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Chesty Morgan
5th Jan 2009, 00:28
Erm...:* ..........................

ShyTorque
5th Jan 2009, 00:33
Yorkie bar, anyone? :E

Radar66
5th Jan 2009, 01:38
ooh you popping off to the shops to get them then Shy? would you mind awfully getting me some tampons whilst you're out, there's a love? :}

206Fan
5th Jan 2009, 01:46
Got my yorkie bar right here:E

CityofFlight
5th Jan 2009, 01:52
:D:D:D Spot on, Radz!



Davy, never heard it called that before, but to each his own! :p ;)

206Fan
5th Jan 2009, 01:59
Since you put it like that i had to edit it out lol!

CityofFlight
5th Jan 2009, 02:01
Noooooo! It was funnier before!

mdt001
5th Jan 2009, 02:08
'Bout this extreme ironing business.

Where do you plug yer iron in?

V2-OMG!
5th Jan 2009, 04:29
Is this where we talk about feelings?

Whirlygig
5th Jan 2009, 07:42
'Ere you go ShyT - a couple of Yorkies for us. Now be a love and make the tea so we can dunk them :}

http://veethemonsoon.files.wordpress.com/2006/11/yorkie-pink.gif


http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a228/Whirls/of50590393.jpg

It IS for girls :ok:

Cheers

Whirls

Gordy
5th Jan 2009, 07:57
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Terri. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Terri to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.


Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.


She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.


Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think? For example she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.


When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.


I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Terri. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy.

Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.

However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.


Signed,

Gordy


EDITOR'S NOTE:

Gordy died suddenly on February 7 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Terri was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Gordy, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

x213a
5th Jan 2009, 07:59
I've just farted and 3 people were forced to leave the room:ok:

B Fraser
5th Jan 2009, 08:01
The silly bugger didn't remember to buy his wife a new cooker for Christmas.


Are his remaining golf clubs for sale ?

Gordy
5th Jan 2009, 08:04
The subject of advice columns:

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor girl. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor girl is 22. We have been married for ten years.

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila

******************************

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

Walter

Or better yet:

http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j35/helokat/funnies/ifmenwroteadvicecolumns.jpg

Gordy
5th Jan 2009, 08:08
One more before I go to bed:

LIFE WITH A PILOT

HER Diary:

Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar
to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought
he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so
we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what
was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was
upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept
driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say I
love you too. When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he
wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V.
He seemed distant and absent.

Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed,
and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still
felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else.

He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that
his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HIS Diary:

Made the worst landing of my life today, but at least I got laid.

Standard Noise
5th Jan 2009, 08:47
Manly thread, excellent, let's send the women out for beer and watch porn!:}

ArthurR
5th Jan 2009, 09:18
I did try to read V2-OMG's thread but the first line stumped me " If you're a guy, get outta here. Go open a can of beer ",
shouldn't it be open when she brings it?

BlueDiamond
5th Jan 2009, 09:21
... let's send the women out for beer ...
I'd rather go out for coffee, thanks. http://209.85.12.227/html/emoticons/unsure.gif

Lon More
5th Jan 2009, 10:46
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y204/Badyin/cyclists.gif

Storminnorm
5th Jan 2009, 10:50
Not a Yorkie bar in sight Lon.
Yorkie bars are for Poofs anyhow!

DAL208
5th Jan 2009, 11:22
Bet that girl in the middle felt a right tit when she was the only one not to be wearing a white thong

Storminnorm
5th Jan 2009, 11:26
Hope elf & safety don't see that, not a single helmet or
elbow/knee pad to be seen!

Foss
5th Jan 2009, 11:30
What would you need elbow pads for?

Storminnorm
5th Jan 2009, 11:32
Good point Foss, cancel elbow pads then!

goudie
5th Jan 2009, 11:51
Wish I'd worn knee pads in me 'active' days/nights, they were the second thing to go.
Re. the bikers, how do they do that?
And now that the Manly thread has a pic of some *ss might as well call it a day.

angels
5th Jan 2009, 11:54
goudie - yes old boy, same here. All that crawling around on all fours after too much to drink eh!!

That is what you're talking about innit??

Storminnorm
5th Jan 2009, 11:59
What was the first thing to go goudie?

goudie
5th Jan 2009, 12:02
Yes it could have been the drink Angels but then being a gentleman my elbows aren't too good either, so I blame 'the other' thingy.

Can't remember Norm!

MadsDad
5th Jan 2009, 12:05
What would you need elbow pads for?Saves on carpet burns.

Storminnorm
5th Jan 2009, 12:07
What were we talking about goudie?

goudie
5th Jan 2009, 12:20
Dunno Norm, you started it.

angels
5th Jan 2009, 13:02
Ooer.

A colleague points me to the Daily Star -- not a paper I read usually.

It says in there today that those clever Japanese have invented a camera with a speed so fast it can take a picture of a lady with her mouth shut....:eek:

Foss
5th Jan 2009, 13:40
Angels
:D

ShyTorque
5th Jan 2009, 14:44
ooh you popping off to the shops to get them then Shy? would you mind awfully getting me some tampons whilst you're out, there's a love?

Certainly. You going rock climbing? :)

goudie
5th Jan 2009, 14:55
Angels, have you informed the ladies of this wonderful invention? I think they should know.

Radar66
5th Jan 2009, 14:55
very good Shy! :D:ok:

Chesty Morgan
5th Jan 2009, 16:23
Bet that girl in the middle felt a right tit when she was the only one not to be wearing a white thong

Not only did she forget to get dressed she also neglected to remove her 'bottom bung'.

Also, the one on the far right seems to have some form of motorised seat. I can only assume that this helps to improve efficiency when cycling...which is cheating.:suspect:

V2-OMG!
5th Jan 2009, 19:20
I did try to read V2-OMG's thread but the first line stumped me " If you're a guy, get outta here. Go open a can of beer ",
shouldn't it be open when she brings it?

Shall I turn on the telly and scratch those nutters too? Would you like all three consecutive to the opening/bringing of the beer, or perhaps you would enjoy it more concurrently?

If it's the latter, since I only have two hands, there are a myriad of possibilities:
- hold the beer in my mouth like a labrador retriever, thus freeing both hands for the telly remote and nut scratching
- use one hand for the beer and the other hand for the nut scratching, then turn on the telly remote with my big toe
- use one hand for the beer and the other hand for the telly remote, thus freeing-up the big toe for the nut scratching.

Foss
5th Jan 2009, 19:34
Shall I turn on the telly and scratch those nutters too? Would you like all three consecutively,

Is that not two things? Blokes are good at counting to two. We have two balls, girls have two boobs, we have two hands, it all matches and sticks in our minds

V2-OMG!
5th Jan 2009, 19:39
Is that not two things? Blokes are good at counting to two. We have two balls, girls have two boobs, we have two hands, it all matches and sticks in our minds

This is getting complicated.

(See edit of my last reply.)

Alloa Akbar
5th Jan 2009, 20:11
Not really.. just send ouit for KFC, crack open a cold one and then enjoy a feckin good fart, it'll all seem better after that!! :ok:

Lon More
5th Jan 2009, 20:43
I gave you the bums, now it's the


http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y204/Badyin/tts.gif

goudie
5th Jan 2009, 20:56
Well guys, 40 odd threads and as yet no mention of that industrious, furry builder of dams, but we're getting close!

Lon More
5th Jan 2009, 21:00
http://archiearchive.files.wordpress.com/2007/02/shaving-beaver.jpg

Blues&twos
5th Jan 2009, 22:15
not a single helmet.....to be seen!

However Stormin, if the pic had bee taken in Bangkok......

goudie
5th Jan 2009, 23:21
Lon, knew we could rely on you. What else we gonna talk about now?

Standard Noise
5th Jan 2009, 23:43
Let's sing along instead.......
YouTube - Rodney Carrington - Titties & Beer (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=0ylRplLnU84)

bnt
6th Jan 2009, 00:45
Any blokes here tried male cosmetics? I'm thinking of the ones here (http://www.taxicosmetics.com/taxi_guyliner.asp), which include Guyliner and Manscara. :ouch:

Chesty Morgan
6th Jan 2009, 00:47
bnt, may I refer you to this thread:}

http://www.pprune.org/jet-blast/356879-pprune-crossdressers-thread-all-welcome-2.html#post4630116

Lon More
6th Jan 2009, 02:04
knew we could rely on you
Thanks for the compliment (?)

I've often been described as having a mind like a Welsh railway - one track and dirty.

