View Full Version : Pax lav-nav accuracy

blue up
29th Aug 2008, 13:31
How come I can navigate over thousands of miles of flat ocean and then manage to hit a 45m runway at 130kts/300fpm before taxying to within 6 inches of the correct spot on the ramp at XYZ airport.....but male pax can't navigate their urine from pecker to that massive hole in the lav?:mad:

One of those questions that vexes me constantly.

Pilots unite against errant splashers! We need a plan, a campaign logo, a catchy motto and some ideas for making bogs a more pleasant experience.:ok:

Romeo India Xray
29th Aug 2008, 13:36
OK, i know it's a serious issue .....


Could it be that the splashes are directly proportional to the CAT that you manage to fly through? :}

29th Aug 2008, 13:54
Perhaps you should try and fly it more smoothly whilst practicing your barrel roll?

29th Aug 2008, 14:08
I have a theory..........

Basically, males (on the whole) don't wish to risk embarrassment with the "tinkle tinkle" sound of pish hitting water so they aim for the side to deflect the stream into the pan soundlessly. This is obviously a much smaller target area than the whole of the aforementioned pan and accuracy can be problematic. Additionally, if one is in possession of a fully functional appendage (not being Jewish or anything) then sometimes, no matter where you THINK you are pointing it, it sometimes seems to have a mind of its own.

Hopefully, that might have cleared a few matters up.

And while we are on the subject......

As a married man I am aware that people of the female persuasion prefer to use a certain amount of loo paper after the event. How is it then that the paper remains in loo after they have departed? Is the act performed after the flush or are they just lazy buggers???

.....See, toilet complaints are not limited to just one sex :}

29th Aug 2008, 14:14
hit a 45m runway

... you must have pretty sensational brakes :eek:

First, it's hard to miss when you're firing from POINT-BLANK RANGE!

Second, we men understand our limitations and, where we can employ technology, we seek to overcome them.

Hence, that thing wot you navigate over thousands of miles of flat ocean etc. was designed by (mainly) MEN. And we made them easy to operate and with lots of pretty colours because we knew that, one day, women might get to drive them - proof being the dials and muscles needed in caveman-era flight decks. Speaking of which, they don't call them COCKpits for nought... :}

The system which allows you to nose-in to 6" accuracy (and I'm leaving the obvious connection there well alone) - designed by MEN.

Right, that's that cage rattled, then. Best be off before my sisters see this post...

29th Aug 2008, 14:15
Just get [B]everyone[B] to sit down, used to be a houserule when I was in Munich. Stops the nasty dribbly bits as well...

(Stand a little closer, it's shorter than you think?)


blue up
29th Aug 2008, 14:31
Maybe we should have notices explaining that accuracy is dependent on nozzle length? Might get pax to aim slightly better?

How about electrifying the periphery of the seat?:E

29th Aug 2008, 14:44
... the dials and muscles needed in caveman-era flight decks.Which women had no problem with anyway. Katherine Stinson was flying aerobatics only nine years after the Wright brothers made their first powered flight.

29th Aug 2008, 14:58
Katherine Stinson. Katherine Stinson, previously known as Keith Stinson, underwent a sex-change operation in 1905 and went on to become a celebrated pilot..........


29th Aug 2008, 15:17
Katherine Stinson, previously known as Keith Stinson, underwent a sex-change operation in 1905

Was that to improve his aim ? :suspect:

29th Aug 2008, 15:32
Celibated pilot ...?

Union Jack
29th Aug 2008, 15:58
Pilots unite against errant splashers! We need a plan, a campaign logo, a catchy motto and some ideas for making bogs a more pleasant experience.

Blue - There must be many stickers commercially available indicating the quotation attributed to Henny Youngman, namely:

"We aim to please... You aim too, please."


PS Fully agree with Sisemen but, so far as VnV2178B's suggestion of sitting down is concerned, surely they don't think men want to sit on the seat of a public lavatory unless they absolutely have to!

Beatriz Fontana
29th Aug 2008, 16:06
Ah, get a life, it's a man thing! Size relative to distance, etc. etc. You could stop this instantly by only flying women.

Then again, think of all the other problems such a policy would bring!

(OK, I know, I'd better get to the pub instead of being here...)

Krystal n chips
29th Aug 2008, 16:11
"How come I can navigate etc, etc "..........erm, possibly because you sit there, select the FMC and A/P.....and then put your feet up to work out your allowances etc.....( sorry to shatter the illusion you actually manually navigate and fly the beast) but there you go.....:E

As far as I am aware, the automated process is not yet available for the function you describe.......CC ( Female ) having a marked reluctance to assist in this operation.....even though it would represent a quantum leap in customer service....:D:E

29th Aug 2008, 16:30
What is this, not even complaints of having the toilet seat left standing up?

So that is allowed then? :}

Der absolute Hammer
29th Aug 2008, 16:51
Perhaps this link is of help in your search for the splashless stream?


Might this help also?

Instant Ice - CollegeHumor video (http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1755006)

29th Aug 2008, 17:26
On the serious side I think in the '70s a BEA Vanguard (G-APEC) came down near Ghent, Belgium.
If I remember correctly the rear pressure bulkhead had suffered uriniferous corrosion as a result of passengers repeatedly missing the pot!

29th Aug 2008, 17:28
taxying to within 6 inches of the correct spot on the ramp But don't you have a batman directing you with wiff-waff paddles, Shirley?

