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harrogate
10th Oct 2008, 19:34
(Apologies, it's probably only UK folks who'll understand this)

ROBERT PESTON TRANSFORMED INTO PURE ENERGY

BBC business editor Robert Peston last night attained transcendence before converting himself into pure energy.

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/images/stories/orb.jpg
Ropesto the Omniscient

Peston is now a shimmering orb of pale blue light hovering about four feet above his chair at the BBC Television Centre.

He continues to break stories on the financial crisis, but it has now taken the form of perfect knowledge beamed directly into your mind, or transmitted via a series of low, vibrating pulses.

BBC director general Mark Thompson said: "Robert is risen above the physical plain. He is both the essence and the vessel for all that is and will ever be.

"He is no longer Robert Peston, BBC business editor. His atoms are now woven into the very fabric of the universe. He is become pure news."

The BBC has also appealed to householders to limit their electricity use as the ball of light that used to be Robert Peston continues to suck millions of volts directly from the national grid.

Across London thousands of ecstatic followers poured into the streets to celebrate Peston's new form. Two goats were sacrificed outside JP Morgan as half-naked staff danced round a disco glitter ball.

Meanwhile the few remaining sceptics tried to jam Peston's transmissions by wearing a plastic bucket on their head.

Tom Logan, a trainee accountant, said: "He only err gets all these err stories, because he err spent much of the err last 10 years with his err nose rammed straight up err Gordon Brown's err dirt box."

barry lloyd
10th Oct 2008, 21:59
Well, I'm a UK folk, and I don't understand it, but then it is late on a Friday night...:confused:

Stockpicker
10th Oct 2008, 22:00
The Daily Mash link's been done I'm afraid.

Rainboe
10th Oct 2008, 23:08
Why does he have to talk like a plonker? I can hear what he has to say without him exaggerating every word.

treadigraph
10th Oct 2008, 23:16
Nah, think yer wrong Rainboe, he exaggerates SOME words, speaks at a normal rate and then either speeds up or s l o w s r i g h hhh t down.

Irritating trait...

harrogate
11th Oct 2008, 07:23
Sounds like he needs new batteries.

Flap 5
11th Oct 2008, 12:03
Don't you notice all presenters do that when they are searching for words to express their point? Not as exagerated as Robert Peston - but he does have a complicated subjected that he tries, and succeeds, in translating into words that we can all understand.