View Full Version : Not The Best Movies

24th Sep 2008, 11:54
One has the insomnia and the TV, and sometimes a good boring golden oldie on the latter will overcome the former. One entertains hopes, often the only entertaining element available.

But then again, we have unspeakables like last night, with the endless misery, hour after hour, of "How Green Was My (Bloody) Valley", a bunch of unlikely Welshchoirmen droning on with every predictable Welsh tear-jerker of a song, and brave old Mum in the background being brave constantly by Just Carrying On When All Around Her Was Crumbling and in the alternative from time to time, unfortunately, being in the foreground too, but also brave. Brave and Wise old Dad ends up below a few tons of rock down the pit, so he gets to quit Looking Serious and being Brave and Wise and Pipesmoking.

Mind you, there we were in The Valleys and who should be with us but Bloody Barry Bloody Irish Fitzgerald, twinkling bloody eyes occulting at regular and I suppose prescribed intervals between his having the puff or two at the pipe, just the little Puck of a Fella to be sure. Was there a movie made between 1930 and 1950 that was not infested by that SOB? He was the Robin Williams of his age.

Maureen O'Hara was good as usual, but lacked John Wayne. When they wanted a crowd scene in The Valley, as to celebrate a rockfall underground, the horn has but to sound at The Pit and dense thundering herds of Villagers appear at the well-marshalled trot, filling the street as per Eisenstein in The Battleship Potemkin or that dancing Italian lot in Cavalleria Rusticana. Rather a pity, really, there were no Cossacks to slap them around with sabres. Probably busy suppressing Idris and Gwillim and Lloyd further up the Valley.

One highlight last night came when the youthful Roddy McDowall got five in the mouth at school. He was behaving like a half-wit, of course; just asking for it. Best of all, there was not a hint of Leslie Howard or Robert Donat, that poncy pair who were so often foisted on the Depression generation, and little wonder they were depressed, when once in a blue moon they could scrape up a shilling for an extravagant night out at the movies.

Rating: Two thumbs down, slept scarcely a wink.

Windy Militant
24th Sep 2008, 11:59
Read the book far better than the film, you don't have to put up with the Dick van Dyke accents! :ugh:

Far better film was Proud Valley with Paul Robeson. ;)

tony draper
24th Sep 2008, 12:16
Some of those movies are so bad they are good,like the old episodes of Star Trek,watched one featuring the ubiquitous John Mills tother afternoon,I think he was the Robin Williams of a decade later, I could never stand the bloke,anyway Millsey was a wronged and innocent prisoner recently release from nick determined to track down the authors of his misery,the scenery was the star,the seedy Thames/Gravesend waterfront of the late forties early fifties,plot and acting so bad it was good,came upon it whilst channel surfing and sat riveted by its awfullness.
Dunno what the title was.

24th Sep 2008, 16:49
Sounds like "The Long Memory" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0044849/) Mr Drapes.

Filmed in Gravesend.

24th Sep 2008, 18:14
Tony Draper said.....

"Some of those movies are so bad they are good,like the old episodes of Star Trek,watched one featuring the ubiquitous John Mills "

I didn`t know that John Mills had been in Star Trek, was that before he got his knighthood?

24th Sep 2008, 18:24
Pineridge - look at the bloody commas. They make a sort of parenthetical statement.

Davaar _ that sounds like a REALLY bad night's non-sleep. I get the feeling your BP was rising as you absorbed the awfulness of what you were watching. Maybe the OFF switch would have been a better alternative.
The Ancient Mariner

tony draper
24th Sep 2008, 18:27
Then there is the one beloved by the ladies and the chaps who design ladies frocks,Brief Encounter,it induces immediate violent projectile vomiting in oneself.

24th Sep 2008, 18:54
I hope you sleep better tonight. With regard to 'Tir nan Og', well we know that of youth it has been said... it is so wasted on the young.
Best wishes

24th Sep 2008, 19:10
I love it when the scenery's the star. I have all the Ealing comedies on DVD & apart from being (mostly) great, the window on England is wonderful.

24th Sep 2008, 19:13
Trevor Howard was adjudged by the army to be a Psychopath. Not a lot of people know that.

Arm out the window
24th Sep 2008, 20:51
Rainy day yesterday, stumbled on some rubbish starring Steve Irwin, the dear departed croc hunter, and his seppo Mrs. keeping a croc from the nasty clutches of poachers. Almost unbelievably bad, but not quite.

24th Sep 2008, 20:58
Moulin Rouge..
The g/f had heard just how fan-blinking-tastic this film was. Was ejected after 10 mins...5 of which was me saying "It's got to get better" did it?
Hercules goes to New York....Arnies first [made for cinema film] as an "Actor" rather than a "Charactor" in Pumping Iron...great film
Driller Killer...hired by the FIL [the film, the film] was this guy with a battery powered drill [yes I know that we now have cordless drills] literally Drilling folks...and they stood there and let him :ugh:

tony draper
24th Sep 2008, 21:14
Of course there were some good Brit movies of that period the Ealing Comedies,ie Tichfield Thunderbolt,Passport to Pimlico ect,but the majority were pretty grim,I remember even as a sprog groaning at the Whitehall Farces,Brian Rix with his trouser constantly falling down,that the older folks at the time seemed to find hilarious.
Truth was we post war Brit sprog liked American Movies,cowboys and such.

