PDA

View Full Version : So what would you do?


Zeppelin
7th Oct 2008, 06:52
So at the moment the financial markets are in turmoil, yesterday falling about 8%. Politicians are saying they will do whatever is required to support the markets and banks, yet fall short of actually guaranteeing savers money in full.

With confidence falling, say you had 100k in the bank of which only 20k is guaranteed, what would you do?

Scooby Don't
7th Oct 2008, 07:10
Incorporate myself as a bank and ask for a bailout. I'd probably then have to fire myself as CEO, in favour of one of the cats I suppose. They would quietly rehire me as a consultant, in which case I, as the sole shareholder and sole account holder, would have to pay myself quite handsomely for my time. In order to maintain cash flow, I would have to borrow quite heavily from myself, but due to my bailout I would have to charge myself a substantial interest rate. Should I at any time default on the loan from myself, I would ask for a bigger bailout. Well, actually the cat would ask but I'd type the letter for him and PP his signature. The lending ratio of some of the US banks, around 30:1 ($30 lent for every $1 of capital) is obviously not sustainable so I would maintain a more sensible ratio of about 15:1, which should please the regulators. Since the bailout would presumably keep my original $100,000 intact, I could lend myself about $1.5 million though it would probably take several separate loans and deposits to actually achieve that 15:1 ratio. Of course, I'd then have capital of $1.5 million so through a series of deposits and loans I could then lend myself an additional $22.5 million. Purely for sh*ts and giggles, I would probably default on the loans at this point, with the entire $24.1 million I had by now amassed being tied up in a foreign land with no financial treaties with home. It would be okay though, because I would be owed $24.1 million and the government would bail me out for at least 20% of that. I would then fire the cat.

A FINANCIAL FATCAT - CHAIRMAN AND C.E.O OF IBSD,
THE INTERNATIONAL BANK OF SCOOBY DON'T
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3210/2782096836_e63c8d9061.jpg?v=0

ZH875
7th Oct 2008, 07:19
Sack Gordon Brown and Darling Alistair, it may not make any difference to the current crisis, but England would recover quicker without him.


I haven't forgotten about Scotland or Wales, as he helps them enough already.


Just what has that :mad: got against England?

Squeegee Longtail
7th Oct 2008, 11:39
Imagine the arse-licking going on in that organisation!

jackfrost
7th Oct 2008, 12:52
I think that as of today the UK government will now garantee up to 50k deposit with any one bank. You have more than this. The simple answer is that you should open more bank accounts. Keeping 50k with bank A and 50k with bank B will ensure that in the case of either (or both) going bust you will not lose a penny.

Now it does get more complicated........When choosing your banks you must ensure that they are not affiliated with one another. For example if bank A is the parent company of bank B it could well be that each bank will fall under the same protection meaning that you would be back to square one and only 50k of your money would be protected.

So the answer to your question is to spread your savings around different, completely unaffiliated banks.

Hope this helps

Scooby Don't
7th Oct 2008, 14:50
But jackfrost, you're forgetting this is Jet Blast, official slogan: We're not here to help! :ok:

BladePilot
7th Oct 2008, 14:58
Scooby, What a lovely pussy:) your's I presume?

Is he/she a UAE rescue or did you ship he/she over?

Scooby Don't
7th Oct 2008, 15:12
Thanks Blade. It's getting a bit fluffy and could do with a trim, mind you... :}

He and his sister, plus Nutbar Boogerhead the dog (seen in another thread in extreme close-up) were all shipped over. Desert cats can be very sweet but a bit on the scrawny side. When there's a cat on my chest pinning me down, I want to know about it! With this 15lb lump of catness, not a problem. :ok:

Der absolute Hammer
7th Oct 2008, 15:22
So now you have 80k on deposit in one bank, not guarenteed?
Wait until Friday, if FTSE market at or about 4,600 put 20k into it.
Check gilt yields.
Put 20k into those, preferably US bonds, Europe has not reached the abyss.
Remaining 40k.
Move into one bank where deposit guarenteed...Ireland, Republic.
Or spilt and put 20k as above and 20k into diversified money market.
If you like not the equity or gilts, increase the values of the other holdings.
Sit back, you might lose but not all...
(Probably).
If you know the route, buy 1st growth claret or excellent bubble (in bond). There will bee much expensive celebration when all this is over.

jackfrost
7th Oct 2008, 15:31
Im very sorry......slaps wrists for being helpful.

