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hellsbrink
6th May 2009, 12:45
Example

An angry guest came down to the front desk of a Holland America Line cruise ship demanding a different room. The attendant tried to calm him down and find out why he disliked his cabin so much. He responded: "I paid a lot of money for this cruise and was promised a sea view, the only thing I can see through my window is the damned parking lot!" We’d not yet left the dock.



Ridiculous holiday complaints: readers' suggestions - Telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/picturegalleries/5279230/Ridiculous-holiday-complaints-readers-suggestions.html)

HKPAX
6th May 2009, 13:41
Reminds me of the tourist on the Mediterranean cruise who went up to a sailor and asked him "Where is the nearest toilet".

"Port Side" said the matelot.

"Good God, I can't wait till then" replied the tourist.

Hat, Coat......

(Port Side = Port Said)

HighHeeled-FA
6th May 2009, 13:44
Almost as bad as my jokes!

HKPAX - your turn in the barrel

flash8
6th May 2009, 17:23
"Geee Sir.... If I knew you had roads in Canada I'd have brought my Car".

Apocryphal (Probably) US Tourist

racedo
6th May 2009, 18:01
US visitor to the Alamo

"You mean we lost to Mexico at the Alamo"

airship
6th May 2009, 18:13
Irate American tourist: "I chose this Caribbean cruise expecting to encounter some real US virgins. I even ventured out into the back-streets of Charlotte Amelie which the handout specifically advised 'not to visit after 9pm' and I didn't find any there neither."

Another irate American tourist: "My wife and I took this Caribbean cruise expecting to visit some truly virgin islands and then we arrived at St. Thomas."

Merely seeking HighHeeled-FA's attention... :ok:

StaceyF
6th May 2009, 19:06
Is this the same survey that revealed the "serious" complaint made by a (doubtless) chav couple bemoaning "we really should have been told that we would struggle to find English food"?

A self-catering trip to Turkey, no less :ugh::ugh::ugh:

hellsbrink
6th May 2009, 19:35
Naah, they did the survey and then the Torygraph asked readers to send in their own stories

I bet there was a load more that couldn't be printed.....

(One I remember was a South African who had trouble with UK bank notes. Seemed the small matter of them having numbers like "5", "10", "20" on them confused him)

Foxy Loxy
6th May 2009, 21:53
Well, I moved down to Cornwall in the New Year and have already had a conversation with a couple of English tourists which left me a little bemused. They were surprised that branches of Tesco here are open year-round.

johngreen
6th May 2009, 22:16
An elderly American tourist on a crossing of the Abel Tasmin, the ferry that used to sail the Bass Strait between Melbourne and Tasmania, apparently earnestly enquired of the captain as to whether the electricity available throughout the ship was actually generated on board…

seacue
6th May 2009, 23:56
Mr. Green,

The electrickery question seems quite reasonable. After all, they might have charged the batteries before leaving port, thus no need for generators aboard.

Isn't the statement "coat, hat, door"?.

G-CPTN
7th May 2009, 00:13
I was accosted by two American tourists in St John's Street in Cambridge with the question "Say, is there a cathederal here?" :ugh:

Radar66
7th May 2009, 00:19
Got waylaid by two tourists in the middle of Piccadilly Circus once.

"Can you direct us to the statue of Eros please?" whilst holding out their map ready for me to show them they way.

They were standing 7 yards in front of it, virtually at the bottom of the steps. :hmm:

blue up
7th May 2009, 07:59
Reported in a Southampton newspaper many years ago. US Naval chap was talking about his visit to France. He was suprised that they didn't want to see his passport and that they all spoke very good English. The fact that they drove on the left side of the road in that part of France didn't alert him to the fact that he'd taken the Isle Of White ferry!!



For non-UK peeps, it's an island about 1 mile off the coast of England. Where rich people go to await St Peter.

GroundedSLF
7th May 2009, 08:08
Whilst visiting my father-in-law who now resides in Grenada (no, not that Grenada, the one in Mississippi...think "Deliverance"), we were in the mall purchasing some clothes, and struck up a conversation with the clerk on the till.

