View Full Version : Swimming pool chat up lines - give us some!

Andy Rylance
29th Sep 2008, 20:04
Here is the story:

Matey of mine has recently gone swimming. He sees now they have a new swimming instructor. Not like any swimming instructor who stands on the side wearing shorts and t shirt. No this one stands on the side in bikini. All 19 years old and 5ft 10 of her in perfect proportions.

Mate has gone nuts. He has got himself a monthly pass for the swimming pool now so he can go as much as he wants. However he doesn't know what to use as his opening line to talk to her.

So friends at the bar have kindly helped him out with suggestions:

Do you do adult lessons?
I like picking stuff from the bottom can you help me?
I love diving but need someone to help perfect my technique with?

All the really useful stuff that will get him nothing more than a punch and banned from the pool....
But if you PPRUNErs can help save the day by giving him a range of funny lines, then he will be very pleased....

over to you lot (oh god was this the right thing to do....!) :)

29th Sep 2008, 20:05
"Thumbs up" - Len Fairclough

29th Sep 2008, 20:09
Help! glug, glug, I can't glug, glug, swii glug iim!!! :E

29th Sep 2008, 20:11
A mate eh? Better tell your "mate" that

I like picking stuff from the bottom can you help me?

is a no-no. Trust me!!



tony draper
29th Sep 2008, 20:13
Swim up to where she is standing and say
"ullo your a fine lookin bird, oops just a mo I have to pee".:rolleyes:

29th Sep 2008, 20:57
If your "mate" is, as I'd presume from the evidence presented thus far, some 40 years of age, my suggestion is that "he" find a different pool at which to swim, on the outside chance that that's MY 19 year-old daughter "he" is oggleing. By putting a stop to "his" behavior right now "he" will enhance the chances of "his" being able to celebrate a 41st birthday.


29th Sep 2008, 21:04
To be able to give proper "instructions", surely we need to know which pool he goes to?:}

29th Sep 2008, 21:13
Ooooh - a (n attractive young) woman at the swimming pool..... ooooh, bet she hasn't heard all the chat up lines and some already..... oooooh, bet she can't wait to hear another one...... :rolleyes:

Andy Rylance
29th Sep 2008, 21:14
av8boy - hate to spoil a good rant, but be a good boy and check your facts before you fire all bullets without good reason. no this is a guy of 25 so sorry to spoil your theories..

yeah perhaps i should have said that before all the "how awful that someone in their late 30s could be thinking ill thoughts about a 19 year old" - i can see all the finger waving old ladies in the church now....:hmm:

Howard Hughes
29th Sep 2008, 21:33
I think we need a pic!:E

In all seriousness if your friend wants to meet her it's fairly simple.

-Walk up, look her in the eye (not at her boobs) and say Hi!
-Make her laugh.
-Then take it from there, a woman will always let a man know (mostly via signals, but sometimes verbally) if she is interested within 30 seconds of striking up a conversation!:eek:

NB: But pleeeeeeease remember rule number one of meeting women, if you, I mean he asks her a question, LISTEN TO THE BLOODY ANSWER!:ok:

29th Sep 2008, 21:43
I wouldn't worry about the finger-waving especially... ;)

With regard to me checking my "facts," I'd point out that I have no knowledge of what is factual and what is not as far as what others have posted in this thread. On the other hand, I DO know that I have a 19 year-old daughter... Whether you believe that to be factual is of little consequence... :suspect: (see? Same dirty look)

Of course, you may think all the ill thoughts you'd like. No finger-waving or threats of bodily harm for that. But one word about "adult lessons" and I'm off my meds...


For some reason I do tend to believe that Herr Draper might well adopt the approach he's advocated. Dunno why I think that, but I do...

