Flightdeck PA Announcements

[Atlantean1963]

It's been a long week, so here's a frivolous question for a Friday...

Flew DME - LHR yesterday, and as we approached Heathrow, the (Antipodean) captain announced over the PA "Ten minutes to landing, possums", to the amusement of those in the cabin :)

Just set me thinking if there other examples of flightdeck PA announcements that have amused/embarassed the cabin crew?

Best Regards,

Atlantean

[the skys the limit]

well, Michael O'Leary flew on a ryanair flight from kir to dub and said to the pax, "free tea and coffee for everyone, but if you want champagne, you can all **** off"!!!!!!!! charming.

[TearPoints]

Ahh ... that Irish sense of humour that I've heard so much about ;)

I used to be a passenger from LHR to DME and back quite a lot and remember a few unusual announcements. One of the CSD's introduced herself as "Rainbow" (hippy parents???). The English passengers around me were staring at each other and shrugging their shoulders.

Some of the Russian passengers always got up, turned on their phones and started opening the lockers while the plane was taxi-ing which lead to some polite but firm announcements ... and some arguments.

Spare a thought for the crews who work for Saravia in Russia ... OJSC "Saravia" | Timetable (http://www.saravia.ru/timetable_en.aspx)

When I flew with them there was one member of crew per flight and duties included strapping luggage down in the rear of the cabin - pasengers had to bring their own luggage on board. There was also no PA so the safety demonstration was shouted in Russian!

The girl working on my flight came over and explained where the exit was in English just before take off.

TP

[DIA74]

Many many years ago when Qantas flew the 707 LHR/JFK (that's giving away my age!) we were all somewhat amused by the Capt's farewell announcement , which went something like

"They tell me Kennedy Airport is down there somewhere. If I can find it in all this smog, we'll be landing in 10 minutes. Thank you for flying Qantas."

[innvie]

Pablo Mason ex MYT was always good value from the flight deck.

Pre flight his announcements were from the front of the pax cabin, using a hand mic. Always funny, but ALWAYS putting the safety aspect to the fore.

Where are you now PM ??:D:D

[student88]

I used to work for a rather orange airline. Once I was part of a crew which consisted of a very immature FA and FO. Throughout the last sector they were paying "bogies" over the PA in a Dick and Dom style. The loudest "bogies" was the most concerning, from the FO on the landing roll.. I left soon after.

[Seat62K]

Someone once told me that when flying Qantas, the pilot deliberately created a simulated "bump", telling the passengers that this is what happens when aircraft cross the equator!

This was some time ago (in the late '70s, when Qantas issued certificates onboard to mark crossing the equator).

[Ten West]

I was lucky enough to be a pax on one of Chris Orlebar's BA flights for a ski holiday in the early 90's.

Great bloke! He was pointing out all the landmarks below us and giving his opinions on the architecture of the various buildings we were flying over.

As we were disembarking he was standing at the entrance wishing everyone a good day, shaking hands, etc.

I noticed that he was doing a lecture in my town a while back all about his time as a Concorde pilot. Sadly I was working a night shift and couldn't make it, but I'll definitely be there if he does another one. :ok:

[LambOfGod]

in the late '70s, when Qantas issued certificates onboard to mark crossing the equator
Yeah, and the IDL, my dad has a few.:ok: Good stuff.

[JEM60]

American Airlines at LAX.'Good afternoon, Lords and Ladies, Ladies and Gents, Boys and Girls, Movers and Shakers and miscellaneous people, me and this airplane are going to Heathrow, England, and if you aint goin' there, you're on the wrong one.'

[SLF3b]

St Petersburg in January. The plane is still at the gate but is rocking in the wind and snow flurries are tearing across the tarmac. Laconic Finnair pilot (with heavy accent).

(Click)

'Ladies and gentlemen, the weather in Saint Petersburg tonight is terrible and the weather in Helsinki is worse. Please do your seat belts up very tight. Thank-you.'

(Click)

Heathrow, BA to Rome. As the engines are started an Italian lady runs down the aisle of the plane, and starts hammering on the cockpit door, shouting at the top of her voice (in Italian) that she wants to get off. Cabin crew gather round but their Italian is not really up to the challenge. Italian passengers join in to 'translate'. Pandemonium. After a few minutes the door opens and the man with four rings on his arm takes a look. The door closes again. Then the P.A.:

'Ladies and gentlemen, there will now follow a short delay while we try to establish why this lady does not wish to fly with 'the worlds favourite airline'.

Cathay to Taiwan just after a storm has gone through. Start the approach, and the 777 is being tossed around like confetti. People are getting scared, and I'm thinking lunch is going to end up in a bag. Incredibly laid back Antipodean pilot:

'Well guys, this isn't really working is it? Think we'll try something else.'

All three took all the tension out of the situation. And one from the ground: Kristiansund in south Norway. A glass fronted terminal where you can watch the planes come and go:

'xxxx announces that due to an incident on the incoming flight there will be a delay to the flight to Stavanger.'

The plane taxis in, and bored passengers watch as an ambulance pulls up. The crew disappear inside with a stretcher and come back carrying what is very obviously a corpse. Next announcement:

'Would any standby passengers for Stavanger please come to the desk at the departure gate?'

[amalfi]

After an overnight JFK-LHR flight the FO came on the PA, introduced himself, wished us all a good morning, gave time to landing, local time, LHR weather etc. Came back on PA 10 mins later, introduced himself again, and gave us an updated arrival time due to ATC delay.

Smooth descent, smooth approach and then a VERY bumpy landing. Followed a few seconds later by ...

"Ladies and Gentlement, this is your Captain speaking. The FO has asked me to point out that I did the landing."

(short pause)

"This is your Captain speaking again. The FO has asked me to point out that I did BOTH of those landings."