Usual questions, "where you guys from?", answered "England". "Ah - you guys all drive BMW`s dont you? That must be cool"

Us - "err no - I think Frod is the most popular make in the UK"

Her - "oh, didnt realise they sold overseas", followed by "So, how long did it take you to drive from the UK to here then?"

Sprogget
7th May 2009, 08:15
A reversal of the notion in fact. Once on holiday on Florida. An obvious & not very well done transvestite get in the lift with us, says following:

Y'all going to the solarlarium?

Cue huge effort trying not to giggle, but it was hard to desist.:eek:

angels
7th May 2009, 08:16
There was once a list of howlers collated by a tourist guide agency.

I remember that quite a few people would ask why Windsor Castle was built so close to LHR....

Also a tourist pointed to the Cross of St George fluttering aloft the one of the turrets at Windsor and asking, "Why did they put the medical centre in that tower?"

flugholm
7th May 2009, 09:25
Some time ago I met a German tourist in Berlin. She said "Berlin is soooo much different to Cologne, like, in Berlin there's no cathedral (Dom in German) ."

I replied, "Which Dom do you think is not in Berlin? The Deutscher Dom, the Französischer Dom, or the Berliner Dom?"

Berlin is indeed blessed with three cathedrals. (All of them very beautiful!)
Poor Cologne only has one.

radeng
7th May 2009, 09:43
The American tourist question about the castle is reputed to have occurred at Berwick in the 1880's ( castle so close to railroad) and is also told about Conway (on the north Wales line)

brickhistory
7th May 2009, 09:47
And yet Americans are insular, non-passport possessing, stay at homes.

Funny that...

G-CPTN
7th May 2009, 10:00
http://www.trainspots.co.uk/0-99/newcastle_central/dscf0024e.jpg

Barkly1992
7th May 2009, 10:03
My wife likes to tell a story (before we were married) about atrip she made to the ampitheatre in Delphi (Greece) when she overheard an American woman tell her husband 'You know - this were they had their orgeees.'

I was also present when a very wealthy American tourist along with his new (young) wife, his mother, his three kids and the coporate pilot were sitting at a cafe (dating from about 1690) in St Mark's Square Venice and after ordering a coffee form waiter called out after him while the jazz was playing - 'Make that a decaf!'. He then complained that 10% had be added to the bill for musica. One of his sons told him to shutup.

Love em.

Curious Pax
7th May 2009, 10:15
And yet Americans are insular, non-passport possessing, stay at homes.

Funny that...

A friend who had a low opinion of Americans based on those he'd met finally visited the country a few years ago. He came to the conclusion that only idiots were allowed US passports - he was much more impressed with those that he met on their home soil.

Not sure if that's a compliment or not....

(And to head off your next remark I totally agree that Brits abroad can be a grotesque and embarrassing spectacle).

johngreen
7th May 2009, 10:27
Seacue.


Yes, although the word ‘inefficiency’ does rather come to mind, I suppose it is a possibility that there could be a many tons of lead acid batteries which are charged while the ship is in dock and then through inverters, used to supply the very substantial quantities of power that are consumed on board.
While in the port, it would also be possible perhaps to use a special crane to insert a rather large key down the funnel and rotate it to wind up the clockwork that drives the propellers.

And meanwhile, in such a quaint world, a few miles north at Tullamarine, there would surely also be an army of specialists seen attending aircraft on the tarmac. You know. The ones needed to turn the engines backwards over and over and over until the rubber bands are all fully tensioned…


jg

Evanelpus
7th May 2009, 10:31
You never think it will happen in your lifetime but this genuinely did happen to me.

I was visiting the ex in laws who had a caravan in a small field in the back of beyond in Devon. Their van was lovingly looked after but there was another van in the opposite corner of the field that wouldn't have looked out of place in a farmyard. It turned out that an old Irish gentleman whose name was Shawn lived in it 24/7/365. Personally, I would have kept chickens in it, but...

