View Full Version : Women and Flat Surfaces.

6th May 2009, 13:27
I am interested to know if any of you chaps have got the same problem I seem to have.

If a flat surface in excess of four square inches appears anywhere in our house then within a few minutes my dearest other half will find it and fill it with either another bl**dy plant, ornaments, unopened mail, magazines, ironed clothes etc.

This includes kitchen worktops, the cooker hob, television, dining table (can't remember the last time we could eat off that), window ledges, stair bannisters and even the downstairs toilet seat.

Now don't get me wrong. I think the world of her. She has been with me and the kids so long she is almost part of the family, but it is getting out of hand. Even my son has taken to locking his bedroom door to stop any more triffids appearing on top of his Playstation!

Is this problem unique to my wife? Is it treatable? I understand the scatter cushion thing but this has gone beyond that.


Captain Stable
6th May 2009, 13:31
Are you married to my wife??????? :uhoh:

Either that or they're sisters.

If you find a solution, PLEASE let me know.

She's not happy with having the kettle neatly at the back of the kitchen worktop, tidily out of the way, but still reachable. It has to be sat in the middle so there is no workspace either side of it.

What's more, she INISTS on putting the bloody toilet roll in the holder the WRONG WAY ROUND. :ugh:

SMT Member
6th May 2009, 13:38
Could be worse Stable, she could INSIST!

Captain Stable
6th May 2009, 13:40
Oops - indignation getting the better of me!

Yeah - that too! :eek:

6th May 2009, 13:46
I think there's some natural law, (similar to, 'Nature abhors a vacuum') that applies to women, that says all flat surfaces, drawers, cupboards and wardrobes must be filled to bursting point. And, much like building new motorways will attract more traffic, providing more space will attract more 'stuff'! It's a no win, I'm afraid.

6th May 2009, 13:47
The only place you can sit in our place is the floor and thats generally occupied by a couple of sleeping dogs - and you know what the saying says about them! :(

The shed is of course, like the garage, clear of all obstructions... :rolleyes:

6th May 2009, 13:48
Ok guys, it's obvious you are being so silly. Now listen up and listen good :p

A home is meant to look homely. A vase of flowers on the dining table. A nice little ornament (a doll perhaps) next to the telephone in the corridor.

How about some pot-purri on the windowcill? A nice little clock on top of the TV?

It is all about being cosy and warm. My place is gorgeous. On top of my bed, I have a lovely big teddy of Tweety Pie.

6th May 2009, 13:49
Is my Husband a woman? It's the opposite in our house, whenever I clear a space he fills it with shite.

6th May 2009, 13:52
And what about the "fuzzy" toilet seat covers? (not sure if I posted this before or not..)

It's rare for us guys to ever hit what were aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something. You see, something the ladies should understand by now is that men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling ya, those little buggers can't be trusted. After all these years, I have now resigned myself to this: I no longer pee like a man - standing up. I now sit down and pee. I have been convinced that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise if one more woman goes to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she is going to kill me in my sleep.

Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, I might as well be candid with you because it's a real problem, and you ladies need to be understanding. It's the dreaded "Morning wood". Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it don't bend you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet.
And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to control ourselves for that perfect aim.

Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie.

So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's just not safe. I tried to delicately explain this morning situation once, to a woman. I told her...”look, it won't bend”. She said, "Sit down like we told you to do all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with “morning wood". Well it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the room. Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.

I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying superman position lying over the toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee.

So you ladies have to understand that we men are not totally to blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control. It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature. Now, if it was Father Nature, there wouldn't have been a problem!!!

6th May 2009, 13:52
It's the opposite in our house, whenever I clear a space he fills it with shite.


6th May 2009, 13:53
When I moved into a cavernous three bedroom unit I splashed out and bought a mat. Authentic Persian I assume, cos it cost me $75. Fortunately the Binoettes gave me a large photo of them all individually and collectively to put on one of my bare walls. As far as homely things go, that's about it really. Mars, Venus etc..... :uhoh:

6th May 2009, 13:56

I'm nominating you for post of the year.

Mr Grimsdale
6th May 2009, 14:04
A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe.

The sadly little researched phenomenon known as beam splitting.

6th May 2009, 14:12
Oh come on guys! Leave it out. Females also visit this forum you know. And it was actually a good thread to start with.