[ACARS]

One Brussels South flight to Dublin a couple of years back I was SLF. The Captain didn't even bother talking on the PA to anyone during the entire flight. Not even '10 minutes to landing'. :=

I complained getting off. The flight attendant was embarrased.

[charliegolf]

Large jet landing at the (I seem to remember) newly renamed Ronald Reagan International, Pilot on PA during the landing roll:

"Whoa there big fella"

CG

[wingzakimbo]

I have heard 2 PAs that stood out for me.

First was arriving back to LHR from the US where the Captain very sincerely announced that "..the cabin crew would like me to tell everybody on board that you may have all boarded as passengers but you will all disembark as friends...." - I had to reach for my sick bag.

Second one was very funny, the CSD on a BA flight, where one of the movies you could watch starred Kurt Russel, mentioned Kurt Russel in every single announcement he made. Very amusing.

[alwayslookingup]

I fly the red eye from Aberdeen to Heathrow first Monday of every month. Stand out announcement for me was some years ago. After some preliminaries it went something like, "Ladies and Gentlemen, as Paul Simon once said, there may be fifty ways to leave your lover, but there are only five ways to leave this aircraft. If we could have your attention for just a few more minutes the cabin crew will tell you where they are, as well as talk you through some important safety announcements!" It got a laugh from even some of the most hardened business travellers on that flight. Feel free to use.

[big.al]

One (short) one I liked on a charter airline some time back;

Approaching the runway during taxy for take off, flight deck announcement was "Cabin Crew, restrain yourselves!"

Probably been said a million times on flights but it made all the pax laugh...

[Gary Brown]

Not flight deck, but aimed at them. After a very hard touchdown at DFW, Cabin Crew came on with "Do take care when opening the overhead lockers, because the contents will surely have shifted after a landing like that."

AGB

[8846]

Nice to hear some memories of this wonderful man - don't know what he was like to fly with up front but as SLF he was just brilliant! My most memorable flight ever on the red-eye from ABZ-LGW (I think..)
Don't let's lose these 'characters' in our 'elf and safety/corporate bs world..

[Seat62K]

Is the well-known North American "character" still flying for Ryanair?

[Old Fella]

In my days on the B707, tracking overhead The Olgas and passing left abeam Ayers Rock (Uluru) in Central Australia, the Loadmaster advised "Those of you sitting on the right side of the aircraft will have a good view of Ayers Rock as we fly by it. For those of you sitting on the left side, the best I can offer is a good view of the back of the heads of those on the right". They were good days "Rags".

[Panop]

It's interesting to note how many of these relate to Aussie crew - a generally more relaxed attitude to communication exists Down Under, I think.

Anyway, my one is also from Oz. Mid 1980s, Ansett 733, delayed flight from Proserpine (Tropical North Queensland) to Brisbane, via Mackay and Rockhampton, one busy Saturday. The delay was only about an hour or so but a lot of the pax had tight onward connections in Brisbane and the air con in the (then) really tiny and very basic Proserpine terminal had given up resulting in some literally hot and bothered pax who were not entirely friendly to the cabin crew when they finally got to board the flight.

Pre take off the cabin crew (all female) picked a male pax from the crowd and persuaded him to stand up whilst they did the safety briefing. This attracted the curiosity of the rest of the (still mainly unhappy) pax who then watched fascinated as the ladies not only did the usual demo but also dressed their 'victim' in a life jacket and helped him locate the straps, inflation controls, etc and showed him to the emergency exits. This at least took the complainers minds off their whinges and got the safety message across.

Just a very short hop to Mackay and a few more pax boarded. The 'victim' was persuaded to stand up and demonstrate to the new pax all he had learned about lifejackets and exits whilst one of the FAs did the PA briefing with some light hearted digs at the fairly confused performance. The 'new FA' was given some assistance from the crew who were having a great time with this, as now were all the rest of the pax - though the just boarded pax seemed to find this all a bit strange! The cabin was now in near party mode and I guarantee the safety briefing was given 100% attention and all points were covered.

Then the same again departing Rocky but this time our new friend was persuaded to do a full demo and PA, with just a couple of necessary corrections from one of the FAs. Again 100% attention as everyone tried to follow the moves and with loud applause and cheers at the end. All mistakes (not many - he was getting good!) were professionally corrected by the crew and everyone on board knew the full drill by this time - probably the only flight I've ever been on when all the pax were genuinely aware of all the necessary safety stuff. And, by now, happy as well.

By this time the FAs could do no wrong, the rest of the trip was a joy and the service excellent for a fairly short domestic sector. More loud cheers and applause for the crew on arrival. On leaving the plane everyone got a kiss, handshake or a hug from the FAs - I've never seen that elsewhere and doubt I ever will again!

Probably heaps of rules broken, wouldn't be surprised if the girls even got in trouble from higher up the foodchain afterwards but the bottom line was it worked - and brilliantly. Top marks!

[Wycombe]

A few months back with Air NZ after landing at Chep Lap Kok after an overnight sector from Auckland:

"Ladies and Gents, after ten and half hours of flying in the dark, I'm pleased to say the pilots have found Hong Kong".

A few years back, from the flightdeck of RAF Tristar while taxying onto the runway at Mount Pleasant, Falkland Islands:

"3400 miles to Ascension, tanks full, sunglasses on, hit it!"

(with apologies I guess to Jake and Elmo Blues)

[brit bus driver]

To correct you ever so slightly, it was out of Ascension going north as it was "dark, and we're wearing sunglasses :cool: etc"....the leg from MPA was traditionally flown in daylight.

:ok:

[mickeydazzler]

Ryanair 1990....instead of 'seats for take off/landing'

'birdies to your perches'

Think he ended up Chief Pilot !