Andy Rylance
29th Sep 2008, 21:44
Howard is on the money, that is what I have told him... except for one thing. Sometimes initial attraction can be on fire or so so. So so can be turned into on fire with wit and charm (so my self help guide says....:ok:) so the 30 second rule don't always count...

and sorry to the ones that want swimcam attached to googles then to be downloaded - in the UK we are paranoid so much so that not even parents can take pictures of their own kids taking swimming lessons now :ugh:

Howard Hughes
29th Sep 2008, 21:47
(so my self help guide says....)
You've read my book then?:E

Lafyar Cokov
29th Sep 2008, 21:48
Best swimming pool chat-up line: Do you fancy a length????

Andy Rylance
29th Sep 2008, 21:52
Yeah Mr H, the book has been really helpful but it was the DVD that really sold it for me, especially where you demonstrated how not to do it.. very interesting - did it hurt when that woman smacked you one?! :ouch: :D:)

yes the length one... mmm so i suppose you could ask whether you prefer length or width - oh god it has degenerated already :{

Howard Hughes
29th Sep 2008, 21:54
did it hurt when that woman smacked you one?!
Yes it did, but that's where my next book 'medicine for single men' comes in handy!;)

Andy Rylance
29th Sep 2008, 21:58
dear dear "medicine for single men" - all out of stock on amazon, you must be making a mint.

back to the task in hand (he said refering to page 43 of medicine for single men and the diagram)...

Howard Hughes
29th Sep 2008, 22:12
Which brings us nicely back to 'length'!;)

29th Sep 2008, 22:14
How about : I'm having a party in my Speedo's ...can you come ??

29th Sep 2008, 22:15
I think it's in your title.

"Give us some!" :E

29th Sep 2008, 22:45
This Face is Leaving in 5 Minutes........

Be On It........:ok::}

29th Sep 2008, 22:50
Well my foot could be!!

One needs to be careful with the old cliché lines - there are always retorts and put downs!



29th Sep 2008, 22:54
Fancy coming back to my place for a coffee and a F%&*.. NO!!

What you don't like Coffee???? :}:}

29th Sep 2008, 22:57
I can see it now:

1. One-liner
2. Response
3. Awkward silence

Gotta get over the fear of talking to women. Believe it or not, they're just like everyone else.

Ok, that didn't help. Try this:

Explain that you need to learn how to swim because you're going to work in an orphanage by the ocean for a year.

29th Sep 2008, 23:05
Fancy coming back to my place for a coffee and a F%&*
-in' awful time? No thanks!

What you don't like Coffee????
Actually no, it's a vile drink!



29th Sep 2008, 23:25

Different Strokes " Oops there i go again " for Different folks..

In any case i didn't think the thread was about you, But a supple 19 year old swim instructor? :E

29th Sep 2008, 23:55
Why don't you ask .........."have you got a float rating?"..........If not then regale her of stupendous flying tales complete with hands flashing around representing aircraft in flight and the day you saved the world with nothing on the dials but the makers name............

30th Sep 2008, 00:09
Perhaps there is a swimming instructor's forum out there where a young bikini-clad girl is telling other instructors about this young fella who has started coming to the pool every day and can't keep his eyes off her (along with every other geezer in the water). I am crap at chat-up lines, so can't be of much help, but perhaps you, as a friend, could try the old "my mate fancies you" line? Or then again maybe you should tell him to start acting like a proper geezer and just go and ask her out. After all, she can only say no, then he can cancel his membership fees and save himself some cash. I actually went out with a very pretty swimming instructor when I was in my 20s, but she cheated on me with a medical student who later turned into a Christian and dumped her because, and this is true, God told him to. God, what is he like? This is all of absolutely no use to your friend, of course, but after all those years I felt I had to tell someone.
Rotaryman, how do you know Whirls is not supple?
Best wishes

30th Sep 2008, 00:20
"I'm having dinner at, (name of good local eatery), tonight and was wondering if you would care to join me?" (definitely no sexual references in initial approach phase:=).

It may sound boring but the old tried and trusted are usually the best:ok:

30th Sep 2008, 00:28
To answer your question:Rotaryman, how do you know Whirls is not supple?

