View Full Version : Plane crash team building courses

flying macaco
1st Feb 2009, 18:51
A new way for airlines to make money during the recession??!

Nothing builds a team like a nosedive - Times Online (http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/industry_sectors/transport/article5627600.ece)

1st Feb 2009, 19:44
The people going on these ridiculous time-wasting exercises are.....

8,500 oil executives, bankers, civil servants and staff at the Football Association. Says it all, really. People who have driven the world into the worst crisis in a century, barring world wars, by excess charges, greed, stupidity, spending and wasting billions of tax-payers' money, or running the most financially incompetent football league in the world.

"Team-building". n. Activity designed to entertain employees as an alternative to pretending to work. Used only by organisations which have other people's money to waste.

This is a JB item, isn't it?

1st Feb 2009, 22:19
How long before this transcript of the Million Pound Radio Show ‘Pirates’ sketch, written by Nick Revell and Andy Hamilton, becomes a reality off the Horn of Africa…?:

The year is 1631, and the Spanish Main is being terrorised by that most barbaric of pirates, Captain Black-skull – a man who rules his ship through tyranny and terror.

Capt: Now listen here, you scurvy sons of dogs! Round the next bay be a galleon full of Spanish doubloons, bound for Espanola, only it ain’t gonna get there, see, cause we’re gonna board it, and slit the gizzards of the crew ‘til the bilges are awash with their blood, and then we helps ourselves to the gold! Whaddaya say, me hearties, shall we go cut some throats? Har harrr!

Pirate: No, cap’n!

Capt: Whaddaya mean ‘no’?!

Pirate: I means no, captain. We don’t like the way you’re running this here ship, and we reckons we ain’t gonna stand for it no more. Reckons we’ve had enough, ain’t we boys?

Crew: That’s right, we’ve ad enough!

Capt: Oh, I gets it, you stinkin swabs! You wants a better share of the loot, does ya?

Pirate: No, captain!

Capt: Then I suppose you wants my treasure map which shows where I buried the treasure from that thar Portuguese man o’ war?

Pirate: No, captain!

Capt: Then what **do** you want?

Pirate: We wants – a training day!

Capt: A training day?!

Pirate: We wants a training day, preferably in a nice hotel near Hastings. Where all us sea dogs can sit us down, and pool our experience, compare work methods, and prioritise objectives, damn your eyes!

Capt: Prioritise objectives?!

Pirate 2: Aye, and improve our communication skills!

Pirate: That’s right! There’s not a man on this ship what knows how to use any tense apart from the present.

Capt: That’s cos you’re pirates! And ever since pirates – begins – pirates only speaks in the present tense, does pirates! First man on this ship as uses the past or pluperfect tense dies where he stands!

Pirate 2: He wouldn’t dare!


Capt: Or a conditional… And the next one what mentions training days will be keel hauled, dragged beneath the ship til the barnacles rip open his belly and death comes as a merciful blessing, hahahaha!

First Mate: Well, that’s no way to motivate people, is it?

Capt: Don’t you start, first mate.

First Mate: Threatening to rip open the bellies of your staff – call that man management?

Pirate: Well, he’s no real managerial grounding, see, he was a plain midshipman originally! Ee should go on a course or something, you know…

Capt: Quiet, you insolent lubbers!

Pirate: Well, give us our training day! ‘Ow else are we supposed to meet the challenges of the 1640s?

Pirate 3: We wants an occupational health officer!

Pirate: Aye, and a crèche!

Capt: Silence! Any more of your mutinous whinin’, and I’ll rip out your eyes and feed them to the sharks. I’m the captain, do ya hear, and this ship be mine! Mine!

Pirate: On captain Kid’s ship, they get to do role play!

Capt: Shut up!

Pirate: All get to do each others’ job for a day… Got a new captain now. Bosun ‘Arris liked being Captain so much, ‘e ‘ad the old captain thrown overboard!

Capt: Well here’s some role playin’ : I’ll play the captain, and you play a man ‘oo’s about to be stabbed!

Boy: Ship ahoy! A Spanish Galleon!

Capt: Now listen ‘ere you filthy dogs, that there galleon is full of gold, and we be pirates, and pirates don’t need training days! All pirates needs is a black heart, and a sharp cutlass! Whaddaya say, lubbers? Will you follow your captain as we storm that thar galleon?! Cos pirates is bold and brave and lives for the moment, see, so in a moment we sails alongside that there galleon, swings across on our boarding ropes, cuts the throats of any Spanish soldier what stands in our way, and then loads ourselves up with silver and gold!

Crew: Silver and gold!

Capt: And then we piles up all the treasure on the main deck, and we counts it doubloons by doubloons, jewel by jewel, and then – once we know how much booty we’ve gained through our deeds of black-hearted, blood-soaked evil, we’ll gather it all up, and invest in a nice little pension scheme! Whaddaya say, me hearties?

Crew: Arrrr! A nice little pension scheme!

1st Feb 2009, 22:44
I love the first comment under the article.i would have thought bankers have had quite enough practice of escaping from a crash,

Team building courses are a good idea particularly in the sort of companies with cutthroat competitiveness as a norm. In a crash scenario it gives you the chance to trample over your colleagues in an attempt to gain an advantage.

Real team building happens on spontaneously, whether it be having to join the golfers or the drinkers. In one job a group of us formed a great team which ran the shift like clockwork. There was a group of us who went out drinking together, played sports etc, etc. But management split us and then couldn't understand why targets stopped being met. Idiots the lot of them.:ugh:

Roger Sofarover
1st Feb 2009, 23:22
It will carry on until the first big claim for a broken ankle/arm/leg etc. I am amazed the BA insurers have let it happen. It will cost more than the money they make from the 350 bookings they have.

Flap 5
2nd Feb 2009, 06:26

That is one of the long posts that I have actually been bothered to read all the way through. Excellent! :ok:

Load Toad
2nd Feb 2009, 07:09
You can't dictate team building and it doesn't happen after one of these events (which should be best advertised as networking junkets). Team spirit is fostered and it takes time to build and it is based upon the players experiences of managements attitudes and competency.

Captain Stable
2nd Feb 2009, 07:14
Sharon Rynders, head of the chief scientist’s office at BP, who has been on the course, said: “It gets ugly when you know you have to get out of somewhere. The think-of-yourself-first mentality still exists. Doesn't sound much like team-building to me. Sounds more like the sort of predatory, "I'm-more-important-than-you-so-get-the-fcuk-outta-my-way" behaviour I would expect from a wunch of bankers

2nd Feb 2009, 07:55
With the downturn in the global economy, I am sure there are enough 'retired' and old aircraft out there that can be used to give the :mad: banksters a true life experience from FL250.

Any pilots out there wanting a few free fall para jumps and more take-offs than landings in their log books?

Windy Militant
2nd Feb 2009, 10:39
Funnily enough the only department on our site that goes on away days for team building is the HR Dept.
I suggest sending them to do the North Sea Helicopter splash drill.
I bet there'd be a few claims for ruined hair do's and that's just Jervais. :E