This particular day we were siting outside and Shawn wondered over to say hello. At the time I was working in Hatfield and was talking to my ex father in law about aspects of my job. Shawn picked up on this and asked "where's Hatfield"? I did my best to explain to him where it was and ended up saying it's just north of London.

His eyes lit up and I could tell that something had registered. He then said that immortal line that we've probably heard in fiction before but never actually had it said in real life, "my brother works in London, you must know him"?

It was all I could do to hold a straight face. My ex FIL almost expired on the spot and had to excuse himself on the pretext of needing the loo. Turns out Shawns brother was part of a road gang that filled holes etc. He's probably no longer with us but his legacy lives on, thanks Shawn.

hellsbrink
7th May 2009, 10:55
When I moved to London in 97, I did have some fun with some US tourists. They were admiring the Houses of Parliament, and then I managed to convince them that they were going to change the clock to a digital one for the turn of the millenium......

Captain Stable
7th May 2009, 11:07
I recall a game we used to play with tourists (of all nations) in Oxford. Generally played directly outside Christchurch (or Queens, Balliol or Magdalen etc.)

Tourist:- "Can you tell me where the University is?"

Answers:-
"Errrr - OK. Are you in a car or walking? OK - go down here for a couple of miles, take the left signposted to Appleyard Farm, and you'll find it on the left. Don't worry about the muddy track - you'll come to it."

"University? You mean Oxford University? It's not here. It used to be, many years ago, but they moved it to a purpose-built campus just outside Birmingham. Kept the name for sentimental, traditional reasons..."

"The University - er - yes. It's on the first floor of that building just there." (Pointing to the Covered Market or similar)

etc.

kms901
7th May 2009, 11:07
Ok, a home grown American one. Whilst visiting the La Brea tarpits, a visitor from Oklahoma was heard to remark " It must have been kinda frightening that the dinosaurs got this close to downtown LA "

sitigeltfel
7th May 2009, 11:29
I was on an open top bus tour of Paris many years ago. An American lady in the seat in front turned round and said to me "Can you let us know when we get to the Eiffel Tower".

Lon More
7th May 2009, 11:29
kms901 I was just reading in and about to post the same story.

Baldur
7th May 2009, 12:18
A Danish friend of mine was stopped by a German tourist in Esbjerg.

"Excuse me, can you show me the way to the beach?" the tourist asked.

My friend replied: "You knew the way in 1940 - find it yourself!"

StaceyF
10th May 2009, 06:30
A friend who had a low opinion of Americans based on those he'd met finally visited the country a few years ago. He came to the conclusion that only idiots were allowed US passports - he was much more impressed with those that he met on their home soil.

Hmmm, one of the things that spoils holidays in the Caribbean is the high infestation of amazingly large, loud Americans who, particularly after a day in the sun drinking, seem to develop an annoying propensity to shout "USA, USA".

I've never visitied Amercia but my mother-in-law, who has, tells me they're the nicest people on God's Earth.

So there may be something in what you say.....

ZFT
10th May 2009, 06:34
..and are some of the most hospitable people when visiting the States. Just try to borrow a car, park overnight with no tiedown fees, use an FBOs fantastic facilities all FOC. Anywhere else in this world - won't happen.

seacue
10th May 2009, 10:49
On my European travels, I observed that the most clueless and inconsiderate of my fellow Americans never venture beyond the "must visit" places.

They don't dare visit elsewhere - places they've never heard of and the seven-day bus tour doesn't take them.

I like the title of the ancient film: "If it's Tuesday, this must be Belgium". I never saw the flick.

sitigeltfel
10th May 2009, 11:27
We get coach loads of American tourists here visiting places such as Lourmarin, L'isle sur la Sorgue, Menerbes (bloody Peter Mayle) etc. They come into Nice and Marseille on cruise ships and try to do Provence in a day. They are easily identifiable as they are given stickers with their tour number to put on their shirts. The first question they ask as the step off the coach is invariably "where are the rest rooms?" A lot of the traders dislike them, not becase of nationality, but because they are never allowed long enough to stay in a town and spend any money in the cafes or shops. Most view them as clutter.