Blokes are always the same when they get together. You'll be talking about different types of 'dumps' next.

6th May 2009, 14:14
Well, I've got it but I'm not going to be the one to post it here. One has to maintain at least a semblance of kulcha.

6th May 2009, 14:24
Did someone say "Launching brown otters?"

Or was it "Firing the morning cannon?"

6th May 2009, 14:29
looking forward to wirly's response :p

6th May 2009, 14:33
Gordy, that was brilliant. I laughed so much I nearly sh*t myself but I'm not allowed to tell you about it or High Heels will get a bazzy on :)

The solution, however, is simple and it's a bit like training your cat to pee in the dirtbox. You allocate you missus one bit of the house where she can put crap like ornaments, flowers, photos etc. My wife is allowed to put such junk on a bookcase that is craftily hidden from general view in the dining room. Any sinning of this simple rule is met with a simple solution known as the wheely bin. Now, I know some people might think I'm joking but, really, I'm not. We live in a beautiful, clutter free environment. No pictures on the walls, no bowls filled with marbles, no bloody photographs of grandparents etc; it's brilliant. After a while, just like those naughty cats, these women folk get used to not having detritus about the home and realise it's so much easier to clean without it; then you know your job is done.

Gordy's post wins Post Of The Week but a BIG shout has to go out to Dakk's quote, "She has been with me and the kids so long she is almost part of the family". Excellent :}

Now, about poo!

6th May 2009, 14:36
It's not just the putting-things-on-every-surface, it's the constant rearranging that leaves me bewildered. "Hang about; if THAT was the right place for the ceramic chicken, why is it over HERE now?" :confused:

6th May 2009, 14:41
Gordy, that was brilliant. I laughed so much I nearly sh*t myself but I'm not allowed to tell you about it or High Heels will get a bazzy on

Someone has to keep you boys in check ;)

6th May 2009, 14:42
OK, I can see nobody else is going to post it, so here it is; the ultimate dump post as specifically requested by HHFA.

The Perfect Dump - Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it; you use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary! It makes you feel that all is
right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it.

The Beer Dump - Talk about nasty dumps. Depending on the dumper's tolerance, the beer dump is the end result of too many beers. it could have been 2 or 22, it doesn't matter. What you get is a sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by a malevolent fog that could close a bathroom for days.

The Chili Dump - Hot when it goes in, and rocket fuel when it leaves. The chili dump stays with you all day, making your ring feel like a heat shield.

The Empty Roll Dump - You're done...you reach for the toilet paper only to discover that empty cardboard cylinder. A mild panic begins coldly in your throat. You could use the curtains...no, someone would say "Where are the curtains?" Then what would you say? The rug?...too cumbersome. Then you must come to the same conclusion that every "empty roll dumper" must face...Pull up your slacks, tighten your tush and wriggle yourself to the nearest full roll. (Or use your sock!!)

The Splash Back Dump - You send the dump on its way, it drops like a depth charge into the bowl creating a column of cold water that washes your sphincter with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now you're wet and embarrassed. Tip: Blot instead of wiping.

The Aborted Dump - You are in mid-dump when the phone rings. What do you do?
ABORT! Pinch it off, go for the phone, and save the rest for later. It isn't pretty, but you've gotta do what you gotta do.

The Childbirth Dump - This is a dump that is simply too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for the purpose. You push and strain, hold your breath, turn purple and a vein bursts in your forehead. You realize this is the dump that killed Elvis Presley. You sit there, thinking over your dilemma. It hurts, and it isn't going to get any better. You wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf". You realize you'll have to resolve the crisis before you can leave the bathroom.
Basically there are only three things you can do:
1. Scream
2. Call an Obstetrician
3. Hope like hell you have enough Vaseline to get you through it.

The Machine Gun Dump - You're just sitting there in a state of sublime peace when all of a sudden you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the silence like machine gun fire. The guy in the next stall hits the floor like a combat veteran, cradling his umbrella like an M16...damn commies.

