Open mics are a laugh

[VH-FTS]

http://archive-server.liveatc.net/ybaf/YBAF-Sep-22-2009-0030Z.mp3

22.10-24.00 :ok:

[myshoutcaptain]

White with 1 thanks and a few scotch fingers ... :ok:

[goin'flyin]

Always good for a laugh.

I recall a female instructor from the school i worked at many moons ago, departed YSBK and every person within a 100nm got to listen to her S&L lesson, which was amusing, but not nearly as amusing as her continued rambling about all "the F:mad:ing controllers not listening" :=

When in fact they, and everyone else with a radio on at the time was listening, Very carefully.

Edit: typo corrected

[AussieNick]

AHAHAHAHA someones gonna be introuble

[The Green Goblin]

Talking about shooting aircraft down :mad:

Someone is in lots of trouble!

[Jabawocky]

Ohhh dear..... :eek:

And what's worse is I think I know that bloke :uhoh:. Could be an interesting discussion next time I see him!:E

[nightmode]

Pure gold :)

It happens -- Remember hearing about a fellow on their first solo years ago at AF... Singing along---- "I've got a ticket to ride...." With an open mic:E All the way to the downwind call.

Then there was the time at bandcamp .... - (only kidding) - Once was waiting for a takeoff clearance wondering where the controller went.
Realised after a minute it was toooo- quiet. Doh.

[j3pipercub]

EPIC FAIL!!!! Nice to know we're not he only ones that do it from time to time

[Ando1Bar]

It was very amusing to hear that yesterday. The radar controller is normally very professional, it was interesting to hear him speak with the ATC voice turned off. Surely he didn't just leave his hand on the button?

In fairness to the controller, some of the clearance requests they receive around Brisbane and the Gold Coast are a joke. No wonder he had the sh*ts.

As I say to the occassional student pilot - don't slag anyone off until you are on the ground and the radio is off.

[Wally Mk2]

121.5 provides some amazing crap also & they ain't on a stuck mike!!!!:ugh:

I guess the ATC boys are no different than the rest of us, they hear it all & mostly have to keep their mouths shut despite wanting to serve up some colourful language to the uneductaed out there:-)

Wmk2:-)

[the air up there]

As I say to the occassional student pilot - don't slag anyone off until you are on the ground and the radio is off.

Word of warning young people, sitting in cruise is boring. When someone calls another and says go numbers, 90% will go numbers if they have a spare com just to listen in on something different. Numbers is not a dicreet chat frequency.

I heard from a mate on the grapevine some young guys flew into YJAB about 2 weeks ago in some 172's. There were about 13 pilots listening in on what you where saying. Very immature, arrogant and in some instances offensive (some tuned back out) from what I was told.

Moral is, nothing is dicreet. Always check your radio and make sure that correct frequency is selected, and TX goes away when you release PTT.

[j3pipercub]

I agree Air up there,

If you want to chat organise a freq previous and then just say, go company...then talk crap:ok:

[Wally Mk2]

121.5 provides some amazing crap also & they ain't on a stuck mike!!!!:ugh:

I guess the ATC boys are no different than the rest of us, they hear it all & mostly have to keep their mouths shut despite wanting to serve up some colourful language to the uneductaed out there:-) ATC would have to perfect the art of mind reading, especially with all the foreign students about our airwaves these days, to you guys (ATC) me dips me hat:ok:

Wmk2:-)

[VH-XXX]

Once heard a full blown mayday call on CTAF during a lesson with open Mic and instructor, they did the full call. Anyone coming in half way through would have rung alarm bells.

[romeocharlie]

There was a certain skydive pilot at YIFL who was notorious for holding down mic button too long.

''AAX you'll have holding on the drop due outbound traffic from YDKI''

''AAX copy...FUUUU*****''

And then there was the Brissie centre controller who had a stuck mike a few years ago, and continued talking about very very filthy stuff only to follow a couple of minutes later with a ''really?.......sh**!''

[Pilotette]

A few years ago fellow female pilot reported inbound to a GAAP and requested 1 touch & go on arrival. The male controller responded and then commented with a stuck mic: "with a voice like that, she can touch & go as much as she likes, whenever she likes." :}

[tea & bikkies]

Never forget "the law of inverse beauty" when listening to radio! Proved to be true on many occasions:ok:

[T80]

Hey Air,

Wouldn't happen to of been the same blokes from Brissy way that were passing up the middle of the NT about the same time would it ????

[ForkTailedDrKiller]

Never forget "the law of inverse beauty" when listening to radio! Proved to be true on many occasionshttp://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/thumbs.gif

Nooooooooo! The trip to Brisbane will be very boring if I can't fanticise about the BN Centre controller with the sexy Swedish accent!

Dr :8

[tea & bikkies]

But have you met her face to face? A difficult thing to navigate sometimes, I know. As I mentioned after the trouble and extra words on the radio, sometimes its better to just sit in the cruise and just imagine:}

[the air up there]

T80, more than likely. I'm assuming you had the pleasure.

[tea & bikkies]

No, no not the above mentioned , just working on a law:)

[Capt Fathom]

As the female pilot taxied at [no names please] airport, the air traffic controller asked whether it would be an intersection departure, or would she be requiring the full length? :uhoh:

[tea & bikkies]

Yes had one female tower controller reply to my ready call "as waitttttt."