Gertrude the Wombat
10th May 2009, 11:32
A lot of the traders dislike them, not becase of nationality, but because they are never allowed long enough to stay in a town and spend any money in the cafes or shops.
I thought that was because they didn't trust the nasty foreign food in nasty foreign places to be quite, you know, clean, American, whatever, and the whole point of a cruise was that you took all your good clean American food with you and weren't expected to eat other than on the boat.

ATNotts
10th May 2009, 11:36
It's curious that foreign tourism seems to bring out the worst in most nationalities.

My wife simply doesn't want to set foot in the USA, because she dislikes Americans - an opinion she has gained from her experience of American tourists here. I've tried to convince her that Americans at home (once you've negotiated the Immigration Staff) are some of the most pleasant and welcoming people on earth - but she won't have it!

Brits. abroad, in the major tourist traps are equally nauseating, but by and large we are OK in the UK.

I don't know, but I suspect that the same applies with Germans, Scandinavians, French et al - and the (bad) reputation they get for beach towels, drinking or whatever else is gained from groups who want to travel, but won't accept that foreign countries just ain't the same as home!

sitigeltfel
10th May 2009, 12:36
I thought that was because they didn't trust the nasty foreign food in nasty foreign places to be quite, you know, clean, American, whatever, and the whole point of a cruise was that you took all your good clean American food with you and weren't expected to eat other than on the boat.

If you fancy a good old fashioned dose of Salmonella or Norovirus, the best place to be is on a cruise liner. :yuk:

lomapaseo
10th May 2009, 14:20
Brits. abroad, in the major tourist traps are equally nauseating, but by and large we are OK in the UK.

I don't know, but I suspect that the same applies with Germans, Scandinavians, French et al - and the (bad) reputation they get for beach towels, drinking or whatever else is gained from groups who want to travel, but won't accept that foreign countries just ain't the same as home!



Hmmm, I can't recall any visiting group that I thought was nauseating.

I do however feel sorry for a New Zealander visiting a major city on the US coast though (probably a culture shock). I suggest that they try a midwestern US visit and they will feel more at home.

larssnowpharter
10th May 2009, 14:42
That Collysium place in Rome will have the tourists flockin in when its finished!:}

seacue
10th May 2009, 14:49
With all the strikes them Commie Eye-talian unions pull, that Collysium will never be completed.

Captain Stable
10th May 2009, 15:05
I thought that was because Berlusconi had specified that all the builders should be young, female, attractive and nubile?

StaceyF
10th May 2009, 16:42
Brits. abroad, in the major tourist traps are equally nauseating

Hmmm, I remember a holiday to Turkey a couple of years ago in September. The British tour guide (who lived out there) announced as we got off the plane and onto the coach that it was what they referred to out there as "the refined season"; she went onto to elaborate that by September all the British girlies had finished sh*gging their way around the resorts and had gone home.

We had a chat with her when she was doing the rounds part way through our holiday and we asked her about her comments. She confessed to be ashamed to be English and often said she was Australian just to avoid being tarred with the "oh, an English girl abroad, here's an easy lay".

I imagine our lords and masters are very proud of the way society has evolved here........

racedo
10th May 2009, 19:23
The first question they ask as the step off the coach is invariably "where are the rest rooms?"

Good reason for that as my Arizona friends pointed out. In many places people drink constantly especially during summer to keep hydrated, go anywhere on holdiays they do the same and forget its not as dry or hot as home and invariably realise that instead of sweating it away it sits in the bladder....hence bathrooms at every stop.

ExSp33db1rd
11th May 2009, 08:19
.....you know, clean, American, whatever........


Once in Rome heard an American ask the waiter if this was piped water, the answer - Rome has had piped water for 2000 years, how long has the USA had it ?

( actually didn't answer the real question tho' - is it fit to drink ! )

In the days before Pellegrino, and other frauds.

Old 'Un
11th May 2009, 09:43
An American visitor to NZ many years ago was having difficulty in explaining to a 'youngster' at one of the airport car rental desks just what he wanted. Not surprising given the differences in our languages when it comes to "automobiles".