[TFlyguy]

Mnay many years ago when I joined a company as the eighth steward out of a workforce of many hundreds of ladies some Flight Crew had to change their pre take off PA's.

A few did "Laker Ladies to your seats" but my favourite was alwayy "Girls down"! which changed to "Girls and John down!!!"

[strake]

JFK..VS...last night...,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Captain here. Very sorry for the delay..thirteen aircraft ahead of us and as overtaking on the taxiway is frowned upon, we've another twenty minutes or so to go..."

[clicker]

Remember once on an Air Europe B737 jump seat ride of a Capt, who's name escapes me, relaying not the towns we flew over but the vineyards. :ok:

[Tordan]

Years ago, flying from Stockholm, Arlanda to Östersund (another small swedish town). The aircraft and crew led by a Captain Vega was chartered from sunny Spain, nice tans compared to us pale swedes.
Anyway, taxying close to the runway for takeoff and one was expecting the ordinary "Cabin crew, take your seats for takeoff". Captain Vega instead opted for simply stating "Vamos" and off we went. :D

[ozangel]

Virgin Blue, waiting to take off at Coolangatta:
"Folks, afternoon your captain speaking. We will be holding here for a couple of minutes, theres a Jetstar plane somewhere up there and its pilot is going to have a shot at landing it. So fingers crossed, sit back, relax and enjoy the inflight service on our short flight"

Again, Virgin Blue holding before landing at sydney:

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you are most likely aware, we have been holding for some time. We are number two to land behind a Qantas aircraft, but they advised us that they are firing up their 3rd and 4th boilers as we speak and should be out of our way very shortly. (as if questioning the fo) Were they talking about their flight attendants or speeding up?."

[amanoffewwords]

Approaching EDI on the Shuttle in winter a few years ago:

Captain: "For those of you on the left the weather is cold, for those on the right it is mind-bogglingly cold!".

Another time on a BA flight inbound to LHR we were told the crew were doing a pantomine for charity that evening + we were asked to guess who was playing the ugly sister, Cinderella etc...with a prize of a bottle of Champagne bought by the Captain. :ok:

[CandyBender]

"One of the CSD's introduced herself as "Rainbow" (hippy parents???). The English passengers around me were staring at each other and shrugging their shoulders."

We've a Rainbow & 2 Sunflowers :p

[rccatnap]

Panop was quite right in his comment regarding the more 'relaxed' approach to announcements down under.
My crew and I were on the bus to our hotel after a flight from Singapore, many, many moons ago and the driver had the local radio on.
A Qantas passenger had written in to the station mentioning a recent holiday flight they had on which the same Flight Service Director operated on both outbound and inbound sectors, two weeks apart.
This was the announcement, she wrote, that was made coming into Sydney.
"Ladies and gentlemen, if you look out the left hand windows, you'll see a very famous piece of coastline, Botany Bay and those of you who remember your history will know that this was the spot where Captain Cook first stepped ashore and discovered our wonderful country. As he did so, in his silver buckled shoes, silken hose, pantaloons, long flared brocade coat with lace collar and cuffs, topped off with a three cornered hat and a feather, the Aboriginies who met him there uttered those immortal words, "Oolah woolah, moolah boolah." which roughly translates into, "Hello sailor!"

[fireflybob]

When I joined BOAC as a young Second Officer in 1970 I recall setting off westbound across the Pond to JFK. There was another aircraft below us which we were slowly overtaking. The Captain told me that if you are overtaking another a/c (which the passengers can see) then you always tell them. On the other hand if you were being overtaken you never said anything to the passengers!

Then there was the classic story of the flight going LHR-LAX non stop, flight time ten hours. Not a word from the flight deck until 5 hours after take off when a click was heard on the PA followed by "HALFWAY". Then a further 5 hours elapsed with no further PAs from the flightdeck!

[PleaseSayAgain]

Years ago, on a B737 service from Fresno, CA to Oakland, CA. Just pulling on stand and as soon as the seatbelt signs went off, everyone wildly dashed out of their seats to be the first out the door, commented on by a "All rise!" from the front... :}:}:}

(for all those who might not know - it`s the english standard phrase to get the audience to stand up a soon as the judge walks into the courtroom during a hearing)

[Peter Hamilton]

Leaving LHR for Singapore on BA

"Welcome aboard British Airways flight 001/003 (or whatever) departing shortly for Singapore. If any of you had not planned on including the Far East in your travel plans this evening, now would be an excellent time to make yourselves known to the Flight Attendants."

[njswamps]

Flight from Honolulu to Maui on GO!
Distance horizontal of about 86 NM.
Distance vertical of about the same.
"When opening overhead, please be careful because Shift Happens."

[sunnybunny]

A few years ago on an Airtours Charter 757 into Manchester about 10pm in gusty winds.

Pretty bumpy approaching runway with a loud thump as it touched down.

Shortly after there was an announcement from cockpit saying

'Apologies for that landing. This aircraft is fitted with an autoland system and we have to test it sometimes. This is one such occasion.

Normal service will be resumed on the next flight. Have a good trip home and hope to see you again soon. Thank you for flying with Airtours.'

[Barkly1992]

In I think 1989 flying Brisbane to Darwin in an Ansett 737, the USA-bred pilot made an announcement as we were about to pass Longreach on a really clear day.

He provided a very credible history of the town and of course mentioned its connection to Qantas. But he started out by saying if you look out of the right side of the aircraft you will see we are passing ......

And then he introduced a quick right wing down movement - and said 'Oh not all at once - you should take it in turns.'

Very funny - veryone was very impressed with this new addition to the Oz drivers.

