Popstars in the Desert

[two rackets]

Rumour has it that Gerri H and STEPS are going to 'perform' for the troops out for SSII! What happened to Jim Davidson? Wonder if he'll be watching the footie instead... :D

[Specaircrew]

I think most people would rather have had electricity in their tents than have that sort of entertainment!

[Fox-1]

Good to see our 'Ents committee' have a sense of humour. If the Americans spend a day in theatre they get the whole month tax free. They get 'hostile fire' pay or something similar, and generally have a lot less to gripe about when they get sent away somewhere $hitty. We get 'pop stars'.

Is there any reason why us guys doing a valliant job defending democracy/marsh arabs/UK defence jobs* (* delete as appropriate) should pay income tax if we're out of the country? If we're so valued why shouldn't we be valued that much? I don't want this to sound like a whinge, but we fight alongside the yanks as best buddies and we get sod all in comparison.

I don't think I'll miss Jim Davidson though, that's one thing the committee got right. I would like more than 20 mins telephone calls a week to call home though; maybe I'll get a phone card out of all that extra dosh we get. Oh!! :(

[3m Strop Carrier]

Hey Fox-1, some of us have been going away for a very long time, with no phone allowance at all. The new welfare package is a god send - 20 mins is pretty good especially as it is from anywhere in the world eg South Atlantic, Sandy Places etc. The other thing you can do is to top up your phone account before you go, this will allow you to talk to everyone for much longer. By the way not all other services get an X factor in their pay like we do.

[Kiting for Boys]

There was a splendid piece on Radio 4 yesterday describing off-duty troops relaxing around a swimming pool drinking beer. It sounded great, pity you missed it.

One soldier (described by the excited reporter as 'looking like a Greek God') was interviewed as were a female sailor 'in a bikini' and a Lt. Col. 'an officer - so sitting in the shade'.

All were looking forward to the concert...

Pip Pip

[Rude C'man]

I can indeed confirm that Miss Halliwell and steps are in the desert to entertain our boys. As pop stars and important people top class transport and accommodation has been organised for the event. The mighty wokka will be used yet again as the work horse to transport them around with their entourage. I bet the boys are all queuing up to fly that one! I woder if anyone will use the **** tube with them onboard and try the old intercom gag?

[BEagle]

No doubt the sound crew supporting the gig will have done a better job than the idiots who provided the excrutiating racket from the ex-Spandau Ballet lot at Base Aerea Gringo, Islas Malvinas did last year? Some extremely tasty dancing babes and a half-funny comedian were fine, apart from their acts being interrupted by pi$$ed squaddies. But the 'top' act was dreadful - it might as well have been a dying dinosaur bellowing 'GOLD' over the sound system as a so-called professional act! Many people just upped and left, it was so awful.....and what a waste of money for all concerned. Hope you have better luck in the desert!!

[ChristopherRobin]

well, we were offered to go and we put our names down but then most realised that they wouldn't sit in a coach for 3 hours to see those bands in UK, but then we are in slipper city.

I might go as I have quite the crush on Geri and if I can be bothered to go I'll send you all a PXR.

The welfare package is pretty damn good esp the internet and phone calls, but they've chopped LOA, so I reckon the government saved themselves a bit of money. Still, mustn't grumble, many people (e.g. poor blokes at Camp Fairburn) don't even have toilets - they are really suffering, don't have Op welfare package or LOA and are pretty damn peed off.

Well, must be off to top up the old Chris Robin tan, see you whiteys later

ttfn,

[24/7]

specaircrew, rude, et al
sounds like a drip from the crabs ........... wassup, don't you have a 5 star to stay in for a change?

join the grunts and see what life's really like ... losers

:D

[Tonkenna]

24/7

Ah yes, but I think you will find that that is exactly why we didn't join the grunts in the first place :D :D

Tonks

Oh well, of to a 21st birthday party in St A's. How I miss the front :(

[ 06 October 2001: Message edited by: Tonkenna ]

[Specaircrew]

I suppose you had a little 'action man' dolly when you were little didn't you 24/7? Those of us who worked hard at school had the choice between being a 'Blighter' in the trenches and a 'twenty minuter' and it's not big or clever to live in a ****hole between war sorties just because it makes you look hard!!!