Finally, in exasperation, the American blurted out:

"Goddammit, doesn't anyone here speak AMURICAN?"

Le Vieux

Capt Kremin
11th May 2009, 09:51
Told to me by a Flight Attendant- Conversation to a middle-aged American couple on their way to Australia.

"So how long do you have in Australia?"

"Well, we have two weeks. We are planning to walk around the island. Can you tell us how long it will take?"

There is no answer to that.

Interesting that everyone seems to dread seeing their own nationalities abroad. I thought it was just us Aussies. Maybe people just stand out more when not one of the locals?

HuntandFish
11th May 2009, 10:50
I was on the first floor of the Venetian in Vegas looking at a tacky canal . Women next to me says to companion Gee I dont know why anyone goes to europe when weve got it all here!

brickhistory
11th May 2009, 13:40
I once met a really supercilious Brit.

I'm sure that was a 'once off' event.

woollcott
11th May 2009, 13:47
Was in a resort in Cairns, Nth Oz, when a severe cyclone came through. Come dawn, I struggle through all the debris, downed trees etc to hear the following conversation at reception form some german tourists and an exasperated receptionist:

GT: Ve vish to advise you zat ve have no power in our room

ER: yes sir, in case you didnt notice, we had a cyclone through, and all the power lines are down

GT: you must activate zer emergency generators at once!

ER: We have sir - they are for emergency items such as refridgeration and
communications.........

GT: vell, mein wife has nossing to power her hairdryer.....

OFSO
11th May 2009, 13:48
( actually didn't answer the real question tho' - is it fit to drink ! )

Yes it is, and it is everywhere in Italy. I motorhomed my way around or across Italy most summers from 1968 to 1993, drank water from drinking fountains in places from cities to tiny towns to taps placed at the top of mountain passes, and not once did I have a stomach upset.

Can't say the same for the Italian wine, but I think that may have been a QUANTITY issue, not a quality issue..

GroundedSLF
11th May 2009, 13:57
Brick - thats a bit strong coming from somebody who has posted a belief that the USA is "the most important Country on earth" (post # 325 in the "waterboard thread) - that sounds arrogant in my opinion.

Why is it that whenever you read any post involving the USA or its citizens in anything less than a shining, posative light, you think that "we" are having go?

Cant speak for the rest of the chaps (esess) on here, but I have no axe to grind with the USA or its inhabitants - I just call it as I see it.

Do yourself a favour and unload the chip from the shoulder - you will live longer.

OFSO
11th May 2009, 13:58
My wife just reminded me - in Paris last year two American ladies of a Certain Age came up to my wife and I near Montparnasse in the Rue de Rennes, an avenue lined with expensive ladies underwear shops. The taller one - could only have been a Texan from the whiney voice - asked my wife "could you tell me where the lingerie is ?"

My wife indicated both sides of the Rue de Rennes, but the lady said, "no, I wan' the LINGERIE !"

Helplessly we gazed at her.

She tried again. "We wanna visit the Lingerie !"

Finally we got it. She wanted L'Orangerie.

Just picked an unfortunate place to ask.

Captain Stable
11th May 2009, 14:09
I have to say that I find the Brits on holiday to be far more objectionable and cringe-worthy than the Americans.

Yes, you can spot an American tourist a mile away, even without tartan trousers and white socks. And they're not the brightest either, but I find Brit tourists to be far, far thicker. And another point on which the Americans score way over the Brits, Germans, French and probably loads of others is that they are generally POLITE.

Bullethead
11th May 2009, 14:14
Back in the days when we were allowed to have flight deck visitors we were en-route SIN to SYD and were crossing the West Oz coast up near Derby. We had a British gent visiting us on the light deck and he asked what coast we were crossing and when told it was Australia said,

"Well I'd better go get ready for the landing."

We convinced him there was no rush and that the landing would be more than four hours away.

But wait there's more.

