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ArthurR
27th Aug 2008, 17:29
What are your worst dicoveries;

Mine: Going to the toilet at work, sitting down, and finding the seat is warm :yuk:

Jimmy Macintosh
27th Aug 2008, 17:40
The seat is wet.

A chap I worked with, normally very happy, looked very disturbed when I went to his cubicle.
I asked what the problem was and he showed me a half eaten peach. Along the edge of a bite mark was a trail to the centre of the peach...at the terminus was half a maggot. I think that was quite an unpleasant discovery. I did suggest that half a maggot couldn't have got that far, and to rest assured that he didn't eat a dead one.

Loose rivets
27th Aug 2008, 17:50
Opening up a small bit of damp wall in an American house and spending the nest two months chipping up concrete, rebuilding walls, plumbing, wiring, tiling, fitting new work units, mirrors, and cussing a lot.

F:mad:ing termites. Only someone that's seen it could believe just how much damage they can do. Only someone that heard them could believe how much noise they can make when cornered. Soft, apart from their jaws, these tiny rice-grain sized creatures destroy 3 times as many homes in America as fire.

stevef
27th Aug 2008, 17:53
When much, much younger, being annoyed about the occasional late night nocturnal activities of my upstairs neighbour (squeaky bed, orgasmic moans, giggles etc) and eventually finding out from another neighbour that the female involved was, at the time, supposed to be my girlfriend.
Well, she DID tell me that she was visiting a mate beforehand, which I suppose was true enough. :*

Ozzy
27th Aug 2008, 18:03
What are your worst dicoveries;

Mine: Going to the toilet at work, sitting down, and finding the seat is warm


...and doing one's business then discovering there's no toilet tissue.....:uhoh:

Ozzy

11Fan
27th Aug 2008, 19:09
Performing a "courtesy flush" and realize that the toilet was backed up.

Imagine your dangly bits getting bumped by a fish. :eek:

621andy
27th Aug 2008, 19:11
The Discovery I had in Cyprus last year:}:}:}

Wheel bearings, clutch fluid, I could go on....;)

Mac the Knife
27th Aug 2008, 20:06
Many years ago, as a horny medical student, I spent ages chatting up this rather nice bird but to no avail.

Thoroughly disgusted (and by now fairly pissed) went to a tourist bar for a nightcap and picked up some anonymous female. Took her back to my place on the motorbike and (i presume) had my way with her.

First thing I say in the morning (a monstrous hangover) was a glass of water with a full set of choppers in it....

Not beer goggles but Hubble beer goggles......

:ok:

S'land
27th Aug 2008, 20:48
Many years ago, having bought my first house, I decided to have a house warming party. Everything was organised for a Saturday bash. On Wednesday reminded the then girlfriend that she was staying with me for the weekend of the party only to be told "Oh, I can't make it this weekend. I'm getting married on Saturday".

One was a little disgruntled by this discovery.

C130 Techie
27th Aug 2008, 20:50
Couple of weeks ago opening a pack of chicken and discovering it was rotten. The smell is unbelievable.

G-CPTN
27th Aug 2008, 21:02
Returning from a long summer holiday overseas to discover that the electricity had 'tripped' allowing the freezer to defrost a few weeks previously . . .
The ambient had been regularly over 28 degrees C :yuk:

v6g
27th Aug 2008, 21:12
Where I work (a well known high-tech company), the toilets are electronically controlled and have a network connection onto the company network. There's a sensor that detects the toilet lid being closed so the way to flush it is simply to close the lid when done.

When you arrive and raise the lid only to find it blocked, you instinctively put the lid back down - and the damn thing will keep flushing (and overflowing) continously until whole side of the building is flooded with peoples crap and detritus.

You only ever make that mistake once.

(despite working in a building with lots of highly-skilled, highly paid professionals, its incredible how many of them haven't been toilet trained).

BlueWolf
27th Aug 2008, 22:42
Once, in my youth, having completed a certain "deed", and...um....withdrawn from the theatre of action so to speak, moved to remove a particular item of latex manufacture, only to discover it....gone. :uhoh:

vapilot2004
27th Aug 2008, 22:49
Once, in my youth, having completed a certain "deed", and...um....withdrawn from the theatre of action so to speak, moved to remove a particular item of latex manufacture, only to discover it....gone. :uhoh:

Any idea how that turned out? :}

con-pilot
27th Aug 2008, 23:06
First thing I say in the morning (a monstrous hangover) was a glass of water with a full set of choppers in it....