I Don't mate, my point being is that the original thread was about a supple 19 year old swim instructor...:ugh:

30th Sep 2008, 00:41
Fair point mate

30th Sep 2008, 00:44
but it was meant to be a light hearted remark

Andy Rylance
30th Sep 2008, 07:35
Yes so far the suggestions are not mind blowing.. i will consult at lunchtime to see if anyone has come up with some knock down punch lines.. but like the sea plane one, maybe that would be a second or third line in :)

30th Sep 2008, 07:40
FWIW If it were me I would try growing up and behave like an adult human being…instead of an adolescent schoolboy.

No chat up lines. Try treating her like an intelligent human being and not like an object. Talk to her, listen her answers, look her in the eye when speaking to her. Take it one step at a time. He may only end up being friends but you can’t have too many friends.

I bet her life if full of ogling adolescent males, don’t become just another one.


30th Sep 2008, 08:01

"They're nice"

Never worked for me, but hey!

30th Sep 2008, 08:26
Could ask her if she has the new I-breasts. For years girls have been complaining that guys look at their breasts instead of listening to them. Now, thanks to the new I-breast, you can listen to them :ok:

30th Sep 2008, 08:32
"scuse me, but could you help me find my trunks?" :ok:

30th Sep 2008, 08:33
Just stand their lick your eye brows and ask her out for a coffee!

30th Sep 2008, 08:47
Excuse me miss, is it OK to practise my breast stroke...

No? OK, I'll get my coat

30th Sep 2008, 09:18
How about : I'm having a party in my Speedo's

Well unfortunately the 'S' fell off my trunks, and they called the cops..;)

30th Sep 2008, 09:41
Read a book called 'The Game' before pulling your moves....

30th Sep 2008, 11:29
Honestly, no one's shown any imagination in chat up lines so far.
Just say to her 'what do think of the recent weather we're having'? Non threatening, no crude inneundo. When she responds you can then bring in holidays, what she does on days off etc.

30th Sep 2008, 11:37
How about: "would you care to join me for breakfast"
Followed by: "do you want a call or a nudge" :E

30th Sep 2008, 11:39
If he wants to make an impression, just tell him to get himself along there in a Borat style mankini! :}

30th Sep 2008, 12:34
In any case i didn't think the thread was about you,

No, really? :rolleyes: :ugh:

I was just trying to point out that for every hackneyed chat up line that blokes can come up with, there is always a retort meant to deflate. Girls of 19 learn them from Cosmo magazine! :} And there are no new lines; heard all of these before 20 years ago. :hmm:

To the OP's "mate", just try talking to her. Say "hello", smile, if you get a smile back, then talk about the number of people in the pool, the weather, anything mundane. Gauge body language and listen!



30th Sep 2008, 12:55
Failed chat-up lines, slightly off topic, but relevant.
Scene: Small rural public bar
Time: Last night, beer o'clock
Cast: 6 divorced, still single men, ages 30 -64, 1 thirtyish attractive female.
Action: Female (chirpy) enters bar, brief chat to barkeep, comes over to assembled throng brandishing printed paper sheet.

"Hi, this lottery, raffle, thingy is for Macmillan Cancer Research. All you have to do is put a cross in a square, and you could have the chance of winning some gorgeous expensive cosmetics for your lucky ladies"
Exit pursued by...

Ps absolutely nothing against the charity, but none of the lipsticks looked like our colour..

30th Sep 2008, 13:05
Nearly thirty years ago, before we even got married, wife worked as a barmaid in a mining town while waiting for a proper job. OK, with two degrees, she was never designed to be a barmaid, but I used to listen to her stories of the chat up lines, all delivered as though they were original.

"It really seems as though these guys think it's the first time these precious lines have ever been delivered. How the hell do some women listen to them for thirty years?"

It was a good lesson for me.

Andy Rylance
30th Sep 2008, 18:55
Thanks so far, we may go for a different tactic. This guy's sister has a kid of swimming learning age, and this instructor does one to one lessons for rich kids. So he has decided not only to help out sister by taking the kid "swimming" but to fork out for private lessons - problem is that we don't yet know whether you get allocated a swimming instructor on arrival or whether you can point and go THAT ONE PLEASE! :)

We will see....it might be costly, and he might have the ugly one that does lessons. Could go wrong, but hey, speculate to accumulate in these days....