We asked what his travel intentions were and it was something like this, SYD BNE CNS DRW BRM PER ADL MEL SYD and then home. How long are you staying, he said two weeks! We looked at each other incredulously. How are you going to get around the country, he said by taxi!!!! :eek:

When queried as to whatever made him think he could see pretty much see all of Oz in two weeks by taxi he said he looked at a map of the UK and looked at a map of Oz and they were the same size you see so travel by cab wouldn't be a problem.

By now we had seen nothing but Oz gaffa for the last hour and a half and he was starting to realise that a change in travel plans would be in order.

It's so wierd I couldn't make it up.

Regards,
BH.

Sprogget
11th May 2009, 14:21
I once met a really supercilious Brit.

I'm sure that was a 'once off' event.


That is pretty supercilious in itself.:=

GroundedSLF
11th May 2009, 14:23
Many moons ago when working for a tour operator selling holidays to the USA, we had an enquiry from sombody who wanted flights into NYC and out of LAX a week later, with a car in between.

Took ages to convince him that over 400 miles a day on average wouldnt leave a lot of time for sightseeing, especially when you factor in the 55mph (at that time) speed limit.

I think the thing that fianly convinced him was when we said that those plans also included "a couple of nights in Orlando for Disney"...

I think there are stupid people in all countries all over the world...

Farmer 1
11th May 2009, 14:47
Ignore them, Brick.

Curious Pax
11th May 2009, 15:01
Brick - thats a bit strong coming from somebody who has posted a belief that the USA is "the most important Country on earth" (post # 325 in the "waterboard thread) - that sounds arrogant in my opinion.

Why is it that whenever you read any post involving the USA or its citizens in anything less than a shining, posative light, you think that "we" are having go?

Cant speak for the rest of the chaps (esess) on here, but I have no axe to grind with the USA or its inhabitants - I just call it as I see it.

Do yourself a favour and unload the chip from the shoulder - you will live longer.

Think Black Sabbath wrote a song about Brick Mr GSLF...:ok:

Shame after so many people took the trouble to annotate their remarks about US tourists with the acknowledgement that tourists from their own country were generally at least as bad!!

tony draper
11th May 2009, 15:36
Oh boy,you aint seen nuttin yet, just wait until the Alpha Centarians get here.
:uhoh:

hellsbrink
11th May 2009, 15:43
Going by some of the things you see out on the razz at the weekend in Newcastle, I would say aliens already walk amongst us

tony draper
11th May 2009, 16:07
One does not frequent the Toon at weekends nor any other time it is avoidable.
:rolleyes:

hellsbrink
11th May 2009, 16:29
One doesn't blame you

Mind you, it was no different in some other parts of the UK. The less said about Newport the better

con-pilot
11th May 2009, 17:02
Oh boy,you aint seen nuttin yet, just wait until the Alpha Centarians get here.


Right you are Mr. D, them's the ones after the beer.

Following along with Captain Stable's post. I can usually spot a British Tourist in Mexico, the Caribbean or any other hot tropical beach resort area by the their extreme sunburns. Now I will admit usually it is only the men, but have they not ever heard of Sunscreen?

I have seen some that just make me cringe thinking just bad they are going hurt later.

even without tartan trousers

I had a pair of tartan trousers, Mr. C-P threw them away when we got married. :(

In all my travels around the world, which have been extensive, I cannot say that I have ever noticed any one nationality that could be classified rude, crude or otherwise socially unacceptable as a whole. In fact I would say 80/90% of tourists I have seen are really nice and polite no matter what country they come from.

Even the French. :p

Captain Stable
11th May 2009, 17:30
I can usually spot a British Tourist in Mexico, the Caribbean or any other hot tropical beach resort area by the their extreme sunburns.Yep - that and the can of lager in the hand...I had a pair of tartan trousers, Mr. C-P threw them away when we got married.Mrs. C-P is a very sensible lady. :ok:

hellsbrink
11th May 2009, 17:50
I can usually spot a British Tourist in Mexico, the Caribbean or any other hot tropical beach resort area by the their extreme sunburns.

