my Mother in Law


I know the tune, but don't know if it's borrowed or not, sorry Snapshot

[Snapshot]

Otis,
Awesome mate, would adore to sing that lot whilst drunk ha, ha, ha!
Snaps.
Keep em coming but remember the tunes, takes away the fun.

[This message has been edited by Snapshot (edited 20 June 2001).]

[Ms O G Nist]

Suggestion for 666 SQN AAC

Hex, Hex, Hex
We must have sex
With who or with what
Do we care or not?
....

Please someone help to finish the line

[oldpinger]

John Eacott

Any chance of emailing some more of the verses of Rotaree? or posting them on this thread?

There is in existance a fleet arm songbook, I used to have a copy- put out by FAA museum a while ago, full of EXTREMELY :) non PC songs- exactly what's required! no mention of the Tampax factory however....Best version I saw lasted for over half an hour with lots of 'interesting' verses.

[John Eacott]

One especially for Snapshot, to the tune of "The Gasman Cometh". Penned by 801 NAS on Eagle, about 1970, when the crabs still considered the Buccaneer not suited to their tasking :)

'Twas on a Monday morning, the first launch was at eight
Six Vixens were to be launched, but five of them were late,
There was panic up in Flyco, they didn't know what to do,
So they launched the five spare Buccaneers to do what Vixens do.

Chorus: Oh it all makes work for the Buccaneer to doo-oo-oo-oo-oooo

'Twas on a Tuesday morning, a Gannet on low-see,
Sent to find a Krupny, which was far out at sea,
When suddenly his APS-20 went for a ball of chalk,
So they called on the Buccaneers to do the Gannet's work.

'Twas on a Wednesday morning, the choppers should have dunked,
But they got their balls in a twist and the sorties would have flunked,
When someone shouted "801 - they've never known defeat"
So they called upon a Buccaneer with it's underwater seat.

'Twas on a Thursday morning, there was some mail ashore,
The COD was in Fly One, U/S would fly no more,
The engineers were working hard, 'twas all to no avail,
So they called upon the Buccaneers to go and fetch the mail.

'Twas on a Friday morning the tankers could not fly,
The Army wanted air support but nobody knew why,
We launched the "on call" Buccaneer - that ever useful plane,
And flew ashore and blew the **** to hell and back again.

Now Saturday and Sunday are our days of rest,
The Vixens and the Gannets on the flight deck doing tests,
The Buccaneers are down below all handsome and sedate,
Awaiting Monday morning when the first launch is at eight

[John Eacott]

OP,

I'll try to dig out the Rotaree, but here are a couple from 826/824 (one was mine, but I'll let you choose ;) )

SOBS dreams of Shakespeare

Once more into the dip, 54, once more
Or forever roam our sector counting green grenades;
For nothing more becomes a crew than TIGHTLIP (Cept the stovies)
But when a racket is within a hundred miles
Then out with the plotting boards, engage transition up,
And dangle our balls forty miles ahead,
Crying God, for SOBS, Ark and 824.

To the tune of Lumber Jack:

Group A:
I'm a Sea King chap and I'm OK
I fly all night
And I sleep all day

Group B:
He's a Sea King chap and he's OK
He flies all night
And he sleeps all day

A:
I go to brief
I get dressed up
With mae west and a boat
And if I ditch my Sea King
I hope like hell I float

B:
ETC,

I stay aloft
I fly around
For four long hours or more
And when its time to Charlie
My arse is bleeding sore

I get undressed
I bathe and scrub
And then I go to the mess
I drink my nine tots daily
And seldom have much less

I eat my food
I drink my ale
I've put on several pounds
But if the doctor weighed me
He'd keep me on the ground

I hate grey ships
I hate fixed wing
I hate the whole damned scene
I'm only really happy
When I fly my big machine.

[This message has been edited by John Eacott (edited 21 June 2001).]

[John Eacott]

Back in the CV days, 824 suffered something shocking trying to get a spot back on Ark's deck after the stovie's had finished playing. Wasn't unknown to sit in the wait for a half hour, then watch the carrier turn 90 deg out of wind before remembering the Sea King sitting in the Starboard wait, out of sight, out of mind.

Channel One Blues (tune: Grand Cooley Dam)

X-ray Sierra Flyco this is Sea King Oh - five - two
I've sat here in the starboard wait at least an hour or two
I'm getting low on fuel, Oh Flyco won't you speak
I'd rather land upon fly three than sit here all dam week

Five-two this is Flyco we're in an awful mess
The Buccaneers are boltin and a Phantom's in the nets
A Gannet's stuck half up the lift its getting out of hand
You'll have to stick around some more there ain't no room to land

X-Ray Sierra Flyco this is Sea King Oh-Five-Two
I've got a massive oil leak, hydraulic failure too
The engines have stopped turning and the water's getting near
Flyco won't you tell me, when will the deck be clear?

52 this is Flyco, now don't break out in tears
There just isn't evidence to justify your fears
Just keep that chopper flying, don't let it come to grief
You're not allowed to ditch the thing, it isn't in your brief

X-Ray Sierra Flyco your last was just too late
We're sitting in the water now, still in the starboard wait,
It's true a chopper flier's life is not a happy one
But we will still be flying when the last fixed wing is gone.

[John Eacott]

Last one before I get on with work http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/frown.gif

The Vixen squadrons penned a new verse for every aviator who got the chop flying a Vixen, or who was an ex Vixen crew. This was their memorial, tune: We're Moving On.

Hear the patter of tiny feet,
It's 899 in full retreat.

Chorus:
We're moving on, we'll soon be gone,
For we get more chops than the choppers and the props,
We're moving on.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
If the devil don't get you then the Vixen must.

Chorus

High on the meatball, throttled right back,
That was the end of Andy and Mac.

Chorus

Overshot from an ACR7,
Turned downwind on the road to Heaven.

Chorus

If you don't do your checks, then you're a sap,
Down the cat, panels in your lap.

Chorus

Nightgloworm - they're out of reach,
Last recovery on Chesil Beach.

Chorus

I pull it tight, I've got dash,
I'm an Admiral's son so I can't crash.

Chorus

Night cat launches make me frown,
Selman's OK but poor old Brown.

Chorus

Cress and Jim tried to glo,
Now they're gone and cold as snow.

Chorus

Ronald and Rog, made a bog,
Turned for home and hit the Og.

Chorus

Try on the clothes of your late best pal,
If the cap fits - then wear it AL.

Chorus

Chivenor circuit - horsing it round,
Pulled too hard and they hit the ground.

Chorus

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose,
Standby live, it's a VT fuse.

Chorus

Now Vixen seats they aint the best,
But they sure put medals on the pilot's chest.

Chorus

On a 1V1 he tried to track,
But a mountain came between the bogie and Jack.

Chorus

Poor little Crab - thought the Navy was cissy,
Went to the Arrows, speared in at Rissy.

Chorus

You ain't exempt if you've got three rings,
You don't fly a Prince if it ain't got wings.

Chorus

First cat launch on a Friday morn,
Over rotated and Bruce was gone.

Chorus

There was Alec and Pip in the goldfish bowl,
Looked out the window, God rest their souls.

Chorus

Captain and Padre at the door,
"Oh" says the wife "What a goddamn bore".

Chorus

Dust to dust, ashes to ashes,
We all get pissed and another one crashes.


A Vixen's Made For Pitch Up
(Tune: These boots are made for walking)

You keep saying that you're pretty steely,
That there's nothing flying that you can't hack
But one day you'll overstep the line child,
And that's when a Vixen's gonna bite right back.

Chorus:

'Cos a Vixen's made for pitch up,
And that's just what it'll do,
And one of these days a Vixen's
Gonna Pitch right up on you.

Pull it really hard and tight on finals,
Hear the Looker babbling with fright,
Speed 120, ADD's a burbling,
But still you manfully call out "on sight".

Chorus.

Well you tell me how much you love flying,
But the way you're flying now fills me with gloom,
And when in the wreckage they find you a-dyin'
They're gonna write these words upon your tomb:

Chorus

[This message has been edited by John Eacott (edited 25 June 2001).]

[Snapshot]

John Eacott,
Excellent John, its about time these 'jewels of our history' were brought to the surface.
Snaps.

[Thud_and_Blunder]

John E,

How you find time to locate and submit all this lot while running your Essendon operation beats me - long may you continue. Many thanks for a very entertaining hour when I was in Oz earlier this month; I was enjoying the visit so much I clean forgot to ask some of the questions I had stored up.

I'm surprised there's been so little mention of the SH Songbook, which used to be available many moons ago from PSI shops various. OK, some of it was deriviative but there was a fair amount that was original. I was a JP while O'B, Pablo and the other members of the Gang of 4 (there were about 7 of them at the last count..) spent their time on standby putting these together. At least, that's why they told me I had to do their slots 'cos they were so busy, and I believed them. Apparently, there's no such word as gullible in the dictionary either - must go and check...