I suggest you log on to www.ilikecamping.com (http://www.ilikecamping.com) where you might find someone who sympathises with your point of view.

[24/7]

I refer you to the thread about spending more on the military.

Save more by saving a fortune on RAF luxuries and spending it on real military hardware {and that includes the hardware that fly it, not the soft ****s that need a hotel between sorties}

:D

[BEagle]

You might be interested to know that there's already a bollicking letter being circulated amongst the desk-sucking blotter-jotters at HQ which expresses concern at the impact on the budget of all the 'working visits' to SSII - because of the 'most expensive airline and hotel options being used when UK camps were available'

Bad enough for normal standards to be sacrificed because HMG says it can't afford it, but when some REMF waddles over to 'meet the chaps' from his palatial hotel....

And yes, when the outside airline market recovers, as surely it will, those who wouldn't spend the money on normal accommodation will just have to spend 10 times as much on replacing aircrew who will have had enough by then.........

[dwaynedibley]

I would just like to clear up this "should have tried harder at school" myth (was going to put mith, just to see). Personally I didn't try hard at school and do you know what? I couldn't give a flying (quite apt) F***. I didn't leave with many formal quals but I had a good time. Sorry no time for sitting in the sixth form common room with grannies cardigan on, too busy out shagging birds and smoking tabs.

I am now a Military (NB) Pilot, having completed a Tri Service course. I had the pleasure of topping my ground school class at Shawbury, more after school study required sir(s). Prior to flying I worked for a living, meaning away from the anti admin corps.
All I can say is I wouldn't transfer to the cake and arse force if my very existence depended on it. As a team commander in South Armagh a few years ago (sound of sandbag being pulled up) when there were people getting shot on a regular basis, if ever our Heli pick up were late or didn't turn up at all, you could (almost every time) guarantee that it would be the Crabs not bothering to get off there arses 'cause the met was out of limits, or they had a bone in their leg, didn't stop you getting back to Aldergrove for changeover though did (or does) it.

What does all this mean I here you say? (and who cares). School days are the best of your life, you’re damn right they are and if you fancy sitting in the common room with Gerald talking about quantum physics you crack on me old son. I presume from the name you are one. so why go spec aircrew are your officer qualities that lacking that you feel it necessary to fly instead. Guess what, I can stay flying and don't have to do a desk job ever either. Go figure.
Oh before you mention money, as I am sure you will, my give a f**k-o-meter won't even flicker.
The view from outside the RAF, you know from the people its your job to support, is that you are a bunch of whining ninnies who can’t deploy unless you have your amex gold card and your soft sheets. You do nothing to help yourselves and I am sure you will say you don’t care. Not bad from the ‘professional’ aviators.

Why isn’t the senior commander in South Armagh a Crab, I just wondered?

Oh, and you can’t drink !
:p

[gijoe]

dwayne - funniest ( and most accurate !) post I've read in a long time :cool:

[Cattivo]

Why is it that the majority of Pongos I meet always feel the need to compete with the RAF, is it some sort of inferiority complex?

I mean dwayne, honestly, the age old banter "should've tried harder at school" doesn't literally mean that. Yet you've jumped up and spouted stories about not being a biff - "topping" your groundschool and everything (which by the way is not exactly nuclear f***ing science).

The Army fellas I know do a good, professional job. A job which requires completely different skills and attributes to mine. Yet, unlike mostly every pongo I've met, I don't feel the need to bang on about how much of a better person I am. Whats it all about?

PS I've deliberately tried to keep this as unabusive as possible... that comes later.

