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notmyC150v2
26th Sep 2008, 01:35
A man woke up in hospital after a car accident to find that the left hand side of his body had been amputated.


No need for concern though.




--

i apologise for this in advance

--




--




i am really very sorry






The doctors said that he'll be alright.

Lon More
26th Sep 2008, 10:18
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!

I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh &blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going togive this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5 inches long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...? I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dip shit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

*(^%#@, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.

Standard Noise
26th Sep 2008, 10:32
Statistics say that women are smarter than men one reason being that they can fake orgasms.
Men say - Big f**king deal, try faking a whole relationship just for a regular shag!
======================================================

A young lad says to his granny, 'I think grandad's gone loopy, he says that God switches the light on for him when he goes to the toilet, then when he's finished, God switches the light off again.'
Granny replies ' f**king hell, the stupid old bastard's been p1ssing in the fridge again.'

goudie
26th Sep 2008, 11:08
Gordon and Alistair visit a Pub




Gordon Brown called Alastair Darling into his office one day & said, 'Alastair , I have a great idea! We are going to go all out to win back Middle England '.

'Good idea PM, how will we go about it?' said Darling.

'Well' said Brown 'we'll get ourselves two of those long Barbour coats, some proper wellies, a stick & a flat cap, oh & a Labrador . Then we'll really look the part. We'll go to a nice old country pub, in Much Something or other, & we'll show we really enjoy the countryside, ....... oh & remember not to mention the hunting with dogs Act'

'Right PM' said Darling. So a few days later, all kitted out & with the requisite Labrador at heel, they set off from London .

Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking for & found a lovely country pub &, with the dog, went in & up to the bar.

'Good evening Landlord, two pints of you best ale, from the wood please' said Brown

'Good evening, Prime Minister' said the landlord, 'two pints of best it is, coming up'

Brown & Darling stood leaning on the bar contemplating new taxes, nodding now & again to those who came in for a drink, whilst the dog lay quietly at their feet. As they drank their beer they chatted about how heart-rending it was that pensioners were being imprisoned for not paying the council tax.

All of a sudden, the door from the adjacent bar opened & in came a grizzled old shepherd, complete with crook. He walked up to the Labrador lifted its tail & looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders & walked back to the other bar.


A few moments later, in came a wizened farmer who followed the same procedure.

To the bewilderment of Brown & Darling people of all ages & gender followed suit over the next hour.

Eventually, unable to stand it any longer, Darling called the landlord over.

'Tell me' said Darling, 'Why did all those people come in & look under the dog's tail like that? Is it an old country custom?

'Good Lord no,' said the landlord. 'It's just that someone has told them that there was a Labrador in this bar with two arseholes'.

Ancient Mariner
26th Sep 2008, 11:27
The Gordon and Alistair joke reminds me of a business visit to Limerick many years ago. Our host wanted to take us to a pub up in the hills after the meeting and up we went, complete with business suits, white shirts and ties. The pub was crowded, but when we arrived it all went deadly silent. It stayed that way until an old farmhand realised that two of us were not speaking English, but some foreign language and inquired whereabouts we came from to which we duly answered Norway.
The old guy wiped his forehead and uttered "Though you were the tax guys". We ordered two rounds for all and had a bloody great time.
Per

Parapunter
26th Sep 2008, 11:30
Diesel: SFW XXX | Creativity Online (http://creativity-online.com/work/view?seed=349ffa2b)

goudie
26th Sep 2008, 11:32
Patrick staggered into a bar in Dublin, covered all over in bandages, plaster and the like, and using a crutch to help him walk.
"Begorrah, Patrick", said the Barman, "What happened to you?"
"T'was Micheal O'Leary did this to me", said Patrick. "In his right hand he had a shovel, and with that shovel he set about hitting my legs and back, which is why I've one leg in plaster and having to use a crutch"
"What about your arms and head wounds?", said the Barman
"Well, in his left hand he had a hammer, and with that hammer he set about thrashing me around the head and arms, which is why I've an arm in plaster and can only use one eye!"
"But Patrick", said the Barman, "Didn't you have anything in your hands?"
"I did too", said Patrick. "I had Mrs O'Leary's breasts in my hands; and things of beauty they were too, but useless in a fight!"

barry lloyd
26th Sep 2008, 11:36
In the same vein as C150:

There was a Scottish painter named Wayne who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the
local Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one
of their biggest buildings.
Wayne put in a bid, and, because his price was so low, he got the job.
So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and
buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with
turpentine.
Well, Wayne was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly
completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky
opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over
the church and knocking Wayne clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and
useless paint.
Wayne was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he
got down on his knees and cried:
'Oh, God, forgive me; what should I do?'
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke...



'Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!'