[John Eacott]

Thud,

Thanks for the visit, nice to have seen you!

Here's another oldie,

Six Night Traps
(Tune: Sixteen Tons)

Chorus:

You do six night traps and what do you get
Fully night qualified and covered in sweat,
Now Wingsy don’t you bug me, ‘cos Little F’s enough,
If you want to fly in Ark Royal, you’ve gotta be tough,

I was born one night on the end of zero nine,
The taxi lights weren’t working and the Meatball didn’t shine
My Daddy was a Venom pilot, so I heard tell,
My Mummy was a Wren who the aircrew called Nell

Chorus

One night we threw the LSO over the side,
A lot of men had heeded him, a lot of men had died,
Wreckage on the flight deck, metal, oil and foam
And back on the round down, there was flesh and blood and bone

Chorus

Sometimes a man gets weary with the Staff all around
Always criticising with their feet upon the ground
SAVO and FOCAS - makes a boy cry
Just ancient bums who have forgotten how to fly

Chorus

[Harry Peacock]

Another verse to Rotaree

Now ten years on
I ask my CO if things have changed
'If you fly fixed wing' Here's what he said
'You will end up deranged'

Rotaree ........

There must also be pages of the old A25 song I've got several along with many song sheets from the FAA in the '80's

Having been F2 I do like:

(To the tune of 'Oh what a beautiful morning')

There's a wall of death starting in Flyco
There's a Sea King wont fold on spot four
A harrier on finals that can't overshoot
And Little F's turned up as pissed as a newt....as a newt

Wingsy is going to go ape sh&%
The captain will not be amused
Ive got a sneaking suspicion
The flight deck should not have been used

Short but to the point. Origin I think 820 on Invinc '82ish

Another Flyco one:

(Tune 'Hello Dolly')

Well hello Flyco
Well hello Flyco
Its a tail of woe I have to tell to you

I took this load Flyco
and you know Flyco
It was swinging, it was spinning
It just would not fly true

I heard my crew praying
Felt the cab swaying
It was then I said fu#$ it It's got to go
SO
Give me an empty spot Flyco
I've ditched the lot Flyco
Wingsy wont you let me please come home.

Lots more somewhere in the bottom draw!!


[This message has been edited by Harry Peacock (edited 22 June 2001).]

[Blue Stuff]

A small gem from my dim and (not so distant) past:

This is the story of Tommy
Who flew off to a far foreign land
To fight for his Queen and his Country
On the back of a winged rubber band.

He flew over the enemy lines.
For his troubles he got shot down;
He ejected out of his 'plane
As he landed he fractured his crown.

As he lay on the battlefield dying
There was blood gushing out of his head
As he lay on the battlefield DYING, DYING, DYING
These are the last words he said:

[to be shouted as loudly as possible to drown-out opposing UAS]

OH I'M IN THE YORKSHIRE UAS
WE LIKE TO SCREAM AND SHOUT
WE'VE GOT A REPUTATION THAT YOU'VE
PROB'LY HEARD ABOUT

WE'LL WIN AT HOME, WE'LL WIN AWAY
WE'LL WIN IN SCOTLAND TOO - THAT'S TRUE!
AND IF YOU COME TO YORKSHIRE ...
... WE'LL PI$$ ALL OVER YOU!

ALTOGETHER NOW:

We hate ADStAUAS,
We hate UGSAS too, THEY'RE SH*T!
We hate ELUAS
But Yorkshire, we love you ... TWO, THREE, FOUR

WE WILL WIN, WE WILL FIGHT!
WE'LL SUPPORT THE ROSES WHITE!
Na-na-na-na,na-na-na, na-na-na
HOY!


A pleasant little ditty; had to say it before Raytofclimb did! http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/tongue.gif

Blue.

[EESDL]

FOLA IN CONFIDENCE

The ZE210 Song
(To be sung by advocates of F-3 NVG formation over the North Sea, to the tune of "That Loving Feeling", a song made famous be a certain Spam movie depicting young aviators and hormones)

1.
You never formate anymore, like it used to be.
And there's no 210 left, anymore, on 43.
You're trying hard not to hit them, M*llsy,
But M*llsy, M*llsy you crashed it.

You've lost that flying feeling, the C-in-C is seething,
You've lost that flying feeling now it's gone. gone, gone.

2.
And there's no welcome look in your eyes
When I follow you through.
And you're starting to cticise everything I do.
I know you thought you were dying, M*llsy,
But M*llsy, something you never thought of:
You lost that formation feeling and your turbine speeding,
You lost that airbourne feeling but not for long, long,long.

3.
Mayday, Mayday, call out the Search and Rescue.
If you would only auth me like you used to do.
We had a crash, a crash, a crash but I flewaway.
So don't, don't, don't, don't dock my flying pay.
D.A, D.A, D.A, D.A, I need your auth,
I can see the stars, I can the stars,
I'm coming home, I'm coming on home...

Bring back that flying feeling, the C-inC is seething,
Bring back that flying feeling, 'cos it's gone, gone, gone
and I can't go wrong

(M*llsy is now Boss of METS)

[John Eacott]

Sometime around the early 70's it was decided by the predecessors of the current PC ratbags that it was no longer the Done Thing to allow highly trained and motivated aviators to get p1ss’d in the Wardroom. Overnight, long traditions crumbled, since the loser at Twitch could no more shout wine for dinner for the other 25 players, nor could the junior sub be relied upon to stand his round for 28 pints (at 3d a pint. Sigh.....) for the rest of the squadron during the evening filum. Mess bills were scrutinised with a firm scrute to ensure that no more than 2 pints or tots had been purchased by any individual, whilst the Senior Rates messes, with self regulation of tots, became a second home for the more gregarious hofficers. Hence:

A Ship With No Booze

(Tune: A pub with no beer)

Well it’s lonesome away from your kindred and all,
On the Flight Deck at night, where the lone Goofers call,
Could death be better?, it’s so hard to choose,
When you serve in a ship where they don’t let you booze.

Yonder stand the C.O., he’s God’s rep on earth,
He’ll give the bar bollocks, show his lads what he’s worth,
Two Pink Gins later he’s dragged screaming away,
“Will-yarm”, says the Commander, “that’s enough for today”.

Now Gerry the SOBS, he can just sit and glower,
Tries to make his H.N. last for an hour,
He’d hoover them down, but he’s on a go slow,
Two paces behind him stands the P.M.O.

The A.W.I. walks in with a dry dusty throat,
Walks up to the bar for a twin rum and coke,
When the barman won’t serve him he turns the air blue,
“Sir we only serve fisheads - we don’t serve aircrew”

Chris Bolton’s a crabfat, on his first cruise,
After two weeks they removed his booze,
He went to the C.O., his heart felt like lead,
“It’s a limit, not a target”, was what the Boss siad.

Here stands young Tooty, ‘92's bon viveur,
Man about bars and entrepreneur,
His soul is sickened, he wants out from this boat,
‘Cos the Admiral won’t let him pour ale down his throat.

Farewell to O’Connor, he’s leaving the Ark,
Considerably drier than when he embarked,
There’s one consolation in this teetotalling hell,
It’s excellent practice if you’re going G.L.

The Quiffy crawls in, his goon suit all torn,
He’s just had a ramp strike, his nerves are all torn,
“Pray give me a brandy”, a pathetic cry,
But the Staff are so wet, that’s why Ark is so dry.

Extensive studies throughout the Air Arm,
Prove that boozing and flying need not cause alarm,
When flying your Phantom low over the sea,
The ideal blood count should be two forty three.


Well it’s lonesome away from your kindred and all,
On the Flight Deck at night, where the lone Goofers call,
Could death be better?, it’s so hard to choose,
When you serve in a ship where they don’t let you booze.

[John Eacott]

Meatball Wizard

(Tune: Pinball wizard)

When I was a young sprog, the Goofers I’d enthrall,
Hermes, Vic and Centaur, I guess I’ve played them all,
But never did one good D.L., at least that I recall,
That deaf, dumb and blind kid, Sure flies a low Meatball.

Horsing round on finals, see that Meatball sink,
Better stuff some power on, or wind up in the drink,
Amid the cries of the Goofers, hear the lonesome Looker call,
That deaf, dumb and blind kid, Sure flies a low Meatball.

I’ve seen them low, I’ve seen them high,
I’ve seen them hit the ramp,
I’ve seen them screw on overshoot, and get their backsides damp,
I’ve seen the fear leap to their eyes when they hear that ‘Bolter’ call
Those deaf, dumb and blind kids, Sure fly a low Meatball.

Three wheels on my Vixen
(Tune: Three wheels on my wagon)

Three wheels on my Vixen,
And I’m still flying along.
Flyco there is after me,
Sure is mad, that’s too bad,
‘Cos I’m singing my happy song.

Chorus:

Oh Lordy

Two wheels on my Vixen,
But I’m still flying along.
Left my tyre in the wires,
Barriers gone, their last one,
But I’m singing my happy song.

