View Full Version : What is the most vicious animal?

2nd Feb 2009, 19:38
I just had a vicious fight with a male cat.

He's about 1/50 of my size and put up a nasty painful fight.

I was trying to give him eyedrops to help an infection.

I am covered in scratches (possibly infectious).

Be careful of cats.

2nd Feb 2009, 19:45

Should be banned. Caused too many deaths and horrendous injuries to be allowed as pets.

Get thee to a hospital, I had a run in with a stray cat that got into the house one night. Got bitten on both hands trying to remove same. Swelled up twice their normal size.

2nd Feb 2009, 19:48
Oooh ouch.

A cat has 5 lethal points!

I saw a great technique used by a vet nurse on tv. She wore a really cool apron thing thick enough to take claws. Instead of trying to hold onto the cat, she placed the cat on her apron and thus had to use 4 of the nasty points to hold on. Then she had 2 hands to deal with the cat. :ok:

2nd Feb 2009, 20:00
That cat is not long for this world, I promise.

2nd Feb 2009, 20:10
Wolverine - very vicious for its size.

2nd Feb 2009, 20:12
Answer to thread topic = An Angry Mommy, all species

Serious note, ROLLING THUNDER was spot on about professional medical attention.
Cat wounds, especially BITES can be very dangerous, very quickly. They have some really nasty bacteria ( I believe one is pasteurellosis - look it up and that should scare you ) . Have heard of several local patients that waited a day or two until they couldn't stand the swelling, fever and pain anymore and were quite ill when seen.

2nd Feb 2009, 20:14
Most vicious animal?

An indisciplined girl.

Sometimes all that works is a good spanking to sort things out.

In all seriousness, it may be worth talking to your quack about a prophylactic course of antibiotics-depending on the extent of your injuries.:)

I'm usually more worried about the human variety of bites.

2nd Feb 2009, 20:16
Ex Wives. Period :ouch:

tony draper
2nd Feb 2009, 20:18
Poor mog is only defending itself as it sees things,probably thinks you are trying to eat it,nature is red in tooth and claw yer know.
Oft puzzled at hound behavior in similar circumstances,they are intelligent critters they must realize you are not trying to harm them but instinct prevails.
I believe vets use thick padded gloves that reach up to the elbow when dealing wi Moggies.

henry crun
2nd Feb 2009, 20:20
The vet who attended my cat told me that he hads no qualms about treating dogs, but cats were much more dangerous with all those claws as well as teeth.

tony draper
2nd Feb 2009, 20:31
Remember taking SWH at about nine months old to Vets for a check up with the idea of having him chipped at the same time three of us, self Bro and a large South African Vet could not get a muzzle on him,I kid you not,a small whirling white ball of snapping snarling fury,SWH has never been chipped.
Fortunately he has enjoyed robust good health apart from a ear infection,getting drops into his ear was fun,we gave up on trying when he was awake,sneak up when he is zzzing in his basket and try but for a while I swear he slept with one eye open.

2nd Feb 2009, 20:36
I recommend you see a Doctor.

Go Around
2nd Feb 2009, 20:41
Privateer01...I salute you. You hit the nail on the head with what is surely the most vicious,aggresive,venomous creature on the planet...they can react in an unexpected and random manner and have a reputation for pursuing a wounded man and then completely dismembering him.
The most dangerous, no doubt. :D

2nd Feb 2009, 20:49
Night fighters in Lagos:{:E

2nd Feb 2009, 20:52
I never had a snag with my mogs at said ventinary, just the way you brings em up spose:confused:

2nd Feb 2009, 20:54
crotch crabs ........... they don't sleep

2nd Feb 2009, 20:57
Privateer01 wrote: Ex Wives. Period http://static.pprune.org/images/smilies/shiner.gif
Very true about the period... :eek:

A A Gruntpuddock
2nd Feb 2009, 21:04
My wife used to drop a towel over the cat then wrap it up so that it was immobile.

Never met a vicious cat but there is no doubt they can defend themselves if they think they are being attacked.

mona lot
2nd Feb 2009, 21:06
Cats are just evil, especially when they do that scratching thing with their back legs.

2nd Feb 2009, 21:13
I once came face to face with a Scottish Wildcat in a Lossiemouth street, it was curled up in a hedge, it was the size of a small/medium dog.

