View Full Version : Knock! Knock! We're from the Jehov.....

21st Jan 2009, 14:48
The many who here express their admiration of the Jehovah’s Witnesses, and even others perhaps more restrained, will be grieved to learn of the passing of William Glen How, QC, aged 88.

In a full-page obituary “The Globe and Mail” records that from his call to the bar in 1943 until he retired, Mr How acted for but one client, the Jehovah’s Witnesses, five times before the Supreme Court of Canada, in Japan, in Singapore, and elsewhere, in thousands of cases.

He won for Roncarelli in the climactic case that challenged Maurice Duplessis, premier and attorney general of Quebec, in the provincial government’s “war without mercy against the Witnesses of Jehovah”, a war the government waged against individuals with all the resources of the state and in which it indeed forced Roncarelli out of business.

Just by coincidence I was reading recently of life in Germany in the Third Reich. The JW, with whom I have no connexion or history, were the one single religious organisation that stood resolute and universal in its opposition to the Nazis. They were given especially harsh treatment in the concentration camps. Their invariable tenacity and courage led Heinrich Himmler to hold them up to the SS as an example to follow.

21st Jan 2009, 14:57
Remind me, when is the world ending again?

21st Jan 2009, 15:20
December 21st, 2012, according to the Mayan calendar.

21st Jan 2009, 15:34
What do you get if you cross a JW with a big hairy biker, when you open the door, someone that tells you to '**** off':E:ok:

21st Jan 2009, 16:43
I was 'gripped' by the Jehovahs (sounds painful) a few months back. Door-bell rang, two very fragrant ladies selling their wares. I was somewhat reluctant to ask them in (what would the neighbours think?) - its the same with double-glazing salesmen i.e. you can't get rid of them without signing up to something or other.

Anyway, I actually had a very long and thought-provoking conversation, they trying to convert me to their way of thinking, me trying to do the same to them. The upshot is that they concluded I didn't have the right stuff for their 10000 or whatever and went on their way, somewhat spookily leaving me with a booklet countering exactly the argument I had given them (I assume they must hear it a lot). I did speed read it only to find it was a complete load of tosh intended I assume to hoodwink the unwary or uninformed.

The moral of this story is that if you have the misfortune to get a visit, pretend to be insane/deaf/suffering from Tourettes/German/out etc etc


21st Jan 2009, 16:51
Knock! Knock! We're from the Jehov.....

I am the god of hellfire and I bring you FIRE

Loose rivets
21st Jan 2009, 16:56
Well I found Davaar's post interesting, especially the point about Himmler.

I've posted before on two really nice lads turning up at my son's house here on the Texas - Mexico border. One was white, non-Hispanic and the other was Hispanic. I'm just painting the picture here.

They hadn't got(ten) far when I launched into my notions about the universe, and why it might be here. It was the polite lads that started squirming uncomfortably, and slooooooooowly backing away down the drive, certainly not me. They thanked me for my attention and gave me a nicely bound book - none of yer cheap leaflets for me - before finally departing.

Sir George Cayley
21st Jan 2009, 17:18
Knock Knock.... etc

Come in! Come in! I'm just about to shag my gay lover so make yerselves comfy and I'll be down in about 20 mins.:ok:

Oh, you're not staying?

OK, another time maybe? Or not:E:E:E

ps Works for the Church of the Latter Day Saints too.

Sir George Cayley

21st Jan 2009, 19:14
Many years ago now, Saturday afternoon at the House of Wiley (or Wiley's Mum to be more exact). 14 year old Wiley has just returned home from a morning on the rifle range practising for the inter-school cadet corps shooting competition and is cleaning his trusty .303. (Can you believe it that in those days, the school actually trusted us, (the members of the rifle team), with the .303s to take home for the weekend? Hard to believe, I know, but they did, as the rifle range was a long way from the school. We'd carry them to and from school in the train and no one even so much as turned a hair. Can you imagine the reaction today to a school kid carrying a military calibre weapon in public?)

Mum, I know, is across the road at the neighbours when I hear the front door bell ring. Assuming it's Mum returning and (admittedly unusually) deciding to come in by the front door, I go to the door as I'm pulling the rifle through for the nth time.

