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Loose rivets
8th Oct 2008, 06:18
Anyone had similar experience, or is it just me?

One had decided to go to Austin for a week or so. It's a short day's drive, so plans had to be made, but like most of my plans, the unexpected happened, but in an expected sort of way.

When the phone rang and a pal in Austin invited us to the Terry Fator show, I reacted with mixed feelings. I never go to shows...never, well not since Puss in Boots on ice. Droning back the 75 miles across Essex in an old cigarette-smoke filled coach was utterly sickening. Being nine years old made no difference, it was a special occasion, so I could have a quick puff. Anyway, the recollection of how ill I felt put me off cigarets -- and shows for life. But it was a rare chance to see a $10M performer so I suggested the Rivetess came along.

I knew that with my luck, the @$%&ing doll's head would fall off, but at least that would be a larf, so we put some togs in the car and headed north. Next night, and all spruced up, we headed for downtown Austin. It really is a sight to behold, so different from when I lived there, Friday night and really cookin'. Oh to be young and on 6th street Austin. 6th, 5th 4th 3rd...all one great swinging parade of style. Well, young folks interpretation of style anyway. Riding in an open horse-drawn carriage was an advantage when an aged neck is twisting every which-way to get some serious ogling done. The theater. Oh, dear...deary deary me. Modern, concrete and plastic chairs. The style stopped there.

I asked the Rivetess to bring some paper back from the loo.

"Don't leave it sticking out." She could see me looking at the banks of loud-speakers, knowing that I often allow the wadges of sound deadening paper to sprout from my ears -- It's easier to get out that way. I didn't know there was going to be a band, but it was okay.

I was about 15 feet from Terry. I would have been 14, but a big bloke was forcing me to the right by about a foot. I'm not exactly small, but this bloke...at least five foot across. Bad start, but the four Hill-Billies behind us were the real bad news. The place was packed, many hundreds in there, and our man was giving his all accompanied by a demented cackling from one of the Hill Billies. She was uglier than Fator's dummy and just didn't stop. Nor did the other three to a lesser extent. Mr Tatoo with grey hair tied back and vast mustache, just joined in on the conversation when he wasn't going for more beer. It was unbelievable, they had paid $300 for their seats, and were more interested in what they had to say than the show.

Our hosts wives were wearing something akin to evening dress and the beer was soaking up their elegant attire to about knee level. Loads of folk kept looking, but no one wanted to mess with these people. It was horrible, but the tension wasn't about the security team pouring in the doors and carting these aging bikers off, it was about knowing what was about to happen with the Rivetess.

"Excuse Me!" OMG! I just hid under the big man's armpit.

"Would you mind not making so much noise, I can't hear the show."

Seven hundred and fifty people held their collective breath. Even Terry missed a beat, then, just when all was running smoothly again.

"Did She just tell me to be quiet?"

Oh, F:mad:k! Into planning mode. Two children would have to be got clear before real hostilities took place. Is it permissible to belt a woman? Does it make it okay if she's so ugly that your fist is likely to become mutated on contact? Might she swing her cauldron at me? All factors taken into account, ready to go.

Funny thing about natural authority. Er indoors has it in spades, and it took just one more look over her shoulder and a quiet "Yes." To effect what a dozen concealed weapons could have achieved. Odd. Never quite understood what it is about some people that can do that. Anyway, that's my lifetime's bash at a ‘show'. Much the same as my lifetimes trip to the cinema last year now I come to think of it.

Any other horror stories out there? Please share.

YouTube - America's Got Talent (Chicago)-Terry Fator (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnVDHzUAj30)

Buster Hyman
8th Oct 2008, 06:37
They probably thought: "Crikey! If his Missus is that tough, how tough must that bloke be?" (translate to Trailer where applicable)

Nothing as exciting for me Loose...just an array of Farters, snorers & phone addicts.

I did go & see Wicked recently...thought it was rubbish (RIP Rob.) The night ended with me & some drunk tosser arguing about him jay walking in front of my car. Lots of heated words & then he dropped the "C" bomb in front of me & the missus & I was soooo close to exiting the car at this point, but my Missus decided to throw caution to the wind & shouted, in her most authorative voice and right in my ear..."CHARMING!"

Well, that was me done. Lost all the high ground from then on...so I drove off. "Charming? Is that the best you could come up with?" I asked tentatively, not wanting to provoke an "INDEED!" or *shudder* a "YES...WHY?"... "It was the first thing that came into my head." was the meek reply.:rolleyes:

I'll give the theatre a miss for a while...let her calm down I think.

8th Oct 2008, 08:49
Any other horror stories out there? Please share.

Mrs. Lincoln might've had one to share!