The Sound Effect Dump - You feel a noisy one coming on. Relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot, so you must employ some clever techniques to cover the
disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is obviously very important here. At the precise moment of release, try the following sound effects:
1. Flush the toilet
2. Sing the first two stanzas of your national anthem
3. Drop a handful of quarters on the floor

The Security Dump - You have enough on your mind when you're in the bathroom without worrying about a lockless door and someone bursting in to find you
in mid-dump mode. So how can you prevent this embarrassing spectacle from taking place? One way is to strategically place your foot against the door. If you can't reach...hum loudly.

The Cling-On Dump - For the most part you've completed your dump, but there's one little morsel that refuses to drop off. You're getting impatient. Someone else wants to use your stall. So, you grip the seat with both hands and wriggle, twist and pump but that last little stubborn piece just hangs there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach between you and the bowl water. Maybe the person pounding impatiently on the door has scissors.

The Houdini Dump - You go, then you stand up to flush, and the darn thing has disappeared. Where'd it go? Did it creep down the pipe? Did you dream the whole thing? Is it lurking out of sight? Should you wipe...just to make sure you went. Should you flush? You'd better, because if you don't, you know it will reappear and smile at
the next person who comes in.

The Whole Roll Dump - No matter how much you wipe, it doesn't seem to be enough. You blow the whole roll and you have to flush 25 times too. The whole episode is consumer waste.

The Encore Dump - Ahhhh, you're done, so you wipe, put yourself together, wash your hands and are about to vacate the bathroom when you feel another dump coming.
You have to return for a curtain call. The world's record is seven encores.

The Born Again Dump - This is a dump that's going so badly, you say "Lord, if I live through this, I'll take up religion" you always get through it, but seldom keep the promise you made in desperation because a born again dump is like childbirth... you forget the pain quickly.

6th May 2009, 14:48
It's all part of the tyranny of the Oestrogen Alliance. Cover every easywipe surface with dirt producing plants, dust attracting photos and mess making ornaments.

Then claim that you are so tired because of all the cleaning that they have to do, a woman's work is never done and, they have a headache.

The fact that men, out of kindness and to promote goodwill, have spent the last century inventing things to make women's lives easier (washing machines, tumble driers, vacuum cleaners, waste disposal, disposable nappies, tupperware, drip dry shirts,formica, wipe clean paintwork, power steering, last number redial, online shoping,baby seats, mother and baby parking spaces,etc) is conveniently and instantly forgotten.

And the constant re-arranging? Just tell them that you are very concerned and are thinking of booking her a series of sessions with a counsellor to help her with her OCD.
And then lock yourself in your shed, play some loud music and read magazines of your choice.

6th May 2009, 14:49

Why did I have to open my big mouth :ugh:

Why didn't I just keep it shut

6th May 2009, 14:52
HHFA, that was a lesson in life that has long gone unheeded by your gender.

6th May 2009, 14:55
Captain Stable

Spot on about the toilet roll thing. Does yours iron your shreddies and socks too?

Another thing I've noticed is that whenever she comes in from work, she will put her car keys down and immediately either me or the kids (it must be us of course) will pick them up and put them where she can't find them. On the other hand, when she puts something in a safe place where it can always be found when needed............you've guessed it, she can't remember where.

I've tried wife swapping but was only offered a sandwich toaster in exchange and we already have one of those. It's by the bread maker with another bl**dy plant on top of it.

6th May 2009, 14:58
I always keep my wallet in a saucepan.
It's the LAST place she'll look.

6th May 2009, 15:00
Oh come on, now, HHFA..... no matter how hard you try to deny it you have to admit that was funny, especially since you'd previously nominated Gordy for post of the year. Has your SOH disappeared since then?

Elvis and the burst blood vessel? The cling on? Wonderful stuff! Though I'll grant you that the basics of toilet humour are much more appreciated by men. You can make your own decision on why that is. :)

6th May 2009, 15:01
One's beloved is sadly afflicted with the aforementioned condition whereby free space is filled. I am greatly frustrated by such actions, and i prefer order and everything in it's place, even if i am guilty m'lud of being less than perfect when it comes to 'tidiness'. However i would like to throw into the ring a sub category where the afflicted folds everything (including oneself if i don't look lively) into neat stacks, but then clogs up the free space all the same. Order within disorder :hmm:



Mr Grimsdale
6th May 2009, 15:02
Did someone say "Launching brown otters?"

Or was it "Firing the morning cannon?"

...dropping off the kids.

