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airborne_artist
6th Oct 2008, 12:42
I hope this will be a useful guide to forum English:

1. Do not put statements in the negative form.

2. And don't start sentences with a conjunction.

3. If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

4. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

5. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

6. Last but not least, avoid clichés like the plague.

Rainboe
6th Oct 2008, 12:43
And tell me you're really not serious?

chuks
6th Oct 2008, 12:53
And whatever u do, IMHO no txting. I h8 that! LOL. No, ROTFLOL. Gawd! No, OMG!

How about "engage brain before putting fingers in motion when typing?"

Learn to spel and do grammar, like?

Its important to know the difference between it's and its and probably i'ts, two. There are only 3 difference ways to get this wrong and too always seem to show up here.

Always be sure to mention your accademic quallifications, perferably missspelled because its so totally impressive as a way to carry the day with a totaly cack-brained argument.

Captain Stable
6th Oct 2008, 13:02
Does that include adding "FIGOC FGMS FASC FMCM" at the end of my user name?

Scooby Don't
6th Oct 2008, 13:13
How about if you mispell the Latin version of your alma mater's name?

Scooby Don't BA Hons (Eebyegum)

chuks
6th Oct 2008, 13:21
What's wrong with Collegium Marlborium Underwaterus Basketweaviensis?

angels
6th Oct 2008, 13:23
Here's the Grandaddy of them all. I rather like this.

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)
unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than
necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalise.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.
Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would
suffice.
22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use
them.
23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put
forward earthshaking ideas.
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I
hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand
times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it
correctly.
26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than
understatement.

And the last one...

31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Roger Sofarover
6th Oct 2008, 13:32
Airborne

Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

Or do you mean.....

Never use a long word when a short one will do':}:}

Forkandles
6th Oct 2008, 13:42
Roger, is there a point to your post? Or am I being monumentally slow today? :hmm:

Parapunter
6th Oct 2008, 13:44
To enrich your vocabulary, always use a Thesaurus. I read a thesaurus once. It was boring, superfluous, unneeded, not required...:hmm:

Too Short
6th Oct 2008, 15:34
:rolleyes: you forgot...

Do'nt use apostrophe's in the wrong place's! :}


Something else which has just come to mind whilst reading this thread, does anyone know the 'etiquette' of using spelt rather than spelled? My dictionary accepts both spellings to mean the past tense of spell. Just wondered if they are both correct all the time and it's a case of personal preference or if each has to be used in certain circumstances?

God... I need to get out more...:hmm:

ChristiaanJ
6th Oct 2008, 15:54
Tah, guys. As a bluddy Dutch furriner I'd only seen dead-serious diskusions on the object (suject, abject? whatever) up til now.

Too Short,
Apologies for serious answer... 'spelt' is also a kind of wheat, so I prefer "spelled" rather than have the reader suspect I can't spell.....

Der absolute Hammer
6th Oct 2008, 16:07
Oh I like 30...
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
Highly relevant under present economic circumstances.

Ps..Had to use English dictionary for that, will that muster pass?

dazdaz
6th Oct 2008, 16:30
Airborne Artist.......There is an unspoken rule on the internet. One does not criticise spelling mistakes, nor grammatical errors. Personally I find the 'real time ' spell checker incorporated with FF a great help. So up yours:p

Daz:D

ChristiaanJ
6th Oct 2008, 16:40
Rainboe,
Where are you when we need you?

treadigraph
6th Oct 2008, 17:00
There is an unspoken rule on the internet. One does not criticise spelling mistake nor grammatical errors.

Unspoken, yes. :} But this is PPRuNe and there be Rainboes about...

dazdaz
6th Oct 2008, 17:05
Treadigraph...........It's just not done dear boy.

dazdaz
6th Oct 2008, 17:12
And don't you girlie's shout 'Rainboe' "help us out, cry cry" :E He's not due in until 19:25 LGW North. Your all mine now.......:E

Captain Stable
6th Oct 2008, 17:33
"Spelled" is the past tense.

"Spelt" is the past paticiple.