One wheel on my Vixen,
But I’m still flying along,
Right hand seat, not a peep,
Pulled his cord and up he soared,
But I’m singing my happy song.

No wheels on my Vixen,
And I ain’t flying no more,
Hit the deck, what a wreck,
Fire and foam, flesh and blood,
But I’m singing my happy song.

Sea King with a Hump on Top

(Tune: Surrey with a fringe on the top)

Buddy when the Ark Royal goes to sea,
Buddy here’s the way it’s going to be
We will go a dipping in the snow white horses
In the cutest cabs you ever see,
When I take you out in my Sea King,
Turbine driven all electric Sea King,
When I take you out in My Sea King with a hump on top,
It’s painted blue with a little white bird,
The dashboard is genuine leather,
There’s a radar set you can turn right on,
In case there’s a change in the weather
There we’ll be with our balls in the water
Forty feet up just a-doing what we oughta
All is swinging with the sonar pinging
Till the engines STOP
Then our shiny little Sea King will suddenly drop!
But we don't panic, we'll just sit tight
Then we'll lock our harnesses
Pilot's trying to relight one
The Observer is doing his darndest
To pass a Mayday with a position
Ship says "Roger, confirm you are ditchin' "
No 1 kept gettin' hotter and by now we're in the water
With our SARBES on
And that shiny little Sea King is suddenly GONE

(edited with missing verses, JGE)

[This message has been edited by John Eacott (edited 25 June 2001).]

[Snapshot]

John E,
you are a STAR mate! You are clearly having a ball with all this and probably have a grin like a 'C' cat from ear to ear each time you release one of these wonders for us all here to revel in!
Tell me John, how are you getting any work done? Keep on like this and you shall have more posts the BEagle! Are you still happy for me to use those photographs you sent me for the CD?
Regards
Snaps.

[Oggin Aviator]

Baggers version of Rotaree ...

When I was young, I asked my CO where to find fame,
Should I fly fixed wing, should I w*nk cats,
He said It’s all the same

CHORUS

Rotary Taree
The Seaking’s the bird for me,
She flies so gracefully,
Rotary Taree.

Stovies take off, they sound so punchy, on the RT
But when they bang out, 50 miles out,
They call for Rotary.

CHORUS

Stovies are dull, Stovies are halfwits, they are so drab,
And if you join them, even at sea,
Acquire a taste for Crab.

CHORUS

Wingco takes off, he likes to fly, over the brine,
And when he lands, on top of the drink,
He calls for 849

CHORUS

Now 10 years on, I ask my CO, have these things changed?
If you fly fixed wing, here’s what he says
You will end up deranged

CHORUS

That is our song, now we have sung it,there is no more
Once you have heard of rotary wing
How could you ask for more?

CHORUS


------------------

The OA

[Oggin Aviator]

I am not anti FW at all, indeed I have a lot of good mates who fly fast pointy things, however there are some great bantering songs out there ........ :)

A familiar song reworked ..........

I DON’T WANT TO BE A STOVIE


I don’t want to be a stovie,I don’t want to fly a jet
I’d rather fly around, with wings that go around
Two engines on my Westland Seaking
I don’t want to be a Fish Head
I don’t want to go to sea
I’d rather fly my Seaking,my multipurpose Seaking
So stuff fixed wing it’s rotary for me

Monday I flew a four hour sortie
Tuesday I rested in my rack
On Wednesday I got p*ssed, which is why I missed
Shareholders on Thursday morning
Friday I copped an extra duty
Which buggered up my Saturday a treat
But on Sunday after supper
I rammed the f*cker up her
And so begins another Bagger’s week - Cor Blimey

Anyone want the words to the A25 song ?
------------------

The OA

[This message has been edited by Oggin Aviator (edited 22 June 2001).]

[Dunhovrin]

More FOLA Songs Boys...

I can vaguely remember Scotty and JJ singing this but I always got windowed after the 1st verse...

Buzzard Song (To John Peel I thinks)

Oh a mortar bomb blew me out of my bed,
so I ran up to Buzzard and to him I said,
I don't give a t-o-o-oss,
report me to my boss,
there's a stumbly coming down in the morning.

D'ye ken Bessbrook with its mortar fence..
something something something....
(crash)let me in again lads...

OR..

I'm an @rsehole (to My Darling Clementine)

I'm an @rsehole,
I'm an @rsehole,
I'm an @rsehole and it's true,
but I'd rather be an @rsehole than to be on seventy two.*

* ...look at me,
but I'd rather be an @rshole than be on 230.

o* ...hear me sing,
but I'd rather be an @rsehole than go fly fix-ed wing.

Repeat until Scotty hits you.

Hey how about those excellent Gulf War songs 230 made up while they sat around doing f-all else..

[3m Strop Carrier]

Theres the 230 Groundcrew Song from the Gulf

"Dont bend down with 230 around or you'll get a willy up your arse"

[STANDTO]

oi! Snapshot!

Weres me chopper pictchas?

[EESDL]

Dunhovrin, JJ's being taught how to fly again by Vera up in Salopia!

THE STANDOWN SONG - AN ODE TO JJ JEROME

'Cos I'm going on Standown, the plane leaves today
and I'm going to get Laaaaagered in each and every way
Wop out your chequebok and Wop your wad,
Hello little girlie, sit on my knob!!.
Dunhovrin
Are you sure that you were in FOLA, for if you were, you would surely know the complete version!!

DO YOU KEN SOUTH ARMAGH
Tune: John Peel

1. Do you ken Bessbrook with its mill so high
and a rocket fence reaching up to the sky.
It was our second home when we're in NI
and it's always foggy in the morning.

CHORUS:
For a mortar bomb blew me out of bed,
so I rushed down to Buzzard and to him I said:
"I don't give a toss, report me to my boss,
there's a Stumbly coming down in the morning."

2. Do you ken Forkhill with the flasher in the night.
Car bombs and rockets and all kinds of *****
and those trips down to Jonesborough that gives us all a fright
and the Puma's on the fence in the morning.

CHORUS

3. Do you ken Crossmaglen, what a lovely little hole.
If you come in too fast you can nearly score a goal.
It's a good place to let the Co-pilot have a pole
'cos you're always downwind in the morning!

CHORUS

4. Do you ken NTH with its tiny little pan
where you're always on the screen of the television man.
And the local residents are all Republican,
with a pylon up your arse in the morning.

CHORUS

5. Do you ken that little boat down Carlingford way.
That pitches and tosses on a VertRep day.
With a fecking great mast that's always in the way.
Do you like wet bread in the morning?

The following 'song' explains why the Pumas are called 'Stumblys'

THE TAIL OF THE PLASTIC PUMA PILOT
Tune: The Wild Rover.

1. They came o'er the water with all good intent.
As soon as they'd landed, their Puma was spent.
They went to a station they tried to frequent
and told the operator: "My aircraft is bent"

Chorus:

And it's no, nay, never,
No never, no more
Will I fly the French Puma
No never, no more.

2. He offered me spanners, glue and Bodge tape.
Then he said "**** it, a Wessex it ain't".
Along came the Wessex, the queen of the sky.
It landed by the Puma, with a smile that was wry.

3. The briefed Walter and he did agree,
That for tasking in Ulster, the Line needed three:
One Puma to start with and one for the spare,
A third for good luck, it's plastic, take care!

4. I looked over Monaghan and what did I see?
A Puma crew flying so aimlessly.
They ask us for credit, we answer them , Nay.
For it's flyingg like yours we can get every day.

5. They stand in the corner, with their hands on ir hips.
Asking :"Tiger? Tiger?", their Puma's in bits.
They pluck up some courage, in the bar they maybe,
For sighted over there is a lost Stumbly....


OU'EST LE PUMA (another drinking song, also not supportive of 230s invaluable contribution to NI!)

Where's the Puma gone?
He's gone to Monaghan.
Where's the Puma gone?
He's gone to Monaghan.
Far, far away, far, far away.
AJ looked down and the TANS had dumped....
"Oh! ****, where the **** are we?"


THE BOYS OF 72

From the shores of Rathlin island
to mountains of Belcoo,
There's a mighty rumour spreading
about the boys of 72.

They will fight for Queen and Country
They will fight for victory
but the thing that really pleasesthem...
Is throwing out 230!!Throwing out 230...

The Wessex was known for its agricultural design, thank god I hear some say, so 230 used their great imagination to coin their only response to the daily barrage of banter:-

WESSEX ON THE GROUND

There's a Wessex on the ground, on the ground.
With its rotors going round, going round.
And it jumps up and down and shakes itself to bits
and gives the passengers the ****s, ****s, ****s.

the response..

We've been here since '69, '69.
With map and compass doing fine, doing fine.
We fly all day and drink our flying pay
And we don't have to buy a scarf, buy a scarf.

( I guess you had to be there!!)