[PyroTek]

best way to know if the "law of inverse beauty" is in action is to have contacts in BNE centre (or wherever else you are contacting) to ask about such person:}

[tea & bikkies]

Transmitting blind...:}

[Jabawocky]

Nooooooooo! The trip to Brisbane will be very boring if I can't fanticise about the BN Centre controller with the sexy Swedish accent!

No Forkie..... thats Helga in your G495 ya goose!! :}

[Pilotette]

Oh no, look what I have started :rolleyes:...silly girl! :O

[the air up there]

It doesnt take much much pilotette.:}

We are pilots after all.

[fence_post]

Best one I heard about was two military helicopters with two pilots in each, flying from one military base to another.

On the Area Flight Service frequency one of the helicopters went onto 'constant transmit' with one of the pilots tellng the bloke he was with how he fu*ked the CO's wife the day before. Unfortunately for him the pilot in the helicopter next to him on the same Area Flight Service frequency was the CO.

Not only had he told the whole world what a good time he had with the CO's wife, but told the CO as well.

I heard there was a pretty good punch up when they both landed!

[Worrals in the wilds]

My favourite stuck mic was when a tug driver blocked out the ground frequency in peak hour. The safety officer who hunted him down forgot the first principle of the stuck mic (everyone can hear you) and inadvertently broadcast something like 'your mic's #$%^ you #$%^ dopey #$%'. The airwaves went silent, followed by a quiet 'thank you' from the SMC. :\

Second favourite was a student departing BAF bumping the button as he explained that 'it all turned to sh1t' to his instructor. Tower responded in a nice, cosy voice 'and it's not getting any better, is it'. :ok:

Re the inverse law of voice attractiveness, it's funny how people you 'meet' frequently on the radio often look completely different to how you imagined them. Not necessarily hotter or fuglier, just different.

[Capt Claret]

Or when the F/O doesn't hang the pedestal hand piece up properly, leaving the PA open, and one speaks to the greeting engineer and tells him, and the cabin, that the aircraft is of dubious serviceability. :eek:

Thank heavens, one didn't say "it's fkuced!" :}

[Ando1Bar]

T80, the air up there

Think I know the lads you're talking about. May have to have a quiet word when I get in today.

[Capetonian]

If I ever write a memoir, this account, which illustrates the law of inverse beauty in respect of voices, may well be in it. I was in my twenties and working for a travel agency ....... Funny how foolish we can be in our youth ..... and does it ever change?

We both lusted over the secretary of one of our corporate customers, or more accurately, we fantasised over the images her voice invoked. We spent hours trying to summon up courage to invite her for a coffee, or looking for feeble excuses to meet her in person. One day an opportunity arose for a document to be delivered, we spun a coin, I won, and was burning tyre rubber on my way before the coin had been pocketed, as we'd struck an agreement that whichever of us met her first had first shot at mounting a seduction campaign. Previous clandestine reconnaissance paid off and I reached her office building in record time. Standing in front of the object of our fantasies I lost my tongue and my nerve, barely gave the woman a glance, forgot the carefully planned pick-up lines, dropped the ticket wallet, and ran. Only in the lift on the way out did it dawn on me that the dowdy middle aged woman whose office door bore the name of the person over whom we'd been drooling for weeks, and the sexy sounding secretary, were the same person.

Martin was older and more streetwise than I, but gullible, and I was determined to turn this into an opportunity to be 'one up' on him. How I would achieve this was as yet undefined. I imagined telling him that she had accepted my invitation to a romantic evening out. As erotic images of what might have been raced through my mind, I raced through a 'stop' sign and my 75cc. moped collided with a Sunbeam Rapier. Nothing was injured except my pride and left kneecap, both of which still trouble me to this day from time to time.

Much later, back at the office, Martin asked what she was like. Having described her sensuous beauty until Martin was drooling at the mouth, I refused to answer his questions as to future assignations to meet. I implied that I needed time to gather up the courage to ask her out. A few mornings later, Martin walked in and gave me a look that should have ensured I never wrote this. I merely told him he should have kept his word. After that, we had a better understanding.

[frigatebird]

Must be the near constant use of mobiles, and sms, and the need to "keep in touch", that drives the co's chatting trivia away on company when they have line of sight. Thought they would get the hint indirectly with a few "get off the line there's a train coming", or the old "3 minutes- are you extending?" But no - they just looked blank, and no doubt thought I was an OLD FraT, while I was monitoring the other calls.

[Awol57]

Hehe my biggest fear really. I have had it happen once when the PTT on the ericaphone got jammed. Luckily I put it down fairly quickly which kills it! :)

[zube]

A few years ago RAAF instructor pattering a student pilot with transmit button stuck open. He eventually twigs what's happening and tells student they are returning to the field and to maintain radio silence.

There follows ongoing endless droning of the engine for quite some time on the frequency. Eventually students voice comes over, whispering, " Do you think they can still hear us, sir?"

Followed by "I SAID SHUT UP." Then more engine droning.

[Konev]

pilot of an aircraft telling a fellow cockpit dweller on how the "controller fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down"

very red face when he went to apologise.

[TwoTango]

I recall a couple of small but funny open mic events from Archerfield a few years back. One student got a clearance to line up, and when he went to move from the holding point, the aircraft took a fair burst of power to move. He said "Come on you bastard!", which the controller must have assumed was directed at him.

Another student was up with an instructor, and the discussion went into more details than most would want to know about their sex lives... More red faces...

TT