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CR2
3rd May 2009, 01:50
And it ain't my dawg.... it my aunt's dog a Bichon Frisee (I call 'em something else, but its rude). Spoilt little shit it is. Doesn't like water, last time I gave it a bath, I stayed on the outside and got soaked. Thinkin' this time I'll take a bath and dunk the little bastard while I'm in... I'd love to tie it to a tree and powerwash it but there are laws against that. Apparently. Hmm

Dog must be reading this, he just buggered off under the table....

ZEEBEE
3rd May 2009, 02:04
1 Hire a boat
2 Go at least two miles offshore, ensuring cargo contains subject mutt
3 Chuck a meaty bone into the water as far as is possible
4 If subject mutt doesn't get the message...implement size10 option.

retrieve mutt....or not problem solved.

CR2
3rd May 2009, 02:23
Mission accomplished. Ran a bath, got in it, dumped the little bastard in too. Am now covered in scratches in places where there should be no scratches.

Mrs CR2... How'dyou get those scratches... down THERE?
Me: Took shithead for a bath.
Mrs Cr2.... Yeah, right

:suspect:

Can't win. Should have tied the bastard to the roof and gone to the car wash. Had to blow dry it too. No wonder they call 'em hair dresser's dogs.

:E

The pox on all small dogs.

Lightning6
3rd May 2009, 02:33
Mission accomplished. Ran a bath, got in it, dumped the little bastard in too. Am now covered in scratches in places where there should be no scratches.

Mrs CR2... How'dyou get those scratches... down THERE?
Me: Took shithead for a bath.
Mrs Cr2.... Yeah, right

:suspect:

Can't win. Should have tied the bastard to the roof and gone to the car wash. Had to blow dry it too. No wonder they call 'em hair dresser's dogs.

:E

The pox on all small dogs.

I used to have a Sheltie, sadly not with us any more, she hated baths, but fortunately she used to freeze with fright, she loved the blow dry afterwards tho'...And you call yourself 'Top Dog Mod' :)

CR2
3rd May 2009, 02:43
Top Dog... Freight Dogs... no SLF allowed :)

Lightning6
3rd May 2009, 02:45
Oops, sorry. ;)

Lightning6
3rd May 2009, 03:00
Try taking it to the dry cleaners. :)

Radar66
3rd May 2009, 08:47
1) collar and lead the dog and stake it into the ground in the middle of the garden.

2) spray the hose onto it.

3) twist the stake around so that the dog is contained in a smaller space.

4) put on thick gardening gloves, boots, chainmail apron etc. put a little dog shampoo into a 'squirty' bottle and dilute it down a little with water. squirt the dog and 'massage' it with the gloves on.

5) spray it with the hosepipe.

6) leave to dry.

7) give it it's dinner to distract it from biting your privates.

sort-ed! :O

Lon More
3rd May 2009, 09:01
Simples; if women don't find you handsome they should at least find you handy

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TerminalTrotter
3rd May 2009, 09:10
Any suggestions for a large Pointer who comes back from his 'Walkies' covered in black slime with a top dressing of whatever dead creature he has been able to find and roll on?

He's a rescue dog and reacts with real terror to the mere sight of a hose, and I'm not a big enough B****** to do that to him, so usually end up one leg at a time in a bucket on the garden table (his legs, not mine). Not ideal, but the best I've come up with so far.

TT

Avtrician
3rd May 2009, 09:27
A large platic tub half full of warm water, get the dog to walk in, use a scoop to wet the dog down, soap it up and rinse down with separate warm water, could work.

My daughter gives a friends JR a bath (she sticks it in the tub and turns on warm water) every time it visits. It apparently hates a bath, but it will tolerate it from the daughter as she is its favourite friend. The bloody thing loves the hair dryer tho, and the brush.

MadsDad
3rd May 2009, 10:55
Used to put dog into the bath (smallish hound, too small to get out), close shower curtains then turn on the shower over the bath. When done toweled it down before removing from the bath. Seemed to work fine.

Foss
3rd May 2009, 11:06
Put it in the shower cubicle. Of course you'll never have any dog shampoo, so it'll end up smelling like Hi Karate or whatever has been lying in the bottom of the kitchen cabinet for the last ten years.

Using girly shampoo is a real mistake, girls have better noises than dogs. Beer, perfume,their expensive conditioner or whatever the hell it is. Dead meat if the dog smells of Clairol or something.

But what's the craic with a hairdryer being ok, but a washing machine being something close to a noisy death ray armed Dalek.

llondel
3rd May 2009, 11:58
Last night my wife gave my father's dog a bath. She has a way with dogs - a 100lb labrador, all anchors on immediately she tried to get him into the bathroom. I helped push, and stayed to watch the show, but once he was in the water he was well-behaved (i.e. resigned to it) and didn't try to get out. Some people just know how to control dogs.

This morning he smells nice and has a nice soft coat.

Solid Rust Twotter
3rd May 2009, 12:03
Wolf goes into the shower with me. Quick scrub with dog shampoo then a rinse. He goes out to roll in the dry grass and dead leaves while I take a shower to get rid of the fur and loose hairs. Looks fluffy and ridiculous until he's dried and shaken off all the grass and leaves.