I open the door, but instead of finding Mum, 14 years of age and .303 in hand, I'm confronted by two lavender smelling ladies from Jehovah's Witness, one of them of the indigenous variety.

I'm not sure who got the biggest surprise. All I know is that they didn't get beyond their initial "Hello, we're from the Jehov..." before beating a very hasty retreat with some very worried glances over their shoulders as they made for the front gate. They didn't even stop at the neighbour's, and Mum, when she did return home ten minutes later, found me still almost in tears from laughing.

21st Jan 2009, 19:24
In light of Davaar's post, may I suggest that Jehovah’s Witnesses henceforth announce themselves 3 times, say, a knock-knock (pause), knock-knock (pause) followed by another knock-knock (and to avoid any further confusion), to plainly announce that they are Jehovah's witnesses and not the Gestapo, when calling upon us impromptu (often in the evening or night-time)...?! :)

Beatriz Fontana
21st Jan 2009, 19:30
Apparently, a whole bunch of them sat on a hill outside Plymouth (the original city) during the Cuban missile crisis awaiting the end of the world.

21st Jan 2009, 20:12
Flip comments aside, I think Davaar's post was meant to be a tribute to William How rather than a paean to the Jehovahs Witnesses. To oppose Maurice Duplessis when he was il capo di tutti capi in the Province of Quebec took big ones, made of brass. Plug Duplessis' name into a search engine and see what you come up with. He makes crooked politicians of today look like amateurs, and he had his very own police force, the SQ, to carry out his every whim.

Standard Noise
21st Jan 2009, 21:46
Our local Jehovahs Witness group sent me an advent calender at the start of December. When I opened the first door there were two of the b*****ds standing behind it!

21st Jan 2009, 22:55
I found an excellent way of warding them (and Mormons)off. I simply tell them of my interest in UFO's, and how the best book to read about UFO's is ---- the Bible!! Never fails.

21st Jan 2009, 23:18
They have a back to front philosophy, if you are stupid enough to give your time to them at the door and they cannot make any headway, guess what! They win the day, you are one less to feed, after Armageddon.
Takes all sorts!

Metro man
21st Jan 2009, 23:45
NEVER take any written material from them, that guarantees a return visit.

If you are extreamly "impolite" to them, they designate your house as hostile and leave you alone. I found out they were converting my wife while I was abroad. Phoned them, gave them my address and told them what I would do to the next one who came around. No more visits :E

Singapore bans them from holding public meetings, bringing in any publications and from going around knocking on doors. Wonderful place :ok:

22nd Jan 2009, 00:22
Here the local JW congregation says it maintains a list of households to not visit, if you so request. (But, sometimes, they head out without checking the list!) If you do not want any more visits, ask if they maintain such a list.

22nd Jan 2009, 01:51
December 21st, 2012, according to the Mayan calendar.
No need to buy Christmas presents then! :uhoh:

Howard Hughes
22nd Jan 2009, 02:17
(But, sometimes, they head out without checking the list!)
They're making their list, they're checking it twice, they're gonna find out who's naughty or nice...;)

22nd Jan 2009, 05:28
I think that the chinese calendar agrees with the Mayan one too.....


22nd Jan 2009, 07:42
Ahh, the beauty of a remote controlled electric gate and a dog who would love to meet the JWs. Funny, they never come to my door and ask me about my atheist thoughts :}

22nd Jan 2009, 07:54
Very impressed by Pater (when I was about 10) looking mournfully at the Witnesses on our doorstep, saying 'Oh I'm so sorry, but we're Jewish'.
First occasion I knowingly heard him lie..
His response when I tackled him about this 'Well it got rid of them, didn't it?'.:E

Ten West
22nd Jan 2009, 08:21
Apparently, a whole bunch of them sat on a hill outside Plymouth (the original city) during the Cuban missile crisis awaiting the end of the world.

How would they be able to tell? I've been to Plymouth! :bored:

uffington sb
22nd Jan 2009, 08:23

Yes they still do.
I asked them to put me on their not to call list about ten years ago and two called last week just to see if I had changed my mind.
I hadn't, so I'm still on the list and I suggest that if any of you are bothered by them next time they call just ask to be put on the list. It's as easy as that :)

Bern Oulli
22nd Jan 2009, 10:33
Just introduce them to the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I keep a copy handy near the door. They smile until they see the actual book. Works a treat and no need to be rude.