30th Sep 2008, 23:54
Geez! No offence intended, at least no more than's due, but the mankini would be less creepy than what you've all dreamed up!
Your propsal is pure Freakcityfunksville. :eek:

BTW: It's 'do lessons', not 'does lessons, Old Man'. :=

1st Oct 2008, 00:13
So he has decided not only to help out sister by taking the kid "swimming" but to fork out for private lessons - problem is that we don't yet know whether you get allocated a swimming instructor on arrival or whether you can point and go THAT ONE PLEASE!I'd just take niece swimming on occasion and give her some coaching -- and perhaps, ask for teaching pointers or availability of lessons. One on one is expensive and group lessons is a bit more normal. Bring kid to lessons and offer to help out.

BUT this does mean a commitment to niece to take her to lessons for a year or so. And yes, you do need to convey that you are not father, just enthusiastic about swimming and enjoy introducing niece to fine sport.

Oh yes, keep quiet to niece about your motivation as kids are quick to spill the beans:E

kiwi chick
1st Oct 2008, 03:09
Hmmmmm, yes. :bored:

Sleezy versus gentlemanly? I would normally go for the "gentlemanly" pick up stuff myself (I mean, used on me, I don't use it on other woman ;)) but then I'm thinking...

If this chick wears a bikini as a Life Guard/Swim Instructor (FFS?!!) when everyone else is wearing boardies and a t-shirt, it kinda gives an idea of what she's like... I would say if your mate aint hot, he's got no show.

Felix Saddler
1st Oct 2008, 03:28
He's a 25yr old perving on a 19 year old? Much better..?

1st Oct 2008, 04:06
Clearly IMHO some people on here need to get a sense of Humour...:ok::}

1st Oct 2008, 05:01
Women don't want a goody two shoes hitting on them ....they want someone who is a gentleman and a bit of a rogue at the same time..

How about something like....a guy looking at the girl in the pool...

"I was looking forward to a swim but I didn't know the water was so cold"..

then when she laughs.....

1st Oct 2008, 05:21
Rotaryman is a Lesbian!!!! :}:}:ok:

Windy Militant
1st Oct 2008, 10:09
Ask to see her badge, er I mean Lifesaving qualifications.
Show her yer Watch.
Ask her to look after the keys to your Porsche, Mercedes, Aston.......:}

1st Oct 2008, 11:08
Well, whatever you do, make sure your tackle is safely stowed in your shorts on exiting the water - my cousin didn't at the local pool and then walked the length of the pool past curious onlookers before realising what they were all staring at....

Andy Rylance
1st Oct 2008, 16:48
Ah you guys crack me up, but even more funny is that the manager of the pool has just put up all the staff pictures and names on a who is who noticeboard.... and her picture and name is on the noticeboard part right next to the female changing rooms, so to view it you virtually need to be at the entrance of the female changing rooms to check her picture out, so this is going to be interesting..... :rolleyes:

1st Oct 2008, 19:49
Strewth Whirls, you must have been a hard one to crack! We need Agony Aunt back so you can run a course on how to crack the impregnable (is that the right word?)!

1st Oct 2008, 20:02
Well, the ladies here have never heard my, er, 'chat up' line.

"Well hi there. Would you like to fool around?"

(Then quick before they can answer.)

"It won't take long and you won't feel a thing."

Problem is that it never worked. :(


1st Oct 2008, 20:02
"If you think this pool gets you wet, wait 'til you get back to my place" ;-) It did result in a smack in the chops though... what I do wrong!?!

Richard Taylor
1st Oct 2008, 20:45
If you don't want to go straight for the breaststroke, you could always take it more gently - start with the backstroke & work your way round.

kiwi chick
3rd Oct 2008, 02:19
Con-Pilot... are you SURE I wasn't married to you?! :E

Reluctant 737.... sigh. I cannot for the world figure out why you got smacked....