29th Aug 2008, 17:34
Blue-up, an excellent initiative.:ok:
Doomed to fail, but very laudable.
If only...................
Since I, rather than the captain, am the one who always ends up cleaning up after the damn swine, perhaps we could have 'Pilots and FAs unite"?

Anyway, this apparently works:

You can buy them on e-bay (http://i136.photobucket.com/albums/q172/jakstefa/5b.jpg). :)

Der absolute Hammer
29th Aug 2008, 17:44
Very interesting and also funny Juud.
So in easyjet crew lavatories there are pictures of Mr O'Leary?

29th Aug 2008, 18:46
If larger aircraft had loos more like regular public loos, ie, for gents with several urinals of decent design it might cut down not only on those splashes but also on those queues which have one standing outside a smelly bog, when the cart is trying to get past, and trying not to look as though you are deliberately listening to the attendants' conversation about their intimate moments.

29th Aug 2008, 18:54
Just cut a hole in a partition.
Stick some fur around it if you must.
Sorted . . .

Big Tudor
29th Aug 2008, 20:02
I can't for the life of me remember where, but I went into a pub toilet that had TV screens behind the urinal splash-back, quite often they would have Sky News on. It certainly improves the aim when Tony Blair was gabbing on. Trying to get the whole contents of ones bladder into his mouth was quite fun. Wasn't so good when the Queen was on though. Pretty sure that peeing in HRH's mouth is still a hanging offence. :eek:

Judd Thanks for posting that. I've always wondered why the flies were there. :ok:

29th Aug 2008, 20:05
Chuks should be by, momentarily, to expalin the sit-down-to-pee concept German women teach their sons, and demand of their husbands...

29th Aug 2008, 20:58
Anyone tried one of these ?


Standard Noise
29th Aug 2008, 21:02
blue up - go and work for Ryanair, then the punters, just like their pish, won't end up where they're meant to.:}

Paul Wilson
29th Aug 2008, 21:17
Amongst the first urinals made had a picture of a bee set into the enamel, of course the general public were better educated in Latin back then, so realised that for a piss aim at the apis.
The idea of chaps sitting down for a number 1 is terrible, upon standing up the, ahem, ''apendage'' descrbes an arc, at some point of which centripetal acceleration exceeds surface tension and random splashage results. Not pretty.

CarltonBrowne the FO
29th Aug 2008, 23:50
Some of our 321s have the perfect solution installed. There are 2 front lavs, one of which is in front of the curtain. The curtain is kept closed throughout the flight, thus encouraging the business pax never to use the front lav. Result; a nice clean facility for the use of the crew.

30th Aug 2008, 00:09
And, of course, the age old question.

Why is the window frosted? Who the hell's going to look in at FL300?


Acknowledgements (of course) to David Gunson

30th Aug 2008, 02:10
I'm with Chris on this: surely it makes sense to have a couple of urinal only lavs on a plane.

On the subject of things to aim at, a pub I go to HK (the Globe, great pub BTW, sells real beer and Walkers crisps) has a Subutteo-type goal complete with a little football on a string hanging from the crossbar. Makes going for a pee really worth it.

30th Aug 2008, 05:46
Sometimes it's bad design of the urinal - in my temporary place of employment the shape of the urinals is such that unless you aim straight down into the water, the splashback is severe. When there's spray on the wall to the side that goes back behind where one would normally stand, plus the pretty spray pattern all over the floor, it's easy to deduce that despite being a urinal, it's a crap design.

30th Aug 2008, 06:14
There used to be a pub in Aberdeen that had videos in the urinals showing action from Rangers players so you could get the ones you loved to hate. Don't know how long it lasted before the inevitable scrap.

Joey Q
30th Aug 2008, 08:40

Okey so the tiles under the urinals at Schipol's urinals would pass inspection in an operating room, Then it goes on saying the fly reduces the spillage by 80%, so without doing much math that means that 20% of urinal spillage is an acceptable amount in an operating room? That further asks the questions where is this "operating" room and who inspects it?

30th Aug 2008, 13:45
I think there should be some consideration given to my idea that above 15,000ft say, the vacuum toilets should no longer fill holding tanks but divert to atmosphere. That way, they would last longer and holding tanks could be smaller. This would obviously entail some form of pressure-sensitive plate in every WC so that when the gentleman (or lady) steps in, any poorly-aimed flows are automatically-entrained by what is a small depressurisation of the pressurised hull la QANTAS 744 recently. There may be some elongation of members and soft tissues during the process but provided everyone is aware of this beforehand, it might actually be a pleasant experience...?! :confused:

30th Aug 2008, 14:15
Never had problems with my aim in a a/c loo I use the wash basin:}


30th Aug 2008, 15:34
Going back to my youth where we could sing and recite songs and poems for a couple of hours, I remember a refrain.

Passengers will please refrain
from passing water in the plane
while bumping around in CAT or worse
The FAs get highly pissed cleaning up after you have missed

Well you lot can finish this little verse:ok:

30th Aug 2008, 16:45
Please refrain from urination
when the train is in the station

30th Aug 2008, 17:09
As regular SLF with RYR I have noticed that the front and rear loos in the 737-800 are slightly different.

At the front pointy end of the plane the wall curves up to the ceiling abruptly requiring any man taller than about 5' 8" to stand well away from the pan, making ones aim much less accurate. The rear ones however have a much more vertical wall allowing a closer and more reliable stance. I have noticed this is the case with most a/c designs.

Make the rear loos men only and send the ladies up front, problem solved.

My talents are wasted.:8