What I meant to say was you should keep it under the bed, or better still I'd be happy to look after it for you :}

airship
7th Oct 2008, 15:42
I would then fire the cat. Judging by your pudicat's expression in the photo, I believe he/she heard that and is somewhat consterned... :}

Great post BTW, one also aspires one day to be able to combine relative facts and humour.

PS. Lovely pussies deserve a bidet...?! :ok:

mixture
7th Oct 2008, 15:43
If you are in the UK, NS&I.

Yes they might not have the world's most attractive interest rates. However they do have two benefits :

- Tax Free Investing outside ISAs
- 100% guarantee on capital security

From their homepage today :
You can invest up to 93,600 tax-free with NS&I

Next safest is government bonds from US or any of the major European govts.

An ultra pessimistic investor would consider anything else to be too risky.

But as always with investing, it's risk vs reward. :cool:

Capot
7th Oct 2008, 17:31
At our Board Meeting today we resolved to adopt the only rational, sensible course and simply pretend that nothing is happening, on the grounds that no matter what we do, we will be screwed in the end by the unbeatable combination of stupid politicians and spivs on the make, sorry, bankers.

Immensely relieved at having come to this momentous decision, we went out and got pi$$ed.



BTW, Mixture, dear boy, if you really believe that stuff on the NS&I website, ie if you really think that the small print won't produce a slightly different version of the "100% guarantee", try getting a written promise from the Chief Exec. that IF the guarantee does'nt hold up in the event of disaster, he'll give you his house. You may find that he is not 100% confident that this would never happen.

BladePilot
7th Oct 2008, 17:53
Never been much of a saver. Me and the wife like to spend it whilst we have it so we have a nice house (bought a lifetime ago) loads of the utterly nasty material things and bu:mad:r all in the bank. Lots of friends always warned us we should be saving more but we never listened, we paid off the mortgage bought loadsa stuff like cars, boats, latest TV's, gadgets and all that and blew most of the rest travelling and having good fun with family and friends.
Thank f:mad:k we didn't save! now we watch in horror :{as our friends lose their life savings as their share portfolios collapse and anything they have in their bank above the 'safe' amount just disappears into thin air (or some bankers pocket!) I had a good old mate on the phone crying about his pension and wondering what he'll do now when he reaches 65! rollocks! is it really getting worse?

Don't trust the 'ankers get yourself down to B&Q and buy a personal home safe what with all thats going on at the moment you're money is bound to be safer in there!

Here's a thought: How many people live in the UK these days 65millionish is it?
so Mr Brown puts his hand into his magic hat (yes that one where he found the 44Billion for Bowler Hat & Bowler Hat) and pulls out a mere 65million he gives 1million to each British Citizen in the UK and Hey Presto they can now all pay off their mortgages and probably still have a bit left to go out and kick start the economy by buying some nice shiny material things!
Sounds like a better plan to me than giving all the tax payers money to the 'ankers:ok:

I'm off to buy another Lottery ticker;)

TURIN
7th Oct 2008, 18:21
ER....65 Mil divided by 65 mil = errrrr. 1 dunnit? :confused:

BigEndBob
7th Oct 2008, 18:38
No... only 0.80p, you will be taxed on it.

Squeegee Longtail
7th Oct 2008, 19:04
Bladepilot should go and work at the treasury....with a head for figures like that he'd shine!

al446
7th Oct 2008, 19:17
I would rejoice, I'm skint.

Saintsman
7th Oct 2008, 19:35
If you don't have shares, I would have thought that in the coming weeks, it'll be a good time to buy them as they can hardly fall much further and are bound to rise to pre-crunch levels over the next few years or so.

Or is there more to it?

mixture
7th Oct 2008, 20:06
BTW, Mixture, dear boy, if you really believe that stuff on the NS&I website, ie if you really think that the small print won't produce a slightly different version of the "100% guarantee", try getting a written promise from the Chief Exec. that IF the guarantee does'nt hold up in the event of disaster, he'll give you his house. You may find that he is not 100% confident that this would never happen.

Capot "dear boy" ....

Tell you what, I don't have the time to read the terms and conditions and am not in the mood to pay my lawyer to do so.

So why don't you point me to the clause in the terms & conditions that says they are not guaranteed.

I think you'll soon find (clause 1) that you are most mistaken. :ok:

If NS&I were to fail, I think we would all have bigger worries than getting any money back !