ALDERGROVE BY THE SEA
Tune: Lilly Marlene

Aldergrove by the mountain, Aldergrove by the sea.
Where they say there's a Wessex,
behind almost every tree.
Just like Odiham without the grass
you can stick them both right up your @rse.
Oh! Aldergrove by the mountain
Oh! Aldergrove by the sea.


THE DAY WE WENT TO BESSBROOK
Tune: The day we went to Bangor
Didn't we have a lovely time the day we went to Bessbrook.
Lovely day, lost a donk on the way
and all for for under a pound a day.
On the way home
We let out a moan
Our guns were still in the sideboard.
So shouting a load
of the brevity code
We turned around.

[Snapshot]

STANDTO!!
GIVE ME A CHANCE!!
We seem to be on a helo theme here so just for STANDTO, here are a couple from South Africa to keep him occupied whilst I print him a freebie!
First one is (was) Echo1 Fight for life over Johannesburg about to get down onto the pad at Johannesburg General Hospital. The second was the 'baby' of the SAP Airwing at Rand, Bo105 ZS-HRF with the 'City of Gold' & (Coke ca cola) in the distance with the Hillbrow Tower. (Crashed into power cables whilst chasing a stolen BMW on the N3 highway a few days after I returned to the UK. Both crew survived but Pilot, Adrian, pretty bad, but that's for another day. I should have been on that day!)
http://members.tripod.co.uk/AvCollect/helo/echo1_pprune.jpg

http://members.tripod.co.uk/AvCollect/helo/ZS_HRF_johannesburg.jpg

and here is a couple for the military boys. This is the SA ORYX (Puma on acid) deploying members of the Special Task Force at a 'situation'.
Apologies for the download times, its late and Ive had a couple of glasses of SA red, feeling nostalgic!
http://members.tripod.co.uk/AvCollect/helo/Task_force_deploy_2pprune.jpg

http://members.tripod.co.uk/AvCollect/helo/Task_force_deploy_1_pprune.jpg

More if you want to see them?
Snapshot.

[This message has been edited by Snapshot (edited 25 June 2001).]

[John Eacott]

Snaps,

Nice pics, and the Bucc shots that I sent are certainly for your CD.

I mentioned in an earlier dit about Hermes being an unhappy ship. After refit as a helicopter carrier, wardroom funds were low, but the problem was exacerbated by a miserable manager and a tewwibly GL Commander. We operated alongside the resident 814 during an excercise, and had a woeful time, since aircrew went without meals if they were flying!

Hence:

Oh Mother this Hermes a terrible place,
And I must add the food is a bloody disgrace
You've got to eat well if you hunt submarines
But all that they give us is bangers and beans
The bar's only open when the fishheads are in
But we're flying so we have to by pass the gin
Its a nine to five Wardroom and I'd much rather be
Drowning in Guinness that swimming in tea.

I remember one night when they let us all in
We'd to sit at the side and were told not to sing
But after a few beers a voice started sobbin'
Asking the gathering 'Who Killed Cock Robin?'
Now that was the sign that we'd been waiting for
Three fisheads were killed in the rush for the door
We're sorry Commander, we know it's not right
But the same f*cking things going to happen tonight.

[John Eacott]

An ode to 824's boss:

Oh the wigley wogley men
They don't get up till ten
They give a shout
They run about
And go back to bed again

Oh the wigley wogley boys
Have put away their toys
Give them a beer
And you will hear
They make a lot of noise.

An ode to abstemiousness at sea: Among my souvenirs

There's nothing left for me
But cups of hot, strong tea
Beer's just a memory
Among my souvenirs

An old wine bill or two
An R.P.C. from you
Hangovers, not a few
Among my souvenirs

A coke does not seem right
To help me fly at night
And coffe after flight
Brings me no consolation

My body breaks apart
And then the tear drops start
I find my Good Pubs chart
Among my souvenirs

[John Eacott]

More tribute to Wigley:

Hey Ho Says Anthony Wigley

A is for aircrew, the men who can think
Hey ho says Wigley
B is the bar where we all sit and drink
With a roly poly
Up em and stuff em
Hey ho says Anthony Wigley

C is for C King, built to go ping
Hey ho etc.
D is the D who just can't do a thing,
Chorus

E is for Engineers, who like their pits,
Hey ho etc.
F is for Flyco, who gives us the sh*ts,
Chorus

G is for Gannet that tries to sink subs,
Hey ho etc.,
H is for Hangar, where AEO grubs,
Chorus

I is for injection from Ark Royal's quack,
Hey ho etc.
J is for Jolly-hog, Raines leads the pack,
Chorus.

K is for Kilo code, always in use,
Hey ho..
L is the LSO, hurling abuse,
Chorus

M is for MLA, always in doubt,
Hey ho..
N is the Nav who is always way out,
Chorus

O is for Ops, who is all p*ss and steam
Hey ho..
P is the programme thats always a dream
Chorus

Q is the quarts of HN that we drink
Hey ho..
R is the radio, again on the blink
Chorus

S is for SOBS who doesn't like chat,
Hey ho...
T is for training, we're all sick of that
Chorus

U is the urge that we try to contain
Hey ho..
V is the virgin we dream of in vain
Chorus

W's the wind that is outside the graphs,
Hey ho...
X,Y & Z you can stuff up your @rse,
Chorus

[This message has been edited by John Eacott (edited 25 June 2001).]

[John Eacott]

While I'm in the mood, a few more rotary ditties:

Pinger pilot's lament
(Tune: I'm looking over a four leaf clover)

I'm bending over, a pinger looker
Like I've never bent before
I first had a U/C, I then had a Wren
But 16 months later it was back to front again

Oh the Senior P's complaining
The C.O.s waining,
But I just come back for more
'cos I'm bending over, a pinger looker
Like I never bent before.


Wessex Pilot
(Tune: The Urban Spaceman)

I'm your Wessex pilot baby, I can fly
I'm a supersonic guy
I'm your Wessex pilot baby, I've got speed
I've got everything I need.

I don't need systems, or a 5 piece rotor head
And shortly, all the pingers will be going off to bed
I'm your Wessex pilot baby, I can fly
I'm a supersonic guy

Four Blades on my Wessex
(Tune: 4 wheels on my wagon)

Four blades on my Wessex
And I'm still flying along,
the Senior P. is after me
But I'm singing a Happy Song

Three blades on my Wessex
And I'm still flying along
A throttle freeze, I'm in the trees
But I'm singing a Happy Song

Two blades on my Wessex,
And I'm still flying along
Radio's dead, I'm still ahead
And I'm singing a Happy Song

One blade on my Wessex
And I'm still flying along
Hydraulics duff, if that's not enough,
But I'm singing a Happy Song

No blades on my Wessex
And I ain't flying no more
Fuel and flames, blood and brains
But I'm singing a Happy Song


845 Song
(Tune: My Bonnie lies over the ocean)

(For the uninitiated, pingers and junglies are the opposites in FAA rotary aviation. Pingers do it all, whilst junglies are transport and wish they had done better in life ;) )

The pingers can't hold their ale lads,
We drink just to give them a fright
And when they are on their milkex
Well we'll drink on into the night

Oh we'll all pull together
The 845th is alive
Oh we'll all pull together
For flying the Wessex is fun

Well the junglies are God's gift to flying
A fact that is very well known
We'll fly thro' the worst of conditions
While the pingers are sitting at home

We don't like the task of the Sea King
A.S.W.'s particularly dank
They drop their balls in the oggin
But we'll use ours for a w@nk

Well we've heard of some other squadrons
But with us they cannot compete
When it comes to dare devil flying
Eight four five are quite the elite

SO listen well all of you students
If ever you have a doubt
Of choosing 'tween pinger and junglie
I assure you that pingers are out


We're still on Squadron songs, I take it, or do we branch out into the likes of Eskimo Nell, The Ball of Kirriemuir, Good Ship Venus or Little Angeline :) Can we block this thread from the PC police ?!!!

[This message has been edited by John Eacott (edited 25 June 2001).]

[Snapshot]

JohnE,
Thanks for the comments on the photography and also again for your photographs.
As for the thread, let it rock, however, my original intention was to add a whole load onto the Buccaneer Tribute CD. It seems the only people making the effort pitching up with a tune or two are the boys for NI and yourself!
Me being a young dude! Can someone tell me what IS and whats NOT acceptable for the CD?
Snapshot.

[oldpinger]

John E,
We are truly not worthy!!
Have you got this one?

"How many captions twinkle in the night on a Sea King Caution and Advisory?"
To the tune of an English Country Garden.
Once again I can't remember the words, probably to do with the CSB drunk while singing these....

[Oggin Aviator]

oldpinger ......
let a Bagman enlighten you .....

HOW MANY CAPTIONS


How many captions twinkle in the night
from a Seaking caution advisory?
I’ll tell you now of some that we’ve had
and those I miss I’m sure you’ll pardon me

Rectifier, Fuel Flow, Generator afterglow,
Main Trans Chip and Auxillary loss of flow
Not to mention Anti-ice and the Bladefold all aglow
We shall have to ditch it shortly!