Mac, thank God, now I know that I'm not the only one. :O


(As with you, a whiskey front had moved in and stagnated one night many, many years ago. :()

isi3000
27th Aug 2008, 23:23
About few years ago, for three days, every morning I woke up there were three or four wasps in the room and i assumed they got in through the window or a small hole etc. Two days later awoke to maybe 50-60 wasps buzzing around and discovered they had made a nest in a vent http://www.clicksmilies.com/s1106/sprachlos/speechless-smiley-040.gif

BlueWolf
27th Aug 2008, 23:24
Any idea how that turned out?

Nope, but I haven't been back to the UK since, either. :p

(always thought those bloody things were too big. If they were the right size they wouldn't slip off)

ShyTorque
27th Aug 2008, 23:43
A chap I worked with, normally very happy, looked very disturbed when I went to his cubicle.
I asked what the problem was and he showed me a half eaten peach. Along the edge of a bite mark was a trail to the centre of the peach...at the terminus was half a maggot. I think that was quite an unpleasant discovery. I did suggest that half a maggot couldn't have got that far, and to rest assured that he didn't eat a dead one.

At least it was a peach flavoured vegetarian maggot, many aren't. ;)

Once came home from my holiday at 5 a.m. ; completely cream crackered due to flight delays and wanting to fall straight into bed, only to discover my sons had a barbeque outside which overspilled into the house and had only just finished. Place was a tip.

Even worse, some moron had apparently gone to the bathroom, run out of toilet paper, searched the wrong cupboard and found some old baby wipes in a four inch wide round plastic container. The idiot used about a dozen, then dropped the wide lid down the toilet bowl. Rather than retrieve it from his own detritus, he tried to flush it away. Not surprisingly, it jammed in the U bend as it was an exact fit. Another half dozen of flushes was enough to overflow the pan and flood the entire bathroom floor with crap, used paper and baby wipes. Moron then paddled in it, up the hallway carpet and obviously went home to sleep it off.

House was stinking. I parked my bags in the hall and once I saw the foul mess I knew I had no other option but to set to and resolve the situation. This resulted in completely removing the cistern from the wall and the toilet pan from the floor to find and remove the blockage, which took a couple of hours all in, after the cleanup was finished and I'd stopped throwing up. I was slightly unimpressed. Thank goodness for showers. They don't have parties no more, round our place. :suspect:

Avitor
27th Aug 2008, 23:52
That the 150 Gardner engine ploughing up the street was in fact powering her husbands big motor.

And mine was outside.....try to get rid of sweat and breathlessness in sixty seconds, can't be done.......bang to rights. :eek:

Ovation
28th Aug 2008, 00:09
I checked into a Central London ***** Hotel after a long flight from down under. After refreshing myself I grabbed a hand towel off the rail to dry off and there was a not insignificant smear of menstrual blood concealed within.

All of the towels appeared fresh, clean and neatly folded so it could only be a deliberate act by a previous guest. Before I checked in the housekeeper would have assumed any neatly folded towels were clean and left them be.

The hotel kindly changed rooms just in case there were any other surprises left behind.

Richo77
28th Aug 2008, 03:53
Well never discovered it myself, but the Ex-Mrs Richo (being Brasilian and therefore slightly agitato when aggrieved) left a steaming big number 2 between the mattresses in a hotel once after being blatantly ripped off for phony room charges. Cant imagine housekeeping would have been all that impressed. Wasnt there myself but have always tried to conjure up the imagery of this 48kg woman lifting a queen size mattress whilst trying to... um.. choke one.

Jet_A_Knight
28th Aug 2008, 04:31
Soylent Green was actually humans

Chris P Bacon
28th Aug 2008, 12:06
Many years ago when I was in the Navy, I agreed to share a lady of the night in the port of Recife, Brazil, with one of my shipmates. While getiing to know her, my friend was in a lip lock while I decided to explore down below. Imagine the scene. I put my hand down the front of her pants to find a warm bunch of grapes greeting me. The horror lives with me today!