(Howie you may need to start charging for your advice - it's pretty spot-on!)

Howard Hughes
3rd Oct 2008, 02:22
Well it has certainly worked for me over the years...;)

3rd Oct 2008, 07:09
Would you like to see my prawn trawler?

3rd Oct 2008, 12:58
the safest way for a shy person:

Every time you go to the swimming pool, first say hi to her like "hello, how are you today?" and make a big smile, then don't pay attention to her during your "swimming" session. Then, when you leave, say bye to her like "Have a good evening, see you tomorrow", still with a big smile.

Do this for 1 week in a row and start throwing other lines like "you work a lot, you are here everyday!", it will open discussions. This way, you are very present in her memory, then don't go to the pool for 4 days and come back on the 5th day. When you come back, go say hi, and see if she asks you questions like "where have you been? its been a long time, blabla". If she doesn't ask questions then she doesn't care.

3rd Oct 2008, 13:08
Stand a bit closer i'm just warming the water up.

3rd Oct 2008, 13:15
double post sorry

Andy Rylance
3rd Oct 2008, 21:36
Well it got much more interesting this evening.

She was doing a life saving course with another girl and was having to give simulated mouth to mouth. Not only that but she was wearing a t shirt saying "private tuition available".... you would have to be someone with no sense of humour not to see the funny side of that :)

3rd Oct 2008, 21:38
It's very good of you to go along with your 'friend' every time.

Andy Rylance
3rd Oct 2008, 21:39
I didn't, he told me... maybe it was just a dream...

3rd Oct 2008, 22:24
Didn't have time to read all the posts so someone may have said this already. Just tell your mate to go up and say 'Hi. I'm a pilot' She's his.:yuk:

Howard Hughes
3rd Oct 2008, 22:34
Would you like to see my prawn trawler?
That old thing? Who hasn't seen that?:}

kiwi chick
13th Oct 2008, 01:05
:D :D :D

That may have just outdone Howard's advice... :E

Howard Hughes
13th Oct 2008, 02:33
Take your young son along to the pool, if you don't have one borrow one from someone else, you won't need pick up lines then!

Or so I have heard...;)

26th Jan 2010, 17:07
Over 100 great lines, give them a try and let me know how you get on- Great pick up lines (http://www.whatpoll.com/funny-pick-up-lines)

28th Jan 2010, 04:09
lizzie - quick. Change your ID to Lazarus. This is the most amazing resurrection of the dead that I've seen in a long while. :}

28th Jan 2010, 05:59
I am curious now, how did it end?

Did his 'mate' get to go out with her, or was he carted off by the police?


28th Jan 2010, 06:21
Well as a mate found out a while ago, the easiest way to pull the ladies is to start pulling 50s out of the wallet, just keep going until they start paying attention...

Wait.. Sorry, this is for pilots so a 50 doesn't exist in a pilot's wallet. :E

28th Jan 2010, 06:26
Am I crying because there's too much chlorine in this pool or because you are a sight for sore eyes? (To be followed by a smile or a quick butterfly getway before she punches you).

28th Jan 2010, 08:45

write his own phone number on his back (so she can see it whilst he's swimming) and hope for a call


ask the chick in question for the phone number of the second hottest life guard chick, and see what the response is....

Both are untried, and I take no responsibility for any injuries that may result etc.

28th Jan 2010, 09:40
I'm with kiwi chick on this one. Good looking girls do go out with less-than-good-looking guys - but not those who choose to wear a bikini when forced to stand by a pool as an instructor all day.

If the guy in question isn't an Adonis with a six pack, tell him to rent another movie and forget it. :hmm:

28th Jan 2010, 13:41
Reminds me of the old joke:

Australian bloke walking down a beach - when he sees a good looking woman lying on a towel - "hey Sheila do you fancy a f**k" - "Well I didn't, but I do now you smooth talking b*****d"

28th Jan 2010, 13:59
How about "you don't flounder much for a fat girl"?

Sure fire winner:ok:

28th Jan 2010, 16:53
"Do those help you float?" :ok: