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View Full Version : British Boys need someone to hold their umm, hand while urinating!


Peter Fanelli
27th Dec 2008, 10:27
From Foxnews.com


Parents of newly toilet-trained boys should take a few simple steps to keep their sons' penises safe when they go to the bathroom, a team of UK urologists advises.
There's evidence that crush injuries due to falling toilet seats may be on the rise, Dr. Joe Philip of Leighton Hospital in Crewe and colleagues warn in a letter in BJU (British Journal of Urology) International.
While he and his colleagues typically see just one or two such cases a year, if any, Philip told Reuters Health, they treated four different two- to four-year-old boys with penile crush injuries in the past several months.
"Thankfully all of the four had only the foreskin swelling, but obviously there's a lot of anxiety for the parents and the kids," Philip said. All of the boys were kept in the hospital overnight until they were able to urinate, but none of them suffered lasting physical damage, he added.
In each case, the youngster was trying to urinate on his own and had lifted the toilet seat, only to have it fall back down. An industry report states that wooden toilet seats are becoming more popular as a possible explanation for the increase in injuries.

Philip and his colleagues offer the following tips to help families of young boys prevent these injuries from happening:
Install "soft fall" toilet seats in every bathroom in the home, and ban heavy toilet seats made of wood or ceramic from homes with young boys.
Leave the toilet seat up at all times, until all of the boys in the household can hold the seat up on their own.
Supervise children every time they visit the bathroom.
Constant supervision can be difficult, Philip conceded, especially during holiday gatherings when a youngster may steal off on his own to demonstrate his newly-found skill. "Children want to show that they are independent," he said.

You have got to be kidding me, is this another example of British health and safety gone mad?


Banning certain seats from houses with young boys???
Supervised urination????
Maybe this is a case for women to be required by law to raise and secure the seat when they are finished.

:eek: :{ :(

Takan Inchovit
27th Dec 2008, 10:54
And its about time, ive been getting hammered by heavy wooden toilet seats for years. :*

BlueDiamond
27th Dec 2008, 10:59
... none of them suffered lasting physical damage, he added.
Bit like the broken arms, cuts, bruises and all the other fully-healing injuries that all kids manage to inflict upon themselves then. Or are we also going to stop children from riding bikes, climbing trees, playing cricket, falling down stairs, playing on swings ... and the thousand and one other things that children do that result in injuries on a daily basis. The Brits are sadly becoming a nation of utter wimps who cannot tell the difference between due care and complete over-the-top idiocy. I can see the time coming when children will live their lives in padded rooms until they are well into their teens for fear they might catch a cold or cut their finger..

ORAC
27th Dec 2008, 11:06
If you prick us do we not bleed? :sad::sad:

Takan Inchovit
27th Dec 2008, 11:09
Bluey: Have you ever had your schlong donged by a heavy wooden lid?

BlueDiamond
27th Dec 2008, 11:31
Nope, TI, but I've had plenty of injuries, some of which caused me to pass out with the pain and some of which DID result in permanent damage. It's only pain and it goes away.

You guys make a big fuss about the littlest things ... :E

goudie
27th Dec 2008, 11:47
You guys make a big fuss about the littlest things


That hurt!

BlueDiamond
27th Dec 2008, 11:58
http://209.85.12.227/12099/121/emo/PMSL.gif

Krystal n chips
27th Dec 2008, 12:15
The Brits are sadly becoming a nation of utter wimps who cannot tell the difference between due care and complete over-the-top idiocy. I can see the time coming when children will live their lives in padded rooms until they are well into their teens for fear they might catch a cold or cut their finger..

Bluey,
A very astute comment there.:ok:.....and so are many adults as well .....although quite a few should reside in a padded room anyway. :E

So, back to the topic in hand....although on second thoughts, this being a family site, it's probably best not to discuss the concept of the Nurse, 5in.heels,ff seamed stockings, rubber gloves and..............:ooh::E

Peter Fanelli
27th Dec 2008, 12:34
Maybe the Brits need to switch to the classic Australian outdoor long drop dunny.
No lids, just an appropriate shaped hole in the plank.
I guess then they'd start whining about the splinters.
:{

Avitor
27th Dec 2008, 12:45
You can't blame "The Brits" We Brits are having to put up with this utter dross. :bored:

CUNIM
27th Dec 2008, 12:46
Yeah, and what about the red backs, they can bite yer bum. Nothing quite like crossing a field in the dark of night to go to the dunny with small torch.

Gnirren
27th Dec 2008, 12:48
As long as you wear your high-vis vest you will be safe.

Healf and safeti innit mate :D

frostbite
27th Dec 2008, 12:50
Those sharp knives and pointy forks sticking up from the kitchen sink can be a bit of a hazard too.

Dushan
27th Dec 2008, 13:24
You have got to be kidding me, is this another example of British health and safety gone mad?

This sounds like the "sit-down-to-pee" brigade showing the dangers of not doing so. Just ask chuks how it works.

sisemen
27th Dec 2008, 13:27
If it helps to do away with those feminist loo seats that will not stay up then I'm all for it.

There are certain seats (chiefly the wooden variety) which will not stay up no matter what. As a 6ft bloke I find it hard enough to hold the seat up with a knee whilst trying to maintain aim. Goodness only knows what a 4 year old thinks when the whole damned shooting match whacks down on his donger. :{

Feminists have a lot to answer for I tell you :=

LordGrumpy
27th Dec 2008, 13:37
From my perspective the "sit-down-to-pee" need to be considered.

One. When in the cruise at 35,000 feet. It is far more comfortable and less likely to cause spillage if a chap is sitting.
Two. What is the effect of urine on the machinations of an aircraft?
Three. Turbulance. Do we have accident figures for those tossed about in airliners?

Yours sincerely
Willy Aimstraight

419
27th Dec 2008, 13:38
Philip told Reuters Health, they treated four different two- to four-year-old boys with penile crush injuries in the past several months

Exactly. 4 different boys.
It's not the sort of thing you'd do more than once, and provided there is no lasting damage, I'd say it's a good lesson in taking care of your important bits.

No_Speed_Restriction
27th Dec 2008, 14:05
Three. Turbulance. Do we have accident figures for those tossed about in airliners?

Arent they normally situated whilst tucked under blankets sitting in economy?

cockney steve
27th Dec 2008, 14:14
Ladies and gentlemen,
I hereby propose the British Government should be petitioned to make the fitting of the long-neglected gap-front seat mandatory.

Yours respectfully,

Ivor Massy- Vampton.

S'land
27th Dec 2008, 14:29
Yeah, and what about the red backs, they can bite yer bum. Nothing quite like crossing a field in the dark of night to go to the dunny with small torch.

It is a great shame that the bite of the red back is so painful. If it was painless the swelling would be much appreciated.

Cornish Jack
27th Dec 2008, 14:46
True story, related by the father.

Many years ago, when Married Quarters loos had wooden seats which weighed a ton and wouldn't stay up, a young Flt Lt's lad had just been checked out on the big loo to go solo. A short while after entering said loo, there was loud bang followed by horrendous screams and the appearance of one howling toddler. Much parental solicitous enquiring about what happened elicited the obvious. Mummy tried desperately to comfort young son "It'll be alright, darling, it'll be alright". "No. no. mummy, it hurts, it hurts, please kiss it better!" ..... "You get more like your father every day!", said Mum.

Beatriz Fontana
27th Dec 2008, 14:55
Blimey, it's a quiet news day when the world's media gets upset about a scientist basing evidence on FOUR cases. Who sponsored the research? Makers of slow lowering loo seats?

What complete and utter tosh. How many people suffered injuries over Christmas? Quick, ban Christmas!!

Leave the loo seat down and improve your aim, lads, or sit down. Gawd, 'elp us.. :}

OFSO
27th Dec 2008, 15:13
...just for the men among us, has anyone else noticed how the toilet seat in the forward wc won't stay up in a 737NG at cruise ? You hafta hold the seat up with the left hand and aim your schlong with your right.....

Do Boeing never consider these matters ?

Scrubbed
27th Dec 2008, 18:33
I've had plenty of injuries, some of which caused me to pass out with the pain

Pass out from pain?? That only happens in the movies.

just for the men among us, has anyone else noticed how the toilet seat in the forward wc won't stay up in a 737NG at cruise ? You hafta hold the seat up with the left hand and aim your schlong with your right.....

If it's a 737 then pretty short sectors. Just aim your best through the centre of the seat. You'll be on the ground soon enough and the cleaners'll sort it out... :ok: or do what I do: hold seat with one hand, and let your map of Africa hang over the centre of the seat free-style, other hand on your hip like Ron Jeremy.......

lexxity
27th Dec 2008, 19:31
Pass out from pain?? That only happens in the movies.

Oh no it doesn't. I can attest that I passed out earlier this year due to, not an accident, but a hideous noro bug. I hit my head off the door frame as I went down. :{:ouch:

Gordy
27th Dec 2008, 20:05
So I have accepted that maybe it is easier to just leave the toilet seat down…....
Men and the Morning Pee

It’s rare for us guys to ever hit what were aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I’ll make sure I hit something. You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men’s penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I’m telling ya those little buggers can’t be trusted.

After all these years, I have now resigned myself to this: I no longer pee like a man – standing up. I now sit down and pee. I have been convinced that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise if one more woman goes to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she is going to kill me in my sleep.

Now another thing us guys don’t usually like to talk about, I might as well be candid with you because it’s a real problem, and you ladies need to be understanding. It’s the dreaded “Morning wood”. Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can’t get that thing to bend, and if it don’t bend you can’t aim, well hell, if you can’t aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet.

And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the friggin’ toilet seat won’t stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to control ourselves for that perfect aim.

Now sometimes, when you’re newly married, (and I know the guys in here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie.

So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it’s just not safe. I tried to delicately explain this morning situation once, to a woman. I told her… ”look, it won’t bend”. She said, “Sit down like we told you to do all the rest of the time.” OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with “morning wood”. Well it’s is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the room. Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.

I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying superman position lying over the toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it’s the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee.

So you ladies have to understand that we men are not totally to blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control. It’s not our fault, it’s just Mother Nature. Now, if it was Father Nature, there wouldn’t have been a problem!!!

ShyTorque
27th Dec 2008, 20:21
It's best to get someone else's Mum to assist... :E

btw, Gordy, your problem appears to be that the bathroom is too short..

Beatriz Fontana
27th Dec 2008, 20:28
We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control.

No, no complaints. Merely the menfolk should clean up after themselves. After all, who would have a bloke in the household AND carpet in the bathroom... :eek:

Gordy
27th Dec 2008, 20:34
btw, Gordy, your problem appears to be that the bathroom is too short..

Maybe this would be the way:


http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j35/helokat/22309-1f.jpg

ExSp33db1rd
27th Dec 2008, 20:59
Father, to daughters' boy-friend: When you brought my daughter home last night, did you write your name in the snow on the front garden by - er, urinating on it ?

Sorry, sir, it was a cold night and I'd had quite a lot to drink, and really couldn't wait until I got home.

That's OK, but it was my daughters handwriting ! :ok:

birrddog
27th Dec 2008, 21:12
Thanks Gordy, I know have pink lemonade all over my screen and keyboard, stomach cramps and Mrs Birrddog wanting to know what all the commotion is about :D

Peter Fanelli
27th Dec 2008, 21:34
Great stuff there Gordy.

The "Morning Wood" seems to be a problem there is no solution for in the bathroom, maybe the women would prefer it if we just took the morning wood out into the garden.

piggybank
27th Dec 2008, 23:37
A painfull incident I saw here in Indonesia years back was a young relative winding a push bike pedal backwards. Like with a lot of two year olds underwear was optional, and he had none. He ended up with his willy trapped in between the pedal cog and the chain. That hurt! No damage done, no doctor, but it definitely had a lot of accompanying noise and yelling.

Takan Inchovit
28th Dec 2008, 09:07
You guys make a big fuss about the littlest things ...

Bluey ... my little petal, it never used to be so small. :suspect:

S'land
28th Dec 2008, 13:43
Thank you very much for that post piggybank. A cold shudder ran through me as I read it. I am now sitting in a very uncomfortable position with legs crossed.

BlueDiamond
28th Dec 2008, 15:19
... it never used to be so small.
Wearing away, TI? http://209.85.12.227/12099/121/emo/PMSL.gif

Davaar
28th Dec 2008, 15:23
"sit-down-to-pee" brigade

Brigade? That many? And it all began with the monstrous regiment of women!

P.S.

btw, Gordy, your problem appears to be that the bathroom is too short..


Don't think so, Shy Torque. Look again.

Last edited by Gordy : Yesterday at 20:08. Reason: Paragraph formatting
.

Polikarpov
28th Dec 2008, 18:15
The "Morning Wood" seems to be a problem there is no solution for in the bathroom

Apparently the morning wood (and random wood around seven or eight times a night during sleep) is part of a natural maintenance cycle to keep ones todger regularly oxygenated and in good working order.

So less a problem, more of a blessing!

Beatriz Fontana
28th Dec 2008, 18:26
Depends what - or who - you're pointing it at at the time.... :ok:

OK, getting me coat...

Gordy
28th Dec 2008, 19:09
Heard in bedrooms all over:

"If thats your elbow--turn around---if not--I'm turning around..."

Peter Fanelli
1st Jan 2009, 00:57
Gordy, needed a smile so I just reread your post and thought of another issue you haven't covered there, that being the dreaded bifurcated stream just when you think you have the aim nailed. Not so bad if the spread is narrow, but if it's a wide spread there's just no hope for containing it in the bowl.

frostbite
1st Jan 2009, 13:15
So it's not just me who wonders if I've been fitted with a showerhead overnight!

goudie
1st Jan 2009, 16:14
I've been peeing for nigh on 72 years and only now am I learning how not to do it!

S'land
1st Jan 2009, 16:27
Perhaps the young should be made to play this:
Flash » Piss-Off (http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/pissoff)