25th Sep 2008, 04:09
Did the same a few weeks back and was subjected to Cosh Boy a 1952 stinker that even Joan Collins couldnt save.:hmm:

James Kenney ... Roy Walsh

Joan Collins ... Rene Collins
Betty Ann Davies ... Elsie Walsh
Robert Ayres ... Bob Stevens
Hermione Baddeley ... Mrs. Collins
Hermione Gingold ... Queenie
Nancy Roberts ... Gran Walsh
Laurence Naismith ... Inspector Donaldson
Ian Whittaker ... Alfie Collins
Stanley Escane ... Pete
Michael McKeag ... Brian
Sean Lynch ... Darky
Johnny Briggs ... Skinny (as John Briggs)
Edward Evans ... Sgt. Woods
Cameron Hall ... Mr. Beverley

25th Sep 2008, 15:25
Thanks for the generous donations, which will be passed to The Deserving Poor or maybe The Undeserving Poor.

John Mills was a bit Millsish, although born, I see, at some naval college. "Brief Encounter" was not nearly brief enough; and I can believe that bit about Trevor Howard. Incidentally I have read of a very prominent star whom the RN "let go" long ago.

Not all the post-war movies were awful, just too many. The British industry seems to have been a collection of repertory theatres, with actors the otherwise unemployables who had managed to ring the bell. How much were they paid? I wonder. Not much, I suspect. The stars in “Geneviève” for example were paid in pennies, so I read. We saw them all in nameless movie after movie. Good luck to them.

Draper has long-since reduced them to categories, the Hellish loyal lower deck lads who worshipped the officers although with the occasional wry quip to show how jolly independent they really were, hearts of gold though; the dashed decent officers with stiff upper lips who would send/lead the chaps Over The Top with fixed (a) bayonets and (b) the rictus of a grin; and all inspired by an English Rose bsck home.

The English Rose (if officer-meat) lived back home with Daddy in the vicarage. If she were betrothed to the lower deck (and therefore wearing the obligatory turban or head-scarf at that time affected in “the factory” and nowadays by the upper middles or uppers at equestrian meets, or by New Brits) she lived with Dad, a testy, not real bright, but lovable shop steward who never quite understood what was going on. He too had a heart of gold, of course

You may say, then, sure you may, Why not just select a title, rent the movie and minimise the risk? Why not! Glad you ask. I’ll tell you.

In preparation for one insomniac weekend, I did look for suitable materials. At the shop I found a whole shelf full of Sherlock Holmes adventures. Well, thought I, the upside may not be outstanding, but there will be limits to the horrors of the downside.

I put movie #1 in the machine. Sure enough, there were Holmes, Watson, Inspector Lestrade, the client, the deerstalker, the pipe, all as per expectations. It was a fairly short movie, though, so when it was over I decided to move right along to #2.

That was when I got the eerie feeling of déjà vu: had I not seen this before? Damn’ right I had, and I knew when: déjà, about an hour before, that’s when; and I’ll tell you where: in movie #1, that’s where.

You may be sure I approached movie #3 with a wild surmise and sure enough, there too was my old pal déjà, as before.

Apart from the new client that each movie pretty much must have, the tale was carried by Holmes, Watson, and Old Faithful Lestrade. Scenes in all three movies had "connective tissue" that involved these three making non-committal remarks. The theatrical “business” was not complicated, and all three had parts of the same “connective tissue”, neatly cut and pasted from #1 to #2 and #3.

If seen months apart, as in “going to the pictures”, the transplants would never be noticed. Seen all together at once, there they were!


Roger Sofarover
25th Sep 2008, 15:35

Do you use The Internet Movie Database (IMDb) (http://www.imdb.com) ?

An awesome site for info and reviews on any movie or program ever made (just about). You need to get on there and start writing reviews mate, you have the knack!:ok:

tony draper
25th Sep 2008, 15:45
Buggah! missed The Man In Grey, ch4 this afternoon!! starring Margret Lockwood, stirred our young loins she did.

25th Sep 2008, 17:06
I think IMDB is not a patch on what it was (since Yahoo took it over?).

I have found several errors lately, and as for posting reviews etc., be prepared to send them your credit card number because they insist on that first!

25th Sep 2008, 17:57
To move the theme forward a bit................

We stuck in Babel the other night, to quote my 15yrs old lad......

"W T F ! was that all about!"

I would have chastised the lad had I not been close to death by utter boredom and bewillderment.

The other latest box office mega movie that crashed and burnt was the latest Indiana Jones job talk about 2 hrs 30 mins that you can never get back, utter tosh and rhubard.

Or maybe I am just getting old?


The Real Slim Shady
25th Sep 2008, 18:07

First visit to the US, jetlagged to spanners in hotel in Sacramento and all night all they showed was Brigadoon in B&W and an advert for Parkwood Chevrolet!!!!!

That was 29 years ago: the effect was profound.

Then again, the Radio Shack sign in Caribou wasn't much better as entertainment.

26th Sep 2008, 00:38
Just accidentally saw "Forced Vengeance" with Chuck Norris, circa 1982. It's from his "I'll stand still while you take a swing, then you stand still while I hit you back" period. English with Chinese and Japanese subtitles, so in some places there are three stabs at the plot line. So when Mr Norris spoke the as-close-to-innuendo-as-Chuck-gets line "never let a woman touch your piece", some members of the audience would have been reading "she tried to steal my gun" and "I did not let her touch my willy".

I didn't see it WITH him, he was IN it.