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motherbird
15th Oct 2008, 18:52
I've been a Lotus Fibreglass stripper, a Bentley Girl Chauffeur, a Boil in the Bag filler, a medical photographer and a temporary tea lady for the Bank of England.

My ideal job would be a travel photographer for Harpers and Queen.

Juud
15th Oct 2008, 19:30
Chicken strangler.


http://freemovement.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/headless-chicken.jpg?w=192&h=189

Rossian
15th Oct 2008, 19:42
As a 16 yr old I had a summer job working on a biggish estate. I worked in the greenhouses at the big house (first time I saw yellow tomatoes). Helped the game-keeper; and most oddly given the solo job of bathing pigs suffering from scrofula. No probs I thought, little piggy-wiggies, soon done. WRONG!! They were just-about -to-be-bacon pigs, 110lbs of fiesty muscle and awkwardness. I had a large-ish barrow thingy like half a cheese on wheels. Fill with water (warm) squeeze in a lot of what looked like, smelled like and felt like Vosene shampoo. Now - catch your pig! There were 50 of them! The short version is that it took me a whole working day, I was bruised, bitten and wetter than the pigs. The solution once I'd wrestled them into the container was to hold them under the water until they stopped struggling then scrub them furiously behind the ears and knees while they shat profusely in the water then tip the whole lot out onto the ground. A few sneezes and coughs and they were OK and running away. Fill the barrow, squeeze the vos...... NEXT!
I didn't ask to work there the next summer.
The Ancient Mariner

Jimmy Macintosh
15th Oct 2008, 20:05
Lift operator for the Victoria Apollo theatre.

Sat in the corner and made sure that the lift was on the correct floor at the correct time in order to ensure the cast were at stage level in time for cue. Also to make sure that they didn't wear their skates in the lift. (Starlight Express)

Did that for three months.

Maxbert
15th Oct 2008, 20:15
Years ago... For 2 summers, tutor to the youngest son of Baron Hans-Heinrich von Thyssen-Bornemisza (it went on, I forget the rest...)-

I was 17 the first summer, kid was 4 going on 5... Amazing summer. The Baron did not have a private jet, he owned the company that leased them (had a flight on the Falcon 50, pilots ex French air force).

Ditto the yacht, not just a yacht, owned the company that leased 'em...

Helluva nice guy (old money, not this nouveau stuff), beat the crap out of me at backgammon.

Incredible experience, wasted on a 17 year old :rolleyes: :cool:

Sallyann1234
15th Oct 2008, 20:16
Well someone had to post it...

YouTube - DEREK & CLIVE. THE WORST JOB I EVER HAD. (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=PpxJu4uJff4)

tony draper
15th Oct 2008, 20:43
Wash rag wringer out for a one armed window cleaner.:uhoh:

Pontius Navigator
15th Oct 2008, 20:46
Polishing the walls and doors of the Gents toilets with wadpol so that Fag Ash Lil could use them.

For years afterwards it was obscene as you could see yourself from 3 sides at once.

Then there was the time I had to flush the toilet before Princess Anne came in case she wanted to use it.

You might say my career went down the pan.

Radar66
15th Oct 2008, 20:51
many many moons ago i was cooking and odd jobbing for an AWFUL english family that lived just north of paris.

they really were terrible - condescending about the french, being more english than the english (despite her being canadian), refused to have anybody at the dinner table that wasn't a baroness at the very least, and horror of horror, cooked the fillet of beef FIVE hours before the meal so when it was served to the FRENCH it was grey and rubbery. (I refused to do any dinner party cooking for them after the fiasco of the first one...)

anyways - the worst job was just before they went away somewhere, the alsatian managed to eat one of her pearl earrings. Just a plain pearl stud - the sort you can pick up anywhere for really not very much cash.

would she? ooh no. she insisted that i monitor his sh!tting habits and don marigolds and go through every single effing turd to see if i could feel the earring whilst she was away. :yuk:

quite naturally I didn't touch a single 'package', and spent some of my measley hard earned wages on a fake earring. the old cow never noticed the difference. :ok:

scruggs
15th Oct 2008, 20:53
When I was 18 I got a job as a Crowd Steward for West Bromwich Albion whilst studying at college. I loved that job. Got paid, albeit pittance, to watch the match week-after-week. A few bloody noses and a split lip here and there was a small price to pay....I miss that job!