I did what any self-respecting person would do in this situation - turned and fled.

Unlike the fishermen's tale, this bugga was Huge.

2nd Feb 2009, 21:36
We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.

Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.'

'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!'

'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me in?'

There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second.'

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behaviour as extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight' syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of 'been-there, done-that' paramedics.

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.....and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.

'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'
If they only knew! :D

2nd Feb 2009, 21:53
Night fighters in Lagos:{:E
Only if you've not medicated them with enough Star, Gulder or Naira first.

2nd Feb 2009, 21:55
Guinness & Gulder old chap:E:ok:

2nd Feb 2009, 21:55
Cats are pure evil in that respect (amongst others).

Mind you, a Kimodo Dragon can be a bit of a handfull too.

Foxy Loxy
2nd Feb 2009, 22:01
Post of the year so far there, bulolobob :ok:

2nd Feb 2009, 22:02
Cat, grab it firmly by the scruff of the neck and it will freeze. Some kind of instinctive reaction.

Works for me. :ok:

2nd Feb 2009, 22:12
Been there, had it happen, two kits on yer but when on the 'vinegar strokes' does bring one down to earth. We loved those two mogs though,they lasted all 13 years:ok:

2nd Feb 2009, 22:19
A friends father did two tours of Vietnam, no serious injury.
Working in the garden years later, had an open cut. Apparently something in cats urine, gave him toxioplasmosis (I think that is what it was called). Laid him low for ages.
A couple of aspirin in milk apparently helps cats sleep, permanently.

mona lot
2nd Feb 2009, 22:28

There is only one cure for a cat that does that sort of thing, and that is to take it for a "swim" in a sack with 2 house bricks. Cats are EVIL!

Creepy George Galloway acting like a cat (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1532509206579317476)

2nd Feb 2009, 22:37
Cats are EVIL!

People who hate cats have no soul.

2nd Feb 2009, 22:48
Cats are not evil, well not my three anyway and not many that I've met. Mistreated/frightened cats can be very viscious though. I once saw a severe (digit threatening) thumb infection from a cat bite, we transferred him to hospital on blue lights, septecemia was a real possibility. IV ABs started very rapidly on arrival at hosp and did their job.

Thread creep... Rats ARE evil though, especially rats that are so big that one shot doesn't drop them. They can hiss and threaten to attack and require another shot! (discovered last week!) :eek:

2nd Feb 2009, 23:00
Mosquitos. Relentless automata. Killed millions of people have Mosquitos.

2nd Feb 2009, 23:03
Cats...always delightful.... except the previously mentioned house invader who was obviously scared.

OK into the Way Back Machine.........1973....preparing for a car drive from Montreal to Vancouver. Found a bloke who wanted his car delivered there. I needed someone else to share expenses. Found girl. Who had cat. Stopped by to load her things in car. Met cat. "Oh,she doesn't like men".Pssst. Psssst and a twitching of fingers brought cat over smartly for a stroking.. So much for that. "We will get along fine".

Just west of Thunder Bay (no relation)I have to stop because gas station attendant didn't close the bonnet properly. Drive on. 110 miles later stop for the night and discover cat is no longer with us . Damn. Can't go back in the dark. No point.

In the morning using odometer, track back to where we think we stopped and amazingly find cat perched on a rocky outcrop.

Back into car and heading west. Cat comes from backseat pile of belongings and into my lap for the rest of the trip, even with clutch changes.

mona lot
2nd Feb 2009, 23:04
People who hate cats have no soul.

And people from the USA have no sense of humour!

Where I come from we eat cats.

2nd Feb 2009, 23:34
One would seriously not want to tangle with this animal. :ooh:


3rd Feb 2009, 00:21
Im convinced an ex-cat tried to kill me one night. Was a viscious, whiny horrible little thing at the best of times (and i actually LIKE cats), but this one was just a giant pain in the butt.

Awoke one night about 3am with my nose and forehead throbbing and found myself confused and angry. Quick trip to the bathroom revealed bruising and redness on my nose and a bloody gash near my temple. More confusion set in.

After cleaning myself up i returned to the bedroom and worked out what had happened.

The wife had put some new shades on the bedside lamps. They had dangly bits on them. Said cat has been batting it, knocked it off and straight onto the old probiscus. Ive then swung my head, and smacked it temple first into the corner of the bedside table.