[Rude C'man]

Blimey, I'm off to get Matt Hayes the fishing in here is great.... S armagh blah blah blah ,desert Blah .....Blah Blah Blah

Been there, seeen it, got the medals, doing it tomorrow!!! :cool:

[ 07 October 2001: Message edited by: Rude C'man ]

[ChristopherRobin]

Dwayne, you are a man after my own heart - I'm out here in the desert and where we are is the cushiest place in theatre, has an awful lot of crabs and some of them are still whinging. It is tough in some parts out here (stag on Royal mates!), but this place is a holiday camp - I mean it.

...and still they complain.

Still though - much as I love the corps, it ain't so good for flying if you are an officer as you well know - now if we got that sorted out I'd sign on the dotted forever, and there wouldn't be so many guys hotfooting it to whinge-land.

[Up Very Gently]

Anyway, so how was the concert then?

UVG

[Strobin' Purple]

Ooh. Senior Commander S Armagh, that's something for the logbook ain't it. Get 'em really green-eyed down at the NAAFI/Sgts' Mess huh? You pooh-eaters really know how to live.

[Rude C'man]

Me thinks that after this evening's news there may be some second thoughts in the Halliwell and Steps offices. Or are they the secret weapon? white noise to get 'em confused.

UVG- give me a call about the next Chinook Bash , How was down south ?

[Captain Kirk]

24/7

I seem to recall that the consistent advice to anyone living in the field is that:

'Any FOOL can be uncomfortable'.

Why suffer if there is a better option available? Looks like you have a first in being the fool.

dwaynedibley

It grieves me to read your vitriolic rant - not because you are mistaken (and you are), but because you have, for a variety of reasons, obviously developed such a poor opinion.

Do I detect a wee bit of a chip on your shoulder? Don't blame you though - AAC do a great job but get relatively little recognition. I also suspect that you ENJOY whining about the RAF - ironic, given the thrust of your thread!

The fact is that, like all 3 Services, there are those that DO and those that just bgger the do'ers about.

Do you really think that we are any less frustrated being fcked about by insolent movers at Brize or Lyneham. Actually, it is worse as we are acutely aware that it is the only contact with the RAF that many from the other services will have - it is embarrassing. Incidentally, for the movers - my last 2 experiences have actually been pretty good so please continue whatever efforts you have set in train to treat your passengers like human beings and not freight.

As to the hotel thing - not really supported by facts in the vast majority of cases, but what is your point? Do you really think it militarily sensible for the operators of a very unforgiving piece of hardware to dig a slit trench and bed down in it? I suspect that you have little idea of what FJ ops really entail but trust me, the days are long, intense and pretty draining. Sadly, when it all starts to go pear shaped, you cannot stop and have a group chat about the best way out - you have a few, rapidly diminishing, seconds to figure it out. The correct solution is less likely to be arrived at or successfully prosecuted if you are on your chinstrap. Do your earthen colleagues really want to call in some CAS from some half asleep dude? A poorly aimed CBU will not care who the good guys are. And do you really think that the late cab for the pick-up is because the crew could not be bothered? Perhaps they were re-tasked, just perhaps your stick was not THE most important thing happening in S.Armagh at that moment. Nothing like seeing the big picture is there?

Sorry to give a serious reply - I'm all for banter but couldn't help but point out where you were wrong!

Bottom line, the boys and girls at the front-line (any service) are what makes being in the military all about. Frustrating to meet the inevitable rubber desk johnnys but they are everywhere. I could certainly not wish to work with more professional and enthusiastic people - if they had to, they would pull out all the stops to get their job done, be that strategic or in support of another frontline unit that was up against the wire. But guess what, most of the time, the best way to do our job is the way we do it!
:cool:

[Pub User]

Dwayne

Now that you are a professional aviator, I expect you'll understand why the Crabs are unable to fly because the weather is out of limits. The reasons are similar to those that prevented the AAC from flying in December last year, in South Armagh, because there was snow on the ground.

