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DB6
23rd Jan 2009, 09:19
When I were a lad, I used to be able to stifle a sneeze so it sounded like James Bond doing in a SMERSH agent with a particularly efficient silencer on his PPK, but now I keep having to go and pick up my head from wherever it rolled after it blew off, then search the area for any little green projectiles that may have been simultaneously launched (and which, if they never reached escape velocity, may have swung back to adhere - at body temperature and therefore undetectable - to my chin).What gives? I think we should be told.

Ancient Mariner
23rd Jan 2009, 09:39
At a mere 55 I wouldn't know.
Per

27mm
23rd Jan 2009, 10:00
Can't vouch for sneezes, but farts certainly do - they also occur without warning, which can be most embarrassing....

Howard Hughes
23rd Jan 2009, 10:06
Stronger sneezes, weaker bladder doesn't sound like a good combination to me...:ooh:

Blacksheep
23rd Jan 2009, 10:24
"You know you're old when your teeth end up on the other side of the room any time you sneeze." Gran Blacksheep (aged 86 at the time) reflecting upon life in general...

ShyTorque
23rd Jan 2009, 10:26
I think it must be an individual thing.

When my "other 'arf" sneezes she screams it out with some violence, to the annoyance of all around her. The dogs jump so high they bang their heads on the underside of the table and we have to pick up newspapers, pot plants, crockery, etc.

When I sneeze, I just quietly say "Atchaar,yabaggar" and that's it.

Wod
23rd Jan 2009, 12:02
Depends.

The stimulus is key. My sinuses dimly remember snuff.

I don't do that anymore.

And my hayfever ain't what it used to be.

On the other hand, I am less inclined to polite inhibition as I get older.

'Nuff said.

frostbite
23rd Jan 2009, 12:55
'Tis said that when you sneeze you tense up more muscles/come closer to death than at any other natural occurrence in your life.

Most painful part of it for me is when the parrot is sitting on my shoulder and the sneeze makes him tense up and his talons pierce my skin.

S'land
23rd Jan 2009, 13:07
So Frostbite is really long John Silver!

I never used to have a problem with sneezing, hardy ever seemed to happen. Then about twelve years ago I started to get hay fever (never had it before). Over the last couple of years I sneeze every day when I wake up, at least once during the day and before I go to sleep. It seems that I have permanent hay fever. However, I have noticed that if the sneezes are too genteel my sinuses block up.

Metro man
23rd Jan 2009, 13:08
Patient - Doctor, every time I sneeze I cum.
Doctor - Have you tried taking anything for it ?
Patient - Snuff :E

lomapaseo
23rd Jan 2009, 16:09
sneezes need to be praticed.

With practice you should be able to get them up to 90+ decibles and multiple syllables. I have a variety of words that I sneeze all the way up to three syllables. The intake syllable does not count

ex: arg-harse-chit (the arg doesn't count as it is on the intake stroke)

you need good lung power to make 3 syllables

ex: mud-der-****-er (all on the exhaust stroke).

These are all great endings to a dinner party

tony draper
23rd Jan 2009, 16:23
Me old mum used to rattle the windows with her sneezes,Bro Draper seems to have inherited the talent but not I fortunately, though the consensus is I was found on the doorstep anyway.
Once worked wi a giant of a bloke in a cable laying gang, six four built like a gable end could drink 14 bottles of newky brown of a lunch time who had the most effeminate of sneezes,alway broke us up when he sneezed.
:rolleyes:

11Fan
23rd Jan 2009, 17:12
I think I married ShyTorque's Sister. This one of mine rattles the windows.


Stand back men. She's gonna blow.

Loose rivets
23rd Jan 2009, 17:45
S'funny. We've got a sizable garden, and the dog I look after is back in his for now, some 180 feet away. I'm in my den and I sneezed...set the bugger barking it did.


My missus holds hand to face if caught with sudden sneeze...blows her fringe up vertical it does...makes I larf.