Took myself into the kitchen, tapped a spoon on a can of kitty food and when i found the little bstard, dropkicked it clear across the yard much to the dog's amusement.

unstable load
3rd Feb 2009, 00:32
We have 3 cats at home, one of which is a big male and the pill thing is always a time for fun and games. I can't get it right, but 'er indoors is good at it. First find the cat, cos they can smell pills that have thier names on and seem to evaporate then once you have prized it out of the rose bush pass it to 'er indoors whereupon mog gets parked between her knees and gets sat over so only it's head is visible. Keep your feet together cos they can back up smartish, though. A squeeze on the sides of the mouth and jaws open, pill into back of throat and a rub on the throat and kitty is suitably dosed and unimpressed all in one. If I get to do it, it goes something like this....Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "Thats a nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat's front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get new cat.) Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in - quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you're doing. That's just as well. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair. If you're a woman, have a good cry. If you're a man, have a good cry. Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway? Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming position 1, say sternly, "Who's the boss here, anyway?" Open cat's mouth, take pill and...Oooops! This isn't working, is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the chaos. Crawl to linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread towel on floor. Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant. Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge. Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach. (Resist impulse to flatten cat.) Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man - or woman. Resume position 1. Rotate your left hand to cat's head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon. Drop pill into cat's mouth and poke gently. Voila! It's done. Vacuum up loose fur (cat's). Apply bandages to wounds (yours). Take two aspirins and lie down.

3rd Feb 2009, 00:51
And people from the USA have no sense of humour!

Where I come from we eat cats.

We eat people who eat cats.

Then people who hate and eat cats have neither body or soul.

Light Westerly
3rd Feb 2009, 01:02
Judging by the original posters comments, I'd recommend they look in the mirror for a possible answer to the thread's question.

Before you kill him with aspirin, maybe think about taking him to a shelter.

3rd Feb 2009, 01:09
Had to give pill to cat and got clawed; pill did not get in;)

Put on rawhide jacket and heavy gloves; pill got in without loss of any of my blood:E

Foolishly thought cat would accept pill without protective garments -- went back to rawhide jacket and heavy gloves.

And yes, ex-wife with lawyer in tow is as vicious as they get:mad:

3rd Feb 2009, 01:47
bulobob, LOL! The way your story unfolded -- was the cat's pyjamas!

3rd Feb 2009, 02:01
People here who indicate that they eat cats, I doubt very seriously ever have.

I have, didn't know it at the time. It was tough, stringy and in spite of all the spices tasted like crap.

The dog was good though, so was the rice.

(I didn't know it was dog either, I didn't know that Kumitmakmoumacmac meant cat and dog. Figured it was chicken.)

Pinky the pilot
3rd Feb 2009, 02:05
I was going to post an appeal to the thread originator but decided against it.

Suffice it to say that I hold in the deepest possible contempt anyone who mistreats, abuses or abandons a pet of any description!

The few times that I have had to give medicine to any of the cats I've had over the years I have found that if a struggle appears to be coming I did as one previous poster suggested. Drop a large towel over the animal and wrap it snugly so only the head is free. Works a charm.:ok:

And the most vicious animal? The Human one.:sad:

3rd Feb 2009, 02:58
Pinky, you are absolutely right. I am more of a dog than a cat person, but all animals deserve to be treated with dignity.

There are many humane responses here, and I would like to add one. Cats do not submit like dogs to medical treatment, but I know many veternarians and animal shelters will lend out a "cat straitjacket" so these procedures can be effected.

3rd Feb 2009, 03:18
oh, she's tough.

Now if she was called "Discipline Girl" there would be lines forming. Laced corset and stockings please.

Howard Hughes
3rd Feb 2009, 03:42
A woman scorned?:eek:

Desert Diner
3rd Feb 2009, 04:35
The vet who attended my cat told me that he hads no qualms about treating dogs, but cats were much more dangerous with all those claws as well as teeth.

A dog has teeth... They will treat it with a muzzle.
A cat has claws... They will normaly treat it with its owner holding it.:eek:

A good way to give cat eyedrops or nasty tasting medicine is to wrap it in a towel to get the claws out of action.

