View Full Version : Policeman Refuses Reckless Stunt!

6th May 2009, 18:49
I was uncertain about what title to give this thread. So I chose something that rhymes.

It isn't the Health and Safety Regulations that are stupid, more often than not, it's the brain-dead morons who justify their own behaviour, however infantile, by muttering "'Elf 'n Safety, innit".

Words fail me about this latest example of someone who needs removing from the gene pool. (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/5279165/PC-refused-to-sit-on-bike-for-photo-without-proficiency-test.html)

The Lancashire Plod must be very proud.

PS There were two morons at work here; the other one was quoted as follows;

Inspector Nick Emmet, from Lancashire Constabulary, said Pc Cobban was right to be cautious.

6th May 2009, 18:52
A policeman no good at cunning stunts?

How good would he be at stunning........miscreants using his truncheon? :E

6th May 2009, 19:15
I've just had a PM from a Member in the Lancashire Plod, pointing out quite rightly that my first post was a bit unfair, so I'm happy to set the record straight.

He drew attention to the last para of the article;

A spokesman for Lancashire Constabulary said the cycling proficiency exam they use is a modified version of tests taken by children learning to ride bikes but is "police specific", using in-house instructors issuing extra guidance such as how to use police radios while cycling.

This course leading up to this exam is evidently very arduous, and even the most intelligent policemen struggle with it.

Just to give an idea of how difficult it is, here is the outline programme.

Day 1 The Wheel, why and how it works by going round, including practical experiments involving models.

Day 2 The mechanics of two wheels connected by a framework of metal tubes.

Day 3 How one wheel is turned to and fro to make the frame change direction. (Students practice this in pairs for an afternoon, pretending to be Wheels, taking it in turns to be the "Front" Wheel).

Day 4 Propulsion of a wheel, and its application to a "Bicycle" Wheel. Various methods are investigated, but the class ends with focus on the Chain method.

Day 5 Introduction to the Pedal, and the mechanics of using it with a Chain to turn a Wheel.

Slip Test; a percentage is excpected to fail at this point through inability to grasp the concepts covered. They will be sent away to be promoted to Inspector.

(Weekend Break).

Day 6 Recap of Week One, and an introduction to a real Bicycle. Elementary Mounting.

Day 7 Elementary Dismounting, leading to Advanced Mounting and Pushing on a Pedal.

Day 8 Practical Riding (following Individual Risk Assessments and a 3-hour Health & Safety Video), in a safe area. (Cushioned floor Play area).

Days 8 - 10 Gradual introduction to Riding On The Road; each Officer is assigned a Nanny to supervise and monitor.

Slip test involving a Practical Road Circuit of 400 metres. Those that pass (2 -3 expected) will move on to Using Your Radio On a Bike training in Week 3.


Day 11. Taking Your Radio out of the Holder, and Switching on.

Day 12 ...........Oh God I can't keep this up. Can someone take over?

6th May 2009, 19:26
Hold it, hold it..... :eek:

Whatever happened to the pre-course instruction in donning and wearing of hard hats, hi-viz vests and steel toecapped shoes? :rolleyes:

6th May 2009, 19:27
No need. No one makes it past Day 11.

Scumbag O'Riley
6th May 2009, 19:41
Several forces have banned officers from riding bikes until they have passed a two-day proficiency test. Oh FFS.

It only takes ONE day of training to get a friggen piece of paper that lets you ride a 125cc motorbike on the roads.

But then I suppose the police are in the public sector, one has to make allowances for this.

6th May 2009, 20:09
There were claims yesterday that police were falling short in their attempt to break the chain of the cycle of violence in a local area. A local police man known as 'Chopper Copper' admitted yesterday that 'It was at times an uphill struggle, but we will soon get backy up to full speed.'

Asked about an incident when a ten year old BMXer put a snooker cue through the front wheel of a his bike causing him to dismount in a manner contrary to current Health and Safety Regulations he said 'I have spoke to the youth given him a clip round the ear and quick released him.'

6th May 2009, 20:21
I can't blame the man for not wanting to touch the bike, it was on a conveyor belt you know.

6th May 2009, 20:33
Enforcement of parking restrictions seems to be a highly efficient exercise these days - and that's not even thanks to the 'Police'. No, the ubiquity of highly effective enforcement of parking law is delivered at the frontline by a workforce that the elites of our Police 'force' regard as almost sub-human in terms of their perceived intelligence and physical condition compared to themselves and their meagre salaries, early-retirement and pension pots.

'Inferior' resource producing massively higher productivity/results in prosecuting and limiting offences under their remit than Plod. So, why is that?

Why also is Plod subject to deserved derision for their performance in say preventing/nailing burglars/muggers/GBHers when they're doiing so well in nailing motorists for doing 47 in a 40 or for having a dodgy taillight or having a bite of an apple while at the wheel?

Why is parking/speeding so 'easy' to control/police but real crime is so 'hard'.?

What fundamental aspects of hierarchy, human nature and economics (that are obvious to any pupil in a primary school playground) have been distorted so much that some plod would would actually think it would be in their personal interest to refuse to get on a pushbike for a photo? (rather than apprehend a mugger with a knife say?)

6th May 2009, 20:35
Day 12 ........... Learning to mount the bike so that your eyes face the handlebars and your crotch does not produce numbnuts.

Day 13 ...... trial balancing tests with both feet on the pedals for a min of 1 minute while peddaling backwards (screaming is not allowed)

Ken Wells
6th May 2009, 21:30
I would like to think that the majority of coppers I know, would not have behaved like a silly little girl, as PC "Cobblers" did.