6th May 2009, 15:09
Oh come on, now, HHFA..... no matter how hard you try to deny it you have to admit that was funny, especially since you'd previously nominated Gordy for post of the year. Has your SOH disappeared since then?

Even on an anonymous forum, I still like to conduct myself like I would do in public and not encourage this laddy behaviour. I have to put up with this quite often. However yes, I did find it very funny to tell the truth.

I just don't want to have my good name dragged through the pprune mud with all this toilet talk.

I'm elegant and sophisticated :p

Mr Grimsdale
6th May 2009, 15:14
You're in the wrong place!:}

6th May 2009, 15:20
It seems like I'm in the wrong place.

Its funny how your days-off pans out. I'm having a little sunbathe in my garden this afternoon whilst searching the internet and I thought I'd have a browse through the other forums on pprune like Jetblast.

It seems its just a place for guys to hang out - like a virtual pub.

I'm sure you are all sweet when not with your peers!

6th May 2009, 15:21
Ah - the "space filler"...Mrs G does like to cover every last bit of space.

Bit of a thread drift, but do any of you recognise this...

Home Exercise Equipment, of any kind, seems to go through the following life cycle in our house:

Gets purchased (always new - never 2nd hand)

Gets built by me (in living room so she can offer advice)

Gets hauled upstairs (by me obviously) and positioned (normally several times so as to find the "perfect" spot) in bedroom.

Gets used once (she claims much more use, but this is never witnessed by anybody)

Becomes an object to hang clothes from (always hers - never mine)

Gets placed on Ebay (by me obviously)

Gets taken apart (again by me) and packaged, ready for collection once sold.

Peace for a month - then new equipment is purchased.

It has come to the stage where I now keep the original box (this adds value when selling on EbaY!)

6th May 2009, 15:23
You're having a little sunbathe in the garden?

Please post you're co-ordinates and I'll be straight on Google Earth!

6th May 2009, 15:23
A follow on:


6th May 2009, 15:30

whilst I'd love to be able to tell you the coordinates of a real beach (I wish) unfortunately my place of solitude away from work is an area of Essex east of the M25!

6th May 2009, 15:39
Ah, Southend?:)

6th May 2009, 15:46
haha - no not that far east!

And stop guessing :p

Mr Grimsdale
6th May 2009, 15:52

Trés classy.

6th May 2009, 15:54

Anyway, its getting cold and I'm outta here! Great fun thread and cool forum. I'll see you boys tomorrow!

6th May 2009, 16:55
dakkg651, it's your own fault. As soon as that flat surface appears, i.e. in milliseconds, you should place on it:

- one Mini 946cc cylinder head, ready for polishing the combustion chambers and grinding in valves;

- a couple of hard drives which need new motors, plus one or more power supplies which doen't work but have good cooling fans to be taken off and stored for ever and not used elsewhere;

- a bag of old batteries waiting to be recharged (maybe)(if you can find the charger);

- a locknut off an outboard motor which stops the propellor falling off into the sea, only it already has;

- a half glass of "genuine" Scots Grants whiskey from Lidl "for when you get around to it";

- a freshly plucked rose to pacify the wife.

NB: I have only selected objects which can be found in any Real Man's garage and brought inside. Except the rose, natch.

6th May 2009, 16:57
I'm betting on Canvey Island.

6th May 2009, 17:30
Four square inches, times say 2" (excluding small protuberances) sounds about right. My preference is for 'small and pert', don't know if that means AA, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, DD, DDD, EE or whatever (http://www.85b.org/bra_size_info.php).

As for stuffing with either another bl**dy plant, ornaments, unopened mail, magazines, ironed clothes etc., never come across any of that. Closest were what looked like sanitary pads like wot you see on TV...

Coat, hat, door...

6th May 2009, 18:27
Any empty space in our place gets stuff put on it by the junk fairies.