OK, OK, coat, wallet, front door keys...

eticket
26th Sep 2008, 11:54
You have to feel sorry for an egg.

It only gets laid once.
It only takes three minutes to get hard, but then it gets hit on the head with a spoon
The only one who sits on its face is its mother.




yes I know it was Jack Dee and yes it first appeared here in 2002

barit1
26th Sep 2008, 12:55
http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b78/barit1/know.jpg

Jinkster
26th Sep 2008, 14:58
Why don't Russians wear Y-Fronts?

Because Chernobyl Fallout

goudie
26th Sep 2008, 16:22
It was Scotland/Ireland 'International' weekend in Edinburgh , and as the
crowds made their way down Princess Street towards Murrayfield, a Rottweiler

suddenly lunged towards an eight year old Scottish lass, with its jaws wide
open ready to attack.

The crowd nearby gasped in horror but,quick as a flash,a man jumped out of
the crowd, grabbed the dog by the throat and throttled it.

As the dead dog lay there, and the crowd cheered in admiration, a journalist

from the Glasgow Herald who had witnessed the heroic deed, went up to the
man and said,

'That was brilliant, I can see the headline now.'

'Irish Rugby Fan Saves Young Girl From Certain Death.'

The man replied,

' No you've got it wrong.. I'm not here for the rugby!'

'Don't worry' said the journalist,

'I can see the headline now.'

'Irishman Saves Girl From Jaws Of Rottweiler'

The man replied,

'No you're wrong again. I'm not Irish; I'm from Berkshire .. '

The journalist said,

'Don't worry, I can see the headline now'

'English Bastard Strangles Family Pet!!!!'

Havana
26th Sep 2008, 16:38
I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.

I honestly answered, 'No. this is my first time'.

She unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was . 'Just a minute,' she said and walked to the door and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' she asked.

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said, it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.' So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few minutes. She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on OK?' she asked.

I said, 'I sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.

She fainted.

pigboat
26th Sep 2008, 23:28
Lambskin condoms come in two sizes, Wolly Bully and Little Bo Peep.

Rule3
27th Sep 2008, 09:16
What is the difference between Michael J and a shopping bag?
Answer. One is white, made of plastic and dangerous if left with small children and the other is to carry your groceries.

ExSp33db1rd
27th Sep 2008, 09:59
Labradors Ar****oles

Just after the end of sanctions against Southern Rhodesia, took one of the first British Aeroplanes reviving the service to Salisbury - sorry, Harare. Was told the joke about the lion who was seen licking the arse of another lion - 'cos he'd just eaten an Englishman and wanted to get the taste out of his mouth.

radeng
30th Sep 2008, 13:34
The Sweetness of Married Life

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'

'Where are you going, Coochy Coo?' asked the wife.

'I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face,' he answered. I'm going to have a beer.'

The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... You know...they have frozen glasses... '

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, 'You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?' She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those 20 hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'

'You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.

'But my sweet honey... at the bar.... you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that...'

'You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? Listen up, Chicken Sh*t! Sit your ass down and shut the hell up! Drink your beer in your frozen mug and eat your hors d'oeuvres because your married ass isn't going to a damn bar!!!! That sh*t is over!! Got it, Jackass?"

frostbite
30th Sep 2008, 14:41
1 Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so
fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

2 A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, ' F*** the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!'

3 Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees.
Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?'
Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.
Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.
Dad says, 'So what were you watching?'
Billy says, 'Wimbledon.'

4 A woman standing nude in front of a mirror, says to her husband, 'I look horrible, I feel fat & ugly, pay me a compliment.'
He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'

5 An elderly couple is attending Mass.
About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'
He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

radeng
1st Oct 2008, 12:00
A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears
strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed,
sweating and panting.

'What's up?' she asks. 'I'm having a heart attack,' cries the husband.

The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but
just as she's dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says,
'Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she's got
no clothes on!'
The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs
into the bedroom, right past her husband, and rips open the closet
door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering
on the closet floor.

'You rotten 'B#tch', she screams.
'My husband's having a heart attack, and
you're running around naked scaring the kids!!'

spannerless
1st Oct 2008, 12:36
3 chaps were sent off to the wilds of Africa to shoot a new documentary of lions in the wild.

Scene:

African plains

The 3 guys settle in for the shoot and are having quite a successful day.

They managed to see a pride with a birth of a new cub, several fights between rival males and a whole session of feline conception, enough to keep a gynaecologist happy for weeks!

Anyway it was getting late dusk was rolling in but they hadnít managed to capture a lion kill.

Sensing the lions were getting a little hungry the presenter asked for a break and promptly stooped down and started fumbling with something in his bag to which he produced a pair of Nike trainers

The sound man wondering what he was doing asked the presenter what are you putting those on for?