But 18 per match (15 if the Police attended) was hardly enough to keep the beer flowing.

muppetbum
15th Oct 2008, 20:58
dressing up as a puffin to hand out promotional literature for a certain book publisher

G-CPTN
15th Oct 2008, 21:05
Lift operatorWhen I was young (and lifts had operators) they all seemed to be one-armed.
I guess that there were many ex-soldiers from WWII who needed employment and they were ideally suited to that . . .

I wonder what other jobs were capable of being done with one arm (although my grandfather employed a driver for his taxis who had an artificial arm).

Miserlou
15th Oct 2008, 21:06
Why would Penguin Books use a puffin?

Parapunter
15th Oct 2008, 21:08
Fluffer. Allergic to film...:yuk:

Radar66
15th Oct 2008, 21:08
..................................................

http://www.theweeweb.co.uk/images/bookthumbs/20030510091345.jpg

Jimmy Macintosh
15th Oct 2008, 21:16
Oh, another one, paid 10GBP to walk around town for 4 hours wearing a sandwich board advertising a rip off version of exchange and mart.

The amount of people making comments as to whether the boy was 10p or the paper. I nearly laughed...once.

Blues&twos
15th Oct 2008, 21:19
For a short time while driving lorries for a district council I was a Dog Bin Emptier.

And you lot thought being a pilot was a babe magnet.

tinpis
15th Oct 2008, 21:49
Lobsters?.....Jayne Mansfield? :uhoh:

greycoat
15th Oct 2008, 21:55
filling doughnuts with jam

Howard Hughes
15th Oct 2008, 21:56
Childrens portrait photgrapher, septic tank cleaner (aka shit sucker) and err... G-string waiter! :eek:

henry crun
15th Oct 2008, 22:20
Bread chewer at a duck farm.

mr fish
15th Oct 2008, 22:39
sixteen years young, first day at a shed making company, thinking i knew it all.
foreman tells me to fetch the 'glass hammer', f:mad:k off says i, foreman marches me over to the tool cupboard and points to a small hammer, 'whats that', he says.
i looked up and sheepishly read out the lettering over said tool. er 'glass hammer' says i.
the firm used perspex for all glazing and had hammers ground flat and faced with felt to stop them marking the plastic when fixing beadings.
i went home that day fully expecting to be introduced to 'tartan paint, long weights, sky hooks and size 8 holes' in the coming days:(

G-CPTN
15th Oct 2008, 22:52
Lobsters?.....Jayne Mansfield? Could've been crabs of course . . .

S'land
15th Oct 2008, 23:26
Why would Penguin Books use a puffin?

Children's imprint of Penguin.

TURIN
15th Oct 2008, 23:27
Piano player in a brothel.

At least that's what I tell me mum as my real job is far too embarrassing. :}

G-CPTN
15th Oct 2008, 23:30
Wheel-tapper's mate.
Helps the wheel-tapper listen . . .


Edited to add that, on a visit to a metal-forming press-shop (producing panels for car bodies) there was a chap sitting in within a square of four huge presses, each one drawing-in flat sheets of steel then forming it into a shaped panel (or partly shaped before it passed-on to another press). As each press functioned, there was a sequence of up and down movements followed by ejection of the 'finished' body part. As long as each of the four presses operated correctly, the guy did nothing. If any of the presses failed, either by stopping, or the formed panel failed to eject, then . . .
. . . the guy went and called the chargehand . . .
That was his job in its entirety.
I questioned him as to whether he found his task to be boring.
On the contrary, he said, he revelled in the fact that he was being paid to do nothing (for at least 90% of the time). He felt that he was getting one over on 'management' and was proud and smug . . .

1946
15th Oct 2008, 23:47
First job out of school in the 60's, while waiting for the results of an application for an electrical apprenticship, was at a local Jam Factory. I progressed from picking the leaves and rubish out of the fruit bins before they went to the pulping for jam, to opperating a gooseberry shaving machine, to mixing the spices for the Whoster Sauce they produced, to opperating a tin makeing machine. We (three of us opperators) set a record for tin production of 1/2lb tins of 23,500 in one day. I was asked to stay on at the end of the fruit season, but the apprenticeship came through.

Cron
15th Oct 2008, 23:54
Sorry for the thread drift but my contribution is in the best job one has had category.