Grumpy

[Snow_Owl]

On a RyanAir flight from Linz to Stansted, just after landing, FO comes on and says "On behalf of your captain Michael Schumacher, we have arrived 35 minutes ahead of shedule"

[Tercarley]

If there were any staff on board when the cabin purser announced the film that was showing - a while ago - he would tell you who was starring in it and include the names of the staff /positioning crew as being in the film. No-one ever asked who these people were as far as I know.

Was quite funny when you heard your names read out!!!

[Biggles225]

This is an apocryphyl one I know, and attributed to a well known US airline. After a particularly heavy and bouncy landing, the announcement was 'Ladies and gentlemen, please remain seated with your seat belts fastened while captain kangaroo bounces whats left of the aircraft to the gate. Thank you for flying with us.'

I liked it anyway.

[StickItUpYourYoke]

No-one's interested in hearing from the flight deck these days anyway.

I can't be bothered talking to the SLF, nor can most of my colleagues.

[raffele]

No-one's interested in hearing from the flight deck these days anyway.

That's a bit of a statement. For example, I am interested in hearing from the flight deck. And on those rare occasions where flight deck crew go the extra mile and point out interesting or obscure points of interest on the way, I'm sure there are many more people who listen in

[TightSlot]

No-one's interested in hearing from the flight deck these days anyway.
I can't be bothered talking to the SLF, nor can most of my colleagues.
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c57/TightSlot/do_not_feed_trolls.jpg

[PPRuNe Dispatcher]

Heard on one flight:

"This is the Captain. I'll be flying you to Frankfurt. In front of me I can see pretty flashing lights, lots of switches and funny-looking dials. This is my first time in the flightdeck of a jet...."

(short pause, passengers looking worriedly at each other. PA continues)

"....today. I've been flying jets for 20 years. Now I've got your attention, please give equal attention to the important safety information our cabin crew will now give you. Thank you."

[suninmyeyes]

Egyptair 707, late 70's.

Inadvertent slip on the PA while on approach.

"Please fasten your seatbelts tightly as we will be landing short at Cairo"

[Nicholas49]

I recently flew with BA from Heathrow to Geneva and then back again the following day. Same captain for both flights, which I hadn't experienced before. How did I know? Well, I recognised his name. But also because his pre-flight PA was almost word-for-word identical on both flights - right down to the intonation, method of introducing the safety demonstration and the jokes! I couldn't help wonder whether it's always the same. Is this something cabin crew have to get used to? ;)

And it was very good. Practice makes perfect, I guess.

[Glamgirl]

N49,

Yes, quite a lot of pilots make the same announcement every time. That's why you rarely see us in the cabin laughing at their jokes, as we've heard it lots of times before (and a vast majority isn't funny anyways :})

Gg

[scottpe]

Can never understand why Captains' come on the PA and after introducing themselves, say something along the lines of: "I'm Capt Bloggs and alongside me on the Flt Deck is F/O Richard Cranium, Richard will be flying us to xxxxxxxx today." The average SLF hasn't a clue as to why the F/O is "actually" flying the aircraft, in fact I'm sure that some pax are quite perturbed that the Capt appears to be handing control to the "copilot"! Surely there is no need to announce that this is the F/Os "leg", unless the Captain is worried that if anything untoward should happen during the flight it will be attributed directly to him!! As to information about the flight that is relayed over the PA is anybody really bothered who passes the info as long as they know how long the flight is, what's the local time on arrival and the weather at destination?

[kenhughes]

I see StickItUpYourYoke has been banned PNG, but I do agree with what he says, though not necessarily the way he said it.

When I'm half-way across the Atlantic, enjoying the IFE, I really do not appreciate the movie being interupted, just so that I can be told that we will be arriving three minutes early/late and that it's raining in Newark/Manchester.

[HotDog]

Flying from Tokyo to Taipei, the track takes you past an active volcano called Sakurajima near Kagoshima, Japan. Usually it emits a long plume of smoke but has been known to erupt occasianally with some spectacular fireworks. As we were flying past, the Captain drew the attention of passengers on the left hand side of the airplane to the smoking mountain. Half way through his announcement, the peak erupted - sh!t, yelled the Captain; did you see that!? (I think Old Fella might know who I'm talking about).

[twiggs]

I haven't heard it done for a while, but a QF skipper used to always get his F/O and S/O or S/O's to join him in 3 or 4 way banter during introductory P/A's.
It would go something like,

Capt: Hello ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain and my name is X
F/O: Hi all, this your F/O and I'm Y
S/O: And I am your S/O Z.
Capt: So Y, what is the weather for our flight expected to be today?
F/O: Fine weather for today, X.
Capt: Great so the flight should be smooth. Z, what is our expected flight time?
S/O: 12 hours and 10 minutes, X.
etc etc.

It was very entertaining and the passengers seemed to really enjoy it.

[Panop]

No-one's interested in hearing from the flight deck these days anyway.

I can't be bothered talking to the SLF, nor can most of my colleagues. With an attitude like that we don't want to hear much from you either! Bet you're happy to take the SLF's money - meagre as you may consider it.

Whenever I fly with a crew who can't even be bothered to make the vaguest effort to be pleasant I make a mental note to avoid their company whenever possible in the future though it is usually unnecessary as the company is often not around long enough for it to be an issue.

Pity that so many people consider even basic customer service to be demeaning - they are also, in my experience, usually the ones who are the most demanding when they are being served. Happy flying, Captain - on freighters, perhaps.

[Panop]

Sorry, Qantas.

http://www.pprune.org/cabin-crew/372292-qantas-pam-ann-does-qf-safety-demo.html

[WolvoWill]

About five years ago, flying back into Birmingham from Copenhagen with SAS...