We arrived at the checking of an hotel in Mexico. A young lady had her back to us, we waited...then she sneezed. tishoo and again tishoo They were the quietest sneezes I'd ever heard. We looked at each other but said nothing. When she turned round, she had quite a pretty face, but one of the tiniest noses I've ever seen. Wife and I didn't dare make eye contact.

mr fish
23rd Jan 2009, 18:28
i guess you know your time is short when you sneeze and s:mad:t yourself at the same time.
And don't realize!!!:eek:

alfaman
23rd Jan 2009, 18:33
Never sneeze with a sleeping cat on your lap...:sad:

Otherwise, my sister in law sneezes in a most extreme & unladylike manner - age has not diminished her, on the other hand, can't have increased either, as I still pass my hearing test each year.

ehwatezedoing
23rd Jan 2009, 18:36
ahaha...There is some good stories!

On the other side I'll be curious to know how one can manage a sneeze with a broken noze :uhoh:

Beatriz Fontana
23rd Jan 2009, 18:59
I wonder whether loud sneezing is hereditary. My dad sneezes loud enough to warn shipping, as do all of his offspring...

lomapaseo
23rd Jan 2009, 19:53
Remember the grandfather who would trim the tree at christmas with his sneeze:E

gingernut
23rd Jan 2009, 21:40
In the words of the great Jack Nicholson, there are two things one never do when one gets older:

Never trust a fart.
Never waste a hard on.

Rollingthunder
23rd Jan 2009, 21:57
When we had our Siamese and someone in the house sneezed he would invaribly baaa, much like a sheep.

These days if I'm alone and sneeze I start talking in a foreign language of my own construction. I think I'm berating myself for the sneeze.

Howard Hughes
23rd Jan 2009, 23:12
Most painful part of it for me is when the parrot is sitting on my shoulder and the sneeze makes him tense up and his talons pierce my skin.
Is it a 'Norwegian Blue'?;)

Loose rivets
24th Jan 2009, 16:33
On the other side I'll be curious to know how one can manage a sneeze with a broken noze


Atish...OOOOOOOOOooooooooo

tony draper
24th Jan 2009, 16:44
What the hell is the purpose of a sneeze anyway?,I can understand a Yawn it gives you a good lungful of air and a good cough clears yer tubes but sneezing? must have had some evolutionary function otherwise we wudden do it.:confused:

ShyTorque
24th Jan 2009, 17:36
It gets rid of the bogie, man.

ThreadBaron
24th Jan 2009, 17:49
Wot! No one has yet mentioned the similarity between the sneeze and the orgasm.

If sneezes really do get more violent as you get older ... the other sure don't.:(

frostbite
24th Jan 2009, 17:50
I may have posted this before.

A local doctor had a very low slung Dachsund which suffered from sneezing fits. Every time it sneezed, it banged its nose on the floor, which made it sneeze, and so on...... They had to pick it up to break the cycle.

They returned from shopping one day to find the poor thing near death's door, totally exhausted from what had obviously been a prolonged attack.

pigboat
24th Jan 2009, 17:57
It's physically impossible to crap while sneezing. A good thing too, because you'd probably have to redecorate the bathroom. If not the whole apartment. :p

ehwatezedoing
24th Jan 2009, 22:20
It's physically impossible to crap while sneezing.
ahaha...So true!
I remember catching a monumental African's diarrhea topped with a cold brought from home.

Sneezing would gave my @rse its only time off :uhoh:

fernytickles
24th Jan 2009, 22:40
Bright sunlight makes me sneeze... and my sister too. Don't know why, but I've heard it has that effect on other folks too.

Warm Ballast
24th Jan 2009, 23:00
Fern - that's called a photic sneeze. Around 37% of people 'suffer' from it to some degree.....

.....I looked it up in Wikipedia after posting and the article says 17-35%.....

....and yes I experience it often & violently....

tony draper
24th Jan 2009, 23:17
Tiz reckoned a bullet in the back of the head causes a violent sneeze,can't say one ever noticed that effect though.:E

fernytickles
24th Jan 2009, 23:59
"photic sneeze" ... the 'photic' part sounds like a sneeze in itself....

Out Of Trim
25th Jan 2009, 01:04
You want to try sneezing with broken ribs - Oooowww

Howard Hughes
25th Jan 2009, 01:28
Wot! No one has yet mentioned the similarity between the sneeze and the orgasm.

If sneezes really do get more violent as you get older ... the other sure don't.
Ya reckon?:E