We all have our rules, the crabs bend them more than most, but now and then they cannot bend them quite enough to justify flying. None of them apply, of course, in life-threatening situations, when you can bet your life that everyone would do their best to reach you. The Crabs, being better, would get there first of course, despite their antiquated machinery (in S Amargh).

Now that Aldergrove has a joint mess, there is no doubt about who can and cannot drink!

[fone_effect]

What is needed is "The Darlek Coves" headed up dy Popeyes son.

Dwayne, I think you caught a couple of BOTTOM feeders. Keep up the good work and watch out for the boat.

[Frank Spenny]

C K ... Good call. Let's try to keep this a military forum and not a b1tch about who's the best. (Although I can't stand fish heads...)

[BEagle]

CK - thank you for your measured response to the childish replies from others. It seems that there are still some who persist in giving their readily identifiable organisations a bad name.

[X-QUORK]

Dwayne,

Excellent post, nice to see the Air Farce are biting in a big way !

BEagle,

Your frequent references to Army aircrew as nothing more than illiterate Squaddies might be perceived as giving your "readily identifiable organisation a bad name." :p

[dwaynedibley]

Must..........get..........stronger..........line........... ..

[Mmmmnice]

Dwayne - spot on mate :D a few more like you in country and there'll be no need to race for the comfy chair in b***ards hut (that is the throne reserved for the senior man isn't it?) :eek:
I'm sure it would suit all the crabs if you and your mates were left to prise the bog-trotters apart - hurrah :p

[Strobin' Purple]

DwayneD

As Air Carps you probably mean:

" Must....get...stronger....powers of comprehension, ability to reason rationally and while I'm at it, find out what all this Airmanship malarkey is all about"

If you've got a problem with the (big) words, just ask one of your officers....oh, maybe not.

Chin chin

SP

[Dimmer Switch]

Yeh, yeh..Air Force blah, blah....AAC blah.....professional aircrew blah, blah.............what about Sandy Spice?! Was she worth watching or what ?!!!?

[Detrimento Sumus]

Dimmer,

I concur - what eaxctly was Gwaa Spice like? and was it true that Steps finished their set early and were booed off stage to a barrage of cans.

Detri

PS My dad is harder the your dad and can take him any day

[jayteeto]

I tried hard not to bite, but I can't help it. What are you lot on?? You are supposed to be professional aviators! The crabs didn't do a pick up because the met was outside limits? Really?? and you do of course?? I'm glad you aren't on my squadron, keep breaking the rules mate! History is littered with tossers who bust the limits. Oh, and PS, I have lived in just about everything from trench to Sheraton, you say that hotel dwellers are losers? errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
By the way I might sound like Mr Angry, but I'm not angry at all, just amazed..........

[two rackets]

Cut the crap guys! Was the performance by our modern day Vera Lynn any good?

Or are they wishing they'd hired Jim D after all?

"Balls to the wall!"

[Kiting for Boys]

Thoughtful piece in today's Times suggests that our circulating photographs of a semi-naked Spice Girl on the beach in Oman wasn't a smart way to increase moderate Muslim support for the overall campaign.

What was the brief for that nice Minder chap in the photos and who the briefer?

[dwaynedibley]

SP,
Thankfully I went to a comprehension school, I'm sure thats what it said anyway. As previously stated didn't spend too much time there so can't quite remember.

As to Airmanship, do tell.... :D

[Editied as I had to find an officer to check my grammar(she's still dead)]

[ 10 October 2001: Message edited by: dwaynedibley ]

[twistgrip]

Left military flying quite a while ago....

Does my old heart good to see the crabs and pongos still love each other - some things never change.

Agree about fish heads tho..... :D :D

[ChristopherRobin]

Srobin Purple, why use big words when a small one can adequately describe you? i.e. Knob.

