Brussels sprouts banned from warship

[ORAC]

Hmmm, many years,1976, at 280SU in Cyprus, we had an Adjutant, (ex-Army officer who went RAF admin somehow) who doubled as the catering Officer who banned baked beans because they weren't "an Officer's vegetable".

We had a joint kitchen, however, and whilst he could keep them off the menu, he couldn't ban us from asking for them. So, with I admit some active collaboration from the staff, we duly did so at every meal.

"A salad please!"
"Side order of baked beans with that Sir?"
"Oh yes!!"

They appeared back on the menu shortly thereafter.

But he didn't have the power of a Navy captain.... ;);)

Brussels sprouts banned from warship (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5549951/Brussels-sprouts-banned-from-warship.html)

A Royal Navy captain has banned Brussels sprouts from his warship, HMS Bulwark, because he loathes them so much.

Commanding Officer Wayne Keble OBE says sprouts are prohibited and labelled them the "devil's vegetable". His orders mean no-one on board – including his 390-strong team of sailors and Royal Marines – are allowed to eat them. He brought in the boycott because he "hates" Brussels sprouts but denied a rumour he introduced the ban because they make his crew suffer from flatulence.

Capt Keble disclosed details his ban after he was asked to confirm reports he had banned fried foods from his ship. He said: "The only thing I have banned on board is Brussels sprouts. They are the devil's vegetable and the only thing I do not like, and the only thing I hate. Brussels sprouts are absolutely banned on board HMS Bulwark. I do not eat them so I do not know what the after-effects are."

Capt Keble is not alone in his hatred of sprouts, a 2002 survey found them most hated vegetable in Britain. Their smell, considered unpleasant by many, is caused by sulphur compounds released when cooked.

A spokesman for the Royal Navy and the MoD claimed Capt Keble had only banned the sprouts from the captain's table. But a source on board HMS Bulwark said he was "very serious" about banning Brussels sprouts which are not allowed to be served.

"This ban is no joke. The captain has made it very clear that Brussels sprouts are not allowed on board. For some reason he just hates them. "The MoD can say what they like but Capt Keble runs the ship and he has categorically said that sprouts are banned," he said.

Capt Keble said he was keen to ensure the crew of the ship, based in Plymouth, Devon, keep up a high level of fitness through a healthy diet.

"Healthy eating is something I promote. I do promote that and I do a lot of exercise myself. I also promote adventure training and try to eat healthily. "One of my roles as Commanding Officer is to ensure that we are fit and healthy and that we have a healthy lifestyle, moderate our alcohol intake and make sure we are not overweight."

HMS Bulwark is an Albion-class landing platform dock the UK's newest class of amphibious assault warship and built in Barrow-in-Furness, Cumbria. It is currently taking part in a deployment in the Mediterranean and Far East.

[MostlyHarmless]

Sounds fair to me - better than a certain Boss I once had who banned bacon butties because they made the crew room smell like "a transport cafe".

[airborne_artist]

It's never nice when you are closed up next to someone who generates gas :=

[ShyTorque]

Sounds like a load of Bulwarks. He should hold on-deck farting competitions instead; that'll be much better for morale and help clear the air below decks.

[obnoxio f*ckwit]

Well done Capt Keble. Someone needs to stand up to the disgusting food brigade.

I banned pickled eggs from my crewroom (although there were one or two mutineers who kept trying to sneak them back in), Marmite was only hanging on by the skin of its teeth too.

[merlinxx]

Said man a prat:ugh:

[Tankertrashnav]

"This ban is no joke. The captain has made it very clear that Brussels sprouts are not allowed on board. For some reason he just hates them.


I hope the navy shrinks are keeping an eye on this guy. The name Queeg springs to mind

[ShyTorque]

Someone should direct him here: Christmas With The Sproutifarts - Flash Game (http://www.eyegas.com/sproutifarts/)

Featuring a typical Navy Captain's family (apart from having a female wife, that is).

[FJJP]

Serving on Bulwark must be a barrell of laughs...

[c130jbloke]

Well sign me up for a double portion of Bulwark !!!

At last we have formal recognition that said sprout is, indeed, the DEVIL's VEGETABLE:}:}

Fekking hate the things

[Double Zero]

Glad to see the glorious Captain has so much time on his hands.

Hardly the sign of a decent leader to impose his petty taste on the whole crew - sprouts, love them or loathe them, are definitely in the ' greens ' healthy category.

I'd have thought any normal, decent skipper would have simply banned them from his table.

This chap seems to think Bulwark is his private motor yacht; still, compared to the last words of Nelson to the gallant ends of Walker & his like, this idiot will be able to say on his death-bed " at least I had 5 minutes of fame for banning sprouts ".

[airborne_artist]

From the song The Good Ship Venus:

The Second Mate's name was Carter,
By God, he was a farter,
When the wind wouldn't blow and the ship wouldn't go,
We'd get Carter the farter to start her.