Stockpicker
7th Oct 2008, 20:11
No way am I going to be so foolish as to offer advice on a public forum after the last few weeks, so just a point of order - re: the 50k guarantee, it's about banking licenses. If your bank has a separate banking license from its parent bank, that's two 50k allowances. There isn't a general rule on this one, you just have to ask your bank.

And not a point of order because I'm not sure of the fact, but have a strong suspicion that the downside with National Savings is that you are very hamstrung on the amount you can withdraw (about 300 squids a day springs to mind, so 50k will take a while to recover...)

mixture
7th Oct 2008, 21:01
Stockpicker,

the downside with National Savings is that you are very hamstrung on the amount you can withdraw (about 300 squids a day springs to mind, so 50k will take a while to recover...)

I'm not one to defend National Savings. Nor do I know the intricacies of how they work.

But just as with Capot.... show us the facts or don't make statements like that !

I've had a quick browse through the T&Cs and can't see any reference to 300 per day.

Edit to add: A few more minutes on their website and the only reference I can find to 300 is in relation to withdrawls on their Easy Access Savings Account

Scooby Don't
7th Oct 2008, 21:52
It's all sounding as if my cat is the best bank manager and investment advisor any of you can find. He can be reached at +971 50...

Stockpicker
7th Oct 2008, 22:23
mixture

When I know the facts, I say so, as in the point about the banking license. When I have an idea of what they might be and think it's important that someone knows them before taking the next step, I say so, and also say that the fact needs checking (your carefully selected quote from my post missed out the disclaimer). This is a pilots' forum, not the FSA website.

I realise you are, like many people, frustrated with what is happening in the financial markets just now, but I am working on the premise that as long as I make it clear what I know and what I only believe, readers will have a precise understanding of the information I post. Please don't take your frustration out on me because I do not have time to look up the NSI website on your behalf before going back to lie awake in bed for the next few hours before going back to work tomorrow. What is happening right now is, in large part, due to misinformation and I am doing my best not to perpetuate the problem.

Loose rivets
7th Oct 2008, 23:11
Gather all the money up and divide it in equal amounts so that every man woman and child has the same. Then, spend it at any rate you like, and when folks are finding that they have nowt left, gather up all the money...........

apologies to Wilfred Pickles' guest some 60 years ago...except that he was the one to set the pace and spend the fastest.

Never could see what was wrong with that plan.

mixture
8th Oct 2008, 06:29
Stockpicker,

Point taken.

Frustration with the financial markets is one thing, but people spreading FUD (Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt) about the safety of investing in UK Government securities, which is what many of NS&Is products are (e.g. the various Savings Certificates) is not helping the cause either !

Indeed this is a pilots forum, and therefore I would suggest to all pilots reading this tread that they seek proper qualified financial advice from a trusted source rather than relying on internet forums. (and yes, before someone quips in, there is level headed financial advice out there, they are not all money grabbers !).

larssnowpharter
8th Oct 2008, 14:18
In times of financial crisis gold normally does well.It is also easy to move around the World and doesn't take up that much room under the matress!:}

Binoculars
8th Oct 2008, 14:52
At our Board Meeting today we resolved to adopt the only rational, sensible course and simply pretend that nothing is happening, on the grounds that no matter what we do, we will be screwed in the end by the unbeatable combination of stupid politicians and spivs on the make, sorry, bankers.

Immensely relieved at having come to this momentous decision, we went out and got pi$$ed.

Capot, my friend you have nailed it as surely as Tina Fey nailed Sarah Palin. I am taking exactly the same action; seems to be working so far.

If you don't have shares, I would have thought that in the coming weeks, it'll be a good time to buy them as they can hardly fall much further and are bound to rise to pre-crunch levels over the next few years or so.

Or is there more to it?

The short answer is no, Saintsman, there is nothing more to it as long as you have a reasonable time span. But don't rush in just yet, there is a fair way to slide yet.

Actually it's all Kevin Rudd's fault, according to those on the D&G forums. I apologise on behalf of Australia.

Scumbag O'Riley
8th Oct 2008, 15:08
In times of financial crisis gold normally does well.It is also easy to move around the World and doesn't take up that much room under the matress!:}Have always thought Ideal cut D-IF diamonds would be the way to transfer large amounts of cash around under the eyes of the authorities, though you would need to know what you were doing when buying and selling. Lots of Del Boys types in diamond business. They have also appreciated in value significantly recently.