Right then - back to the subject - Steps were really good, so was Bobby Davro, in fact he was very good and very funny, despite low expectations. He also gave a pretty rousing "we're proud of you lads" speech which trembled the lip (but sadly not the knees) and Geri?

- great production, gorgeous dancers and she'd get it but I have to say zero charisma. Steps were much better. But she was still pretty good - should cover a few more catchy numbers though. Still, considering that I wouldn't cross the road to see any of them in 'the World' but drove 200 miles across a dukes of hazzard set to see them and still think it was a great night out must tell you something.

...although as the show was a big part of the op welfare package that cost us LOA of £20 a day, we reckon that the concert ticket worked out at around £900 each, which is a bit of a ripoff it has to be said.

[Strobin' Purple]

Just for you CR, I'll keep it monosyllabic...doh, I mean short.

I'm typing slowly for you pooh-baggers as well.

[KentBrockman]

just had a look at all the "banter" and i have come up with a solution for it. Behind the gym after school, your'e gonna get your head kicked in etc etc :rolleyes:

[murphy]

Strobing

You really have excelled yourself. Ever since I've known you you've been.................how can I put it...............less than popular!!!!
I could have sworn the Corps employed you, trained you and put up with you for many years. How about a touch of loyalty Eh!!
Noticed you also had a dig about people "showing off" about being SAMA top dog. Well, thats cos it IS an important job as you will remember from your time in NI (Just how long did you do???)

Yours

Murph x x x

[Hengist Pod]

Did anyone chance their arm with one of the Steps girls, as always used to be the case at post-show parties with the dancing slappers? I'd have a crack at Lisa if she had that brace removed from her teeth. Ouch! As for bunny-boiler spice, no thanks.

And who gives a f*ck who worked harder at school?

[Strobin' Purple]

Maybe I ought to add 'powers of deduction' to that list of brown-air failings.

Murf, you got the wrong fella. Must've been to the same comp' as DWayne.

Nice one about the army 'training' their pilots though!

Time in the emerald toilet? Sufficient for 2 medals.

'Top Dog' South Armagh. I'm sure it's important to you, and I'm very pleased for you.

Chin chin

SP

[oldgit47]

24/7, you obviously are a well ballanced man. Chip on both shoulders. You ignorant ill informed pongo. Giving a pongo an aircraft, doesn't make him a pilot!

[dwaynedibley]

Really,
If you give a crab wings is it still seafood ?

[KentBrockman]

Giving us an aircraft doesnt make us pilots eh? sanitary towels have wings and they are stuck to fannys, get my drift. :p

[moggie]

Just been looking at the posts on earlier pages - Dwaynedibley sounds familiar. In fact, Dwaynedibley sounds just like my little brother who has literally just graduated from the wokkas a Wallop.

What a pity it was, that during the course parachuting display at the graduation, he demonstrated that terrific sense of judgement that AAC aviators have by putting himself in hospital after hitting the Control Tower and a Landrover. B*ggers just jumped up in front of him, I believe. Still, he has had a partial outbreak of common sense - joining the AAC because living in a hole and getting shot at in NI did not seem to smart a way to make a living.

As previously stated - any fool can be uncomfortable, and the Army are better at being uncomfortable than anyone else!

(PS - I only went to Comprehensive before joing the RAF, that's why I had to go back and edit the awful spelling!)

[ 14 October 2001: Message edited by: moggie ]

[lou couturn]

Dwayne.........sorry old boy but even with your seemingly lads lad school days you really are a totally pompous arse. Nice landing by the way.

[dwaynedibley]

I am overjoyed by the number of people who think they know me.
I am afraid to say however I have never hit anything, with or without a parachute... ;)

As to a nice landing as someone once said anyone you can walk away from is a good one.

Did he, walk away that is ?

[TicketyBoo]

I don't think I know you.

[moggie]

he went out on a stretcher but was walking inside 48 hours. Not much of a landing!