To which the presenter replied the lions are hungry itís getting late and as long as I can run faster than you two Iím alright!

PingDit
2nd Oct 2008, 12:26
Paddy wins £6m on the National Lottery. The next day, Camelot 'phone him and say: "Paddy, we've got a slight cashflow problem at the moment. Will it be ok if we give you £3m tomorrow, and the other £3m next week?"
Paddy says: "If you're gonna mess me about, just give me my fekin pound back".

radeng
3rd Oct 2008, 14:49
Have your sound on.


Vote Here After Some Campaigning (http://www.peteyandpetunia.com/VoteHere/VoteHere.htm)

merlinxx
3rd Oct 2008, 16:34
Great I've mailed to some chums in CA, they'd not seen it.

4PON4PIN
3rd Oct 2008, 18:45
Good Link Radeng. Cheered me up having read the disturbing statistic that 9 out 10 people enjoy gang-rape. Some weirdos about!!:oh:

treadigraph
3rd Oct 2008, 20:15
Love it Radeng! A few beers clearly helped me, but Class!

Track Coastal
4th Oct 2008, 06:27
This is from news hound Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal:

... I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis .. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEETUP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively s itting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spur t on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you
put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something
up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from so mewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, Feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

ABOUT THE WRITER
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.

Gooneyone
4th Oct 2008, 16:53
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics ?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The Pres ident.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government .
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future .
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad,
I think I understand the concept of politics now.'

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words
what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies,
'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep.
The People are being ignored and the future is in deep s*it .

radeng
9th Oct 2008, 21:25
In an Australian bar, a digger and kiwi aere talking. The digger said,

'Sheep here are so tough you need a good grip'

The kiwi said' ours are tougher'.

After some argument, the barkeep asked ' Why don't you squeeze a lemon/?The guy with the best grip gets the most juice and has the best grip'.

So the digger sqeezed the lemon, and a whole load of juice came out. When he finished, the kiwi squeezed and more came out..The digger had another go and so it went on until neither could get any more out. At this stage, a miserable little pommy tourist, standing 5 foot 4 and weighing about 80 kilos stood up and diffidently asked if he could try. They all took then piss until he picked up the lemons and squeezed another 15 ml from each one.

Astounded, the digger aksed 'How do you do that?

'Simple' says the weedy pom, ' I work for the income tax'.

At this, another digger comes from the back of the bar,

'Hey, cobber, I work at the blood bank, and we're running short. There's some stones out the back - can you help us?'.

Heatseeker
11th Oct 2008, 11:46
A major International company was looking to
hire someone for an important position,
so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down
to three people from different parts of the world.
In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same
question to answer within 24 hours, and the one with the best answer would get the job.

The question was: A man and a woman are in bed, nude.
The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing the woman's back.
What is the man's name?
After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their answers.
The first, from Canada, says
"My answer is, there IS no answer."

The second, from New Zealand, says
"My answer is that there is no way to determine the answer with the information we were given."

The third one, from Australia, says
"I'm not exactly sure, but I have it narrowed down to two names.
It's either:
Willie Turner or Willie Naylor."

The Australian got the job...

Arm out the window
11th Oct 2008, 12:24
That reminds me ... (un-PC alert):

There were three women in the running for a job in the financial sector.
The male boss says "Here's $5000 each, go do what you think's best with it and report back to me in a week."
A week goes by and they're all back in the office again.
"So, how'd you go?" says the boss.
One of the women steps up.
"Well, I took the $5000, went to the racetrack, put it on a horse I had a hot tip for. It won, and I doubled my money."
The second woman says, "I used the $5000 to buy some imported homewares from a little shop I know that was going out of business. I knew they were extremely underpriced, and when I sold them on I tripled my money."
The third woman says, "I've been carefully following the progress of a small mining company who were doing promising exploratory work. I used my $5000 to buy shares at precisely the right moment, the shares took off and I quadrupled my money overnight."
The boss looked at them, obviously impressed.
"Right," he said, "I have to consider my decision, so come back tomorrow morning and I'll let you know who I'm hiring."

Can you guess who got the job?








Yes, that's correct. The one with the biggest t1t5.

BDiONU
12th Oct 2008, 07:23
Following the problems in the financial markets around the US and Europe, uncertainty has now hit Japan.

In the last seven days Origami Bank has folded. Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today, shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.

Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

The Nr Fairy
12th Oct 2008, 07:41
Whereas Bukkake Bank is reportedly going to take it on the chin :)

merlinxx
12th Oct 2008, 07:53
Toooo much Nipon movie watching for you, He He:ok::\:oh::} (and she said it "tastes salty" in Japanese)

BDiONU
12th Oct 2008, 22:07
http://www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/69258/1223847218/bubbly.jpg