Line Books

[bigley]

After all the unhappiness and despondency on Prune lately, I suggest it may be time for some giggles. I have trawled through a certain 'Swift' Sqn line book and found a couple:

The morning after a Sqn dining in night:

Sgt Bloggs "Fats, did you cycle or drive to work today?"

Flt Lt 'Fats' "I drove mate, I'm much too pissed to cycle!"

Or the one about the StanO who couldn't work out why the intercomm wouldn't work until the nav suggested he might want to switch on the battery!!!

One from a tandem rotor Sqn:

Met man puts the OHP slide up and it's covered in rain drops:. ."Sorry about the water guys but I didn't know it was going to rain!"

Any More??

[Night NVG Goggles]

Scene : A certain 'Swift' Nav having a go with the GPMG on an Air to sea gunnery sortie.. .Nav "Does tracer hurt if it hits you?"

[The English Passenger]

Bigley,

Would that be the same "fats" that we all knew and loved so well before he went dark green for a while?

If so there must be hundreds about him, usually involving some bodily ailment! <img src="eek.gif" border="0"> <img src="eek.gif" border="0">

[chippy63]

There was a good one I remember from UAS days-. . Two QFI's bantering:. ."That was a nice spot landing you did this morning". ."Thanks, must be a treat for you to see some decent flying". ."Of course, I'm usually in the cockpit"

[Admin Guru]

I hesitate to recount this event to protect the identity of the not so innocent. However, whilst walking on the Dales last year, a certain Catering O who shall remain nameless asked of the assembled group "Do sheep have knees?". .We found it really funny!!!

[ 21 February 2002: Message edited by: Admin Guru ]</p>

[Blacksheep]

Personally, I can't tell my knees from my elbows...

**********************************. .Through difficulties to the cinema

[6nandneutral]

C-130 Nav on starting the Field Approach Checks into Gardermoen (Norway)...."Hey guys this will be my first time into Sweden" :)

[stianwalker]

Scene: UAS studes celebrate a successful AOCs visit in the bar. .Nameless1: Has the old b*stard gone yet?

Guess who was standing behind him?

(Taken from a 1960s UAS line-book)

[Fg Off Max Stout]

Opening lines of presentation by Shawbury naval aviator QHI:

"Did you know that 70% of the world's oceans are covered in water..."

[bigley]

Another from the 'Swift':

Young Pilot walks into crewroom rubbing his hands together and says " Hey we're taking the bird with the big tits flying today!"

Guess who was stood in the corner behind him!!

[6nandneutral]

Sqn Ldr Supernumerary Crew in 30 Sqn (C-130) Crewroom........."Where is the loadmaster of ASCOT 5258?" . .ALM........ "That's me Sir".. .Sqn Ldr......"Ah good, Loadie my bags are in the crewroom".. .ALM.........."Ok sir".. .7hrs later down the back of 'Fat Albert' (C-130 Frt Bay)in Gander Canada.. .Sqn Ldr....."Where's my bags loadie?". .ALM......."In the crewroom Sir". :) :) :)

[widge]

Heard this one many years ago on a Nimrod

Stbd Beam: Capt - Stbd beam, weve just had a bird strike on the leading endge of the starboard wing!

Capt: OK, how does it look Stbd beam?

Stbd Beam: Im not vet, but it will never fly again

Same guy, another sortie

Nav: Are you sure you saw a submarine?

Beam: Oh yes, it was black, and had flippers and fins and everything Nav :)

Edited to remove all spelling mistakes at sauce

[covec]

Mighty Hunter on the pan at St Mawgan - back in the days when we still needed to get OCA clearances.

127.65 on Box 1. Baby co-pilot , in a hurry to chivvy up rations "Mawgan Ops this is Rafair wxyz, can you send out our rations soonest, please?"

Back comes the reply "Rafair flight calling Shanwick, certainly. Air or sea delivery?"

[covec]

Mighty Hunter on the pan. Rear port door still open. Big hurry to get airborne, so AEO decides to start loading sonobuouys (sp?)

"Eng, AEO. Are we depressurised?"

[Bertie Thruster]

SAR Flt Cdr hovering his Wessex 30'over Barnstaple BAY. Wet winching with a local female civilian nurse acting as "survivor". Winchop has just winched the winchman and survivor to the aircraft.

Flt Cdr musing out loud on the i/c;

"I wonder if that nurse takes it up the ****ter?"

Winchop;

"Why don't you ask her? She's already back on the intercomm.

[Arkroyal]

1st thresh

[quote]Edited to remove all spelling mistakes at sauce <hr></blockquote>

Is that supposed to be a line-book entry too? :)

[covec]

Xmas. Somewhere far from home.

Eng. "I'm so f**cking hacked off I'm gonna hang myself tonight".

Wettie. "Well don't swing too much or you'll make yourself sick".

:)

[Genghis the Engineer]

After briefing the tower at BDN on data required during some crosswind ciruits, changed from suit to growbag, briefed, strapped into RHS, taxied.

Twr: "Gauntlet XX, we've just had your boffin up here and he wants all these numbers written down. Do you really want all this".

GXX: "Hang on, he's just here, I'll ask him".

. .ETPS Course, missile breaks in a Hawk, entire syndicate on telemetry listening in, yours truly in rear seat.

G: "Jim, could you reduce the g so that I can write".

G

[bigley]

I have been threatened not to do this so here goes:

A 'Swift' OCHQ Flt, ex mastermind and fast jet Nav:

What's the Elephant and Castle in Shawbury called?

Didactic-Hmmm, Prejorative-perhaps!!!