How many times have we fallen in the night
From the Seaking system hoverheight?
I’ll tell you now of one that we had
when we suffered a small oversight

Radalt fail, no Doppler height,
Select me Baralt, no green light,
overtorque and run and cut as any of us would
Now we’re recovering by transition from our first selected mission
As very superior Pilots

How many Goblins roam the Oceans wide
Trying to dodge the boys of XXX
I’ll tell you now of some that we hacked
and some we fudged by Vectac analysis

Standby Vectac override, two bloodhounds down by my side
Drop now now and the weapons running wild
Now we’re looking for the bubbles of a submarine in trouble
‘cos we’re all (squadron name) qualified

OR (FOR THE BAGGERS)

How many Hostiles fly around the skies
Trying to dodge the boys of 849
I’ll tell you now of some that we’ve splashed
And some we’ve fudged by radar and chinagraph

Standby widger close control, two sidewinders on the pole
Shoot now now and the missile’s running wild
Now we’re looking for the blast of a missile up his arse
‘cos we’re all 849 qualified

Regards,


------------------

The OA

[John Eacott]

Sea King advisory, I hate to say, is a little after my time, grey haired old fellow that I am. But here are a couple that would still be useful on the current flat tops:

Unnamed (Tune: Pick a bale of cotton)

You gotta shut down turnaround get the cab away again
Shut down turnaround take a suck of fuel
Shut down turnaround get the bastard off again
Shut down turnaround take a suck of fuel

Ops can’t brief us - work too hard
Telebriefs f**ked so we’ll brief on Guard

Chorus

“Man up the Sea Kings” - can’t mean me
I’ve got a coffe waiting in the ACRB

Chorus

Flyco’s screaming “Expedite”
Can’t crack me Wings, I don’t give a *****

Chorus

Checks on start up take all night
We’ll do the start if you do the flight

Chorus

Sitting here cursing - AL10
Just so the Jungly can fly again

Unnamed (tune; I did it my way)

And now, the end is near, we’re all shagged out, the cabs are broken
Ditch gash, the Flight Deck’s clear, the war is won, the bar is open
The submarine’s gone home, I must admit we’ve all had plenty
Oh, Bliss, they’ve stood us down - AL 20

[John Eacott]

Another offering from 814 during Hermes' days. As a survivor of 824 with two weeks of Ripple 3 in 100 yards vis, typical North Sea, we had other opinions of 814, but mostly unprintable :)

The Rhyme of the Ancient Aviator

I was stood at the bar of a far off land
When on my sleeve I felt a hand
And I turned to see about five foot
Of wizzened wreck in a Pusser’s suit
I glanced at his sleeve and I thought I could just
Make out through the grime and the sh*t and the dust
A pair of pilot’s wings of gold
On this walking corpse. My blood ran cold
So I bought him a drink, a pint of the best
And he started to talk like a man possessed
He talked of the sea, of the ships, of the sky,
And that untamed passion, to fly, to fly!
Then he sobbed, “It was the booze, you see,
That took it all away from me.
But a story I will now relate
Of an exercise called Open Gate
When 814, they came out tops
Against Orange subs, and Hermes Ops.

They came in droves in the afternoon
To number one, our briefing room
With handouts, vu graphs by the score
My God, but Ops knew how to bore
And it seems the whole damned ship was there
To hear the Word, and sit, and stare
At those who paced the floor out front
Each trying hard to act the wheel
And give his views on how to hack it.
I, for one, just could not crack it.
Capitulating with a snore
I tumbled senseless to the floor
(Where I lay untouched for an hour, you see,
The rest had done the same as me)

At last, when consciousness drew near
I thought “Oh sh*t! What’s that I hear?”
As SOBS stood up with a steely stare
And said “Up top for a breath of air
Then straight back here to make a start
On Open Gate brief - second part”
Then Aircrew vanished to their pits
But most, they say, jumped off the ship.
And the crowd that returned, I still can see,
The C.O., Splot, Sobs, Wings and me.
(And a looker, naked, straight from bed
Who’d got lost en route from 5U head).

Next morning to our great dismay
The Opgen Foxtrot had gone astray
Wings said to me “It’s up to you
To figure out what we’re to do.”
I said “Nae probs, leave it to me,
We’ve still got six crews - Ripple Three”

The rest is history I’ll be bound
We pinged (three times) the clock around
We’d find a sub, we’d sink it, then
We’d sink the bastard one again,
Then once more for luck, it never ended
Until six warloads were expended.
We flew and slept and slept and flew,
We drank no beer - well, one or two,
But a pace like that just could not last
And soon, thank Allah, it was past.

Now I look back from my rocking chair
And tell my grandkids “I was there
At the exercise called Open Gate
Held in the spring of ‘78.
And when my time on earth is done
And the big Ops One calls for his son,
I’ll go to Hell, I’ll tell you why,
‘Cos things down there don’t bloody fly!

[oldpinger]

Oggin and John E,
Once more I am humbled in the presence of FAA song gurus. Once I manage to recover my old and battered copy of the songbook from the B#%$&^@ that 'borrowed' it, I'll try to contribute something to this thread!

just remember, PWOs are the real enemy....

[Harry Peacock]

An April '82 co-ordinated effort between 826 & 820 (Almost unheard of!!) in the Dolphin Arms, Portsmouth a day or so before sailing...

(Tune: Don't cry for me Argentina)

You don't frighten me Argentina
The truth is we will defeat you
We'll sink your carrier ...
...with our Sea Harrier
And with our Sea Kings ....
...Subs will be sinking

On your bike Argentina
The front line are getting airborne
You've gon to far now...
...we've left the bar now
And soon the Falklands...
...will be in our hands

Four and a half thpousand Booties
Will soon take back Port Stanley
You might try to hold out..
...but we will throw out
To Buenos Aires...
...you Bl*&% faries.

[Harry Peacock]

The A25 song has been mentioned... here's a few verses, lots more in the FAA Song book I think

The A25 Song

They say in the airforce a landings okay
If the pilot gets put and can still walk away
But in the Fleet Air Arm the prospects are grim
If the landings piss poor and the pilot can’t swim

CHORUS-
Cracking show, I'm alive,
But I still have to render my A25

They taught me to fly in an old Tiger Moth
A dreadful contraption of wood string and cloth
It does sixty knots or something fantastic
A bloody good show for some string and elastic

CHORUS

When you come o’er the round down and see Wings frown
You can safely assume that your hook isn’t down
A bloody great barrier looms up ahead
Then a pipe on the broadcast 'let’s pray for the dead'

CHORUS

They gave me a Seafire to beat up the fleet
I beat up the Rodney and Nelson a treat
Forgot the tall mast on top of the Formid
And a seat in the goofers was worth fifty quid

CHORUS

When the batsman says lower I always go higher
I turn to starboard and prang my Seafire
The boys in the goofers all think I am green
But I get my commission from Supermarine

CHORUS

I sit on the booster awaiting the kick
Amusing myself by abusing my pr%@k
There goes the green light the thing gives a cough
Cor blimey says Wings he has tossed himself off

CHORUS

I fly for a living I don’t fly for fun
I’m awfully anxious to hack dawn the Hun
But when it comes to deck landings at night in the dark
As I told Wings this morning, F#%k that for a lark

CHORUS

As I roar down the deck in my Martlet Mk4
Loud in my ears is the Cyclones sweet roar
Chuff clink clink chuff clink clink chuff clink clink clink
Away wing on sponson away life in drink

CHORUS

I thought I was coming in low enough but
I was 50 feet high when the batsman gave cut
Loud in my earholes the sweet angels sang
Float float float float float float barrier prang

CHORUS

The latest editions the bold Buccaneer
Filled up with black boxes and Scimitar gear
But never mind Kruschev you're safe till the days
When the fu$%&#g great ba$#&%d is fitted with speys

CHORUS

Now if you fly Vixens you’ve got to be quick
Cos it climbs very fast when you pull on the stick
‘Oh Christ’ said a pilot as heaven drew near
‘Pray what do you want’ said a voice in his ear

CHORUS

The Phantom is highest and fastest and last
For the time is now come when we sing of the past
For Wilson and Healey have won in the end
And there’ll be no flat tops for us to defend

CHORUS

At pinging the Sea King is remarkably sound
It’s wings don’t go out they go round and around
Backwards and forwards and sideways they go
And they don’t give a f$#k if there balls hanging low

CHORUS

They taught me to fly in a Chipmunk T10
I`d fly round and round and then once round again
The mood of the bird made the landing a farce
So I'd go round again and fly straight up my arse

CHORUS

From fixed wing to choppers I quickly moved on
To find it quite safe with no airspeed clocked on
But if your descent is too fast for the flow
Then it's chop chop chop chop and away you will go