DX Wombat
3rd May 2009, 13:59
Bryn has had three baths in his life, all before the age of ten weeks when he was still tiny enough to fit in the bathroom sink. The baths ceased when he finally learned how to get away from a complete soaking in the pond by standing on his back legs if he fell in, thereby restricting the soggy bits. I'm fortunate that, like his dad, he is a self-cleaning dog - he hates being dirty so keeps himself clean. :) :ok:
Ratty, if the dear little doggy :* :} is likely to chomp you when being bathed may I suggest you use one of these (http://www.companyofanimals.co.uk/baskerville.php). It won't hurt or harm the little perisher, is waterproof and you will be protected whilst Pooch will simply be frustrated at not getting its own way. :E :)

Gooneyone
3rd May 2009, 16:33
Easy to do. Take 'em down to the beach, let them romp / swim for about an hour, then take them home and bathe them with a hose - they're too tired to resist. (Combined weight of the 2 dogs about 200 lbs - so that's the only way to do it).
What also helps is when you're bathing them you also get an initial spray wash which helps to remove some of the salt from you.

Rather be Gardening
8th May 2009, 16:51
My hound sometimes rolls in fox or badger poo, then can't understand why his only route back into the rest of the house is via the bath. Husband always disappears, claiming diplomatic immunity, so it's 3 falls or a submission to get the dog into the bath, then the vulcan death grip on him until the smell has been washed off enough to allow me to breathe through my nose again.

The rest of the evening is spent with the dog trying to dial the RSPCA to report me. :rolleyes:

visibility3miles
8th May 2009, 18:23
Years ago, my uncle's dog chased a skunk under his truck. The dog was in the doghouse a long time...

:=

sled dog
8th May 2009, 19:45
Get a Siberian Husky ( or a whole team ) they NEVER need bathing. Totally odourless coats, even when wet :ok: Special dogs. Wish i still had mine.:(

hellsbrink
8th May 2009, 19:52
Gave SIL's dogs a bath a couple of weeks back (I can carry them up the stairs, you see) and did the sensible thing and took shirt off so it wouldn't get soaked.

Really sensible idea when one dog is a Groenendaaler, there was so much black hair stuck to me after I got her out of the bath I looked like a dark haired "Cousin It".

Standard Noise
8th May 2009, 21:59
Gave Lucyfer a bath yesterday, flipping bathroom looked like a black labrador afterwards. Still clearing up hair today fer goodness sake.

CR2
8th May 2009, 23:10
Suppose I should clean the bugga again tonight. Or maybe tomorrow... yeah, tomorrow sounds better :hmm:

Scott Diamond
8th May 2009, 23:26
Just be glad it's not the dog giving you a bath! Mine used to piss all over me before we got sick of it and sold it on.

unstable load
9th May 2009, 01:26
In summer I use the hose on the German Shepherd and Foxie-thing. Winter is in the bath which is a bit of a gong show but it works. Foxie sometimes rolls in shite then it's the hose and Sunlight dishsoap regardless of time of year.

The cats go in the bath and get towelled down and then go outside to sulk under the pool lounger and plot my demise.:}

flower
9th May 2009, 08:05
I doubt any of us would like a cold hose pipe sprayed over us so it's no wonder many dogs hate being washed !!!
I stick the dogs in the shower cubicle, they can walk in and out of it and the good old shower screen takes the worst of the shake afterwards.

Afterwards when they are getting towel dried they go crazy and run up and down round and round . They don't get washed often only if very smelly and after coming back from kennels as the vet told me they are best cleaning themselves :ok:

Standard Noise
9th May 2009, 13:50
the vet told me they are best cleaning themselves

Well if our vet ever says that he can keep Lucyfer and live with her smells, then give her back when she's 'cleaned' herself.
Mind you, wish she would clean herself, nearly breaks me in two lifting her into the bath while she struggles.

frostbite
9th May 2009, 14:33
lifting her into the bath while she struggles.

I would love to see my mate try that with his Newfie!

(He's dreading the day his elderly dog dies, for all the usual reasons plus wondering how the hell he's going to move him)

Desert Diner
9th May 2009, 15:29
In summer I use the hose on the German Shepherd

On my late German Sepherd (God rest her soul), I used to put her leash on, lather her up, and then go in a circle with the hose to wash her off.

We gave up trying to put her in the bathtub after she turned one and felt like I was fighting an elephant. So we ended up not bathing her over late fall/winter. Funny enough, she avoided the mud during winter.

He's dreading the day his elderly dog dies, for all the usual reasons plus wondering how the hell he's going to move him

I felt the same way.

CR2
9th May 2009, 22:28
Looks like a thunderstorm brewing... leash? Check. Tree? Check... :8

con-pilot
10th May 2009, 01:32
We have a Malamute and a Great Pyrenees, see the Doggy Thread, trust me, we take them to the groomers. :\

The cost is worth it, wait until you try to wash a full grown Pyrenees, :uhoh:

Now on the other hand the Malamute loves water and loves to be fussed over, but she gets real jealous when the Pyrenees gets to go to the groomers and she doesn't. Plus we get a discount for two dogs.

From the owner, not the poor folks that have to wash our two dogs. :p


(Yes, I always tip the people that do the grooming. They deserve it.)

sitigeltfel
10th May 2009, 06:59
Dogs, are you frustrated by the time it takes to regain that all important odour after your stupid master has bathed you? An instant remedy is now at hand..........

http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee201/sitigeltfel/Petsweat.jpg

MagnusP
10th May 2009, 10:37
girls have better noises than dogs.

Dear God, Foss, what have you been doing??? :eek: