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OFSO
29th Apr 2009, 15:26
A selection of headlines from tomorrow's newspapers....
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MORE PEOPLE MAY DIE FROM SWINE FLU THAN ACTUALLY LIVE ON THE SURFACE OF THE EARTH, SAY EXPERTS (Daily Mail)


MAN DIAGNOSED WITH TOURETTES SYNDROME HAD ONLY BEEN READING ALASTAIR DARLING'S FORECASTS OF ECONOMIC RECOVERY FOR THE UK (Daily Telegraph)

Storminnorm
29th Apr 2009, 15:29
PEOPLE ON JOB SEEKERS' ALLOWANCE TO BE OFFERED JOBS IN MEXICO.

Daily Mail.

MagnusP
29th Apr 2009, 15:31
WWII BOMBER FOUND ON MOON DISAPPEARS!

Daily Sport.

No, actually, they printed that... :ugh:

Davaar
29th Apr 2009, 15:32
MORE PEOPLE MAY DIE FROM SWINE FLU THAN ACTUALLY LIVE ON THE SURFACE OF THE EARTH, SAY EXPERTS

British coal forecasts boom times. Recruitment opens in Newcastle, East Fife, Lanarkshire, West Lothian. National Coal Board takes new lease on HQ.

Storminnorm
29th Apr 2009, 15:37
ANOTHER WAVE OF IMMIGRANTS HEAD FOR UK. AUSTRALIA CLOSING DOWN
DUE TO BOREDOM.

The Sun.

OFSO
29th Apr 2009, 16:01
HOUSE PRICES TUMBLE AS NOISY SEX SYNDROME SPREADS (Daily Express)

GroundedSLF
29th Apr 2009, 17:00
MP`s Give Back Expenses! (National Enquirer)

Storminnorm
29th Apr 2009, 17:03
MP's give back expenses? Let's not get into the realms of total FANTASY!!

Lon More
29th Apr 2009, 17:05
Thatcher admits she got it wrong!!! (Torygraph)

Storminnorm
29th Apr 2009, 17:07
That's better Lon. Keep it FACTUAL!!!!

Lon More
29th Apr 2009, 17:08
Spens claims weather forecast was wrong (Dunfermline Press)

Sprogget
29th Apr 2009, 17:08
DRAPER & MCBRIDE NEW JACKANORY EDITORS. (Sun)

Or..

DRAPOR & MCBRIDE NEW JKCANORY EDITERS (Guardian)

dead_pan
29th Apr 2009, 19:17
SWINE FLU RISK "OVER-BLOWN" (Daily Mail)

POINTS SYSTEM TO BE INTRODUCED FOR BRITISH EMIGRANTS (Ethiopian Times c.2020)

Grabbers
29th Apr 2009, 20:59
Man Wins Readers' Digest Mexican Holiday But Can't Get The Time Off Work... He's Pig Sick!

OFSO
29th Apr 2009, 21:02
GORDON BROWN MEEKLY ACCEPTS RESULT OF VOTE ON GURKHAS (The Gruadian)

BladePilot
29th Apr 2009, 21:06
UK Banks offer to wipe Mortgage debt slate clean for Millions of home owners


*ankers Monthly Digest

:)

Stockpicker
29th Apr 2009, 21:07
UK GOVERNMENT SPOTS PROBLEM, DECIDES NOT TO LEGISLATE ABOUT IT AND LETS EXISTING REGULATION SOLVE IT

The Times

OFSO
29th Apr 2009, 21:24
UK GOVERNMENT SPOTS PROBLEM, DECIDES TO LEGISLATE ABOUT IT AND HAVING SPENT MILLIONS DRAFTING AND PASSING NEW LEGISLATION, NEVER BOTHERS TO APPLY IT.