621andy
28th Aug 2008, 16:44
Once, in my youth, having completed a certain "deed", and...um....withdrawn from the theatre of action so to speak, moved to remove a particular item of latex manufacture, only to discover it....gone

Bin there done that- in fact there was a ring of latex left attached, the rest had been enthusiastically erm, deposited within...:\
Cost me 45 for the morning after pill and the visit to the quack:O -cheaper than maintenance though;)

innuendo
28th Aug 2008, 23:44
Friends came home from a ski holiday to find that the house heating system, (oil fired forced air), had stuck on for who knows how long. They found melted candles, wallpaper on the floor and as a lot of the walls were of stone construction it remained too hot to stay in for the night and most of the next day. They were lucky that things were not worse.

G-CPTN
28th Aug 2008, 23:58
. . . and a large bill for heating fuel . . .

OFSO
31st Aug 2008, 14:05
True Story: A Belgian colleague of mine was staying in a farmhouse in his home country while on holiday.

While sitting on the wc doing his biz., one morning, and as we all do, reading the paper, he felt a strange sensation under his scrotum. Like fur brushing his goolies.

Dismissing it as fantasy, a few seconds later he felt it again.

Jumping up, he looked in the toilet bowl, and discovered..... a large rat sitting there there.

The farmhouse was faily primitive, and the toilet was connected to the local riverbank by a large diameter plastic pipe, up which his friend had crawled.

He said he was constipated for three weeks afterwards; couldn't stand the thought of sitting on ANY toilet, even ones he knew were "safe".

garp
31st Aug 2008, 15:13
Discovering a cockroach in the ice cream filled spoon I was about to put in my mouth. Thanks to some contact I had the ice cream parlor was locked-up that same day, for a bout a week. Eating a "Dame Blanche" (vanilla ice with whipped cream and warm chocalate sauce) has never been the same since that day.

Standard Noise
31st Aug 2008, 15:47
Worked in a pub/restaraunt/disco in a former life and since our boss didn't believe in cleaning staff, we had to do it. Brace youselves.........

Trap 1, gents downstairs bar. Was told by a waiter that someone had had an accident. Pushed the door of the trap open to be greeted by a pebble dash of runny sh!t. I can only imagine that the perpetrator was suffering a dodgy stomach and only had time to pull down his breeches and point his arse at the porcelain before the muck spreading began. another two seconds and he'd have at least been on the seat. Still, nowt 5 litres of neat bleach didn't sort out.

But worse is yet to come.................from the ladies.........

Trap 1, ladies disco toilets. Pint glass shoved down the u-bend harbouring a large 'chocolate truffle'. We never did find out if it was deposited in the glass before or after the glass was shoved into the pan.

Trap 3, ladies disco toilets. Some of our younger waiting staff (14/15 year olds) sometimes put money in the sanitary product machine and bought tampons which they dropped into water, watched them expand and then threw them up to the ceiling where, naturally, they would stick. Well, it all stopped one night when we discovered a used and rather bloody mouse which some dirty bitch had thrown up at the ceiling for us to find. I swear a couple of the kids turned green at the thought of cleaning that one up.

After that, not much has ever worried me.

Fg Off Max Stout
31st Aug 2008, 17:14
Having lunch at an overpriced airfield cafe known by its Lat/Long coordinates, I tucked into a fairly acceptable chunky mushroom soup. As I neared the end of the bowl a chomped into something with a gritty, earthy texture which coated my mouth and required a lot of very dramatic spitting to expel. Closer investigation suggested bird or animal excrement of some sort and nearly caused me an every-orifice-body-purge there and then. In fact I feel ill just thinking of it. My complaint almnost took the form of a double murder (chef and emotionless, anorexic Slovak waitress) and arson. When I was denied a refund because I 'ate most of it so it most have been OK' the management were nearly summarily executed as well.

Yarpy
31st Aug 2008, 19:09
Wonderful one from my long haul days nightstopping in Accra, Ghana.

Captain returns to his hotel room. Opens the door and finds the large local cleaning lady cleaning her teeth with HIS toothbrush!

Makes me smile to this day:}

Parapunter
31st Aug 2008, 19:19
I got tucked up with a classic that I don't mind admitting.

30th birthday party chez moi. Roaring party, 100 people crammed into my flat, muchly booze, girls & rock & roll, all in all a good old time being had. I thought I'd leave my camera lying around for people to take snaps of the do.

Come Monday morning, I drop the film off & pick it up tuesday only to discover a piccy of my two 'best' mates in the bathroom. One's smiling with a thumbs up while the other is bent over, kecks down & my toothbrush hovering an inch from his balloon knot.

That's three days & nights of teeth cleaning action before I picked up the photo's...