Captain comes over on the PA just as the aircraft is exiting the runway 'Welcome to Manchester, thank you for flying with....' which was drowned out by a fair number of now rather confused passengers exclamations of surprise!

The captain then continued, somewhat sheepishly, 'My apologies, it was Manchester I went to yesterday, today we have landed at Birmingham International Airport'.

[clareprop]

I've noticed that over the past year or so there seems to be a culture of self-congratulation breaking out on the PA. A recent BA flight to JFK:
30 minutes out PA: "Ladies and Gentlemen, we will shortly be landing in New York and I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the crew for all their hard work....
Take your seats for landing PA: "Cabin Crew, thanks again for all your hard work.., please take your seats for landing...".
Finally, from the flight deck: "Cabin Crew, thanks very much for all your hard work, doors to manual..."

[ProM]

Not sure whether this was commonplace as i only had one chnace to fly in the finest passenger aircraft ever made.

Concorde approaching JFK.

"ladies and gentlemen, because of her delta wings concorde has a higher approach speed than other aircraft. However this isn't a problem as our engines can produce a lot more reverse thrust than most.

A few minutes later we touch down and the aircraft slows down so quickly most passengers wish they had tightened their belts a bit more because they have to extract their noses from the seat in front. Followed by us turning off the runway with most of it unused

[Glamgirl]

Clareprop,

I always cringe when that happens. Makes me embarassed. Thanks should be given in private and face to face, not over the pa.

Gg

[BetpumpS]

Glumgirl

maybe you don't find the jokes funny after you have been on your feet for 12 hours which is understandable.

But we're p1ssing ourselves up front.

[clareprop]

Glamgirl,

I agree..firstly I should say that on most of the flights I take, the crew do a very good job and when I thank them, I mean it. However, that's me as the customer thanking them. Ritually thanking each other out loud three or four times over the PA just seems a little odd. My late BA SCSO father-in-law (who retired in 1980) would not have known what to make of it all...:p

[Glamgirl]

BetpumpS,

As long as you're amused, that's all that matters, I suppose.

(btw, you spelled my name wrong...:oh:)


The one that really gets me is this one from a couple of our Captains:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to xyz, bla bla bla.... If you've got bags to pick up look for flight number xxxx. Talking of bags, Cabin Crew, doors to manual and cross check".

It was funny the first time I heard it, but at least one of our Captains has said this on every after landing pa for as long as I've been with the company. Anyone got any new "jokes" I can supply him with?

Gg

[BetpumpS]

Glamourgirl,

sorry about the typo

[Nicholas49]

I think that it is inappropriate for the FD crew to "thank" the cabin crew for all their hard work. After all, the cabin crew are paid to do a job. They do it excellently, so it really is cringe-worthy and not a little patronising for pilots to make such announcements. What would be the reaction if the purser announced "didn't the captain fly well today?" I wonder...Couldn't you tell them that it doesn't go down well in the cabin?

Glamgirl, you must hear the same jokes over and over again ;) It's quite easy to over-step the line between a making few witty comments and sounding liking an idiot. The bags joke isn't very funny....

[bondim]

Nicholas,

of course we get paid to do the job, but it is still nice to be thanked on the PA once in a while. I am not sure if this is some long standing tradition, but I have heard it on lots of airlines.

I don't see why it should bother pax if not overdone.

[Nicholas49]

Bondim - trust me, it doesn't look good. If the captain wants to thank the crew for their efforts, he should do it after the flight once all the passengers have disembarked. It's hard to explain, but it basically comes across as a public display of "aren't we great".

Please don't get me wrong: I am not for one minute suggesting that praise shouldn't be given. It is very important for a leader to say 'well done', but there is an appropriate time and place.

[Glamgirl]

Bondim,

What if you were a passenger on a flight where a crew member was rude to you, lazy, couldn't be bothered, and at the end of the flight the Captain/First Officer/Purser said "thank you Cabin Crew for all your hard work" (or similar). It wouldn't make you feel good and you'd think that it was all wrong...possibly. I know if I had a bad crew as a passenger and this happened, I would be even more upset, because that crew member in particular obviously didn't work hard/well.

This is the main reason as to why praise should be done in private, hope this clarifies.

Gg

[DIA74]

PIK/LON late night, I looked out the window on approach and we appeared to be very high. Suddenly dropped pretty fast, hit runway with a couple of thumps, then everything went into reverse with a roar. Aircraft shaking like crazy, stuff going clatter in the galleys. Left runway last exit almost on two wheels. SILENCE FROM THE F/D, but the No.1 opened up the F/D door and shouted "Let's have a big hand for that man!" As you may imagine there was a huge cheer form the cabin. A bit of a "red necker" for the driver, who was our Chief Pilot. LUCKILY for the reputation of the carrier, there was only crew on board that night!

[wiggy]

"it is still nice to be thanked on the PA once in a while..." but why on the PA, why do you need for the thanks to be done so publicly? I can promise you it certainly doesn't go down well if some of the passengers feel they've not had a great flight (Glamgirl's point).

As you've probably guessed I'm another who doesn't like it...I would hope that a good, hard working crew were thanked after the trip by their Captain and/or Cabin "Chief", and I certainly thank the Co-pilots I fly with for looking after me :ooh:..but I wouldn't dream of thanking him/her on the PA....IMHO it just sounds crass and just a little bit "luvvy".

[leeUK]

On GB flight during the cruise addressed to my daughter who was working as a member of the cabin crew: "This is the captain speaking- Cxxxx (my daughter), will you please put on the kettle!"

