View Full Version : Five things to do before the end of the world

Captain Speedbird
21st Oct 2008, 17:37
Gavin Green writing for Car Magazine:

1. Drive a Ferrari

2. Do 150mph-plus

3. Drive a single-seater racing car on a racing track

4. Ride alongside a pro rally driver in a rally car

5. Ride a bicycle down a French mountain

Well that is a bit car-centric. I've managed three(ish The Bealach na Ba beats cycling in France any day)

What would be your five things to do?

Here are mine:

Go to the moon (and come back)
Toboggan down the Eiger on a fertiliser bag
Succesfully steal a jubilee clip from Bankrupt & Quickly
Cycle round the world

Beatriz Fontana
21st Oct 2008, 17:45
Based on that article the world's about to end for me!! Done all that!

Hmmm, let's see:

Berate a cabinet minister during a select committee hearing
Swear behind a TV journalist who is doing a live piece to camera
Write a screenplay for a film... and get it filmed
Write a BBC Radio Four comedy... that's actually funny...

21st Oct 2008, 18:16
Just a few minor clean-ups in the public service area.

Shoot Robert Mugabe
Shoot Osama Bin Laden
Shoot Osama Bin Laden's Dr. mentor.
Shoot Kim Il Jung (even if he's dead at the moment)
Shoot Clifford Olsen

Apocalypse is too good for them all.

21st Oct 2008, 18:59
Invent 3D fax machine so flying could be just for fun.

Perfect the best Steak and Onions Sub with Marinara sauce.

Find out who killed JFK.

Give award to the fellow that put Bert's picture on all those Osama bin Ladins posters.

Bring about whirrled peas.

Loose rivets
21st Oct 2008, 19:31
Go to the moon (and come back)

Well, you didn't think that through. If you went to the Moon last, and didn't come back, you'd get a good view of the end of the World.

tony draper
21st Oct 2008, 20:35
Well you have four years to fulfill your ambitions,tiz slated for 2012 I believe.:E
Personally the way things is shaping up,I don't think it will last that long.:uhoh:

21st Oct 2008, 20:35
1. Solve the Rubik's Cube
2. Shag Catherine Zeta-Jones
3. Text the Queen (and get a reply)
4. Levitate by telekinesis
5. Shoot Helen Clark, on the move, whilst toboganning down the Eiger on a fertiliser bag.

21st Oct 2008, 21:53
Ballance Agri-Nutrients or Ravensdown Fertiliser bag on Hillins head ?

The Real Slim Shady
21st Oct 2008, 22:01
Give my missus a right good doing one last time ;)

OK 5 last times.

Scooby Don't
22nd Oct 2008, 03:39
Well, if the Real Slim Shady's wife is that good, I'd like to do 'er 5 times too. :ok:

Okay, okay, I'll stick to my own missus if I must. On second, or maybe third thought, Gwyneth Paltrow being a vegan and all, maybe sticking some meat in her would be a good last deed. It may be too much for her to swallow, but I'm willing to push if I must.

As for them that deserve shooting, even if it is a waste of time when the world is about to end and limiting myself to five (it should really be four if I can get Gwyneth or Mrs Slim Shady, for doing I mean, not shooting!)...

Paul MaCartney - for killing the Beatles and being an ecoweenie, fluffy bunny wabbit loving sh*t.
Tony Banks - for being a class warrior and a fox loving sh*t.
The entire Bush and Blair cabinets and everyone who helped them bring about the deaths of 200,000 Iraqis just because one of them was an a*shole.
Ditto for bringing about the deaths of thousands of US and hundreds of British servicemen.
Chris Evans - do I really need to spell this out?

22nd Oct 2008, 07:49
A fivesome with me, Carmen Electra, Rachel Stevens, that bird off the BT ads and Holly Valance.

If I said I'd fulfilled that already you'd call me a liar....