I had just been fired (at 19y) from a wood turning factory for being late (day after I witnessed a bloke's fingers ripped off on a spindle machine). I was strolling past our local Triumph (Motor Cars) dealer and I decided to ask if they wanted a car washer. No they said but we do want someone to stick on number plates and be a gofor.

So I started next next day. Did my best and I guess gained trust. I got the odd delivery job taking a Cortina to another dealer etc. That progressed to collecting a Toledo from Luton and then one day they told me to get the train to Plymouth and collect a brand new TR6 and bring it back to Brum. I'm 19 years old and I'm in a TR6 with free petrol in the empty road 1970's on a gorgeous summer day. Next thing I know I'm repostioning the boss's DB9, collecting his wife's V12 E-type from the spoodlers and sorting the fuel injection on police 2000 PI's at the local nick.

Looking back I did not appreciate any of it, I was into Jimi Hendrix, love, peace and flash cars did not cut it with your mates - I told nobody.

I'd cut off my thingy to go back - I really would.

Regards

Cron

rotornut
16th Oct 2008, 00:10
- 4th cook (dishwasher) in dining car on CPR's Canadian

- 5th cook (pantry cook) ditto

- sleeping car porter

- ski instructor - Austria

- law clerk

- helicopter pilot

- snow plow driver

- tractor trailer driver

to name a few..

kluge
16th Oct 2008, 03:20
As a BSAC instructor teaching nurses how to SCUBA dive at Guys Hospital in the mid 80s.

The "suck-it-and-see" introductory lessons were very popular.

ehwatezedoing
16th Oct 2008, 03:44
The "suck-it-and-see" introductory lessons were very popular.
Which brings me to:
http://i192.photobucket.com/albums/z4/arcticboy0/stopwhining.jpg

Oddest job speaking, this guy is a winner :E

Romeo India Xray
16th Oct 2008, 03:55
Within a single redundancy moved from being an underpaid pub manager with over inflated ego to a very much humbled factory floor sweeper - Well it was a job, and the money was MUCH better which thus funded my training - With a clear objective it isn't too hard to eat humble pie for a while :ok:

RIX

CityofFlight
16th Oct 2008, 03:56
Please, please...tell me this is an optical illusion, photo shop...something other than how it appears. :bored: :uhoh::{

kluge
16th Oct 2008, 04:14
Yeah me too. I fell off my chair laughing so hard.

Top post.

CityofFlight
16th Oct 2008, 04:23
Well, for me it wasn't funny, I felt for the poor girl! The indignity! :eek:

If prostates required such exams, you wouldn't be chuckling and you know it! :p ;)

PingDit
16th Oct 2008, 04:36
Top picture - be great for the Caption competition! Anyway, I digress.

I looked after some pets in the days when supermarkets sold them. In fact at the time, my part time job after school each day was cleaning out and feeding a 6ft boa constrictor, 6 monkeys, rats, mice etc. I distinctly remember one obnoxious monkey always used to jump on my back and pee down my neck every time I walked into the cage. His opinion I suppose.

Howard Hughes
16th Oct 2008, 04:50
Top picture - be great for the Caption competition!
When the 'moon' hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore...;)

CityofFlight
16th Oct 2008, 04:56
HH... your humour! Your inspiration! :D

So much material, so little time, eh? :}

Ace Rimmer
16th Oct 2008, 08:02
Radish sorter - one Easter Holidays I spent the entire time sorting radishes into bunches of 8 big ones or 12 small ones...in a cold green house..

Ancient Mariner
16th Oct 2008, 08:15
Line baiter.
At the tender age of 15, fixing chunks of frozen herring or mackerel to 200 hooks a line and tenderly coiling the line back into the wooden tub at some godforsaken place on a small island in the north of Norway.
The downside? Cold, boring and not much money as we were paid by the tub.
Upside? Well, it was me, another bloke aged 16 and about 20 girls aged 17 and up residing in a dormitory. That's when I learnt to appreciate older women.
Per

angels
16th Oct 2008, 08:17
If you bought a Wonderloaf in London at one stage in the early 70s, odds are it was me that had shoved it into the slicer and wrapping machine.

People may whinge about health and safety nowadays but the factory (that is what it was, it wasn't really a bakery) was a danger to all. There was a big scoop that you had to put the bread into, which was then dragged into the machine which did the slicing and wrapping. If your hand got caught in the scoop then it, too, would have been sliced and wrapped.