Shame this tars the whole profession with the same brush.
We all know 'Elf and Safety tossers like this, some in our place of work, some dare I say it Pilots. We have our fair share of High Viz vest idiots as it is.

I just hope his colleagues take the Mickey out of him so much he'll change his job.

Mind you he'll probably end up working for the CAA!

Chesty Morgan
6th May 2009, 21:38
Words fail me...Well actually they don't but the Mods wouldn't appreciate them.

Day 14 - How to brake?!:confused:

6th May 2009, 21:54
Places you'd never find a Health and Safety Inpector.

Underwater in a shark cage that was rusty.
In a battlefield trench that didn't have a 'Slippery area' sign.
Staring as Escapologist without a clearly marked Exit sign for the audience.
Competing in a demolition derby without the audience wearing helmets and goggles.

henry crun
6th May 2009, 21:55
PC Cobban said "I could get on the bike but I'm not massively proficient".

That is another way of saying "I can't ride a bicyle".

Muffin Themule
6th May 2009, 22:37
How many coppers have are certified "safe to proceed to two feet"?

Maybe that's why there aren't too many out 'n about these days. :=

7th May 2009, 00:51
Should have offered him a doughnut!

7th May 2009, 01:21
This thread is potentially offensive to those who lost policemen in the act of sitting on a bicycle whilst posing for a picture. :p

I wonder what story would have come out of the consequences of being seen sitting on the bike without the required training? :yuk:

7th May 2009, 01:58
What's a cycling proficiency test?:confused:

Roger Sofarover
7th May 2009, 07:54
My great great grandfather was a policeman and he broke his arm whilst posing for a photograph whilst sitting on a bike which fell over. It was a penny farthing:}

Ken Wells
7th May 2009, 08:25
My great great grandfather was a policeman and he broke his arm whilst posing for a photograph whilst sitting on a bike which fell over. It was a penny farthing

No "change" there then!

green granite
7th May 2009, 09:24
Day 11. Taking Your Radio out of the Holder, and Switching on.

That would be a dangerous distraction while riding a bike and therefore sould be banned under the health and safety rules. :E:E

7th May 2009, 10:10
Day 13 - How to recognise when the air in a tyre has escaped - or a what some call puncture.

7th May 2009, 10:28
The decision followed the death of PCSO Christopher Maclure, 21, who was hit by a lorry in Wigan while on a mountain bike patrol in 2007.

Clearly, had the unfortunate Constable Maclure passed his Cycling Proficiency test, he would have been impervious to big Wigan wagons.

7th May 2009, 10:39
The constables could learn a bit from this lad:
Freecaster.tv: MTB - Danny MacAskill April 2009 (http://freecaster.tv/bmx/1007689/danny-mac-april-2009)

7th May 2009, 10:42
Day 12 ...........Oh God I can't keep this up. Can someone take over?

Day 15.......How to identify Brazilian electricians and protesters with heart problems.

Roger Sofarover
7th May 2009, 11:44

It is dangerous I tell you. Elf & Safety.


7th May 2009, 13:26
Ah, you are all too quick to judge. Had the copper posed for said photograph he may well have been disciplined by his superiors for setting a bad example to the school kids.

None of the above
7th May 2009, 14:11
I'm with 'Knacker of the Yard' on this one.

It's quite clear from the photo that neither bicycle had stabilisers* - an accident waiting to happen if there ever was one.

Mailonline (sorry) (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1177513/The-PC-Pc-refused-sit-mountain-bike-photocall--hadnt-passed-cycling-proficiency-test.html)

*Perhaps that wasn't supposed to be covered until Day 16

7th May 2009, 14:25
Slightly off topic but but somewhat similar. Got this in a email the other day.

Ok, a British policeman would never have a gun on his person.

How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer, an
Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?

Pose the following question: You're walking down a deserted street with your
wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge
knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities,
raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an
expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man
look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire
him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the
kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his
hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have
appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and
what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want
to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his
knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 999? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed days and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behaviour. If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed when he falls over running away, knocks his head and kills himself?
If I shoot him, and lose the court case does he have the opportunity to sue
me, cost me my job, my credibility and I will lose my family home?


Click... (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Dad! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"

7th May 2009, 16:30
More bike nonsense..............

Health and safety: police force sells motorbikes - Telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/5290816/Health-and-safety-police-force-sells-motorbikes.html)

.......and I also read that police women have been told to stop wearing underwired bras in case the wire is driven into the body by a bullet. In which case I think the bra wire would be the least of their worries. :ugh:

7th May 2009, 16:43
I passed my cycling proficiency test in 1953.
A couple of years later I thought of joining
the Police force.
They turned me down.
Obviously didn't want any intellectual tossers
that could ride a bike properly.
I've only just realised WHY they turned me down.

56 years of thinking that it was something I said!!!!

Roger Sofarover
7th May 2009, 16:45
nd I also read that police women have been told to stop wearing underwired bras in case the wire is driven into the body by a bullet.

Excellent! The lady coppers with large breasts will be loving that one. Just wait till the claims start arriving in three years time for 6 figure lawsuits from lady coppers claiming chronic back problems because of not wearing a bra that offered the correct support. Another mind blowing regulation. I thought there was a lady policewoman recently who was saved by the wire under her bra when she was shot in the chest and the wire helped stop the bullet.

7th May 2009, 16:47
That's why they banned them.
Nobody liked her.

Send the lady coppers with big boobies round to me.
I'll do a full risk assessment.

7th May 2009, 17:23
No such thing as a "cycling proficiency test" in Australia, at least when I was growing up. Didn't stop anyone riding a bike. :hmm: