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Alloa Akbar
23rd Dec 2008, 14:18
There are several things about this time of year that get right on my tits and I want to have a spleen venting sesh..

'Appy Crimbo

Which bad speaking thieving gypsy scouse git came up with this phrase? It gets right on my feckin' wick.

TARGET SUPERSTORES ALABAMA - Why the flying yellow rubbery fcuk are you selling Valentines cards???:*

CADBURY - Get those infernal cream friggin eggs back in their box until easter you bunch of w*****rs!

PEOPLE CALLED "Noel" - Stop sending Christmas cards with "NOEL" on the front, the comedy factor has diminished, you are boring me now.

Marks and Fcuking Spencer - You are costing me a fortune ye bastaads with your "Christmas Pudding Cheesecake" and your smoked salmon in all its finery and poncey garnish.. leave it out, and can I have a bog standard turkey instead of one seasoned with dried south panamanian fertility fly wings, and stuffed with the the hanging gardens on baby - bleedin - lon.

Old People - Tesco's is only shut for one day you senile old bats, why in the name of all thats holy do you feel the need to load your trolley like a bloody mumbai bus, and proceeed to sabotage an otherwise meaningless trip to the supermarket for a packet of sarnies and a coke at lunchtime:ugh: Its not a friggin car boot sale you old gits!

ITV - I have seen ET and Die Hard more times than I have seen my own friggin toilet bowl, I don't cry at ET and the bit in Die Hard when he says "Ho Ho Ho, now I have a gun" is no longer funny.. Show something new.. if you must do re-runs how about something light hearted like "Love thy neighbour", risque like "Deep throat" or "Caligula" spectacularly perverse in an arty "Helen Mirren's baps" kind of way..


By the Way, Merry Feckin Christmas you b'stards!:ok:

Beatriz Fontana
23rd Dec 2008, 14:22
'Bout time the Mods made the Rant Thread a sticky again.... how about a Christmas rant thread?

Ho ho Humbug... :}

frostbite
23rd Dec 2008, 14:33
While we're having a go - bloody Morrisons!

My one regular treat, real cream chocolate eclairs, none! Instead, the display stuffed full of unappealing small 'gateau' at around £7 a time.

So I won't be having a cream cake with my fish & chips on Xmas day. Thanks for nothing.

Lon More
23rd Dec 2008, 14:38
Too bloody true AA

I needed two more serious Christmas Cards - aged relatives ( Don't think "Times are tough, Times are hard, Here's your 'kin' Christmas card" would have gone down too well) Tesco's shelves almost empty, everything reduced 50% (yeah right) except what I wanted; finally found a couple for £1.50 each.

419
23rd Dec 2008, 15:06
Not to forget my local Shell petrol station.

I have to drive in, fill up my car, then queue for 10 minutes to because of all the people stocking up on Christmas food. (it's a bloody PETROL station). If you want food, go to a supermarket.

Then they have a plastic tupperware box beside each till "Thank you for your Christmas tips".

Tips!!. What the **** have they done to deserve a tip?. Why not ask their bosses at Shell (last years profits £25 billion) for a bloody Christmas tip.

Lon More
23rd Dec 2008, 15:15
Here's a Christmas tip for them - buy oil company shares, but only in the short term

Alloa Akbar
23rd Dec 2008, 15:15
"Thank you for your Christmas tips


Tip: Don't eat yellow snow.

Beatriz Fontana
23rd Dec 2008, 15:24
Have you ever noticed that the fortnight before Christmas the binmen become terribly courteous and always clean up after themselves...? I couldn't possibly suggest that this may be related to the demand - sorry, expectation - of Christmas boxes. :E

Alloa Akbar
23rd Dec 2008, 15:34
demand - sorry, expectation - of Christmas boxes.

Naa love, its more related to you putting your wheely bin out while still dressed in your nightie.. and you thought they didn't see you..:p

Beatriz Fontana
23rd Dec 2008, 15:41
Ah, you know how to flatter AA. I do look rather fetching in an oversized t-shirt and a bed head, but such sights are for the privileged... :O

Mr_Grubby
23rd Dec 2008, 15:50
And what about all these bl**dy Christmas records that get dragged out every year. Noddy bl**dy Holder and Slade. 'It's Christmas' I know it frigging well is. If I ever meet him I'd like to stuff his tiresome record right up where the sun don't shine.

C.:mad::mad::mad:

birrddog
23rd Dec 2008, 17:05
The thing that drives me f:mad:ing nuts, especially in the US, is being afraid to wish someone "Merry Christmas", as not to offend their religious standpoint.

Happy F'ing Holidays instead... argh! Whoever thought of that?

They have no problem accepting a bloody Christmas Gift, so what is so wrong with saying "Merry F'ing Christmas, you plonker!" ?!?

As you can tell, this hardly winds me up, ever, hardly, honest...

:ugh:

Mr Grubby, thanks for putting that Slade song in my head, I'm going to be seeing it all bloody day now.. :yuk:

Loki
23rd Dec 2008, 17:08
What really hacks me off is having to pretend to like Christmas so I don`t offend anyone (despite it being what I really do best).

Foxy Loxy
23rd Dec 2008, 17:15
I just wish the whole event could be postponed by a fortnight this year..... Moving from Essex to Cornwall a few days after. Christmas shopping - ha! If I couldn't obtain gifts on Leigh Broadway, they were not obtained at all.

I now refuse to go out to buy any more than I need now on account of this stinker of a :mad: cold !

merlinxx
23rd Dec 2008, 18:38
Enjoy Nequk, tis a splendid place gerl , cept corse for the feckwit tourists.:ok:

General_Kirby
23rd Dec 2008, 19:48
How about stopping at the services for a sarnie and a wee and finding a swarm of half wits wandering aimlessly and staring around vacantly seemingly doing their Christmas shopping in the M&S at Keele services?? And then walking very slowly in front of you, then stopping, then moving slowly again. ARGH!! I mean come on. GET A GRIP! Merry Christmas.

brickhistory
23rd Dec 2008, 20:16
Based on the general miserableness of most Euro, but especially British, ppruners, especially at Christmas, I now have a greater understanding of why the Pilgrims, various indentured slaves, er, servants, scoundrels, gold diggers, and the like were chomping at the bit to leave.

Despite having to endure, in many cases not surviving, the harrowing multi-week trip across the cold Atlantic in little more than a high sided dinghy, they knew it was better than putting up with the unending complaining of home.







Merry Christmas!

TRC
23rd Dec 2008, 21:08
brickhistory.

The thing that pisses me off most about Christmas is the unrelenting commercialism. It starts in late September ffs!

I somehow think it might be the fault of the descendents of "the Pilgrims, various indentured slaves, er, servants, scoundrels, gold diggers, and the like were chomping at the bit to leave."

N'est pas?

Dushan
23rd Dec 2008, 21:18
brickhistory.

The thing that pisses me off most about Christmas is the unrelenting commercialism. It starts in late September ffs!

I somehow think it might be the fault of the descendents of "the Pilgrims, various indentured slaves, er, servants, scoundrels, gold diggers, and the like were chomping at the bit to leave."

N'est pas?

But at least you can't blame the French

Garethbmw
23rd Dec 2008, 21:21
Bloody postman came the other day whislting very loud in that give me a tip manner.Bone idol shiftless git doesnt normaly stir his arse till after lunch the rest of the year! i might just rub a mince pie round the dogs back side and give it him if he's lucky then send a photo of it to the sorting office next year.

TRC
23rd Dec 2008, 21:22
But at least you can't blame the French


Why not?

We can blame them for ANYTHING.

It's bound to be their fault somehow.

Beatriz Fontana
23rd Dec 2008, 21:22
Relentless commercialism, how right you are, TRC. I don't need gift packs of casserole mix, or mini bottles of whiskey in a ton of packaging, or a nightie with a reindeer on it (see post 10). And if people really have to travel on the motorways to visit the rellies, I would be really grateful if you would refresh yourselves with the rules of the motorway, i.e. the middle lane is for overtaking, not hogging at 55mph and to maintain your car so the wretched thing doesn't break down and cause a ten mile tailback. :ugh:

Although the gift of a 3ft tall soft toy penguin (thanks dad!) has immense comedy value :ok:

TRC
23rd Dec 2008, 21:34
Although the gift of a 3ft tall soft toy penguin (thanks dad!) has immense comedy value


Er...... Have you:

Opened your presents early
Any intention of telling us why such a thing is so amusing
Discovered if this 3ft penguin is male or female

Radar66
23rd Dec 2008, 21:42
Feeling a bit frustrated with life, the world and the universe are we then Ally petal? :}

Beatriz Fontana
23rd Dec 2008, 21:43
TRC,

1: Nope. I don't celebrate Christmas. Instead it's Yuletide, which kicks off with present opening on the 21st December and 12 days of over-indulgence thereafter.

2: Working with the British military as I do, such a penguin is amusing. I fear if I take it in to work it will be kidnapped and appear in Afghanistan on our next deployment...

3: That's a good question. I have absolutely no idea. It's got great feet, though.

TRC
23rd Dec 2008, 21:47
Beatriz

I am with you with the hoo-haa on the 21st.

Sod Christmas.

May I join you for the 2009 solstice and give each other a good thrashing with the nettles?

Please say yes......

TRC
23rd Dec 2008, 21:51
Beatriz

p.s.

I've got nice feet too.. :O

Beatriz Fontana
23rd Dec 2008, 21:54
By all means, TRC, the more the merrier! It's a great place to be. Whinge all you like about Christmas without the hypocrisy of celebrating, er, Christmas.

Leave the nettles at home, though, my friend, just bring a bottle :ok:

B Fraser
23rd Dec 2008, 22:10
We're past the winter solstice and now the nights are fer drawin oot eh Alloa ? You can't get Morcambe and Wise in Allybammy so just be bloody grateful.

If however you're over here enjoying the exchange rate (as you are paid in dollars you jammy fecker), I have a bottle of Rosebank which I need to empty so your assistance would be appreciated.

Don't forget, the Easter eggs will be in the shops any day soon.

Beatriz Fontana
23rd Dec 2008, 22:13
B Fraser,

Probably worth telling yourself and young Alloa that, dare I say....

... I saw fresh hot cross buns in my local Tesco this evening...

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

Garethbmw
23rd Dec 2008, 22:15
On the upside there will be no MFI adverts straight after crimbo this year.What do they think we do with our sofas over christmas that we need hammering with ads for new ones.

Radar66
23rd Dec 2008, 22:20
Hey beef - how's the young'un's first 'appy crimbo going over da bridge then?

:E

B Fraser
24th Dec 2008, 07:30
Mayhem and chaos Madame Radz :hmm: Last Christmas, I awoke to find a deer trapped in the garden. Santa must have lost an engine.

Remember, a dog is not just for Christmas. In South Korea, they make it last until Boxing day.

heli_port
24th Dec 2008, 07:35
I hate christmas altogether! just aload of religious mumbo jumbo that has been hijacked by corporate entities.

http://www.christmas-corner.com/images/christmas-smileys/merrychristmas.gif

Alloa Akbar
24th Dec 2008, 07:59
Mr F - Am up north enjoying the bright lights of Alloa:ok:

Radar- As if I would grumble so, without good reason!!

Bea- how could you possibly resist the temptation to take said hot cross bun and ram it straight up their...

denis555
24th Dec 2008, 08:06
I hate both;

Happy Holidays!

and

'Tis the Season!

:ugh::ugh::yuk:

Merry Christmas to you all.

Ps Little Denis555 is scared of the Coca-Cola Santa in the ad where he meets the little girl throughout her life - he looks like a face-lifted pervert:sad:

Bushfiva
24th Dec 2008, 08:36
Coca-Cola Santa is indeed scary. Has a strange waxy face that turns out to be, well, wax when the little girl he's abducted finally manages to escape by hiding in the Aga and tricking him into clambering in after her. "My face, my face, it's melllllllltinggggg" as she scrambles out, slams the door shut and shovels more coal in.

Beatriz Fontana
24th Dec 2008, 13:03
Alloa, said buns were on special offer, too. Upon reflection, I really should've bought them for some firey sacrifice on the beach a la The Wicker Man as a protest against the sheer audacity of the uberstore concerned.

Grrr.

:*

mr fish
24th Dec 2008, 13:41
the missus went out for some last minute shopping at 7 this morning,"can i get you anything" she says, "yeah, acouple of fresh cream doughnuts" says i.
"no cream doughnuts so i got you some egg custards" she says.
RIGHT, THATS IT.
CANCEL CHRISTMAS, SELL THE KIDS, I'M LEAVING THE THICK BITCH.
ITS ALL GONE TO POT:{

Flying Lawyer
24th Dec 2008, 14:10
Link to probably the most amazing Christmas broadcast since the angels broadcast news of Christ's birth to the shepherds -

Christmas Eve 1968 (http://nssdc.gsfc.nasa.gov/planetary/image/as8_genesis1a.mov)



Happy Christmas to all.


FL

frostbite
24th Dec 2008, 14:24
"no cream doughnuts"

Sounds like my local Morrisons yesterday - none of the usual cakes to be seen.

Storminnorm
24th Dec 2008, 15:50
I find the Apollo 8 broadcast is still a moving moment in history.

Pity about the cream buns though!

We do get some "interesting" contrasts on PPrune.

Flame Lily FX
24th Dec 2008, 15:55
I am a Jewish Princess so it is off to a Chinese restaurant tomorrow!

What "happy holidays" rant?:p

:ok:

ATNotts
24th Dec 2008, 16:16
Getting back to the "Happy Holidays" topic - why does the front page of Google (http://www.google.co.uk) have to wish me "Happy Holidays"??

By all means do that on google.com (for our American friends) but for us is it CHRISTMAS!!!!

Have a good one!!!

birrddog
24th Dec 2008, 16:24
ATNotts, if you read the other thread on JB re UK becoming a secular state (and it being a good thing), you too will get start enjoying "Happy Holidays" for a few years, before it becomes happy Ramadan and you have to join Mr Draper down the local Mosque ;)

As they say, be careful what you ask for, as you might just get it!

Dushan
24th Dec 2008, 18:37
Link to probably the most amazing Christmas broadcast since the angels broadcast news of Christ's birth to the shepherds -

Christmas Eve 1968 (http://nssdc.gsfc.nasa.gov/planetary/image/as8_genesis1a.mov)



Happy Christmas to all.


FL

Try that today, and you will be hauled off in front of some human "rights" commission.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

Benjybh
24th Dec 2008, 19:34
Haven't seen a thread like this so far, but if I am being a numpty please merge! Anyway, thanks for the forum and all it's contributors. Have a very Merry Christmas all of you!

http://i129.photobucket.com/albums/p204/bennybh/f82364a8.jpg

traveler
24th Dec 2008, 20:01
Merry Christmas, gang. Hope you get some easy company and relaxed 'down' time. Cheers !

:ok:

Beatriz Fontana
24th Dec 2008, 22:02
Did I read (or imagine it in my alcoholic haze) that a council / official / government / think-tank lacky has suggested that the UK should adopt the Japanese tradition of wrapping presents in cloth... because many councils can't recycle wrapping paper? I mean, come on.

Should we also be shredding greetings cards because they contain personal information?

Dushan
24th Dec 2008, 22:08
Should we also be shredding greetings cards because they contain personal information?

Yes, but mostly because they can reveal who celebrates Christmas.

scruggs
24th Dec 2008, 22:28
Merry Christmas fellow PPRuNers. Have a good one.

S :ok:

Bucket
25th Dec 2008, 00:14
We're all a little older, greyer and wiser. Here's to the joy of the present and the vision of the future. Take care one and all. Be blessed, be happy and be thankful.

Bucket

;):ok:

Bucket
25th Dec 2008, 00:16
Already posted a similar thread but on this occasion a duplication is well worth it. Let not loose track of the really important things in life. Go well and be safe Ppruners

Bucket

:ok:

kevmusic
25th Dec 2008, 02:14
Merry Christmas everyone, and happy landings! :ok:

OFSO
25th Dec 2008, 07:37
And a Merry Christmas to everyone from me.

Especially big Christmas Greetings to the moderators and to everyone running Pprune who help make this site what it is. You're doing a great job, many thanks.

RaF

The_Banking_Scot
25th Dec 2008, 08:45
Hi,

A Merry Christmas to all!:ok:

Dan Gerous
25th Dec 2008, 10:08
Remember, a dog is not just for Christmas. In South Korea, they make it last until Boxing day.

They also like to fatten up a little puppy for hogmany :E

Did I read (or imagine it in my alcoholic haze) that a council / official / government / think-tank lacky has suggested that the UK should adopt the Japanese tradition of wrapping presents in cloth... because many councils can't recycle wrapping paper? I mean, come on.

Round here, as it is the holidays, they suspend all the "green" collections so they can do normal domestic waste. The one week of the year they can justify this eco huggy fluffy crap, and it ends up in the normal refuse :hmm:

RaraAvis
25th Dec 2008, 12:22
Carol singers. Carol singers on wheels:mad:. Carol singers on wheels with most mahoosive loudspeakers. At dark o'clock. At dark o'clock right after the little Princes have finally gone off to schnoozy-land and we are about to open a bottle of lovely, perfectly chilled Villa Maria. They drive right up to the house and crank the abovementioned, much cursed, loudspeakers up to eleven. And they honk the horns of their charitable chariot. And they start hoooowling.:ugh:
And the little Princes, scared awake, start hoooowlig. And the glorious, much deserved wino, untouched, goes warm...... Joy to the world, indeed.....:{

Radar66
25th Dec 2008, 13:01
So we'll be seeing you in deepest darkest non carol singing somerset next year then RaRa? :ok:

frostbite
25th Dec 2008, 14:33
Delighted to report I've not seen or heard carol singers for about six years.

The last lot were very similar to yours Mr? Avis - the local Rotary Club with van equipped with PA horns set at distortion level and amber beacon (very seasonal!) at a fair old trot, as were the collectors.

AltFlaps
25th Dec 2008, 16:32
Merry Christmas everyone ... I hope you all have a safe (and secure) year ...

captplaystation
25th Dec 2008, 16:46
Seconded, and a job :ok:

stue
25th Dec 2008, 16:55
Thirded! Here’s for hoping!

Go Around
25th Dec 2008, 18:58
To all who are working today and who have been working today, to all who are far away from loved ones or home, to all those serving their countries in the armed forces......to all fellow PPRuNers, have a Happy Christmas. :ok:

Dysag
25th Dec 2008, 20:42
Compared to the cynical posts often seen on PPRune, that's a breath of fresh air. Merry Christmas to you all.

rmiller774
12th Jan 2009, 16:17
How very sad that post #40 should end up being muted by such coarse comments.