Long ago, I tried giving my German Shepherd some nasty tasting tablets by sticking them into her mouth and holding her snout shut until she swallowed. I wondered why her mouth was shaking as I did that until it dawned on me that she was trying very hard not to tear off my hands for holding her mouth shut. I then realized I should hide them in tasty treats. We were both happy then.

3rd Feb 2009, 04:58
Here in Australia, visitors die in the desert, drown in flash floods, get eaten by crocodiles and sharks, kicked to death by emus and punched out by kangaroos or get septicaemia from spiny anteaters or succumb in minutes from being stung by box jellyfish or blue-ringed octopi or get bitten by any number of venomous snakes and spiders - the government, even the various tourist bureaux, are happy to admit that. Even locals get caught out occasionally.

But on the question of dropbears there's a strange hush, and no wonder. The Australian Dropbear, a relative of the koala but infinitely more vicious, is the unspoken scourge of the nation. Can you blame the authorities for maintaining their uneasy silence in the face of this terror from above?

The dropbear senses rather than sees its prey coming. Hiding by clutching the upper side of the horizontal limbs of gum, or eucalypt trees, it aims for the glint of moonlight on the necks of those strolling innocently beneath and who, sadly, have historically included a large number of tourists, unaware of the threat to their existence lurking in the branches above.

The dropbear, using its uncanny sense of smell combined with its ability to feel the vibrations of approaching prey, transmitted through the ground and then through the tree itself, is able to calculate the exact moment to make its move.

This move is more of a plummet than a leap, but it is a very calculated plummet. The bear drops vertically (hence the traditional name), its lethal paws outstretched, and lands, clamping itself in a head-down position directly onto the head of the unfortunate 'next meal'.

The sharp claws pierce the scalp, while the teeth penetrate the jugular, allowing the tube-like tongue and the enormous suction developed by the animal's muscular frame to suck out as much as seven litres of blood in a second, while the fang-like teeth secrete a paralysing poison not unlike liquid nerve gas directly into the bloodstream.

Death, understandably, follows almost instantaneously. Of course there have been reports of people surviving a dropbear attack, but oddly enough they are never first hand reports, and the reports have about them the slightly fantastic quality of the urban myth. An ambulance officer, walking to his parked ambulance under the tree from which the bear dropped, allowing his colleagues to administer some mystery 'antidote' within the required few seconds, and to replenish the lost blood to boot... An Aboriginal man, unaccountably unaware of the looming danger, who escaped because he happened at the time to be chewing on some magic root which saved him - the stories are scarcely worth repeating, and only serve to lull the credulous into a false sense of security.

No, the Dropbear Menace, as it is referred to in whispers around the country, is real, and it is here. Now.

Frankly, there is no treatment, no medication, but there are reliable safeguards, used by Australians from their infancy and taught them virtually at their mothers' very breasts.

Out of pity for any Pom or other exotic who may visit our shores in this age of easy jet travel, I am prepared to breach a long tradition of silence.

Here then, in no particular order of efficacy, are the only proven methods of staying safe when in a 'high risk' dropbear zone, ie Australia:

The towel around the neck. This basic preventative stops the glint of the moonlight on which the beast relies for its final aim. Often the outcome of the simple wearing of a towel in this fashion will be that the bear drives itself paws first into the ground, a compromised location making escape from the animal easy. Women with long hair have less to fear in the matter of moonlight glinting on the neck, but blondes, especially the platinum sort, should absolutely take precautions and certainly brunettes and redheads, if conditions are at all windy.

'Vegemite' or toothpaste spread liberally behind each ear. The pungent smell of the Vegemite and (to the dropbear's sensitive nose) the toothpaste, throws its olfactory radar out of whack. Dropbears have been known to fall out of their trees minutes early or late, affording the potential victim a wide margin of safety when they hear the distinctive sound of a dropbear meeting terra firma.

Forks in the hair. The mechanism here is unknown, except for the surmise that the dropbears simply hate landing on them, and are agile enough to turn away at the last minute to land harmlessly to one side where they will often sit snarling and glowering at their missed opportunity before beginning the long climb back to 'action stations'.

All this had to be said, regardless of the personal repercussions. The touring public has a right to know, whatever our masters in government and the tourism industry might say.

Bon chance, travellers, if you venture down here. And remember - New Zealand's worse.

Light Westerly
3rd Feb 2009, 05:03
Indiscipline Girl, you've got a sick sense of humor.
But at least you eat what you kill.

