John MacCalman
21st Dec 2001, 19:26
Dear Flying Friends
I thought it would be worth sharing this taken from "On The Fly" column in the latest issue of STAN - Scottish Travel Agents News. If it bears some similarity to a post I made a year ago here there has been some healthy recycling.
PREDICTIONS 2002
JANUARY
A new low-cost airline called GO-EASY based at Brigadoon International Airport pays all its passengers to fly with them.
FEBRUARY
A planning application for Heathrow's Terminal 6 is lodged. It will be located in Brussels.
MARCH
To assist in the public/private partnership financing of Air Traffic Control, toll barriers are set up at the end of runways.
APRIL
Several carriers announce double commission for travel agents and many hours pass before the trade realises that the date is April 1st.
MAY
In the interests of European harmonisation the EU declares that flight delays must be shared equally among all EU member airports Airlines which fail to meet minimum delay criteria must compensate airport operators for lost revenue - money which would have been spent by passengers at airport shops while waiting for their delayed flights.
JUNE
The internet hosts a new Virtual Low Cost Airline it has virtually no costs, no planes and no noise. Passengers log on to a web site and just imagine they are travelling.
JULY
As a marketing initiative to promote tourism to Hong Kong, China hands the territory back to Britain for a week.
AUGUST
In order to further reduce agents' commissions airlines decide that all costs of air travel should be treated as a tax and become non-commissionable and only the Air Passenger Duty be liable for commission.
SEPTEMBER
Sleeper seats are no longer the privilege of premium class travel when scientists at NASA develop a scheme to palletise passengers which involves putting them to sleep before they "board" the aircraft.
The passengers are then loaded on to specially constructed pallets and loaded into a 747 Freighter.
The low-cost carriers gave the scheme a lukewarm reception as they would be unable to sell their passengers anything during the flight.
OCTOBER
To improve legroom on long flights and help avoid DVT-related illnesses, airlines announce plans to remove all seats.
NOVEMBER
Industrial relations at one north American carrier return to an all-time low when pilots threaten strike action unless they can take their planes home with them at night.
DECEMBER
Christmas is cancelled when the FAA impound Santa's "aircraft" for failing to come up to navigation standards. Neither using a single star as the main guidance system or an animal's red nose as an anti-collision warning light are regarded as reliable or safe forms of transport..
<img src="smile.gif" border="0">
I thought it would be worth sharing this taken from "On The Fly" column in the latest issue of STAN - Scottish Travel Agents News. If it bears some similarity to a post I made a year ago here there has been some healthy recycling.
PREDICTIONS 2002
JANUARY
A new low-cost airline called GO-EASY based at Brigadoon International Airport pays all its passengers to fly with them.
FEBRUARY
A planning application for Heathrow's Terminal 6 is lodged. It will be located in Brussels.
MARCH
To assist in the public/private partnership financing of Air Traffic Control, toll barriers are set up at the end of runways.
APRIL
Several carriers announce double commission for travel agents and many hours pass before the trade realises that the date is April 1st.
MAY
In the interests of European harmonisation the EU declares that flight delays must be shared equally among all EU member airports Airlines which fail to meet minimum delay criteria must compensate airport operators for lost revenue - money which would have been spent by passengers at airport shops while waiting for their delayed flights.
JUNE
The internet hosts a new Virtual Low Cost Airline it has virtually no costs, no planes and no noise. Passengers log on to a web site and just imagine they are travelling.
JULY
As a marketing initiative to promote tourism to Hong Kong, China hands the territory back to Britain for a week.
AUGUST
In order to further reduce agents' commissions airlines decide that all costs of air travel should be treated as a tax and become non-commissionable and only the Air Passenger Duty be liable for commission.
SEPTEMBER
Sleeper seats are no longer the privilege of premium class travel when scientists at NASA develop a scheme to palletise passengers which involves putting them to sleep before they "board" the aircraft.
The passengers are then loaded on to specially constructed pallets and loaded into a 747 Freighter.
The low-cost carriers gave the scheme a lukewarm reception as they would be unable to sell their passengers anything during the flight.
OCTOBER
To improve legroom on long flights and help avoid DVT-related illnesses, airlines announce plans to remove all seats.
NOVEMBER
Industrial relations at one north American carrier return to an all-time low when pilots threaten strike action unless they can take their planes home with them at night.
DECEMBER
Christmas is cancelled when the FAA impound Santa's "aircraft" for failing to come up to navigation standards. Neither using a single star as the main guidance system or an animal's red nose as an anti-collision warning light are regarded as reliable or safe forms of transport..
<img src="smile.gif" border="0">