They also leave open every cupboard and wardrobe door and drawer, the bureau top and my desk, too. The little blighters also dismantle every newspaper and magazine and throw them on the floor, always on my wife's side of the bedroom. They hide her car keys, purse and handbag fifty times a week. They take her clothes and throw them on the bathroom floor, never mine. They follow her around the house, leaving bottle tops and jar lids off, knock over God knows what in a bucket and hide all the teaspoons. Whenever she cooks, they throw gallons of water on all the work surfaces, and on the floor. They squeeze the new toothpaste from the wrong end, leave an empty toilet roll tube on the holder, spill the last dreg of shampoo in the bath, put the last piece of bathsoap in the house an inch of water so it runs through your fingers and they even do something to my razor to make it look like she used it to do her legs. Then they pour a gallon of water on the floor by the shower and over the bathmat, hide the wiping cloth, block the bog and disappear just as it's my turn to use the bathroom.

I always spot these annoyances first, apparently by a tiny margin because my wife is always "just about to sort that". :rolleyes:

I like a personal parking space on my side of the dressing table, to temporarily place stuff, such as my reading specs, wallet, phone and car keys, so I know just where they are. I come back after five minutes to find them hiding under a whole pile of any of the aforesaid junk, or sometimes put them in her handbag while she's carrying it ready to go out. Damned junk fairies.

Strange thing is, these junk fairies never come out when I'm home alone and we never had the problem at all until we got married. They are probably scared to show themselves to me because I was taught "a place for everything, and everything in it's place". They seem to know that if I ever catch one of them I'll wring it's scrawny little neck..... :ugh:

6th May 2009, 18:37
I'm with Lady Lexxity.... what is it with men and paper? piles and piles of paper everywhere?! I too am a 'clearer' on the whole.

(it's awrite darling - i still love you no matter what! :O )

Juliet Sierra Papa
6th May 2009, 20:48
Binoculars, :D:D:D:D:D Damn it, that was the funniest thing I've read in years, still wiping tears from my eyes :ok:


6th May 2009, 21:01
:OHHFA ,I do hope that was a Freudian slip -"peers" !!


Beatriz Fontana
6th May 2009, 21:03
Junk in the house? Surely that's what the shed is for!

Ken Wells
6th May 2009, 21:04
No! cushions, :}

that's the problem in our house.:bored:

New suite, cushions appear from no where, move a chair new cushions, change the wallpaper , cushions.

Sun comes out, every seat, :8lounger,:sad: bench, :Elow wall; :uhoh: covered in bloody cushions and it then rains anyway!!!!!!!!!:ugh:

Foxy Loxy
6th May 2009, 21:44
I'm betting on Canvey Island.

My God! They let Canveyites in here?? :eek: Run! You're all doomed, dooooooooooomed I tell ya!

Send Clowns is the messiest b*gger in the world..... Total nightmare at times. "Where's my phone?" "Where are my keys?" "Have you seen ... ?" etc etc.

That said, I still have my validation notes spread all over my coffee table. I got my validation squared away nearly 6 weeks ago.

Yeah, pot - kettle - black. I'll collect me coat on the way out. I might even shut the door. :cool:

Noah Zark.
6th May 2009, 21:44
Blokes are always the same when they get together. You'll be talking about different types of 'dumps' next.
TSK! TSK! Can't you just trust a woman to lower the tone? :)

6th May 2009, 21:54
Cooking utensils. We have enough to run a medium sized restaurant!

Tuppaware containers, remember them? We still have enough left to hold several Tuppaware parties.

Recipe and Cook books. At a rough guess, 40 or so.

I shall not mention the shoes!

Ken Wells
6th May 2009, 22:09
No the shoes, I fogot about the god damn shoes!!!!

Thats it off to bed,

My wife said she wanted a walk in wardrobe.

I said you've got one, it's just that our blinking bed is in it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6th May 2009, 22:42
Did someone say "Launching brown otters?"

Or was it "Firing the morning cannon?"
...dropping off the kids.

Giving birth to managers.

7th May 2009, 02:22
Bit the opposite here, where the bathroom is concerned anyway, the 'minimalist' approach seems to be the order of the day, everything hidden in cupboards, not allowed on the quite large surface.:confused:

Rest of the house OK, very tastefully done. My pet hate is going into a house that still has those grand old speakers, three foot high, by two foot by one foot and smack on top is a bloody great ornament or vase! Try and explain acoustics, better still, don't waste your time!

7th May 2009, 02:49
Mrs Beak leans in the Parabellum direction. She practices ballet in 'her' sitting room, so there is a very large area of bare maple. My office / study / editing suite is the opposite - piles of paper everywhere.