CHORUS

And so front line service I finally saw
The pilots were good and I viewed them with awe
But found out the maths were just too much for me
And ‘F%$k it’said Wings some more stores in the sea

CHORUS

I led a formation in LFA2
And lower and lower and lower we flew
Forgot all the wires and the tips of the trees
And a pipe back at base, ‘Let us pray for all three’

CHORUS

There's a bloke an our ship now that everyone knows
Where he gets his rings from Christ only knows
He stands up in Flyco and he rants and shouts
And gobs off about things he knows f%$k all about

CHORUS

They say in the Air Force a missions OK
If you drop all your bombs and can still fly away
But in the Fleet Air Arm they call you a s$#%
If you drop 21 and get only 1 hit

CHORUS

The moral of this story is quite plain to see
A Fleet Air Arm pilot you never should be
But stay on the shore and get two rings or more
And go out on the piss every night with a whore

[John Eacott]

P2's lament(Tune: Wild Rover)

I've been a co-pilot for almost a year
And I've had my fill right up to here
This task book's a bastard, it seems such a sin
That you can't be a P2 till you fill the c*nt in

And it's no nay never
No nay never no more
Will I be a shag pilot
On bold 824

The book had a mere sixty blank entries in it
Splot said "Complete it". This won't take a minute
And down in five tango, behind a locked door
I'd sign them all off by a quarter to four

Chorus

And so I made P2 but oh what a shame
For P2 and co jo's exactly the same
You still get the ground runs and cop all the sh*t
While the rest of you bastards can rot in your pit

Chorus

But now I'm a P1 you'd think it was fine
But I still fly as P2 for half of the time
My Mum thinks I've made it but Oh what a farce
The Looker's the captain. What a pain in the Arse!

[John Eacott]

824 second pilot's song
(Tune: Sweet violets)

I am an unrated co-pilot
I always sit here on the left
My mind is quite firmly in neutral
My thumb firmly stuck up my............

Chorus:
.....FRC's make good reading
Read them by day and by night
For if you don't know them by heart son,
You'll always end up in the.........
.........Sweet violets,
Sweeter than all the roses,
Covered all over from head to toe,
Covered all over in Sweet Violets.

The first pilot's mind is a mystery,
His flying is really a farce
I wish I could take his Green Rating
And shove the thing right up his........
Chorus

The lookers a flying disaster
His cock ups are really first class
At Didtacs and Vectacs and Casex
He's really a great feat of.........
Chorus

The crewman should be far more wary,
For his life is full of pit-falls
To wake him I cry LOWER THE BODY
But he sits there and dangles his.....
Chorus

[John Eacott]

Letsbe Friends
(Tune: The farmer and the cowboy should be friends)

Chorus:
Oh, the aircrew and the fisheads should be friends,
Oh, the aircrew and the fisheads should be friends
Oh, the aircrew and the fisheads,
The rum rats and the p*ss heads
But there ain't no reason why they can't be friends

I'd like to say a word for the seamen
They suck their teeth and dip their bread in gravy,
How does your cable grow
Dirty bastards, we all know,
For Nelson said that arseholes rule the Navy.

Chorus

I'd like to say a word for the stokers
Don't criticise them for their lousy manners,
For stokers are no fools,
They've got such lovely tools,
And they sweat upon their nuts with King Dick spanners.

Chorus

I'd like to say a word for the greenies,
They spend their lives in air conditioned spaces
They think it's very camp
When they talk of ohm and amp
And put on all their mincing airs and graces.

Chorus

I'd like to say a word for the Stovies
They've sent their last six years in trepidation
In spouting lots of wazz
And talking through their ass
They really are the Queens of aviation!

Chorus

I'll leave the final word for 824
Our skin is soft, our hair is long and wavy
But when it comes down to the crunch
We're a well endowed bunch
We've got the biggest goddamned choppers in the Navy!

Oh, Flight Deck folks should be friends
Flight deck folks should all be chums
Flight deck folks should stick together
Never ever talk to the Fishead bums!!!

[PlasticCabDriver]

Wasn't there an NI song that began:

My eyes have seen the glory of the rising of the sun
Sitting in my Wessex on the top of 851
- Something something something - and we haven't got a gun
When the fog came rolling in

Glory glory Camlough Mountain
Glory glory Camlough Mountain
Glory glory Camlough Mountain
When the fog came rolling in

Anyone finish it off?

PS Dunhovrin - know any Belize songs?

------------------
PCD

[EESDL]

sure can.

2. There were 15 of us sitting there, the night it seemed so long,
I should have stayed but had a go, I thought I'd get a gong.
All up weight, no bleeding fuel and then it all went wrong,
When the fog came rolling in

Chorus

3. The next time I'm on Bessbrook nights I'll pray for wind to blow.
Cloud on the deck with snow and sleet so I don't have to go.
If Buzzard gets insistent then I'll leave it to my CO,
When the fog came rolling in.

[A D Mate]

Here's a fast pointy song to redress the balance:
Hey look us over: (Canadian AF)
Hey look us over
we are the boys
we fly around in our supersonic toys
tax payer's money, who gives a ****
whatever the weather we'llkick the tyres light the fires, faster higher
If thers a war that needs to be won
we are the boys who will surely get things done
Cos we're the boys in green and gold and we will not live to be old
And we fight and die for you.

Top of the world non PC(Carpenters/Tuppy)

CHORUS:
I'm on the top of the world
Looking down on a Jag mate
And the only explanation I can find
Is he's blind or he's dum
With his willy up his bum
Oh I'm sitting on the top of the world

Best thing in the world for me would be
To be in behind a Jag calling fox 3
And the reason is clear
It's because they are queer
They're the closest thing to benders I have seen
Phantoms are the only things to fly
Theyre the screaming metal goddess of the sky
Flying high flying fast
Firing missiles up your arse
Its the closest thing to heaven I can find

Chorus


Down at the station:

Down at the station early in the morning
See all the harriers all in a row
Along comes a pilot
Turns a little handle
Wee Wee puff puff
Off he goes

that'll do for now...difficult to keep them clean!

[Big Green Arrow]

An ode to a Plastic Cab Sqn

For they have a reputation for seducing little boys

For Screwing old age pensioners and stealing childrens toys

They are the perverts of society

Bigger ****s you'll never see

They are a bunch of pissed up bastards

They are the boys of (33/230)

Hey EESDL.....JJ's back!!!!!!!

Lock up your bar book/grandmother/dog

[Snapshot]

A D Mate,
more, more PLEEAAZZE...
Great when you can sing along to the tune.
The Carpenters (if K was still around) would be proud of that one :)
snappers.

[Snapshot]

Wholigan,
whats happened? You've gone very quiet.
More songs, keep em coming.
Snapshot.

[EESDL]

BGA
Re JJ..Was informed by a couple of 'Civvies' you might know:
Russ Myles (still living on the far side of the border) and Dougie House (Aeromega) both added thir exclaimation marks to the news.
Must try and get up Salopia soon....
anyway, back to Sqn Songs:

The Tornado/Phantom/any fast-jet will do

I was flying my Tornado down the weapons range one day,
When the navigator looked up and felt he had to say:
"The RADAR's gone tits up and the TV's up the spout,
I'm sorry chaps but we're going to have to bang out!"
There goes another thirty million,
There goes another thirty million,
There goes another thirty million
and a Wessex* only cost ten grand!!

*Needles-to-say, you can insert "Herc", or any other ancient aircraft that we have tried to sell to the 3rd World.

[EESDL]

Just un-earthed an "F3 Sqn" Drinking Song, to be sung by non-F3 Sqn personnel and to the tune of: "I'm a Lumberjack"

1. I'm an F3 pilot and I'm a screaming hom.
I use my long-range missiles, 'cos I'm too scared to bomb.

CHORUS:
They are F-3 'mates' and they're all queer,
They prat around - the computers steer.
They fire their missiles and run away,
We don't hang around, 'cos they're all gay!

2.I am his navigatore and I'm as bent as him.
Can't use a flight computer, I'm far too f@@king dim.

3. We fly at medium level. we like to think we're cool.
Don't make us chase a Fulcrum...they'll make us look a fool.

4. On Fridays we go drinking in our own back yard.
We 'yam' our Fighting Cocks down, pretending that we're hard.

5. I am their Sqn Ldr and I think I am the boy.
I have no responsibilities....just fly this useless toy.

6. I am the Wg Cdr...I pose and strut around.
I wouldn't recognize an airman 'cos they all work on the ground.


As the Wessex was so 'agricultural' (thank God say some), and the song succintly highlighted the religious hypocrisy of NI, one felt, the following song was adopted by 72 Sqn:

THRESHING MACHINE

Oh Father, Oh Father, I've come to confess,
For I've left a girl in a terrible mess.
Her clothes are all tattered, her tits are all bare
and there's something inside her that souldn't be there!

CHORUS:

I 'ad 'er, I 'ad 'er, I 'ad 'er I 'ay,
I 'ad 'er, I 'ad 'er, I 'ad 'er I 'ay,
and she went for a ride on my threshing machine.

Oh son, Oh son, you should have known better,
for in my day we used a french letter.
Oh Father, Oh Father, you do me unjust
For I used one of yours and the fecking thing bust!

CHORUS

T'was nine months later, a fine Summer morn
a fine litle bouncing baby was born.
And there 'tween his legs, for all to see
was a brand new, twin-cylinder, threshing machine!!!

CHORUS

[SATCOS WHIPPING BOY]

Not so much a Sqn song but one that I heard in the Falklands. If anyone can supply the remaining correct verses I would appreciate it. From memory it goes something like this:

Oh The Fu##1n Falklands

The Fu##1n wind it Fu##1n blows
The Fu##1n snot from yer Fu##1n nose
It Fu##1n rains or it Fu##1n snows
oh the Fu##1n Falklands

The Fu##1n phone is Fu##1n Fu##ed
The Fu##1n food is overcooked
I Fu##1n sped and am Fu##1n booked
Oh the Fu##1n Falklands

The Fu##1n bens are as thick as Fu##
I'd rather Fu## a Steamer Duck
Even then I had no Fu##1n luck
Oh the Fu##1n Falklands


.............You get the drift........ :)

[Poison Arrow]

Does anyone know the next verse of 'The Flag', the always forgotten one about 'blowing Nelson's column 300 metres in the air!' etc.

Answers on a postcard please.....

Short but effective (and non-PC)

On a green hill far away beyond the city wall,
Our dear lord was crucified, he died to save us all

2, 3, 4..

For he's a jolly good fellow,
for he's a jolly good fellow etc....

[Wholigan]

Sorry Snapshot - been busy mate :)

To the tune of "When I'm 64". Many other sqns have copied the idea since, this was the original!

The first verse was penned by me and Hugh Kennedy (RIP), in Gutersloh Bar in 1967/68 as an "anti-2 & 4" Sqn song whilst on detachment from West Raynham on 1 Sqn. Only one verse because by the time we got round to this it was rather late and the brain cells had mostly been destroyed by then in the keller bar. The other verses were put together following a "Buchanan Trophy" competition between 1 Sqn and 54 Sqn, whereupon - piano and pilots on back of truck - the song was taken down to 54's hangar. These verses were "written" by a group of us including - amongst others - Steve Jennings, Wally Walton, Andy Whitson, Mick Hindley, Barry Horton and Mike Stear (if I've left anyone out - sorry).
---

They're pretty good at flying a kite,
What else can they do?
When it comes to Hunter flying they are fun,
They make good targets for Number One.
Watching them sit there, right in our twelve,
Who could ask for more?
Nobody heeds them, nobody needs them
'Cause they're Fifty Four.

Today we met them high in the skies,
Over Saltfleet range.
Rockets they were firing them high and wide
Guns were going all down the side
Bombs they were missing all in the sea
Aircraft handling poor
Oh what a cock-up, how they were shot up
Poor old Fifty Four.

They were all crowing, said they would win,
Like they did before -- ONCE
When we think of all the bull**** they put out
Makes us wonder what they're about
All of the words and none of the deeds
That's why they don't score
Nobody heeds them, nobody needs them
Useless Fifty Four - (get off me barrow)
Use---less---Fif---ty---fooooouuuuuur

[Wholigan]

Not so much a song - more of a "talking blues". This was originally written by me and Charlie Montgomery when we were students on basic flying training at Syerston in 1964/65. Subsequently amended a few times by me. I'm sure Charlie still uses it (amended by him of course) in Australia --- time you came back for a few beers mate!!!

THE MET MAN BLUES (or A Day In The Life Of A Fighter Pilot) --- twelve-bar blues in E.

I get up in the morning and I go to Met Brief
And I hope to Hell that that Met Chief
Is gonna say that it's turned red again.
'Cos I'm sick of flying and scared of dying
And sure as Hell I'm always trying
To save my soul to live a life of sin

I roll in about a half a minute late
And I'm straight away fixed with a look of hate
And I know there's gonna be a sticky interview soon.
So I avoid the eyes, and I listen to the lies
Of the Met man saying "clear blue skies",
When I walked to the briefing room
Through a raging monsoon

The Met man then amends his views
And comes out with the glorious news
That a fifty foot cloud base arrived -- 2 hours ago!!
It'll clear by ten -- or two -- or six
He's never sure 'cos his barometer sticks,
But we don't care - in fact we pray for snow.

We go back to the crewroom and we laze around,
We're sure glad we're still on the ground,
And then we hear the squawk box loud and clear.
"Get flying" it cries and there are sighs
Of sickness 'cos we all despise
The thought of getting back into the air.

I strap that aircraft to my back,
The nosewheel lifts and it all goes black,
So I relax the "g" and it RAMS back on the ground.
I lift the gear, put the bird on it's ear,
I pull and then I'm full of fear
'Cos the whole damn crazy world is going round.

I fly around for one whole hour,
Straight and level, constant power,
Then the runway meets me with a graunching crash.
My coffee's cold when my tales are told
Of how I've been a steely bold,
And the Boss says "Hey boy, that's just so much trash".

You see I followed you, so if your story's through
You follow me, we'll see what we can do,
Your lack of skills not only large, it's great.
Up in the sky you don't even try,
Your lookout's bad you just can't fly,
So we're posting you to others, like yourself --- on Eight.

The last verse can be modified as necessary to fit whichever outfit you wish to p*ss off! :)

[kbf1]

Ubiquitous (sp?) song heard in many forms and guises to the tune of the Shores of Montezuma

On the shores of Montezu-uuma
where the yanks have never been (TOUGH SH!T!)
stands a twelve foot zulu warior
who's been shagged by the Royal Marines.
We're the perverts of the na-aaa-tion
We're the c*nts you'll never see
We're a bunch of foul mouth baaa-aastards
We're *N* Reg AAC!
where N is an integer between 1 and 10
Also used by OTC's various.

------------------
The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic HERD!

[A D Mate]

Snapshot,
Wilco, when I find my songbook - the memories going....
....I'd be happy to sing on the CD, if you supply the travel expenses and lubrication!!

[A D Mate]

How about we got married on Friday:

We got married on Friday,
Evryone says it was my day
But it seemed like a mile
As we walked down the eisle
Side by side

We had hardly been wed when
We got ready for bed then
Her teeth and her hair
She placed on the chair
Side by side

Then to my amazement
Out a glass eye did fall
Her arm, her leg, she took off
And placed up against the wall
(B-DUM-DUM-DUM)
This left me broken.... hearted
Most of my wife had de.......parted
So I slept on the chair
There was more of her there
Side by side
(Reprise..)
So I slept on the chair
There was more of her there
Side by side


Somebody make my rhubarb rise

My rhubarb refuses to rise
To its natural size
It's enormous in size
My Rhubarb refuses to rise
Cos, my baby don't love me
My baby don't love me
My baby don't love me no moooore
Somebody make my rhubarb rise
Da da da da dut Da! Tits!


Anyone from 208 remember the happy hour in cyprus with 56? Happy days....

[Flypro]

820 NAS. HMS Invincible, immeadiately post Falklands fracas

PVA (Poor Visibility Approach)
To the tune "Yesterday"

PVA - the vis has come right down today
Now's the time the pilot start to pray
When he calls for a PVA.
Suddenly I can't see my hand in front of me
We're in zereo visibility
Wings says it's clearing rapidly.
He has got it wrong again
I should have known
Fuel is getting low
Here I go I'm on my own


PVA - No fog forecast at the brief today
That F****ing Met man isn't worth his pay
He said vis would be 20K
Suddenly - I hear voices that are dear to me
Words of wisdom coming fron the 'D'
Suggest you squawk Emergency
Pan Pan f***ing Pan I need help
And rapidly
Make foam - drop smoke floats
And please recover me...Oh mother


PVA - Now I'm well below my MLA
Mother looms out of the murky grey
If I ditch now it's not my day
Suddenly - Wheels touch down and I am here to stay
Oh I thank god for PVA

[Flypro]

Falklands again - after the Squadron had rescued a Harrier driver.

Sung to 'Clementine'

1. In a liferaft off Port Stanley
Sat a Stovie cold and drab
He'd been shot down by a Rowland
What a stupid f***ing Crab

Chorus

Call 820
Launch a SeaKing
Came the cry from Wingsy Baby
Oh please bring my stovie back

2. All the Argies could not find him
'Cos his SARBE would not work
He'd forgot to tweek the volume
What a stupid f***ing berk

Chorus

3. So we went out there and we found him
'Cos we saw his flashing light
and he bought the boys a drinky
So this Crab's all f***ing right

[Big Green Arrow]

EESDL
Doogie Howser! I heard he making a nuisance of himself in somewhere hot and sandy, oft famed for it's oily stuff.