I think I like you.

Light Westerly
3rd Feb 2009, 05:22
Sarah's busy studying for 2012.
Your place or mine?

Light Westerly
3rd Feb 2009, 05:31
Flew Sleds and Beavers out of Juneau only.
But you're right, we might know each other if you ever passed through the Panhandle, or an airport bar in Anchorage.
Sorry if I was a jerk.
I'll do better, I promise.

Light Westerly
3rd Feb 2009, 06:07
Alaska Bachelor strikes out again! Goodnite, I.g.

3rd Feb 2009, 06:26
I believe vets use thick padded gloves that reach up to the elbow when dealing wi Moggies.

My vet hasn't with any of the 8 mogs I've had the joys of being around in the past 3 1/2 years (stepkids have 4, 2 died because of old age and were replaced, I have one and sis in law has 1). Not one of them bites or scratches you unless they are playing. Never seen such good natured cats before in my life, even the cranky 18 year old deaf one.

3rd Feb 2009, 10:01
Buster the Magnificent Cat's dewlap claws were getting so long they were catching on everything and also sticking in him - the dewlap claws don't touch the ground so don't get worn down. Since he weighs about 8Kg we were fearful about clipping his claws - I've seen what an angry Westie can do when being clipped, not to mention a raging budgie bird. And Buster likes to preserve what he calls his "dignity".

We put the job off and off, and then one day my wife said "I'm sure he's in pain when he walks: right, this is it !" and - as he was asleep in his basket in front of the woodstove - she grabbed a leg and started clipping his claws, just taking the very ends off.

Buster woke from his sleep, saw what she was doing, yawned widely, and shut his eyes and went off to sleep again while she did all his claws, front legs and back. As ever with cats, you never can tell.

Incidently in a fight or when attacked, dogs wishing to submit roll on their backs and expose their bellies. Cats roll on their backs to bring those wicked disembowling rear claws into action. In cases like this, rolling the cat up on a towel is the only answer.

3rd Feb 2009, 10:37
In reply to the original Q, = Ratel (South African Honey Badger).

3rd Feb 2009, 10:42
I would go for the krait. Bungarus - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bungarus)

Do not go near one!

3rd Feb 2009, 10:43
There is no question about the answer - homo sapiens, killed more people than the rest put together.

3rd Feb 2009, 10:55

These were passed over to me!!! Banded Kraits I believe.http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a154/ZFT/DSCN0710.jpg

3rd Feb 2009, 11:07
In answer to the original question - a pampered Staffordshire Bull Terrier left with neighbours while owner goes on holiday. When I was a nipper we used to look after our neighbours dog when they went on holiday and they looked after ours. The second year of this arrangement seven year old S'land is sitting on the Sunday morning playing with the dogs while my Father was making an early morning cuppa for my Mother. The neighbour's Staffie decides that it wants to bite my face. More by luck than judgement she got her top set of teeth in behind my left eye and pulled. Out pops said eye, young S'land screams, father rushes into room and sees what is happening. Father then hits Staffie over the head with silver plated teapot until Staffie lets go. My Mother rushes down to see what is happening and instantly telephones the local Doctor. He cannot come as he is going to church. So Mother telephones the other doctor in the area who says to wrap head in wet towel and walk about a quater of a mile to his surgery and he will meet us there. Doctor takes one look at S'land sits him in a chair and the ties him down. Explains that he cannot use anethestic as it might cause more damage to the hanging eye. He then washes the eye and eye socket and pops it back in and sews up the torn eyelid. He then sews up the other torn bits of face, bandages S'land's head leaving him blind, but hurting badly. He then tells seven year old S'land that if he ever hears him use language like that again he will give him a clip round the ear. To ease the pain he then suggests that my parent buy a big bottle of cider and make me drink it. This they did and I slept for 24 hours. A couple of weeks later bandages were removed and S'land still has two good eyes, although the left one has always been a bit 'lazy'.

Bloomin' good doc wre Dr Holmes, he used to go down the pit when there was an accident and fix up injured miners on the spot.

Cats are no problem, but i still don't like Staffies.

Flying Binghi
3rd Feb 2009, 11:10
What is the most vicious animal ? ....this fellow has some ideas - YouTube - Timothy Treadwell- Grizzly Man (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=OlqSiP2WIuU&feature=related)

...**** you, motherfeckin park service... animals rule...