As you are not my little brother this reduces the chance of me getting my head kicked in next time I see him - phew! Guess I shouldn't have spilt the beans - but I had to laugh and his mates have it on video. I would also add that I would NOT be laughing if any serious damage had been done.

[KentBrockman]

i know him and he is a pompous arse

only joking dwane

you're a pompous ****

still joking, dont fill me in
:D :D :D

[dwaynedibley]

Glad to hear about your brother, the being alright, not the fact that he is/isn't going to fill you in.

Kent,
That was a little below the belt, then again as high as you can go I suppose. ;)

As to being a pompous arse, never been said before, so as I have reached the pinnacle of my career on PPRUNE, I suppose I'd better put my papers in for commisioning.
Then again I'm not that pompous. :p

[EESDL]

I understand that the hijacking (can I say that these days) of threads is a posters hazard but certain 'balanced' characters from Teeney Weeney Airways have done themselves proud!
Accusing people of taking the bait? I thought a Forum was a place where replies a post was expected and anticipated.

Fancy using SA as an illustration of SH experience;-)
DD, I hope you weren't one of the Lynx that had to be escorted back from Co Donegal by Walter because they couldn't agree on who was lost? Now that would be amusing. I doubt it was though because that occured in the early '90s and you were probably still spitting on your classroom ceiling and giggling as it dripped down onto the teacher....

Read a few books on flying helicopters in Vietnam. I doubt you would mention any so-called 'daring-do' in SA again.

SA Cdr....bet Paddy was really impressed.
2 NI medals, that'll be 60 days then....bet Paddy was really impressed.

And before you ask...you started it :-)

[X-QUORK]

EESDL,

60 days in NI = 2 medals ?

Not in my day, I believe you had to serve for more than two years before getting a second gong. :confused:

[EESDL]

X-Quork

You're quite right, just carrying on the short-sighted tone of the thread...thought it was 3 years though for the clasp.
Even know of holding Officers who would get attached for a month to receive a gong (guess that belongs on another thread)!!

Must go and see how many days I've spent in a SE Italian bar for the Kosovo medal:-)

[fobotcso]

http://www.army.mod.uk/wfr/lifestyle.htm


"As such the dangers of that task which have barely diminished is recognised by the award of the British Army's General Service Medal after 30 days service."

That would be for a roulement tour. It comes with the NI clasp.

Thought that if you were on the posted strength you got the whole thing after 24 hours.

[Helmut Visorcover]

Accum Service is for 1000 days in Province. :D

[moggie]

Now lets get back to "Popstars in the desert" which is where we started.

Really important questions:

1) was the Mark smith on the front of the papers really a fighter pilot or the Mark Smith who was a PJI at Brize 10 yrs ago?

2) Did he get to sh@g Gerri?

3) Did anyone sh@g the steps girls?

4) Did anyone sh@g anyone?

We should be told!

[TL Thou]

'ang on a minute, 'ang on a minute...did I get that straight? Did someone say that dear dear Geri and pals were paid for out of the fandabby dozy welfare package???

Hmmm. Considering she and her mates got about £5 billion quids worth of free publicity it is a little bit tight fisted to charge n'est-ce pas?

Correct me if I am wrong! :confused:

[Lucas Gap]

Hot off the press or as hot as BFPO mail will allow STEPS were fantastic and quite personable according to my source who might have been responsible for the security of the whole ging gang gooley. Geri Halliwell, however, "appeared to be in a world of her own and didn't appeal to the crowd-apart from alot of unnecessary bad language-and to top it all off she mimed (mouthed the words) to all her songs!" I think she's got a funny nose anyway! and she's a ginger! :D

[EESDL]

Steps were afforded the luxury of an Albert Co-Pilots' lap.....they slipped right through.
Strange, ain't it, they always end up on Albert's flight deck.

[X-QUORK]

Questions being asked about how much Geri was paid to perform :
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/011118/80/cfvqi.html