[dkul]

Some years ago flying ORD to IAH on CO on a 735.
Cabin crew was excellent...first to start the safety briefing we heard a loud piercing whistle on the PA followed by "hey, up here!!!" Certainly got everyone's attention. During the part of the O2 mask and "put your on first before helping someone else"...the FA at the front of the cabin held up a baby that was on a lap in the front row. Of course everyone was paying attention.
But the best part had to be upon landing in IAH...it was a very "firm" touchdown. As we exit the runway the flight attendant makes the PA: "ON behalf of Continental, your flight crew and the people that installed the speed bump at the end of the runway, welcome to Houston." When the laughter died down, she continued: "Here at Continental we are proud of our pilots, so we just wanted to say that the hard landing was not the captain's fault. It was also not the first officer's fault. No, that hard landing was due to the ass fault (asphalt)." Very funny.

[MagnusP]

One of the funniest I heard as SLF was the usual announcement followed by "and I'm sure you'd like to congratulate ****** who is getting married on Saturday. ******, is it true about the strawberry yoghurt?"

(Followed by a scream from the back of the cabin)

[jodiem]

On a flight SYD-CHC a few years back, as we crossed the west coast of NZ, we were informed by the slightly effeminate male Pursar that we would shortly be "Passing over Ass...I mean Assing over Pass, I mean, Passing over Arthurs Pass!".

Seemed to have been an unintentional faux pas, but it had a few of us looking at each other to see if we'd all heard the same thing. :ooh:

[ozangel]

I personally am not a fan of the 'thanks for your hard work' PA.

I understand it is well intentioned and usually made in the spirit of good CRM, however I find that it is better saved for the crewbus or the walk to the carpark.

On the other hand, there have been a few occasions where it has been appropriate and appreciated - and followed by applause from the passengers - however those occasions usually follow an emergency.

[sunnybunny]

A few years ago on GEM flight Liverpool to IOM.

During taxi out Pilot: Thanks for flying etc.

Today we are expecting severe thunderstorms and as a result there will be no cabin service.

But it is xxxx's birthday so I would like everyone to congratulate her, please stand up xxxx so everyone can see you.

Now please fasten your seat belts firmly as it may get a bit bumpy.

and later

Sorry we've tried to avoid the worst thunderstorm by going towards Dublin but we can't so everyone please strap in firmly we are going to have to go through it.

Which we did and after 15 mins we arrived shaken but not stirred.:D

[SLF3b]

I don't like it because it is not sincere. If you sit behind a locked door how do you know if the cabin crew did a good job or not?

[Challenger05]

well the funniest announcement I have heard and I believe it was a faux pas was,

Dear passengers we have arrived at XXXX we understand you have a choice of other airlines and have chosen XXXX and appreciate your business and hope you will fly with us again... once again from theheart of our bottoms we would like to thank you you for flying XXXX. Have a good day!!!

:ok:

[olster]

yup,you guys are right -the 'well done cabin crew, hard working team etc 'is patronizing and embarassing,

b/rgds,

olster(pilot,apparently)

[Hussar 54]

About five years ago...late night flight out of Nice to Luton.....

Skipper with maybe the strongest Ozzy accent I've ever heard comes on the PA and announces that the C/P is called Susan and will be " flying us back to Luton tonight.....although when we get there I'll probably have to park the aircraft on the stand "......

[Pilotinmydreams]

Wasn't on a plane, but a train but this always makes me smile. I was on a the Waterloo to Weymouth train and we were delayed by about 30 mins. The conductor came on the PA and says:

Ladies and Gentlemen, i'm very sorry for the delay to this service.... we're on the line behind a 70mph train........ this is a 90mph train so God only knows what they were thinking when they did the schedule today..... i've told them time and time again, but do they listen?!!!

There were a number of equally amusing anouncements that I now forget but it certainly calmed a lot of people down given the Friday rush to get home from the city.

[Mr snuffaluffagus]

Does anyone know of any websites where humorous inflight announcements (both real and mock PA's) can be downloaded or listened to, be it flight deck or cabin crew announcements?

Cheers

[olster]

If you are going to attempt to be humorous from the flightdeck make sure that you are funny!(golden rule)

[Romeo India Xray]

My first flight instructor had a day job flying Shed loads (pun intended) of passengers from EMA. He was upgraded, and rumour has it that on his first flight after line check he boarded with a white cane, dark glasses and tapped his way to the rear galley, then back to the flight deck - fell into his seat over the throttle quadrant, then made the following PA:

"Ladies and Gents. Sorry about that, but I do have to have a little joke with you ... (pause) ... by the way, is this a good time to tell you I have never done this before".

RIX

[ian16th]

No PA!

They used to pass a piece of paper around with such vital information as position, compass heading and air speed!:ok:

[JayPee28bpr]

I've had a couple of good PA announcements. First one was landing in Seattle. We came down very hard, and the cabin PA announcement was along the lines of: "As you will have realised we've arrived in Seattle...". The Captain then came on (BA "Biggles" type) and said: "Oh sorry about the landing ladies and gents, playful bit of wind shear". Yeah, right!

Second one was just prior to a very VERY bumpy approach into Dublin. The Captain, to his credit, warned us that it was going to be very bumpy, as well as telling us not to be alarmed if we started climbing again in case it was just too windy to land. However, he spoiled it for the more nervous amongst us by saying that: "some of the planes in front haven't made it."

[fireflybob]

Brings to mind the late Peter Ustinov relating a story when he was on a LH flight from Frankfurt to somewhere in the USA. After they had been airborne about one hour the Captain (German) came on the PA and said (just imagine Ustinov doing his German accent).."Ladies and Gentlemen those of you who are observant will have noticed that when we left Frankfurt the sun was on the left hand side of the aircraft but now it is on the right hand side. There is a reason for this...we are returning to Frankfurt!"

The way Ustinov told the story had everyone in hysterical laughter.