Hence you would say "He spelled %$€"&* wrong. Everyone knows it's spelt %$£"&*"

CityofFlight
6th Oct 2008, 17:36
Oh my, AS... I'm afraid you might just be the poster child for this thread! :ooh: ;)

Der absolute Hammer
6th Oct 2008, 17:45
If 'spelt' is the past participle of spell then how can you say..
'It is spelt'?
Should you not rather say...using the present participle or gerund.

'Everyone knows the correct spelling is %$DM"&*"

arcniz
6th Oct 2008, 17:48
"Spelled" is the past tense.

"Spelt" is the past paticiple.


So "Smelt" is NOT just another fish pun, but also has a plaice as a fish paticiple?

Captain Stable
6th Oct 2008, 17:55
Hammer - a gerund is a noun formed from a verb, not an adjective. You probably meant gerundive.

And past participles are generally used (there's another) to describe what is so at the present. Where am I? I am seated at my computer.

And the first word that comes to mind that includes the letter combination "DM" is MADMAN... sorry about that... :}

CityofFlight
6th Oct 2008, 17:57
OH NO!! Salmon get me outta here. We've digressed to fish puns. As if this is the plaice.

BOAC
6th Oct 2008, 18:10
To enrich your vocabulary, always use a Thesaurus. - yes, but do you know another word for Thesaurus?

CityofFlight
6th Oct 2008, 18:11
But of course. Could it be any other way? ;)

ChristiaanJ
6th Oct 2008, 20:07
Capt'n,
As a furriner, I ended up pulling "The Oxford" from the shelf....
Past part. listed as both 'spelt' and 'spelled'.
Nuttin' fishy there then.

airborne_artist
6th Oct 2008, 20:18
Who thinks AA was being just a little bit facetious, hmm?

Facetious, moi? Quelle horreur :E

Whirlygig
6th Oct 2008, 21:56
Ah A_A's Guide to Forum Franglais! :ok:

Cheers

Whirls

Captain Airclues
6th Oct 2008, 22:08
Many interesting grammatical points in this thread;

http://www.pprune.org/jet-blast/330739-rainboe-5.html

Dave

Wod
6th Oct 2008, 22:57
What's going on in Pprune?

Went to bed last night and all was normal; log on this morning and there's been an outbreak of literary humour.

A-A and angels, thank you for a great start to an Antipodean day.

The Real Slim Shady
6th Oct 2008, 23:37
If in doubt always throw in a "when I flew the L1011" story.

GetTheFlick
7th Oct 2008, 00:33
Y'all outta jest be glad Eye dawn't tipe lak I tawlk. :)

Don Brown
Jest anuther redneck

CityofFlight
7th Oct 2008, 02:00
GTF... I didn't know you spoke Gaelic! :} :p ;)

Loose rivets
7th Oct 2008, 06:36
A septic on't telly yesterday spoke of a Scotchman. One will write in.

airborne_artist
7th Oct 2008, 08:42
Facetious, moi?

That's a reference to a famous John Cleese uttering - probably lost on 90% of Ppruners who are either under 40, or furriners :ok:

Arm out the window
7th Oct 2008, 09:47
I want to know why no bastard can spell 'hangar' properly.

Wod
7th Oct 2008, 09:53
"Properly" doesn't spell hangar!

"Facetious,moi?"

Slipstream86
7th Oct 2008, 11:58
Regarding said english standards on said forum:

Certain words are said far too often. Please avoid using said word.:}

GetTheFlick
7th Oct 2008, 12:08
GTF... I didn't know you spoke Gaelic!

I grew up Baptist. I can speak in tounges if need be. :) Anything but the Queen's English. ;)

Don Brown

Wiley
7th Oct 2008, 14:00
Some very funny and very clever replies on this thread, but none holds a candle to Post #2. It's (its? its'? i'ts?) so incredibly subTle, one could almost be forgiven for thinking it wasn't meant to be funny at all.