Lon More
6th Jan 2009, 10:36
Actually his first cousin, ten times removed. Badyin MacFadyin, the malky Corpy bus driver from "The Big Yin" strip in the Sunday Record many years ago.

Photobucket seems to be having a bit of a go at me recently, Even pretty innocent things get deleted. Wonder how it works. Do people complain?

goudie
6th Jan 2009, 14:09
I knew it! Now we've had mention of some bums, tits and beavers on the thread we've all lost interest.
Anyone for a beer?

BTW The ladies are now discussing the best method of chopping off willies.
I think a manly resurrection is called for!

singaporegirl
6th Jan 2009, 17:13
While scratching your nuts, you might like to ponder this (http://www.datadictionaryadmin.scot.nhs.uk/isddd/30851.html). Lichenification?? :ooh:

ShyTorque
6th Jan 2009, 17:45
A rolling stone gathers no moss..... :)

Paradise Lost
6th Jan 2009, 19:08
I met a bird in the pub last night and she took me home and asked me to make love to her like they do in the movies. I gave her one up the ar*e, came on her face and said "take that b*tch"
Judging by her reaction she doesn't watch the same movies as me.........

Storminnorm
6th Jan 2009, 19:32
It's interesting about the ladies discussing chopping off willies.
Just reinforces my view that they're not happy at having to
SQUAT every time they go to the toilet! :rolleyes::rolleyes:

B Fraser
6th Jan 2009, 20:00
Badyin MacFadyin, the malky Corpy bus driver from "The Big Yin" strip in the Sunday Record many years ago.

Ahhhhh, the memories. There was Ra Wee Man and Leeza Lane, a rerr perr o' stoaters.

shedhead
6th Jan 2009, 22:38
and not forgetting the chooky embra!

bnt
6th Jan 2009, 22:45
bnt, may I refer you to this thread:}

http://www.pprune.org/jet-blast/356879-pprune-crossdressers-thread-all-welcome-2.html#post4630116
Well, I thought of that, but these... products are being aimed at "real men", allegedly. Does that mean the female cosmetic market is, um, tapped out? The only use I might find for a "Guyliner" pencil is as something to stick in a mugger's eye. ;)

Beatriz Fontana
8th Jan 2009, 12:53
What the hell is a 'real man' anyway? :}

And why, lads, does beer taste better at altitude?

goudie
8th Jan 2009, 14:14
And why, lads, does beer taste better at altitude?


I think it's something to do with being on the piste

Storminnorm
8th Jan 2009, 14:30
Or falling off the piste?

Whirlygig
8th Jan 2009, 15:20
What the hell is a 'real man' anyway?
A bit like "real ale"; warm, not full of gas, a good head and slightly bitter :}

Cheers

Whirls

goudie
8th Jan 2009, 15:30
............... much appreciated in the right hands and goes down a real treat.

Beatriz Fontana
8th Jan 2009, 15:34
... and depends upon personal taste?? :}

Flap 5
10th Jan 2009, 09:06
............... much appreciated in the right hands and goes down a real treat.

... and what about the left hand?

Just thought I'd bring this up close to the other thread again. Interesting that men start a thread where ladies are welcome but women start one where men are not welcome. Sign of the times?

Edited for grammar.

Howard Hughes
10th Jan 2009, 09:10
but women start one where men we are not welcome.
Like that stopped us!:E

Beatriz Fontana
10th Jan 2009, 10:09
Flap 5,

Twas done in jest, but I agree, such segregation is not of the 2000 age, not even at the 19th Hole anymore!

BTW, I'm ambidexrous :eek:

max1
10th Jan 2009, 11:29
Coincidence or not .
24 beers in a carton,24 hours in a day.

I started reading the girly thread, got bored after 2 pages.
But what is this thing about different sized tampons in a packet?
It's got me stuffed.

Chesty Morgan
10th Jan 2009, 13:00
Flap 5, I only started this thread due to a bit of insomnia induced boredom, just to see what happened really.

Interesting that men start a thread where ladies are welcome but women start one where men are not welcome

You will note however, that I did specify "ladies" welcome so I'm not sure how there have been so many contributions from the fairer sex.:E

goudie
10th Jan 2009, 14:48
a thread where ladies are welcome


All women want to be wanted................they don't all want to be had!

Radar66
10th Jan 2009, 16:53
A very wise and a very true comment sire! :)