No flowers on the speakers. They're Quad ESLs - the top is two inches deep.

And thank you for the 'dump' diversion - especially 'giving birth to managers'!

Happy days,


7th May 2009, 08:41
I shall not mention the shoes!

and my wife has an ethnic basket fetish. Must be at least a million around the house.

She moves furniture, too - every day ...... " how does it look over there ?" " fine, it looked OK where it was yesterday "

7th May 2009, 10:42
Did anyone find out where HHd-Fa lives? I'm in England for a couple of days :ok:

7th May 2009, 10:45
Bugger! I thought this one related to the Higher prices for larger sized bras (http://www.pprune.org/jet-blast/372943-higher-prices-larger-sized-bras.html) post earlier in jetblast....:}

7th May 2009, 10:50
Clacton by any chance?

7th May 2009, 10:58
OK! Who is having a go at shoes??? You have a fight on your hands.

And betpumps, i just saw your profile. Probably the best pilot in the world?

you have been watching too many Carlseberg adverts. most probably drunk too many pints as well

7th May 2009, 11:19
Who is having a go at shoes

Not me. I said I wasn't going to mention them.

Ditto bathroom Para, wall to wall gleaming tiles and only 1 bar of soap and a handwash in view. Mind you, it's best to step back when opening the cabinet!

Lon More
7th May 2009, 11:23
I thought this was something to do with smaller bras

8th May 2009, 09:43
I thought this was something to do with smaller bras

It is, flat surfaces.

8th Jun 2009, 22:43
You'll be talking about different types of 'dumps' next.

No. That would be, ummm, old hat. There was a scholarly thread some years ago on that very topic.

9th Jun 2009, 00:00
OK! Who is having a go at shoes???

Read recently that the worst fashion crime that you can commit these days, is to wear black Crocs.

Mine were bright green, so went out and bought a pair of black ones.

Love 'em. ( see if I care )

9th Jun 2009, 04:11
And during the football/soccer/cricket/basketball/baseball/hockey playoffs, this inanimate flat surface can also be used for plants, ornaments, unopened mail, magazines, clothes etc.


9th Jun 2009, 07:49
Gordy if you p*ss on the fuzzy lav seat cover (I'm sure the women have a real word for the f&ckers) the fuzz loses it's volume, and then remains in the vertical position unaided.

Tip for all blokes: remind the lady in your life that you are in a relationship, not a democracy. You are the boss: your word is law.

Captain Stable
9th Jun 2009, 07:57
Tip for all blokes: remind the lady in your life that you are in a relationship, not a democracy. You are the boss: your word is law.Tip taken, and I expect to be out of hospital fairly soon... :cool:

9th Jun 2009, 10:04
I take that the 'breaking the news gently' approach didn't go too well: perhaps you should have been more direct in your approach. Give her time to get used to the idea. :ok:

I speak as one who for almost 44 years has so far bodyswerved marriage or any other form of long term commitment successfully, and often!

9th Jun 2009, 10:17
Some of us have noticed that, Firestorm. At least some of those, including myself, have concluded that your proudly proclaimed 60's chauvinism places you firmly in the "don't bother" pigeonhole.

It doesn't seem to bother a few women around here, so go for it. After all, every one you knock back is one you don't get, right?

Capn Notarious
9th Jun 2009, 11:05
And it is not just flat surfaces.
Why do they have to put things in the way?
I want to walk through a door way where the door may be opened fully.
Stop putting baskets or furniture behind doors.
No pots of flowers in the garden that have to be walked AROUND.
It is the grass, not the lawn. A lawn is cut in straight lines, has trimmed edges. Our patch of uneven green, is the grass!
Why so many flowerpots and unused garden vessels are you planning to wash them and stack them away.? Sorry I forgot that you have so many that they have to be in view.
Pathways should be clear and unobstructed: in or out of the home.
If I advise that a piece of equipment needs to cool, don't put something against the microwave vents.
Please don't open all the doors. A draft blowing through could cause a slam door.
Don't put something in each and every corner. Air needs to flow. Why do you think I put the dehumidifier there? Which we cannot use because you have covered it with cushions
Why do you need so many bags?

9th Jun 2009, 20:08
Bad form, folks! Letting such a delightful thread fall over onto page-2. Back to the top ya goes . . . . :}