22nd Jan 2009, 11:03
Got nothing against the harmless souls who occasionally pitch up on my doorstep. A couple of minutes of listening to my very fractured Dutch usually has them making excuses to wander off.

Mind you, having worked with a very devout PITA JW in UK way back, and been ripped off in the purchase of an air camera (well north of ten grand) by him, I think my powers of forgiveness far outweigh theirs!

Suppose it serves me right trusting a bloke called Rodney!

22nd Jan 2009, 11:16
We used to have a sticker saying 'Be nice to me - I gave blood today' stuck by the front door. Seems to have done the trick.

22nd Jan 2009, 11:32
I like Wiley's story. I do think carrying a rifle to the front door would work for most situations. Failing that, cocking the weapon has to work.:ok:

Never had a visit from the JWs. But the Mormons are a pest. Never invite them in. My Mother did and a very pleasant conversation ensued. She offered them tea which they refused. They left but I warned her that they would be back. They returned at least twice and we hid until they left. She learned her lesson. The problem with all these annoying people is that they rely on people's basic politeness to get their foot in the door. Frankly we really should tell them to simply eff off. But we don't.

There was a neighbour who was not so polite. He is quite religious in his own eccentric way and invariably drags them in and engages them in a diatribe. Some of the poor souls must suffer PTSD after a visit to him.:)

22nd Jan 2009, 11:46
they rely on people's basic politeness to get their foot in the door

That's really the rub. To come uninvited to my door and ask for my time when I'm enjoying time off at home, or may be in the middle of a project, or even typing on Pprune, is an intrusion. But I don't have a 'no soliciting' sign at the door.

I assume they are decent, well-meaning people, JW and Mormon proselytizers both, or they wouldn't be out doing what they're doing, so I do remain polite while trying to get rid of them on those rare occasions they arrive at my door. I may, if I feel like it, even engage in a spiritual discussion with them, or accept their literature and have a look at it.

Of all life's annoyances, door-to-door soul savers aren't in my top 100, and if they turn even one person from crime or drugs they have done a service to us all, so I'm happy for them to be out there.

22nd Jan 2009, 11:51
Time for a little humour. From an unpublished tome I wrote many years ago about some of the characters I met while serving with Ron (ie Raaf). And yes, it is on thread topic - it does have reference to Jehovah's Witnesses.


When away from home, many married men suffer from the ‘geographical bachelor’ syndrome. In the RAAF Transport Squadrons, the call on departing Richmond for warmer climes with sufferers of this malady was “Gear up, flaps up, wedding rings off.”

Aircrew are probably no different from any visiting firemen when overnighting in some exotic port; they tell ladies outrageous lies about everything from their marital status to their financial situation. As a rule of thumb, it is probably true to say that the bigger the lies, the more pedestrian the man’s situation back in the ‘real’ world.

In the late sixties, a trip to the United States was a real prize. “You can’t go unless you’ve been before,” was one cry the old hands often paraded in front of the newcomers to the squadron. This was an extremely successful line, as the executive pilots - the ones who decided who should go - could quote it and magically find themselves among those best qualified to go.

If it became necessary to send one of the newcomers, even this could be made work to the old hands’ advantage, since someone would have to ‘check him out’ - and who else could do this but someone who had been there before? The co-pilots particularly hated this line, because the check pilot would occupy the co-pilot’s seat, thus cutting out the boggy’s slot on the trip. What particularly galled the boggies was that the new captain being ‘checked out’ had probably done at least one such trip as a senior co-pilot; but the line would be “Oh yes, but that was as a co-pilot. We’d better make sure he can handle it as a captain.”

The States were just great. We, the unlucky, who rarely got to do such trips, would listen wistfully to tales (which surely must have grown in the telling) of the American women. Amazingly, these amazons seemed to want only to drag any visiting Australian off to bed for his whole stay, and would not take no for an answer. They would only let him out of said bed to drive him around to every exotic bar in the city. And in those pre-Paul Keating-the-World’s-Greatest-Treasurer days, the Oz dollar was worth 1.20c U.S.!