What will Carter eat now? :E

[Rossian]

Airborne

The first mate's name was Carter
By God he was a farter
He could play anything
From God save the King
To Mendelssohn's Moonlight Sonata

The Ancient Mariner

[A2QFI]

MostlyHarmless = No Problem at Lyneham and Brize then!

[Runaway Gun]

I hereby declare that the Fitness Test is the Devil's Test :E

[BEagle]

Yup, sounds as though this daft fish-head has something of the Capt Queeg about him....:uhoh:

Still, this just means that anyone with a touch of fun about them will ensure that, at every single formal dinner which Captain 'Caine' Wibble has to attend hereafter, Brussels sprouts will most assuredly be on the menu!

Waitrose button sprouts cooked in boiling water with a dash of salt for 3-4 minutes, then served with a sliver of dairy butter. Excellent with roast turkey or pork! Barking matelot doesn't know what he's missing....:\

[Bertie Thruster]

Traditionally served for our unit Boxing Day lunch; curried left over sprouts. Beautiful.

[c130jbloke]

:yuk::yuk::yuk::yuk::yuk::yuk::yuk::yuk::yuk::yuk::yuk::yuk: :yuk::yuk::yuk:

[Unixman]

She doesn't have gas turbines does she ? ;)

[sycamore]

The man is a total prat.A five minute search on Google will show the benefits to anyone with 2 braincells of the health benefits of eating sprouts..provided they are not overcooked..He is denying his crew healthy foods over one of his `fads`,and is obviously `superstitious`.What does he do if he sees an albatross? hide in his cabin ? Perhaps if he discussed the matter with the MO,he might realise the anti-cancerous colonic benefits of green veg,after he`s had `the finger of fun check` done ...
He`s as bad as a `captain` on Hercs who hated garlic- of course every crew he flew with had curry for meals,but he was still surrounded by the smell,even when no-one had any visible..wherever he went it was always there....I know which loadie put the cloves inside his headset !!!! And we knew about his(NOT THE LOADIE) midemeanour in the BX....

[taxydual]

I think I may have posted this before. Ah, what the hell.

Lossie, late 80's.

USAF bombing range out of commission for whatever.

Two F1-11 'Lootenant' Colonels pitch up for a recce of Tain Range.

Muggins is delegated to host.

Recce completed, RTB to Lossie for Dinner and washup.

At Dinner, Brussels Sprouts on the scoff card.

"Say, Taxydual" says one of the Lootenant Colonels "What are these Brussel Sprouts?"

"Oh" says I "They are similar to small cabbages".

"Ah" says he, having tasted one, "Maybe we should bomb the Brussel Sprout fields instead".

[Double Zero]

Is it even within the Captain's power to make such a decree ?

I'd have thought / hoped the Navy has spent a bit of time & money with nutristionists and worked out a fairly standard diet / ships provisions, and there may well be some ancient regulation about tampering with the crews' health.

I agree with Beagle, the berk has sentenced himself to a lifetime of sprouts, if I was his c/o I'd invite him round and serve nothing else, then find what he does !

[Union Jack]

I am absolutely appalled! Has the man got no sense of shame? No, not the piffling matter of the "Devil's Vegetable - Good Heavens, after all he's got a three-stripe Commander Logistics to look after things such as vegetables whilst he gets on with the more serious matters such as bringing his ship up to the highest degree of operational effectiveness!:=

No, it really is much more serious than that - I just cannot believe that a four-stripe Captain in the Royal Navy is actually called "Wayne"! What were Their Lordships thinking about, promoting a chap with a name like that? I know, I know, there are masses of very pleasant fellows out there called Wayne. I even know some myself, and I unreservedly apologise to anyone on this excellent forum whom I do appreciate I may have offended , but I am talking about a Service in which a promotion board not that many years ago gave very serious consideration to the matter of whether an officer named "Jeffrey" with a "J", as opposed to "Geoffrey" with a "G" was truly fit for promotion to Commander - so sorry Lord Archer ....:E

Getting back on track, I can just see Commander L's face when he realises that, if he's to get a half decent promotion report, some unfortunate Royal Fleet Auxiliary is now doomed to roam the Seven Seas with an increasingly rotten cargo of Brussel sprouts, a latter day "Flying Dutchman" - or should it be "Flying Belgian"? Is Captain Wayne Keble - there, I've said it, although I tend to prefer the anagram version, Tiny Peaceable W*nk - really so against Brussel sprouts, or is he simply an undercover member of the BNP (Brussels Negative Party)? I think we should be told, - certainly before BULWARK's ship's company go down with scurvy!:ok:

Jack

PS Thoroughly agree with Sycamore and Double Zero - you can't make fools of the Navy of today - they seem to do it themselves all too easily

PPS My real Christian name? Sorry, chaps, if I told you, I'd have to kill you!

[Adam Nams]

As Sarah Kennedy fans on Radio 2 will already know; it is too late to start cooking your sprouts for Christmas dinner 2009. We should have all started cooking them well before Easter.

Just keep topping up the water.