3rd Feb 2009, 11:11
Its not an animal its an insect I know! But the "Hepatitas B" is very bad.:p

3rd Feb 2009, 12:14
Chippybus - Have a look at the malaria thread on CC then.

mammasan has posted a lovely post of the life cycle of a malarial mosquito. Didn't realise your liver is infected within 30 minutes of a bite!

3rd Feb 2009, 14:11
[quote][The Australian Dropbear, a relative of the koala but infinitely more vicious, is the unspoken scourge of the nation./QUOTE]
Nah,I knew an ocker named Yowie, kept one as a pet.Fed it haggis.

3rd Feb 2009, 15:40
In all seriousness, with regards to nasty beasts...

Isn't there some big snake down there that actually attacks people? It keeps chasing and biting and it has a poison in it?

Maybe badgers and wolverines are nasty, but they don't outright attack you.

As for cats, we use a supersoaker, with a green dye, on a white cat. Keeps them off the furniture and does no harm.

Curious Pax
3rd Feb 2009, 16:13
Cat, grab it firmly by the scruff of the neck and it will freeze. Some kind of instinctive reaction.

Works for me. :ok:

It's how their mothers carry them, so the instinctive reaction is to just hang there limply so mum doesn't get cross. Always used to use that method with our late moggie if he needed controlling. Having said that crushing the pill in some tuna was the easiest method for both parties!

3rd Feb 2009, 16:57
I think this has been here before, but it seems appropriate.......

How To Pill a Cat

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on each side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.

3. Cradle cat gently in left arm and repeat process.

4. Retrieve cat from bedroom, pick up and throw soggy pill away.

5. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.

6. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden.

7. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

8. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill out of foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep up shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set on one side for gluing later.

9. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with a pencil and blow into drinking straw.

10. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

11. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill.

12. Place cat in cupboard and close door just enough so that head is showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with plastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.

12. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by a large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearms and removes pill from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home and order new dining table.

15. Arrange for ASPCA to collect cat and contact local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Pill a Dog

Wrap it in bacon.

Light Westerly
3rd Feb 2009, 18:14
Thought some of you might find this interesting.

NOLS Bear Fence (http://www.nols.edu/resources/research/movies/bearfence_xl.shtml)

3rd Feb 2009, 18:14
Isn't there some big snake down there that actually attacks people? It keeps chasing and biting and it has a poison in it?

In all seriousness (and you may scoff, NRU74)...

MOST things down here will chase and bite you and have poison in them, Smo-kin-hole, but I think :p you may be referring to the Native Hoop Snake...

I didn't mention this additional horror in my searing exposť of the terrifying Dropbear Menace, purely out of respect for the delicate sensibilities of Northern Hemisphere readers. There's no point in alarming people unnecessarily.

The Hoop Snake, after all, is found because of its nature only in hilly terrain, and there's not much of that in this wide brown land.

The Hoop Snake, or 'hoopie' is the reason that Australians stick to the ridgetops where they can, and Australian bush tracks or 'roads' are built along them rather than in the valley floors, where they are generally found in Europe and the New World.

The carnivorous Hoop Snake, like the Dropbear, is also the subject of official denial, and for the same possibly controversial reasons.

This snake lives peaceably enough on elevated ground, but is nevertheless a fearsome threat to anyone unwise enough to be making their way cross country lower down, enticed to do so perhaps by the easy going through the grassy lowlands or along a picturesque creekbed.

Above them in their innocent progress, a Hoop Snake may lie waiting, its various sensors alerting it to the approach of fresh meat.

Its method of attack is startling and unique. Once aware of prey, the Hoop Snake arches its long back and in a dextrous movement, grasps its tail in its fangs, immune of course to its own deadly venom. Transformed thus into a circular or wheel shape, and flicking itself upright in a spasm-like movement, the dreaded hoopie begins its rapid and almost silent descent.

Hoopies have been known to roll at up to 60 kilometres per hour (37 mph) with only the noise of crushed weeds warning of their fateful approach.

Even unschooled Australians, when outside the relative safety of the larger cities, know enough to carry a stout stick when in Hoop Snake territory.

Such a weapon is the only known defence against this diabolical bushdweller.