Another one I recall was when I was pax positiong into Newark (USA) on a B727 in about 1974 - I looked out of the window and thought the sink rate looked a bit high and we did the heaviest landing I have ever experienced on any transport a/C (and yes, touchwood, that even includes mine!). Several of hatracks were thrown open and it went very quiet in the cabin. As we vacated the runway the Captain came on the PA and said "Well folks I guess the only thing we can say about the landing is that we have "arrived" in New York - have a great weekend".

[EISNN]

A number of years ago on an A330 flight making its approach into Shannon airport the first officer came over the PA and started to point out the views over the west coast of Ireland. "Ladies and gentlemen for those of you on the left hand side you'll see beautiful views of the Aran Islands and for those of you on the right hand side you'll see the stunning views of the Cliff of Moher. Followed by a pause ......... and for those of you in the middle ....... <pause> .... well you had the best views of the drop down monitors during the flight.

[Dawdler]

Some years ago on a flight to Aberdeen:

Captain: "Ladies and Gentlemen, This is your captain speaking, we are now approaching our destination Aberdeen Dyce Airport. The runway at Dyce is not over long for this class of aircraft so we don't mess about, we put down fairly firmly as soon as we can and hope to stop before we reach the other end."

We then proceeded to experience an absolute beauty of a landing, the aircraft creamed onto the runway so smoothly.

Captain: Ladies and Gentlemen, in fairness I should point out that the beautiful landing was executed by my First Officer who has been on this class of aicraft for a very long time."

F/O: "Too bloody long!"

Captain: "As we approach the terminal building, I urge you all to remain seated and keep your seat belts fastened until the aircraft comes to a complete stop. Passengers booked on the onward flight to Wick should take note that I can see them trying to kick-start your aircraft as I speak."

This was after a flight during which the captain seemed to have verbal diarrhea to the amusemnt of many and the irritation of others.

D.

edit for shpelling mistook

[Dawdler]

On stand awaiting departure from Bristol to sunnier climes.

"Good morning Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your First Officer speaking. All passengers are aboard, the baggage is loaded, we are ready for pushback the paperwork done and we have clearance for start up. We are however short of one fairly vital asset. That of a Pilot. Our proposed Captain called in sick this morning and as I speak, a substitute is wolfing his breakfast as he drives frantically to the airport. As soon as he joins us we can be away."

A few minutes later a red-faced and out of breath Captain came hurtling up the stairs. The cabin door was shut before he had reached the flight deck, within certainly less than two minutes we were being pushed back prior to taking off.

I did wonder about the legailty of the flight, being that the Captain had clearly no input in the flight plan or any other of the procedures in pre- flight checks.

But we were just pleased to be on our way. The airline BTW was BA/GO about which more perhaps later.

[Nightrider]

This happens sometimes, especially at places (bases) with no standby crew.
A lot of flight preps can be done by any flightdeck crew, telephone helps to confirm with captain about weather, fuel etc.... time to push back can be very short.

[Dawdler]

Thanks for that Nightrider. It was an idle thought at the time. I didn't really think that an unqualified person was about to launch us into the air. I have flown often enough to know that the F/O would often be the one "flying".

With regard to my earlier comment about GO airlines. I was on the last flight for a particular aircraft and crew in GO colours after the takeover by easyjet. The CC were all very upset, the senior had been with GO since its inception as had most of that particular crew and all the PA's were given in a very tearful voice.

By the time we reach our destination, (I cannot remember whether it was EMA or Stansted, I suspect the latter.) All of the CC wear in tears and many of the passengers were too. I know it was unprofessional and showed lack of control, but the story seen from their prospective was touching and sometimes quite moving.

As a bystander so to speak it did seem that Barbara Cassini had her legs chopped off at the knees by BA executives who sold out a little too quickly.

[320 driver]

One of the best from a certain Capt at BA.

Kittyhawk 1 (Queens flight) had been cleared straight into heathrow whilst others were holding for 15 minutes.

BA Capt: 'Approach. How come Kittyhawk 1 gets to go straight in while I'm holding?'

Heathrow Approach Control: 'Kittyhawk 1 has the Queen on board, Speedbird.'

BA Capt: ' Well I've got 3 Queens on board, can I go next?'

[GALAD]

Capt PA "Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen etc ..... my name is XXX and in charge of me in the flight deck is FO YYY. In charge of all of us our SCCM today is Debbie etc". Good to know who is really in charge of whats going on around us. :D

Also head on the radio with ATC a calm dignified PA apologising for the fact that the aircraft was having to divert to a local airport due to some technical problems, please listen to the instructions given to you by the cabin crew.
ATC "A very nice PA FlightXXX the airport is now closed in preperation for your emergency landing the fire services are standing by. What have you told your passengers then?"

[nicolai]

On Maersk Air, sometime back in the 1990s, LGW/CPH. It's all going smoothly as we prepare to go flying, and we get to the safety demo.
Cabin PA in English: "We will now do the safety demonstration in Danish only."
Cabin PA in Danish saying the same thing, followed by a safety demo in Danish only. Some of the obviously British passengers looked quite put out :E
My Danish relatives all thought this was extremely funny when I told them about it.

[d71146]

A good few years ago as passenger on a Bulgarian Airline if I recall the Commander came on the intercom on the approach and exclaimed 'Cabin Crew The Ground is Coming Up.' I never did find out if they were joking or serious LOL

[alexpilot2008]

I was on an EJ flight from PMI to LGW and a senior crew member said:

"flying time will be aprox 2 minutes"

The whole cabin was laughing, very amusing!

Cabin crew talk so fast that it comes out wrong sometimes!

[Panop]

Mid 1970s - Qantas 742 ex Christchurch. F/O doing PA. "On behalf of Captain Cook who will be in charge of our flight to Melbourne today...."

