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apache
1st Feb 2009, 02:09
I was watching a movie the other night, when the boy asked his dad if He(the dad), was going to hell. The dad asked why he would be going to hell, to which the son replied, because mum says you don't believe in God.

SO... the question is... IF you don't believe in GOD, does that mean you go to Hell?
and if the answer is YES... does this mean that if I don't believe in the Devil, then I will go to heaven?

I also post for you a very funny email:



HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT



The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term..

The answer by one student was so 'profound', that the professor shared it with his colleagues via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct.......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

flowman
1st Feb 2009, 02:22
Don't all students receive an A+ nowadays?
Reminds me of a friend's son. He was doing a theology exam, the question was something like "What did Moses say when he parted the red sea?"
His answer was: "Watch this"!
Come to think of it I don't think he got an A+

con-pilot
1st Feb 2009, 02:33
His answer was: "Watch this"!


If he had been from Texas, he would have said, "Watch this sh!t!" :p

Howard Hughes
1st Feb 2009, 04:02
If he was from Oz, he would have said... "Is that it maaaaaaate? Watch this Moses you fecker"!;)

I think we are somehow related to Texans...:ooh:

Davaar
1st Feb 2009, 04:44
That exothermic tale was beaten to death here long ago.

sisemen
1st Feb 2009, 07:12
Now here's a little theory......

Upon dying the brain is the last organ to go (the brain is protected in all trauma cases; hypothermia, blood loss etc etc). It then kind of makes sense that it will cease to function in stages until the last remaining oxygen is used up on the deepest, most essential part of the brain. This process will undoubtedly be physically rapid.

During the brain shutting down process the memory cells fire off their last electrical discharge in a futile attempt to store that memory elsewhere. The brain stores every single memory of any person or beings life - much the same as a computer stores information and never lets it go - it's in there somewhere, it just needs finding. The person that used to be in that body will be able to react to the release of those memories (in much the same way as a dream). If it has been a good life then the overwhelming memories will be good; if bad then it will be the opposite. Heaven and hell.

It then holds true that if that person spent their life raping and murdering - but enjoying it then they would "experience" heaven. Conversely if Mother Theresa had harboured a deep desire to be a murderer and a party goer then her life of religion and piety would tend to make her "experience" hell.

Equally, as in a dream, time would have no meaning. On the outside an observer would see an extremely rapid process from living to dead, almost instantaneous. On the "inside" that person/being would find that the process of re experiencing the memories and subsequent interpretation of those memories would appear to last for an eternity.

....just a thought.

No, I haven't started drinking yet but the sun is about to go over the yard arm and a bottle of Margaret River red beckons :ok:

tony draper
1st Feb 2009, 07:57
"A interesting theory Mr S come on in and we shall discuss it further".
http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a194/Deaddogbay/asylum_satan-3.jpg
:E

sisemen
1st Feb 2009, 08:39
Now just how in the hell did you get a pic of my ex??

B Fraser
1st Feb 2009, 12:30
http://a.bebo.com/app-image/6898859759/5411656627/PROFILE/i.yaquiz.com/img/q/u/08/04/05/ted.jpg

"Now that would be an ecumenical matter"

bnt
1st Feb 2009, 12:37
Although I guess an A+ is pretty much the equivalent of an 'F' these days because everyone seems to get an A++ or A*. :hmm:
I wish. On two of the courses I've just started, the lecturer has told us what the fail rates were: they were not insignificant. They do that to illustrate the correlation between a) attending lectures, and b) passing the course. Because there are books or notes, it seems that there are students who feel those are enough - and they usually aren't.

Still, there has been at least one course - in 1st year, which does not count towards my degree GPA - where I got an A, where I thought I got a D or worse. The course was a disaster: totally inappropriate, either for the year or the field, and probably a sinecure to lecturers who needed something to do. I strongly suspect that there was "curve fitting", where the distribution of marks was bent to fit a standard distribution. In other words, as badly as I did, it was still better than most other students on that course. Ow.

I'm a bit twitchy about results, because I'm getting some tomorrow, and if I pass them all I will have half a degree. Which may sound trivial for the average teenage student, straight from school, but quite an achievement for a "mature student" without an account at the "Bank of Mom and Dad".

Captain Stable
1st Feb 2009, 13:35
Heaven is where:-

The police are British
The cooks are French
The mechanics are German
The lovers are Italian
The organisation is Swiss

Hell is where:-

The police are German
The cooks are British
The mechanics are French
The lovers are Swiss
The organisation is Italian

sisemen
1st Feb 2009, 13:37
Well done that man (bnt) :ok: I think that the original comment was about yoof at school. It apparently hurts their feelings if they are told that they are less than perfect.

When I did the RAF Ground Instructors Course we were told that they had taken the 4 year Teacher Training Course and expanded it into 2 weeks. :}

charliegolf
1st Feb 2009, 15:00
When I did the RAF Ground Instructors Course we were told that they had taken the 4 year Teacher Training Course and expanded it into 2 weeks

When I did the GIT course that was the only original line in it. They've been using it so long that it used to be 3 years.

CG