We had a crusher which compacted old cardboard etc. It was always getting stuck and the way to clear it was to stand on the cardboard jam and jump to push it into the crusher. I disappeared into it once and got out by the skin of my teeth.

Still, the money was good and it was on the black.

Parapunter
16th Oct 2008, 08:36
I have two jobs, I'm a traffic warden in the week & a baillif at weekends. I'm actually an investment banker, so obviously I tell my mates the first two so they won't hate me.

Fark'n'ell
16th Oct 2008, 08:51
Oddest job

Working as a scuba diver catching Herring farts for bubbles in a spirit level.:D

frostbite
16th Oct 2008, 12:22
Sagger Maker's Bottom Knocker

eticket
16th Oct 2008, 12:55
Confiscated video watcher.

The worst by a long way was a Swedish bestiality flic.

I wouldn't like to be doing it these days.

niknak
16th Oct 2008, 13:26
At the age of 17, working in a fish factory in Grimsby.

My executive position required me to sweep all the bits of fish from the gutting room floor, then I had to then place them into a huge vat of hot water, where they boiled for 5 mins, the liquid strained and the resulting solids were taken away to be put into.................................................


wait for it........................................


......................................................


......................................................


......................................................

Fish fingers, I've never eaten one since...:yuk::yuk:

goudie
16th Oct 2008, 13:50
filling doughnuts with jam

Making the hole in ring doughnuts!

Mac the Knife
16th Oct 2008, 13:53
".....a Swedish bestiality flic."

I remember that one. The pony kept upstaging me!

:ok:

Stockpicker
16th Oct 2008, 14:11
I thunk it was Sagger Packer's Bottom Knocker, frostie? Mind you, I was but a nipper when I quit the Potteries.

G-CPTN
16th Oct 2008, 14:23
I've always dreamed of being the titter that runs through the crowd.

frostbite
16th Oct 2008, 14:28
That's probably why I didn't last long at it, Stockie!

Storminnorm
16th Oct 2008, 14:53
I wanted to be a warehouse manager, but couldn't spell it.
Finished up looking after the interests of young "Ladies"
in a very strange environment for a young lad.

It had it's benefits though!!!:ok:

mr fish
16th Oct 2008, 15:14
went for the job spraying the BAYWATCH cast with baby oil for $200 a week.
did'nt get the job, no way i could afford that much!!!!:}

larssnowpharter
16th Oct 2008, 15:55
'Twas a long time ago this but a 'lady' I knew was on the game. Upper end of the market; select 'clients' and all that.

She lived in the flat above me in a nice part of London and, to talk or look at her, you never would have guessed at her trade. At the time I was 20 and she was bloody ancient, at least 32!

We would regularly sit on the balcony and share a drink and have a chat. Nothing more.

One day she says to me,

'Lars, dear. One of my clients is getting a bit doddery poor old boy and can't really perform, if you know what I mean'.

Oh, dear,' I responded a little puzzled. 'Does that mean you'll be losing some money?':(

'Well, that's where you could help, you know. He tells me that he quite likes, I think it's called, voyeurism.':eek:

So, strictly on a business basis one.......

Cheers

Lars

Lon More
17th Oct 2008, 08:43
Lars - I'm jealous, obviously known as a grudge :mad: because you had it in for him :)


SAGGAR (also SAGGER) MAKER - one who made the fireclay containers in which the stoneware was placed ready for firing
SAGGAR (also SAGGER) MAKER'S BOTTOM KNOCKER- was the saggar maker's assistant who tapped the bottom of the pots

SpringHeeledJack
17th Oct 2008, 09:50
When I was younger I worked as a bicycle mechanic, a fisherman (trawler) and picked coffee and pot all within one year. One also worked as an escort for a while :suspect:


SHJ

merlinxx
17th Oct 2008, 12:15
When I were a lad, was on the BAG WASH, BAG WASH, then run the **** away afore the bags came down from the 6th floor, that's why I'm a midget now:O

Was never the same after that summer when I got back to school:(

ShyTorque
17th Oct 2008, 16:43
Making the hole in ring doughnuts!

What with? :suspect:

I was a Christmas pork pie crust hole dibbler and jelly filler.

Never forgotten the smell of the freshly baked pies and the lovely warm bakery during those frosty evenings. :)

kluge
17th Oct 2008, 16:49
...an when I wer a lad we never had jobs.....

you all were lucky.......I had to pay someone to lick out their drains....

aye.....yawn

ChrisVJ
18th Oct 2008, 03:31
Potato packer.

Took the job after leaving school to get money to go skiing. My job was to put 10 plastic bags of potatoes in a big paper bag for transporting to supermarkets. Got fired after two weeks because it was so mind numbing I could no longer get ten bags every time. Sometimes eight or nine but usually eleven or twelve. That was just after Math A level!

Fireman on a narrow gauge railway. (Ffestiniog.)

dany4kin
18th Oct 2008, 04:07
As a volunteer working for Born Free Italia, a mate and I rendered a house, built a goose enclosure, fed a variety of animals including a llama, geese, goats and an owl and chopped up all the santuarys' firewood for the approaching winter, after having loaded it into the trailer of a Land Rover.

For two lads of 16 driving a Land Rover through a deserted Italian forest was great fun!

We dug a foot deep trench through the yard (can't remember why) and I managed to put the pick axe through the plastic sewage pipe. Not pretty but by midnight we'd fixed it up real nice! Also dented the sump on the Land Rover when I drove over some rocks. Also had to pump the clutch between gear changes as there was a leak...

When going to bed, one had to ascertain who's bed the 'domestic' cat had shat in that day, and who's pillow it had sneezed on... poor thing had some bronchial disease and red spatters were all too common.

Drove to an Italian zoo to take some food for the few remaining animals. The zoo was closed due to lack of funds but some animals were still awaiting rescue, among those some bears (who made it onto TV on Airport when they were transferred via Brittania to London Zoo!) and a 4 year old male tiger. It wasn't until we were within feet of this HUGE animal that we saw the enclosure was basically chicken wire. It's paws were the size of my computer monitor... and he'd not eaten for a while.

Italian TV turned up to film the 'aid effort' and filmed my mate having to smile while hand feeding a devious little monkey that faked his maximum stretch so it could almost tear his arm off.

Stayed out late one night in the forest to see the wild boar. Armed with a starter pistol in case they attacked they soon came snuffling through the forest. Wild boar are HUGE! Got scared, fired pistol, ran away like girls pursued by angry boar. Fell down trench.

Not bad for a weeks' work!

Bushfiva
18th Oct 2008, 04:24
Repacking ladies' thermal underwear. The company cat hissed at one type of bra whenever she saw it, and would attack the bra repacker, so I don't know what had been going on in her past. Big knickers, no problem. Big bra, furry razorblade time.

parabellum
18th Oct 2008, 12:14
Probably not the worst job, but a bit of a shocker for a fifteen year old on a school holiday. Drivers mate to a laundry van, we would collect a lot of small 'industrial' stuff, like huge bags of sheets from small hotels etc. and keep going until the van was full then drive back to the depot, my first day, driver backs up to a big roll door and gets out leaving me in the back to unload, roll door goes up and in pour about six to eight females of varying age, none would have made it to page three, shortly thereafter I am stripped to the buff, and pleasantly abused in all manner of ways, ladies then take off for lunch and leave me to find my clothes! 'twas the standard initiation for new folk.:O

Mac the Knife
18th Oct 2008, 13:20
Leichenbegleiter

(that was when I was going out with an English girl)

:suspect:

UnDeterminator
21st Oct 2008, 16:58
Aviation Consultant....

Ma'am
21st Oct 2008, 19:53
I was in charge of putting the orange colouring into orange ice lollies.It depended on how I felt as to whether they were obnoxiously orange or just orange.Two weeks of that and I was off to pastures new.

dead_pan
21st Oct 2008, 20:37
Went for a job as a fluffer once - didn't get it - apparently my hands were too cold :ooh:

Had a string of temp jobs from hell in my yoof - the worst must have been having to dig out compacted clay from a 30 foot high silo with a spade. Abolutely f**ckin' knackerin' - I had to crawl out of th place every evening.

Also had a few fun jobs during my short employ at Sellafield including receiving containers of spent fuel from Dounraey. Just me, a glove box and enough plutonium nitrate to obliterate northern England:eek: (that'll get Epsilon twitching)

Hobo
21st Oct 2008, 21:28
Chook raffler's assistant.

frostbite
21st Oct 2008, 21:44
Wot?

No Pox Doctor's Assistants?