And you'd be correct... for now.... :ok:

22nd Oct 2008, 09:46
Knock John Travolta's head off five times after making a mockery of Aussie slang on national TV at the arrival of the Qantas Dugong at LAX.

She's a bloody bewdy... ey mate... :ugh:

22nd Oct 2008, 09:56
What with this being an aviation site an all.....

Fly a
floatplane in New Zealand
helicopter through Manhatten
Stearman over the Grand Canyon
Spitfire over the white cliffs of Dover &
dead stick the Space Shuttle into Cape Kennedy

23rd Oct 2008, 14:03
I'm with you on the "Spitfire over the white cliffs of Dover," thing so get to the back of the queue .......but suspect am more likely to be dead sick :yuk: than "dead stick" anywhere near the Space Shuttle.
I'd like to have a go at ...
....caravan banger racing.
....be a human cannonball
....abseil down Mount Everest
....have an fling with Jonathan Rhys Meyers (but only when he's playing the part of Henry VIII):E

23rd Oct 2008, 14:35
"but only when he's playing the part of Henry VIII"

Which part?

23rd Oct 2008, 15:47
Really and honestly? Not just macho bullshit?

1. (Macho bullshit). I want to hire a Ferrari or a Lamborghini for a day. I don't really care which model. I don't want to drive it along the esplanade with the top down, I'd just look like another bald headed ******. I want somebody who knows what they're doing to instruct me for an hour on a racetrack or an airfield then I want to be left alone with it and get it genuinely sideways so I can say I've done it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a complete beginner, I've spent a lot of time sideways on dirt in rallies and loved it, but the idea of getting one of my Italian fantasies to its handling limits is fascinating beyond belief.

2. (More macho bullshit I suppose). A half hour session of aeros in a warbird; ok, preferably a Spitfire, Mustang or Sea Fury, but hey, a MIG would be fine too!

3. Getting soppy here. Seeing one or preferably all of the Binoettes achieving what they want to do, and squealing with delight when it happens. (B4 got a second place in a singing solo at the local eisteddfod today when we didn't expect anything; it's difficult to describe the pride and what happens in a father's heart).

4. In my bogan way, I still think Elle MacP is the most naturally (sic) gorgeous woman in the world. Umm, that's all. I don't kid myself, but I can fantasise can't I?

5. Sorry, but as long as I have a roof over my head it gets back to my four girls. Nothing is more important.

Scooby Don't
23rd Oct 2008, 15:55
Binos, the non-macho bullsh*t parts bring a tear to the eye. One can only say there's lovely, boyo.

The macho bullsh*t bits are more fun though..... :ok:

23rd Oct 2008, 16:08
Thanks, Scooby. You've either been there or you haven't I suppose.

The macho bullshit things are just a function of money. Easily solved. But the world situation means that money is not on tap as it was. Never mind, I can do without them. Hey, I've got four marriages to prepare for!

Funny you know, I was always more conscious of my failures as a father than any perceived successes. It's only when your kids grow up and you can talk to them as adults that you find out what they really think of you, and the last few years have made me very proud.

Sheesh, I think it's time for bed.

23rd Oct 2008, 16:12
Lovely sentiments!

Good night, Binos...

23rd Oct 2008, 20:54
1. Invent time travel.
2. Persuasively offer contraceptive devices to Mrs Marx, Mugabe, Bin Laden, Stalin, Clinton, Blair, etc.
3. Meet my wife 20 years earlier than I did.
4. Check up on the time the world will end, so I can plan more than 5 things to do.
5. Restrict time travel to my good self (for humanitarian reasons, of course :E:E)

23rd Oct 2008, 22:52
Blue Wolf

2. Shag Catherine Zeta-Jones
This obviates the need for 3,4 and 5 as you would kill yourself doing it, but nonetheless:
5. Shoot Helen Clark, on the move, whilst toboganning down the Eiger on a fertiliser bag.

It seems a little unsporting to toboggan down the Eiger on Helen Clarke whilst shooting her.