I remember a TV ad for Lilt that went "Lobsters on South Beach"


I can't say anything, I'm Jockinese so am a pale blue colour because of a lack of sunlight.... I have to burn before I tan......

Not that it's much of a tan

Captain Stable
11th May 2009, 17:52
They've brought out a special SPF5000 sunscreen for people like you, hb - it's based on unrefined oil products. Called tar-tan.

Hat, coat, sunscreen...

chiglet
11th May 2009, 18:01
Archie...An Englishman Abroad.....[well he came from Troon, actually....but one mustn't decry our Northern Celtic compatriarts......:=]

I was with the RAF in Borneo in the '60s. We had use of a J3 [Minibus] and a 40' [Twin Johnson 40 powered] Launch. One day, Archie went on a boat trip....in a three piece suit!:ugh:
He came back red all over his top half, with white braces.....:D

StaceyF
11th May 2009, 18:01
Following along with Captain Stable's post. I can usually spot a British Tourist in Mexico, the Caribbean or any other hot tropical beach resort area by the their extreme sunburns.

The British females are instantly recognisable by the many tattoos (the chinese type symbol across the nape of the back is obligatory).

If in doubt, check for the secondary signs; a French manicure, a belly button piercing, the fake tan, the blonde highlights........

God help us all....

West Coast
11th May 2009, 18:18
If this is the place to vent...
Could you Brit's please not wear speedo's (marble sacks, banana hammocks) on the beach here in San Diego.

Thanks You
Management

Um... lifting...
11th May 2009, 18:21
on the beach here in San Diego.

...or here in Florida.
The Germans have been very accommodating about removing their black socks with their sandals.

OFSO
11th May 2009, 18:28
There's a riddle down here:

What goes from the colour of a dead fish to the colour of a boiled lobster in 24 hours ?

A British tourist.

hellsbrink
11th May 2009, 18:53
...or here in Florida.

or anywhere

"Budgie Smugglers" should be banned under the Geneva Convention, in my view

racedo
11th May 2009, 18:58
Mrs. C-P is a very sensible lady. http://static.pprune.org/images/smilies/thumbs.gif

Best to say nothing about her taste in Men with gear like that :)

racedo
11th May 2009, 19:01
The British females are instantly recognisable by the many tattoos (the chinese type symbol across the nape of the back is obligatory).

I have heard it referred to as a Tramp Stamp.

frostbite
11th May 2009, 20:13
All of which reminds me of the story of the tourist in a small caribbean coastal village who fell asleep in the sun with his legs protruding from the sunshade.

When he awoke and discovered his lobster legs, he also discovered there was only a local medecine man, and all he could offer was a couple of Viagra.

"What use is that?", screamed the tourist.

"It will keep the sheet off your legs when you go to bed".

brickhistory
11th May 2009, 20:15
I have heard it referred to as a Tramp Stamp.


Also referred to as a 'target.'

And, alas, that is not just a British affectation. All too many US girls sport them.

Even trailer-trash Barbie has one (there's a thread here somewhere on it).

Sprogget
11th May 2009, 20:25
My boys & I, we always called those things instruction manuals.

lexxity
11th May 2009, 21:01
Now look, some of us just can't help burning. Factor 50, long sleeve top, sat in the shade and still I burn. It's embarrassing. :{

Was always amazed at people who thought that their flight to LAS/SFO would only be an hour or so from ORD. No concept of geography at all.

West Coast
12th May 2009, 02:52
I have heard it referred to as a Tramp Stamp.

Provides a little light reading when the stampee is doggy-style.

Richo77
12th May 2009, 04:50
It doesn't matter where you go, there are idiots abroad and sometimes you take em with you. 6 years ago, went to Vegas for a pool (eightball) tournament. Its an annual thing whole contingent of aussies (about 45 of us) go every year to compete in the various events.

One year we had a bloke from Wollongong (a little backwards...) with us. He was 45 had 2 adult kids who both seemed nice enough. But he was a little shall we say culturally insensitive.

Every time he opened his mouth it was a racist comment. To the point where when he lost to an African American player, every second word out of his mouth was N****R. Not only made me scared for my health, but made me bloody ashamed to know him.