Mind you, finely shreaded and stir fried with a bit of garlic and ginger.......:ok:

[GOLF_BRAVO_ZULU]

Stir fried is the only way they are even remotely palatable.

Had Capt Wayne been a sundodger, I could have mustered some sympathy.

[Gainesy]

Pity they mis-reported his surname, which is actually Kerr.

[BEagle]

Juan's brother?


.

[Lightning Mate]

"Mind you, finely shreaded and stir fried...."

Does anyone out there know how to shread a sprout?

[XV277]

Stir fried is the only way they are even remotely palatable.


They are nice raw. Nice nutty taste with a satisfying crunch

[Double Zero]

Well Captain Queeg could have one of his unfortunate crew fire them with a catapult, and see if the Goalkeeper locked on...

On second thoughts no, sounds like he'd get some dubious pleasure that way.

[BEagle]

Does anyone out there know how to shread a sprout?

No. But shredding them is easy enough.

Smash cold leftover sprouts into a green sludge with a potato masher, then add a few onion flakes, a little grated cheddar and ground black pepper and mix with cold mashed potato. Then fry the whole lot together with a knob of butter to make great bubble-and-squeak which goes well with a rich steak and ale pie in wintertime*! Accompanied by a pint of Old Specky Hen - superb!






*it do make I fart somethin' horrid though!

[Union Jack]

..... it do make I fart somethin' horrid though!

But BEagle, how would we notice the difference?:ok: Only kidding, but further proof that this thread is a lot of hot air and really ought to be in Jet Blast - for more than one reason! Actually it is in Jet Blast as well!

Jack

[thesimtech]

"Mash cold left over sprouts", surely that would be all of them, then?:ok:

[BEagle]

How does one send mail to one of HM's little grey war canoes?

I can't help but think that a few copies of The Sprout Book: A Celebration of the Humble Brussels Sprout (Hardcover) by Tess Read (ISBN 978-1-84317-290-1) should be sent to the barking boat driver. Only £7 from that well-known 'Brazilian river' on-line web emporium!

[airborne_artist]

How does one send mail to one of HM's little grey war canoes?

Rank Name
HMS Bulwark
BFPO 243

Go for it BEags - we dare you :E

[cornish-stormrider]

:EI see your dare and raise a double dare with a cherry.....:E

I go so far as to fart in your general direction, sir, if'm you'se ain't got the cojones.

All farts have been confirmed to be sprout free ( they are bad enough without them thanks)

[Tankertrashnav]

In the film, Captain Queeg was played by Humphrey Bogart (brilliant!). Any suggestions to play the mad Captain Keble?

the catering Officer who banned baked beans because they weren't "an Officer's vegetable".


By the way, is Wayne a senior officer's name? I thought Glenn was bad enough;)

[GOLF_BRAVO_ZULU]

News breaking in the wind; MoD made a right meal out of our Brussels sprouts ban exclusive (http://www.thisisplymouth.co.uk/news/MoD-right-meal-sprouts-ban-exclusive/article-1082445-detail/article.html)


Through the MoD he said he had simply banned sprouts from his own plate. He insisted that was not the whole warship – and that the rest of the crew were welcome to eat sprouts on board.

I believe the Janner Daily is a day late in revealing that, though; but they do think the original story was true.

[EyesFront]

A certain Captain Bligh filled his ship with breadfruit, and look what happened to him...

Perhaps Captain Wayne fears a similar mutiny if he allows sprouts on board

[FJJP]

Captain can do what he likes aboard his war canoe - he IS God.

But, he has made a pratt of hisself; however, it won't be a career stopper because the powers that be know a slow news day when they see it.

Beags, gowan, gowan, gowan - you know you want to do it!

[Double Zero]

Tankertrashnav,

I nominate Michael Palin to play the Captain, in his best " Welease Woderick ! " mode.

Beagle,

That book simply has to be sent, if possible in such a way that el capitan can't just quietly bin it; transparent wrapper for the crew et al to see ?

If I on my little boat should happen to be in the vicinity of Bulwark when she returns ( unlikely but a nice thought ) it would be quite in order for me to enquire if they need anything, calling first on VHF channel 16...

[Widger]

Should be more worried about Leeks, they are far more dangerous!

[althenick]

Cant see a problem here - He hasn't banned Beer has he?

Sprout beer - now theres a thing....

[GOLF_BRAVO_ZULU]

I’m sure that Sprouts were used as a flavour enhancer in Watney’s Red Barrel.

Widger. I understand that Spring Onions can be hazardous if released in a confined space.

[Blacksheep]

I’m sure that Sprouts were used as a flavour enhancer in Watney’s Red Barrel. Ah! That explains a lot!

[D120A]

I hope their Lordships' traditional sense of humour prevails on this one, and that the captain is in due course promoted. A suitable NATO appointment might, say, be Flag Officer Training Units Atlantic. FLATULANT.

:ok:

[Wander00]

The ex Rupert turned Pengin wasn't called Mike, and an ex Royal Pioneer Corps officer was he?

Wander00