Tell us you were taking the piss, Rainboe... please.

frostbite
7th Oct 2008, 14:50
"I can speak in tounges"


Is that the language of the Toungalese people?

cockney steve
7th Oct 2008, 16:46
"I can speak in tounges"

lay off, frostbite := It's obviously a typo for "LOUNGES"

as in;- "I can talk in lounges,but get a bit self-concious in the public toilets"

LordGrumpy
7th Oct 2008, 17:11
gerund

When I gerund to it.
Do we actually get round to it, requiring obesity before performing the action? Or is that get around as in the purchase of drinks.
It all requires Clarafication. { never misstype the vowel in this noun, it might cause an offence }[ not the border between you and your neighbour ].

Captain Stable
7th Oct 2008, 18:02
Er - who is this Clara woman who insists upon being involved?

I merely ask for some clarification - if she is not involved and takes a fence (or offence), will she be gated thereafter? :oh:

barit1
7th Oct 2008, 22:01
What is the opposite of --

-- in-flammable?

-- in-verse?

-- im-portant?

-- de-cide?

-- de-cieve?

-- de-velop?

:confused:

BOAC
7th Oct 2008, 22:13
Tut tut! i before e except after c. 100 lines, barry

Arm out the window
7th Oct 2008, 22:15
Yes, it's weird how that 'i before e except after c' always works!

barit1
7th Oct 2008, 22:34
You mean you don't like my in-novative spelling? At least I still have my self-esteam!

:E

Loose rivets
7th Oct 2008, 23:04
(its? its'? i'ts?)


its? Noooo.


its'? Nope, not quite. Try again.


i'ts? Getting colder.



Yer'on Pprune tis....Tis, for heaven's sake. :8

chuks
8th Oct 2008, 05:19
It might be just a story, like G. Washington and the cherry tree, but Davy Crockett was taken to task for his ignorance, spelling "bird" "burd". He simply retorted, "If 'burd' don't spell 'bird' then what the hell do it spell?" Then he started fiddling with his Bowie knife in a certain way that caused all present to murmur agreement.

boardingpass
8th Oct 2008, 06:56
26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

I'm sorry if I'm a bit slow... but I don't get it... :\
Can someone shed some light for me?

Loose rivets
8th Oct 2008, 07:13
When you hear a pun, wadda you do? You groan. (Laughing at puns is infra dignatatem.)

So, when you have passed childhood, and dispensed with childish things (sic) what process have you undergone?

Answers on a postcard please.

tony draper
8th Oct 2008, 07:29
Tsk Tsk Mr chuks, twere Davy's mate Jim who had the big knife,Davy just had a hat made outa coons.
Hmmm is one allowed to say that these days.:uhoh:

Loose rivets
8th Oct 2008, 07:46
Coo, didn't know that. Anyway, it's supposed to be in here. If it isn't I want me money back.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/walnaze/Alamosmallres.jpg

tony draper
8th Oct 2008, 08:03
Slightly off topic,see if you had any kin there,won't be any Drapers there, we was on the Mexican side.:rolleyes:
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Ridge/2216/text/ALAMO.TXT

chuks
8th Oct 2008, 08:26
Everybody had one, not just Bowie. Or do you think it is only McPherson or Chapman with a set of struts?

tony draper
8th Oct 2008, 09:36
The Bowie knife was designed to have a weight and balance to do one complete rotation in the air when flung at a opponent from 16 feet, so one read anyway, personally one would always take a gun to a knife fight.
:rolleyes:

ORAC
8th Oct 2008, 09:52
My two problems are that I am prolix and dyslexic. :{

barit1
8th Oct 2008, 14:05
CEO - chief embezzlement officer.

CFO - corporate fraud officer.

BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the
market keeps crashing.

BROKER - What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
equally between themselves.

MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a
nuthouse.

MOMENTUM INVESTING - The fine art of buying high and selling low.

VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.

'BUY, BUY' - A flight attendant making market recommendations as you
step off the plane.

FINANCIAL PLANNER - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs
to the 7-11 for toilet paper and Pepto-Bismol.

CALL OPTION - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient
times before e-mail and I-Macs.

YAHOO - What you yell after selling all you owned to some poor sucker
for $240 per share.

WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo for $240 per share.