Made myself scarce whenever he turned up after that.

sitigeltfel
12th May 2009, 06:00
The British females are instantly recognisable by the many tattoos (the chinese type symbol across the nape of the back is obligatory).

There is now an easy solution to this embarrassing blemish...

Tattoo Removal Spoof FunnyVideo (http://www.break.com/usercontent/2007/5/Tattoo-Removal-Spoof-Funny-300629.html)

OFSO
12th May 2009, 10:11
Not tourists, but in the "stupid British" category.

An acquaintance of mine brought his new wife back here to Catalunia - both are British. When she got pregnant some members of her family were outraged she'd not be ferried back to England to have the baby but would stay Spain.

"But what will you do for hospitals ?" said one idiotic woman.

My acquaintance explained that for techniques, treatment, low rates of MRSA and having all Spanish staff (not "furriners") working in hospitals, they beat British ones hollow.

Shocked silence at heretical statement.

StaceyF
12th May 2009, 17:41
I have heard it referred to as a Tramp Stamp.

Yep........Slag Tag is another adjective.

mini
12th May 2009, 21:59
I doubt there is a country anywhere that doesn't toss out a proportionate amount of naive tourists.

Life goes on... some learn, others don't and remain oblivious, providing humour. :)

I can remember my first foreign trip, don't ask.... :p

Many years on, and 60 odd countries, working, living, holidaying later I have a different take on visitors... :ok:

chiglet
12th May 2009, 22:31
Carnac Plage in Brittany......Essex[ish] mother buying ice creams....
"Mr Whippy"....
Ice cream Lady..."Pardon?"
EM..."Mr Whippy"
ICL..."pardon"
EM.."I want a F'ng WIPPY"
Me..pointing to the "soft icecream" machine..."Pardon, C'est la"
Boy was I proud to be English.......:{

racedo
12th May 2009, 22:48
Many years ago in darkest Essex I knew a girl who had gone on hols with her boyfriend and when I asked him if he enjoyed Spain he said, "I wasn't in F*****g Spain on holidays as hate the Spanish and don't like their food, I'll never go there."

Asking where he had gone on hols he stated "I was in Torremolinos and that's not in Spain, what do you think I am ? Stupid"

She was a nice girl and think she married him.

Foss
13th May 2009, 10:17
American relatives came over to visit Northern Ireland years ago.They were flying into Dublin and were going to hire a car. Fair play to them,giving them directions to get them onto the motorway as quick as possible.
'Fos you live on the coast don't you?' (Top right hand corner roughly)
'Well, we were just going to drive up the coast and stop at a few fishing villages on the way.'

Drive up the coast, from Dublin. Hmm, right, that could be a B&B job.
'That's quite a long trip to do that all the way from way from Dublin, I think you might want to get on the motorway.'
'Oh we're not doing it from Dublin, we want to look at Kerry first, while we're down there.'
(Kerry's bottom left hand corner roughly)
'So you want to drive the length of Ireland in the wrong direction, then follow the crinkly edge the whole way back up. That'll take days. Get on the motorway.'
Pass phone to American relative, 'Tell them to look up the fecking Circuit of Ireland, that's what they're bloody thinking of.'

radeng
13th May 2009, 10:32
Years ago, working on the Severn Valley railway in teh days when 'Gordon' the WD 2-10-0 was in steam, and painted a fetching blue colour with LMR on the side - it still belonged to MoD's Longmoor Military Railway. Party of school kids with fussy little male teacher, showing off. 'LMR', he said' that's London Midland Region'. He was old enough to have known steam on BR and being from around Birmingham, should have known that Midland region engines were black, red or green - and generally dirty! Plus they had the flames and crown on the tender, not letters....

Lightning Mate
13th May 2009, 12:29
USA last year, leaving a restaurant at 2200 local.

Server:
Y'all have a nice day"

Me:
"Do I assume you mean tomorrow?"

Server:
Blank look of absolute astonishment....

....but they are nice polite people, unlike bright red Brit pot-bellied pigs!