Low and Slow
25th Jun 2001, 14:35
A funny, of unknown origin, from the office. Hope you guys enjoy this.
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Lawrence Livermore Laboratory
PO BOX 1919
Dugway Proving Facility
Dugway
Utah.
USA
RE: ARMADILLO ROAD SAFETY APARREL
Dear Sirs,
Thank you for forwarding me your report on your project.
I was somewhat surprised that the subject could be stretched to a 471 page document and myself and my colleagues read it with some interest.
I think I should first point out that our laboratory is primarily concerned with the thermodynamics associated with high speed flight and thus neither myself or my colleagues are really qualified to comment on either the commercial viability, ergonomics and associated engineering for wild animals high visibility clothing. However you and your team have gone to such great lengths to complete this project we felt a constructive response was appropriate.
Marketing.
1. Given a choice of either “Dillo Glo” or “Dildo”, as a trade name, we feel the latter has more market potential.
2. While we understand that there may well be 1.5 million Armadillos in Texas alone, we feel that the animals ability to muster the $48 to purchase the basic item could be limited. We would also point out that those Armadillos, who may well have access to funds by virtue of their owners, are less likely to require road safety clothing since they are in captivity. Even anecdotal research has revealed that few Armadillo owners allow them to roam free during the hours of darkness.
3. While it may be possible to allocate State funds for purchase of Armadillos vests, under a citizen safety program there is little evidence to suggest that the average automobile is effected by impacting an Armadillo at speed, or that there has ever been a fatal incident resulting from a injured wild Armadillo attacking a human being.
Design.
1. None of my colleagues could find fault with the basic design, though the enhanced model containing the strobe light and the 121.7 mhz locator beacon did seem slightly over engineered. Our comments are as follows
a. Even a fit male Armadillo weighing 5kg will have problems with a 22 kg battery pack.
b. Since the average running speed of an Armadillo is less that 10 kph (and then only sustainable for short periods), we feel your suggested a wind tunnel program to be of limited utility and funds would be better spent reducing the weight.
c. We feel that the size of the strobe light may well prohibit the animal being able to burrow, thus reducing sales to the wild population.
d. It may not be necessary to conduct extensive weight and balance trials, since the justification for these trials was included on the basis of Armadillos needing to climb trees to nest or evade capture. Checking has revealed that Armadillos, neither nest or climb trees to evade capture. In fact few ant eating mammals have this capability.
e. From studying the design notes, it would appear that, should the animal be involved in a road accident and lie motionless for more than 60 seconds, the locator beacon will activate enabling search and rescue assets to locate the possibly injured animal and render assistance. We strongly urge checking with both the FAA and DOD prior to including this feature, since the false alarm rate during sleep may well reduce market viability.
I hope these comments help
Anon.
---
Lawrence Livermore Laboratory
PO BOX 1919
Dugway Proving Facility
Dugway
Utah.
USA
RE: ARMADILLO ROAD SAFETY APARREL
Dear Sirs,
Thank you for forwarding me your report on your project.
I was somewhat surprised that the subject could be stretched to a 471 page document and myself and my colleagues read it with some interest.
I think I should first point out that our laboratory is primarily concerned with the thermodynamics associated with high speed flight and thus neither myself or my colleagues are really qualified to comment on either the commercial viability, ergonomics and associated engineering for wild animals high visibility clothing. However you and your team have gone to such great lengths to complete this project we felt a constructive response was appropriate.
Marketing.
1. Given a choice of either “Dillo Glo” or “Dildo”, as a trade name, we feel the latter has more market potential.
2. While we understand that there may well be 1.5 million Armadillos in Texas alone, we feel that the animals ability to muster the $48 to purchase the basic item could be limited. We would also point out that those Armadillos, who may well have access to funds by virtue of their owners, are less likely to require road safety clothing since they are in captivity. Even anecdotal research has revealed that few Armadillo owners allow them to roam free during the hours of darkness.
3. While it may be possible to allocate State funds for purchase of Armadillos vests, under a citizen safety program there is little evidence to suggest that the average automobile is effected by impacting an Armadillo at speed, or that there has ever been a fatal incident resulting from a injured wild Armadillo attacking a human being.
Design.
1. None of my colleagues could find fault with the basic design, though the enhanced model containing the strobe light and the 121.7 mhz locator beacon did seem slightly over engineered. Our comments are as follows
a. Even a fit male Armadillo weighing 5kg will have problems with a 22 kg battery pack.
b. Since the average running speed of an Armadillo is less that 10 kph (and then only sustainable for short periods), we feel your suggested a wind tunnel program to be of limited utility and funds would be better spent reducing the weight.
c. We feel that the size of the strobe light may well prohibit the animal being able to burrow, thus reducing sales to the wild population.
d. It may not be necessary to conduct extensive weight and balance trials, since the justification for these trials was included on the basis of Armadillos needing to climb trees to nest or evade capture. Checking has revealed that Armadillos, neither nest or climb trees to evade capture. In fact few ant eating mammals have this capability.
e. From studying the design notes, it would appear that, should the animal be involved in a road accident and lie motionless for more than 60 seconds, the locator beacon will activate enabling search and rescue assets to locate the possibly injured animal and render assistance. We strongly urge checking with both the FAA and DOD prior to including this feature, since the false alarm rate during sleep may well reduce market viability.
I hope these comments help
Anon.