They come over to Ireland just for a swan once or twice a year, da da da da

Stealing all the furniture and breaking the glass,

They get pissed and fall on their arse,

They go to bed early, just when it's free,

They're


EESDL..........HELP mind block

[Blue Danube]

How about the one that starts "The Sexual Life of a Camel......"?

[Wholigan]

Sorry, but somebody will have to help me with this - memory fade and all that.

The chorus goes:

She had a dark and a roving eye
And a whiizz-bang up her jacksie
Singing hey-back, ho-back, come and get your money back
Let's have a ride on Liza.
Old soldiers never die, they only lose their balls.

Verse:

The first in line was the Admiral's wife
Dressed up all in green
And in one corner of her c*** she had a submarine
She had a submarine my boys
The conning tower complete
And in the other corner she had half the f***ing fleet

CHORUS

The next in line was the cricketer's wife
Dressed up all in vermilion
And in one corner of her c***
She had the Lord's pavilion
She had the Lord's pavilion boys
The wicket and the bails
And in the other corner ???????????

CHORUS

The next in line was the etc etc etc


HELP PLEEEEEEEZE!!!

[gravity victim]

Blue Danube,
For your edification,The Sexual Life of a Camel, verses two and three:

In the story of syphilisation
From the anthropoid apes down to Man,
It is commonly held that the Navy
Has b******d whatever it can.
But more recent extensive researches
By Darwin and Huxley and Hoyle
Have conclusively proved that the hedgehog
Has never been b******d at all.

Why haven't they done it at Spithead,
As they've done it at Harvard and Yale,
And also at Oxford and Cambridge
By shaving the spines off its tail?

(Chorus "We're all queers together etc etc)
;)

[Cornish Jack]

Blue Danube - ...and the first verse ..
The sexual life of the camel
is greater than anyone thinks
for in one of it's amorous moments
it tried to make love to the Sphinx
But the Sphinx's posterior passage
was blocked by the sands of the Nile -
which accounts for the hump on the camel
and the Sphinx's inscrutable smile !!

Can't ever recall it being sung, mind you. It was more a case of declaiming, as in poetry...... such beautiful poetry :)

[gravity victim]

Talking of beautiful poetry: :)

The portions of the female
Which appeal to man's depravity
Are fashioned with considerable care.
And what appears at first to be just a simple cavity
Is really an elaborate affair.

There's the vulva, the vagina,
And the good old perineum,
And the hymen (that is sometimes found in brides)
The labia majora and the labia minora
The clitoris and god knows what besides.

So what a shame it is then,
That when common people utter
of these mysteries to which I have referred,
They always seem to sink into the language of the gutter
And use such a short- and nasty - little word!

(Anon,but thought to be by Noel Coward)

[Davaar]

With all due deference, Gravity, not anonymous and not by Noel Coward: but by the late Sir Alan P Herbert.

[gravity victim]

Davaar, thanks for the info. AP Herbert was a very funny writer - his 'Misleading Cases' are classics. I didn't know he did raunchy stuff, though.

[Flatus Veteranus]

Also by A P Herbert, I believe:-

The Ballad of Eskimo Nell

When you're growing old and your balls go cold
And the end of your knob turns blue....etc etc.

I stop there, not out of prudery, but because it is all too close to home!

------------------
presto digitate

[Davaar]

Apart from being a knight, an MP, and I think a QC, he was also a Petty Officer. Top man in everything.

[A D Mate]

Some alternative verses:

Oh the sexual life of a bullfrog
Is difficult to comprehend
At the height of the mating seasons
It licks the arse of a friend
But the arse of another bullfrog
Is full of foul waters and slime
Which accounts for the croak of the bullfrog
And why it goes Bluuuaaarh
All the time

Oh the sexual life of a Rhino
Is the difficult for man to suppose
At the height of the mating season
It grows a horn at the end of its nose
But the pleasure this brings to the female
As up to her backside he runs
Is offeset by the fact that the Rhino
Weighs just over 25 tons

Oh the sexual life of an Ostrich
Is difficult to understand
At the height of the mating season
It buries its head in the sand
When along comes the male of the species
And sees the arse stuck in the air
Doesn't know if its male or female
And frankly I don't think it cares

Oh the sexual life of a blunty
Is difficult to understand
At the height of the mating season
It has hairs on the palms of its hand
For the mit of a blunty is hairy
From pulling its pud all day long
Which is why we think you're all w**kers
And takes the p*ss with this song

[SirPeterHardingsLovechild]

Back to the top, in response to a query

Side by side is on Page 5

Shaibah Blues is on page one, third post

Another version of Shaibah Blues found by google


THOSE SHAIBAH BLUES

A little piece of mhutti fell from out the sky one day,
It fell into the Persian Gulf not many miles away.
And when Lord Trenchard saw it there it looked so bleak and bare,
He said “That’s what we’re looking for – we’ll put our Air Force there”.
So – they sent out river gunboats, armoured cars and A.H.Q.
And then they put our squadron right in that maknoon blue.
Oh, peechi, I’ll be going to a land that’s far remote,
Until that day you’ll hear me say,
“Roll on that maknoon boat!”.

Chorus

I’ve got those Shaibah Blues, Shaibah Blues,
I’m fed up and I’m tired and I’m old.
Oh, I’ve been sitting here for close upon two year,
And I wish I were in my coffin underground.
I’ve tried to learn the lingo, but it’s fairly got my goat,
The only thing that I can say’s “Roll on the maknoon boat!”
I’ve got those Shaibah Blues, Shaibah Blues
I’m fed up and I’m tired and I’m old.

Yellow Ribbon Foundation - War Poetry (http://www.yellowribbon.org.uk//modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=740)

[TyroPicard]

Sung frequently at Gutersloh in Lightning days... to the tune of "The man who broke the bank at Monte Carlo".. Penned by Tex Jones .. I can only remember the first verse; anyone got all of it?

As I fly above the trailing height at thirty thousand feet,
The engines looking sweet, blowing cold upon my feet,
I can see a 19 Sqn trail,
I'll soon be on the bastard's tail,
I'm from Ninety-Two and I'm a fighter pilot...

TP

[Dan Winterland]

Oh, the sexual life of a camel,
Is stranger than anyone thinks.
At the height of the mating season,
It tries to b+gger the Sphynx.
But the Spynx's posterior orifice
Is filled with the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump on the camel,
And the Sphynx's inscrutable smile!

Anyone ex 101 remember the VC10 song, I find it hard to recall.


Dunhovrin - good to see you back on these hallowed forums. PM me as I have finally found that picture of you with the chicken!

[BEagle]

Dan - do you mean the "VC10s are rocket ships, they are flown by red hot sh*ts" one I nicked from my Phantom days - and which we adopted back in about 1984?

[BOAC]

Hello Tyro - wouldn't tell you if I knew:) 92?????:p

HNY to you - you could try getting in touch with Tex via http://www.lightningpilots.com/page1.html ?

In case you don't have it, Ed D's email coming via PM.

[threepointonefour]

Just been thru all 6 pages so far and can't see any mention of my personal favourite ... the "S & M man"

I can't remember any (of the particulary dirty) lyrics worth quoting, but it always made me laugh - especially when the last verse switches to the "M & S man".

I'm sure some ex-F4 guy will be able to fill in the blanks - they always were good at making stuff up.

:ok:

[Lima Juliet]

Who can take 2 ice-picks?...Who can take 2 ice-picks?
Stick 'em in each ear?...Stick 'em in each ear?
Ride her like a Harley while you shag her up the rear...the S&M, man, the S&M man...

Who can take a chainsaw?...Who can take a chansaw?
Cut the bitch in 2?...Cut the bitch in 2?
A little bit for me and a little bit for you...the S&M, man, the S&M man...

Lots more too depraived for the forum

Who can take a T shirt?...Who can take a T Shirt?
Hang 'em on a rack?...Hang 'em on a rack?
If they don't fit then you can get your money back...the M&S, man, the M&S man...

Has that made the hurt feel good????

:ok: LJ

[Lima Juliet]

Cock s@cker, mother f@cker, eat a bag of sh!t...
C@nt hair, douche bag, bite your mother's tit...
We're the best fighter squadron all the others SUCK!
Triplex! Triplex! raa! raa! F@CK!

Or the :mad: version for families happy hour

Felatio, mummy lover, masticate a bag of feacies...
pussy fluff, sanitary bag, bite your mother's mammary...
We're the best fighter squadron all the others are rather quite ordinary!
Triplex! Triplex! raa! raa! intercourse!

LJ

[threepointonefour]

Has that made the hurt feel good????

:ok: LJ


Aw man, I feel like I'm back on the Ofiicers Mess patio in Cyprus !!

[Pierre Argh]

They say in the Air Force a Landing's OK,
If the Pilot gets out, and can still walk away.
But in the Fleet Air Arm your prospects are dim,
If the landing's piss poor, and the pilot can't swim.

This an others from the A25 Song... see FAAOA Songbook link above