Poor b*gger - Qantas's Capt Cook must have become very thick skinned or heartily fed up with the reaction of many of his pax (and probably colleagues) over the years. I'm surprised he didn't change his name - though I suppose the pay cheque made it all worthwhile (he who laughs last, etc...).

At least I will always be able to claim to have crossed the Tasman with Capt Cook.:ok:

[Cumulonimbus]

On good authority, true:

1. Manx Airlines Captain, after landing at Ronaldsway, " Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to the Isle of Man. If any of you would like to adjust your watches, I suggest you wind them back 20 years!". Serious bollocking ensued with Ops Dir.

2. Air Europe 757 that broke its back on landing at Madeira many years ago (acft write off), nose wheel punctured the cabin flooring - Thespian male cabin crew raced into cockpit after aircraft shudderd to a halt and said, "Well guys, I've had most things up my a**, but never before the nosewheel of a 757, thanks for the new experience!"

[young-pilot]

I had just boarded a flight to Cuba at Manchester (passenger) & before pushback from the gate the captain came on in a very strong Lancashire accent and said "Well we're just waiting for the little tractor thingy to push us back from gate and we'll be off in nooo time"

Pretty humourous at the time :)

[ArthurBorges]

Cumulonimbus, your second anecdote reminds me of another Thespian, an elegantly clad youth who walked into a hospital emergency room for removal of a foreign object up his exhaust pipe.

He started off by telling the physician: "You're going to laugh. You see, I was planting carrots when..."

After removing the offending carrot, the physician drily asked: "Upside down, eh?"

[whoseroundisit]

On a West Jet flight (There is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, 'People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!'
On another West Jet Flight with a very 'senior' flight attendant crew, the pilot said, 'Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.'
On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.'
'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.'
'Thank you for flying West Jet Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.'
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at the Vancouver Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella. WHOA!'
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Ontario, a flight attendant on a West Jet flight announced, 'Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.'
From a West Jet Airlines employee: 'Welcome aboard West Jet Flight 245 to Calgary . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.'
'In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.'
'Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than West Jet Airlines.'
'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.'
'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.'
And from the pilot during his welcome message: 'West Jet Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!'
Heard on West Jet Airlines just after a very hard landing in Edmonton : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.'
Overheard on a West Jet Airlines flight into Regina , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina . Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!'
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.'
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'

'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'

The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'
After a real crusher of a landing in Halifax , the attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of West Jet Airways.'
Heard on a West Jet Airline flight. 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em.'
A plane was taking off from the Winnipeg Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,
'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from Winnipeg toMontreal .. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!'
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!' A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!'

[Dawdler]

So that's why....... I always wondered.

'Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.'

I assume for landings at night it is also to hide the looks of horror on the faces of the CC

[ArthurBorges]

Your posting distills a hard core of classic airline lore. It deserves to be engraved in stone which, as in the case of Ancient Greece and Rome, will constitute most of what the archeologists and ancient historians of the next few millennia will have to work with in order to build their careers on speculating about what the schlitz we were all up to before we bottomed out like a bunch of Thracians or Etruscans.

[whoseroundisit]

How about the new ads for Air Newzealand. All the crew are just in body paint. You'll find them on youtube. I think they are great.

7-Mq9HAE62Y

[Phalconphixer]

Southwest Airlines Cabin Crew Rap (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcDRMwCZDnM)

[bigjames]

Many years ago, YUL - LGA, smooth flight and landing, and then the (male) purser gets on and says "well the captain is a fantastic pilot but a lousy driver so keep your seatbelts fastened until we reach the gate." in both english and french. definitely got some giggles...

[Putt]

Reading these brings a smile to my face. Here are a coup[le of mine...
Arriving DFW on Delta, FA announces preparation for landing in the Dallas AREA...I asked her if we could try the airport.
Alaska Airlines arrival at John Wayne...FA, imitating Andy Rooney..."why is it that when you're at 35,000 feet, traveling at 500 MPH it's OK to move about the cabin but when you're on the ground, traveling at 30 mph, you must remain seated with your seatbelt fastened?"
Approaching Seattle on a United LHR/SEA flight, FA announces that Captain has found what he believes to be the Seattle airport so in preparation for our landing...!
Pan Am flight out of JFK at push back, Captain asks pax to not lean out in the aisle and block his view while he is backing away from the gate.
Putt

[come_flyin]

on an emirates flight the captain was introducing the crew by name and where they were from and in the middle of the names he said alice from wonderland. very funny!

[powdermonkey]

Embarassing one for me...
About a year ago I was landing in Glasgow and planted the aircraft onto the tarmac.....and I mean hard! Taxied onto stand, Captain says nothing...seat belt sign comes off, Captain takes the mic..."Ladies and Gentlemen, from the flight deck, your Captain speaking, thank you for flying with us today, we hope to see you on board again very soon........( pause ) and after THAT landing my first officer ( SAYS MY NAME) will be waiting for you at the bottom of the steps to sign autographs!" To which I heard through the cockpit doors much clapping and laughing! Lucky for me the seat has a quick release drop down handle and I stayed well below the glare shield and did my paperwork quietly until all the pax were safely in the terminal!

[Latearrival]

Not a flight deck announcement but a memorable moment...

On what is normally a 15 minute flight from YVR to YYJ.....All passengers aboard but after 10 minutes, still no engines running . Flight Attendant standing at the top of the stairs looking out.... and passengers getting restless.

And then the FA says, "Two gentlemen are about to board and then we'll be departing. Please clap and give them your most enthusiastic welcome."

Greeted by applause, cheers and whistles as they came up the stairs, were a very harried looking (and surprised) Captain and First Officer. As the Captain was entering the flight desk, he turned back with a grin and said, to the passengers, "I should have known something was up, I've never seen her smile before." (referring to the FA)