The Telegraph

dead_pan
29th Apr 2009, 21:33
ARMAGEDDON AVERTED FOR YET ANOTHER 24 HOURS
Citizens urged to return library books (Daily Express)

KIM JONG-IL PIPS AHMADINEJAD TO SCOOP NOBEL PEACE PRIZE (Pravda)

WALL STREET HERALDS CREATION OF 'COLLATERALIZED PANDEMIC OBLIGATIONS' (Wall Street Journal)

pigboat
29th Apr 2009, 22:27
Couldn't think of a fake headline, but this one (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/8021301.stm) oughta more than make up for that. ;)

Spunky Monkey
29th Apr 2009, 22:34
NO MORE SCOUSE JOKES ON pPRUNE - (Manchester Evening News)

1 TO USE THE TOILETS ON RYANAIR FLIGHTS - (mol - The gutter press)

A NUGGET TO SPEND A NUGGET

Overdrive
29th Apr 2009, 22:37
MICHAEL JACKSON HAS NEVER INTERFERED WITH CHILDREN, AND EVERYBODY ELSE IS LIKE, TOTALLY WRONG.


Hello Magazine.

MadsDad
29th Apr 2009, 22:46
"MAN FOUND WIFE IN BED WITH CHINESE HYPNOTIST FROM CO-OP BACON FACTORY"


News of the World

Sprogget
29th Apr 2009, 22:57
APORKALYPSE NOW. Sun, Star, Mirror, Sport ect, ect..

Avitor
29th Apr 2009, 23:04
Hundreds of ancient cowboy outlaws spotted splashing across the Rio Grand on their way out of Mexico.

The Sun.

mr fish
29th Apr 2009, 23:16
JOANNA LUMLEY ARRESTED FOR BREACH OF THE PEACE,
(section 5, public order) outside house's of parliment,
found to be in possesion of large "curved" knife.

BROWN AND CABINET MEMBERS SAFE,

HEAD OF POLICE QUIZZED OVER "SHOCKING" LAPSE OF SECURITY!!!


police gazzette--tomorrow, or maybe the weekend, depends on
manpower,
"i can give you a crime number over the phone etc etc:(:(

Buster Hyman
29th Apr 2009, 23:17
WOMEN RETURN TO THE KITCHEN "IT'S SCARY OUT THERE!"

:E:ouch:

(Ooooh, this is gonna hurt!....)

Jofm5
30th Apr 2009, 05:46
SWINE FLU PANDEMIC - SAVE YOUR BACON NOW - the sport

Noah Zark.
30th Apr 2009, 09:07
I keep trying to ring the NHS Swine Flu helpline, but all I get is crackling.

Jofm5
30th Apr 2009, 09:49
lol noah - made me laugh

MagnusP
30th Apr 2009, 11:37
SENSIBLE THREAD SPOTTED ON JET BLAST - MODS HAVE COLLECTIVE FIT

(all papers)

Storminnorm
30th Apr 2009, 11:46
MAN ARRESTED FOR HAVING SEX WITH PIG.
Police say he'll get away with it!
Pig won't squeal!!!

N of W.

Buster Hyman
30th Apr 2009, 11:49
hare Escapes From Research Lab
Police Are Combing The Area.

Airey Belvoir
30th Apr 2009, 13:16
SWINE FLU REFUSED ENTRY TO IRAN - We In the Muslim World will Not Accept this Unclean Western Disease says Armydinnerjacket - Tehran Times

Ooops! Think there might be a few problems there Army My Old Mate - The Sun

OFSO
30th Apr 2009, 20:03
AMY WINEHOUSE TAKES WRONG TURN WHILE TIRED AND EMOTIONAL - BECOMES A NUN BY MISTAKE. PICTURE PAGE 3.

(Sunday Sport)

OFSO
1st May 2009, 18:50
GOVERNMENT REFUSES TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY - JADE DIED OF SWINE FLU (Daily Mail)

Ken Wells
1st May 2009, 21:27
SENSIBLE THREAD SPOTTED ON JET BLAST - MODS HAVE COLLECTIVE FIT


and remove it !

Ken Wells
1st May 2009, 21:30
"Gordon Brown does not have a false eye or badly fitted false teeth, and I whole heartedly support him honest " states Harriet Hateman


Guardian

Loki
1st May 2009, 21:59
SWINE FLU IN LINK TO RISING SEA LEVELS

New Scientist

Ken Wells
1st May 2009, 22:06
"Who Dear? Me Dear? Gay Dear? How very dare you!!

said Lord Mandelson


Grazia