Strangely enough, when we did get to do such a flight ourselves, such things never seemed to happen to us. The word was always “You should have been here last night. Tits Malone and ten other birds were in town. (Great rolling of eyes) It was just fantastic!” or “When do leave? In the morning? Ahh, that’s a shame, there’s this fantastic party on tomorrow night.” I’m sure I spent four years flying around the world, twenty-four hours behind the most fantastic party imaginable. I never did manage to catch up with it - and I was not the only one to suffer this fate, for the unofficial 36 Squadron motto was ‘You should have been here last night’.

There was one small group of men who were in great demand by every captain going on a States trip. These were the Warrant Officer Flight Engineers or Loadmasters. (To the uninitiated, a Warrant Officer is the most senior non-commissioned rank - a sort of very senior Sergeant. In the RAAF, a W/O’s rank is a golden eagle worn on the shoulders. In the U.S. forces, a golden eagle is the rank worn by a full Colonel, a ‘bird colonel’ - a very important personage indeed.) Many’s the RAAF Wing Commander who learned that if he wanted a very smooth path through the incredible bureaucracy of the USAF, he took along a W/O - and walked along deferentially one pace behind him.

The stories a married man tells when trying to impress a lady when away on a trip seldom bear close inspection in the cold light of day. However, few get so besotted that they tell the lady their address, however far from home they might be. But one Herc pilot apparently promised the lady he met on one States trip something perhaps a little more permanent than just his undying love. Back from the trip, he returned to his wife in their RAAF married quarter in North Richmond.

The taxpayers of Australia in the sixties and seventies could rest assured that little money was wasted in housing servicemen. Shoeboxes might not be too unkind a description of the average Service married quarter in those days. The kitchen window of this one overlooked the mean front yard and the meaner street.

One weekend a couple of months after returning from his States trip, our man was out watering the poor excuse of a front lawn as his wife worked at the kitchen sink preparing the evening meal. A taxi pulled up in front of his house, and from it, dressed to the nines, stepped his lady love from the last States trip.

Hose in hand, he stood aghast. “What are you doing here?” he croaked, his voice breaking under an emotion every bit as intense, but very different from the one displayed at their last encounter.

The lady said she was here to tell the wife that he was leaving her, just as he had repeatedly said he wanted to do during their wonderful time together in the States.

“Yeah, but that was in the States, this is Australia. Please, please, just GO AWAY.”

The lady would not take no for an answer. (It’s funny how those very traits a man finds endearing in a woman when in geographical bachelor mode can be so downright unendearing when he is home in husband mode, isn’t it?)

The increasingly strident conversation continued up and down the fence line between the two gates as our man tried to convince the lady to depart, and she, equally adamant, wanted to come in to confront the wife. The wife by now was becoming more than a little interested in the scene she could see but not hear through the kitchen window. The potato being peeled had reached the size of a macadamia nut and was fast approaching pea size.

It at last became evident that the American lady was not going to go away unless drastic measures were called into play. Our man turned the hose on her. She got the message, and departed, sodden, to seek a taxi, her opinions of Australian men not known, but easily imagined.

Our man turned the hose off, and severely shaken, went in search of a badly needed beer.

His wife was waiting in the kitchen. “What was that all about?”

Quick thinking was required, and our man proved himself equal to the task. “Bloody Jehovah’s Witnesses,” he replied, “you can’t get rid of them.”

22nd Jan 2009, 12:19
Excellent story, Wiley. :ok::ok:

22nd Jan 2009, 12:59
Strange, but I never have problems with Jehovas Witnesses or Mormons. I have always found that a polite "no thank you, I am not interested" sends them happily on their way. When I was a teenager we had neighbours who were Jehovas Witnesses. They never tried to push their religion, they were in fact just like anyone else. When I go into the local town there are usually a couple of JWs standing near the Coffee House that I use holding Watchtower for everyone to see. They are there Monday to Saturday all year round. They never push people to join them. Every time that I pass them we always say good morning and talk about the weather.I may not agree with their religious views, but I have a sneaking admiration for the way that they stick to their principles.