Keeping a keen ear out for the deceptively soft, swishing sound of an approaching hoopie, the victim-in-waiting must, at exactly the right moment, step back and, in a single matador-like thrust, insert the end of the stick into the reptilian 'wheel' and with a second quick swing of the arm, hurl the beast into the distance like a frisbee.

It is a simple, lifesaving tactic that really should be printed, with illustrations, on the boarding pass or other ticket of every guest who arrives on these shores.

But it is not for me to instruct the powers that be what to tell visitors to our fair land.

However, having let the cat out of the bag, so to speak, with respect to dropbears, posting here seems the least I can do, even if it earns me a knock on the door at midnight.

And if news of the Hoop Snake causes consternation, bear in mind that New Zealand has mosquitos like biplanes, and that the better performances of their 'haka' have been known to frighten newcomers to their deaths. Also their beer is terrible.

3rd Feb 2009, 18:47
RJM, for a North American, it's not the spiders, snakes, and dropping bears that will "drop you" first -- it's the "wrong way" traffic.

This North American was almost mowed down while crossing the street outside Central Quay. Was looking left when I should have been looking right.....SCREECH! I suspect the taxicabs around the quay have their brakes checked regularly, for this reason.

Besides that, it's not good economy to scrape an American/Canadian tourist off the pavement their first day "down under."

3rd Feb 2009, 19:57
(and you may scoff, NRU74)..Hoop snakes - can you eat 'em [ie scoff 'em ?] ...or is this Aussie circumlocution ?

mr fish
3rd Feb 2009, 21:56
sizewise just about the hardest (and bad tempered) insect in the world.
as i discovered to my cost in my youth, they pack "quite" a bite:(

3rd Feb 2009, 22:21
Ah, V2-OMG!, didn't I mention the Australian Manic Cabbie?

This urban monster targets Yanks and Canucks using a sophisticated aural filter which isolates drawled vowels and the word 'Eh', especially when the sounds come from someone looking the wrong way up a street.

I won't go on, it's too horrible.

Your only defence is to speak in a low voice or pass notes, and take those flags off the rucksacks.

You're probably better off in the bush, taking your chances with the dropbears and hoopies (and Racing Goannas, but that's another story).

PS - "it's not good economy" - we keep their wallets! :E

4th Feb 2009, 18:30
Ah, V2-OMG!, didn't I mention the Australian Manic Cabbie?

This urban monster targets Yanks and Canucks using a sophisticated aural filter which isolates drawled vowels and the word 'Eh', especially when the sounds come from someone looking the wrong way up a street.

I won't go on, it's too horrible....

RJM, you are a funny man, and very talented in the writing department.

You also did not mention those tidal rips. Heck....Australia is the only country I can think of where the Prime Minister went swimming....and never was seen again! Now, even though many North Americans wish their leader(s) a similar fate - it would never happen here.

This has been most interesting, and I would agree with the "denial" issue. The airlines used to show a short film about the dangers of your creepy crawlies to incoming North Americans, but this is no longer done. Don't know why - they made sure it wasn't show until
after we had departed Honolulu, so there was no chance of "jumping ship" so to speak.

I asked my friends in Newcastle about those "horrible" things, and they even waved me off somewhat. Needless to say, that evening I picked up the newspaper and read about a woman being in serious condition after being bitten by a snake in her rose garden, a shark attack off Byron Bay, and two German tourists were missing (and presumed eaten) by your salt-water crocs.

Still, it was a wonderful trip, and the Australians were very friendly and kind to this tourist....even if she missed half the sights because she was too busy looking down. :eek:

4th Feb 2009, 23:26
Ah yes V2 but did Harold Holt REALLY disappear? Chinese mini-subs anyone? But ill speculate no further lest i hijack the thread.

4th Feb 2009, 23:42
I give you the Sydney Funnel Web Spider (Atrax Robustus)

This is a guy you definitely don't want to mess with.
I say "guy", because unusually, it's the male that is most venomous, and venomous he is indeed. :uhoh:

With fangs that can pierce leather boots and a temperament to match, they're best given a wide berth. :uhoh::uhoh::eek:


5th Feb 2009, 03:17
V2 to be fair to the often-maligned authorities, the problem is not so much denial as 'which particular nasties to raise the alarm about?'.

Once you get here (barring your aircraft disappearing over the Pacific etc) you'll realise that they're actually spoilt for choice in beasts to warn about.

And by the way, MY salt water crocs eat only cats and dogs (oh, and sheep). Must have been someone else's.

NB ZEEBEE - that picture of the Funnelweb is misleading. People will think they're tiny. Most screens could handle a life size pic. ;)

5th Feb 2009, 04:56
Frostbite I tried wrapping my dog in bacon. No help at all.

5th Feb 2009, 06:31

NB ZEEBEE - that picture of the Funnelweb is misleading. People will think they're tiny. Most screens could handle a life size pic.

LOL, Thought about that, but who has 42" screens ?:}

5th Feb 2009, 06:55
Yeah, watch your bum when go to an outside dunny.

Anyway, you have no need to josh. What about the box jellyfish?

Chironex fleckeri - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chironex_fleckeri)

Check out the last sentence of the second paragraph.

5th Feb 2009, 07:19
My girlfriend is a head mistress at a primary school. She maintains that there no animal so dangerous as a bored middle class mother!

5th Feb 2009, 08:08
Note that most vicious animals are female. :}

5th Feb 2009, 11:43
Check out the last sentence of the second paragraph.

'We are the champions...'

Very seriously, though, if you are enjoying the holiday of a hopefully long lifetime in beautiful Australia, there is a protocol regarding outback dunnies. If there's a seat, you should always lift it up and have a good look around, not for funnelwebs or upbears (another koala relative, but let's move on) but for redback spiders. These little mothers, with a red strip on their backs, really do live in dark, damp spots such as outback dunnies. The females have the red stripe, and are the ones to watch, as Shy Torque wisely intimates. They're not very nice. They usually cannibalise the males during mating. Their bites are usually not fatal, but they do cause extreme pain. Fortunately, there's plenty of antivenom around.

Another likely place to find them is inside empty shoes or boots which have been left outside, or inside taps or hoses, so you should always shake out shoes and boots before putting them on and you should always let a tap or hose run before drinking out of it.

(If you do find one you can always hit it with your hoopie stick, or take a fork out of your hair and use that. ;) )

5th Feb 2009, 11:54
RJM - I'm sure John Percival is a nice chap, but me he aint.

I ran over a Brown Snake outback once and was about to go back and see if it was alright!!

My Oz mate suggested this would be bad idea and we drove on.

5th Feb 2009, 11:59
Sorry Angels. I've reinstated you. I don't know who John Percival is either - I'm not good at using the fancy tricks on this forum and did a bit of cut and pasting. Around these parts, 'Mr Percival' is a pelican in a film. :rolleyes:

Your friend gave you good advice about the Brown Snake. Being run over really p*sses them off, and even for animal lovers, mouth-to-mouth isn't really an option. :ooh:

I was staying with friends in Coney Weston in Suffolk once, and we screeched to an unscheduled halt because of a dead pheasant on the road. The good lady jumped out of the car and felt the pheasant.

'Cold!' she said, and we drove on.

If it had still been warm, we would have had pheasant for dinner, apparently :uhoh: so I can appreciate your interest in returning to the snake, and I applaud your keenness to 'live off the land'. But the fact is, we don't eat much roadkill here, at least in the more civilised areas. :p

5th Feb 2009, 12:18
Nurries RJ.

Basically, a rule of thumb in Oz is, "If it moves, it'll do you."

Once after a surfeit of alcohol me and a mate decided to freak his wife out by carrying in a ruddy great spider we found in his front garden in Curl Curl. It was rather like a hermit crab in that its back acted like a shell into which it retracted and folded its legs over.

We had a game of rugby with it in his lounge -- as you do, and popped him back into the garden.

The next morning my forearm had swollen up to about twice its usual size. In the middle of the swelling were two bite marks. :eek:

5th Feb 2009, 12:21
Hmm. Too bad it wasn't your bicep. I'd never thought of that...

They're good names, aren't they. Curl Curl, Bungle Bungle, Wagga Wagga... if you miss the first bit, you can always catch the second!

9th Feb 2009, 02:28
An old white hunter once told me that the leopard is the most likely to attack you, but that the Cape Buffalo is the most likely to kill you. The black mamba can be pretty attention getting when you pour half a liter of kero down the hole and light it, if it comes out. Had malaria a few times, lost a 'nephew' to it, not fond of mosquitos. None of them hold a candle to humans.