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Garfs
24th Aug 2008, 09:12
Same story every month.

We get paid at beginning of the month, by week 2/3 maximum, she completely runs out of money, leaving me to pay for everything again, including getting to and from work, food, and EVERY little tiny thing.

Cant remember a single month in the past 2 years where this hasn't happened. When I tell her to watch her spending, all she says is
"I Wont run out of money OK, I've got loads left", and she runs out 2 weeks later :ugh:

Proper annoying. Rant Over :(

Megaton
24th Aug 2008, 09:17
I'll be interested to hear if anyone has the answer to this one!

Sallyann1234
24th Aug 2008, 09:21
You tight fisted barsteward.
If she runs out of money you obviously aren't giving her enough.

BlueDiamond
24th Aug 2008, 09:33
Couple of things are not clear here ... when you say "we" get paid, I assume you are both employed and earning money is that correct?

Then you say that she has run out of money leaving you to pay for everything ... am I right in assuming that up to the point where she runs out of money, she is paying for everything and you are paying for nothing?

If that is the case then, as I see it for three weeks out of every four, your wife is paying for everything and for ONE week, perhaps a bit more, you pay.

Seems to me she is paying the lions share of the expenses and you are a miserable git who should get off his arse and pay his fair share.

Unless you haven't explained the situation very well and it's not the way you make it seem ... ?

ArthurR
24th Aug 2008, 09:42
Tis easy: give her the normal cash and your credit card, that way she'll probrally have money left at the end of the month. :E




on the other hand you might not :O

Howard Hughes
24th Aug 2008, 09:55
I think the rot started when you let her out of the KICTHEN!;)

BlueWolf
24th Aug 2008, 10:06
Bluey has it in one. We can either offer you serious advice, or mercilessly take the piss, but either way, we need more information.
Nature of relationship, living arrangements, little people if any, division of financial responsibilities, relative incomes, etc.
Hold nothing back.
:=

ArthurR
24th Aug 2008, 10:07
Garfs maybe this will help:

HAZARD MATERIALS INFORMATION SYSTEM

MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET

(MSDS)

Women: A Chemical Analysis

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

Surface usually covered with a painted film.
Boils at nothing, freezes without reason or warning.
Melts if given special treatment.
Bitter if incorrectly used.
Found in various states - from virgin metal to common ore.
Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.

COMMON USES:

Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
Can be great aid to relaxation.

TESTS:

Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in a natural state.
Turns green when placed next to a better specimen.

HAZARDS:

Highly dangerous except when in experienced hands.
Illegal to possess more than one.
Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

ORAC
24th Aug 2008, 10:08
I believe the fault lies in your perception that you actually ever have any money. From the moment you married all money became hers, you just get to carry it around for a while so it makes you feel better.... ;)

goudie
24th Aug 2008, 12:10
Mrs G runs out of money because she's always buying 'bargains'!

Davaar
24th Aug 2008, 13:18
I assume ...... am I right in assuming ... if that is the case ... you are a miserable git who should get off his arse and pay his fair share.


Golly Blue, is this not a whole lot of assuming?

BlueDiamond
24th Aug 2008, 13:21
I assume so, Mr. Davaar. http://209.85.12.227/12099/121/emo/PMSL.gif

Garfs
24th Aug 2008, 13:38
Couple of things are not clear here ... when you say "we" get paid, I assume you are both employed and earning money is that correct?

Then you say that she has run out of money leaving you to pay for everything ... am I right in assuming that up to the point where she runs out of money, she is paying for everything and you are paying for nothing?

If that is the case then, as I see it for three weeks out of every four, your wife is paying for everything and for ONE week, perhaps a bit more, you pay.

Seems to me she is paying the lions share of the expenses and you are a miserable git who should get off his arse and pay his fair share.
?

Errrr ok, you obviously like to make assumptions, not knowing all the facts. Why would I tell her to watch her spending if she were spending it on me and the house?:confused:

Well if it makes things any clearer, her money goes on things like clothes, buying her mates drinks and meals, giving tenners to the homeless,buying presents for other people and I honestly cannot remember the last time she has paid for any household things such as bogroll, milk, food.

All groceries, catfood, anyhting the house needs are bought my myself, so if this is called being a miserable git who doesnt pay for his fair share then so be it.

And yes we are both employed

ShyTorque
24th Aug 2008, 13:51
You've simply got a bad financial system. In our household it's organised so I can never run out of money.

It's quite straightforward, there are two pots of money. Our money and her money.

I therefore don't have any money of my own so it can't run out. :hmm: :rolleyes:

eastern wiseguy
24th Aug 2008, 13:56
What's yours is hers.......what's hers is her own......:*

Jal
24th Aug 2008, 14:02
Kill her :eek:

BlueDiamond
24th Aug 2008, 14:10
... not knowing all the facts...
That's what you get when you don't TELL people the facts, mate. You think everyone here is a mind-reader? You're happy enough to let others (Sallyann1234, ArthurR) make the assumption that the money she spent was given to her by you ... I chose a different line of thought. So don't whine about any of the assumptions that have been made because that wouldn't have happened if you had bothered to give us some actual information to go on. Or ... sorry, did you want everyone to pat you on the back and say "poor thing" without asking any questions and expressing opinions.


All groceries, catfood, anyhting the house needs are bought my myself, so if this is called being a miserable git who doesnt pay for his fair share then so be it.
Yet by your own admission, this happens only in the last week or so of every month. (... by week 2/3 maximum, she completely runs out of money, leaving me to pay for everything again ...) Something doesn't add up here.

... leaving me to pay for everything again, including getting to and from work ...
She normally pays your bus/train fares or fuel or whatever and you then have to pay that yourself in the last week or so?? Or are you saying that you pay for her travelling expenses? That really isn't very clear.

And I didn't say you were a miserable git, I said that IF what I suggested was the case, THEN you were a miserable git. Obviously it was not ... which means that you're not. (Re-read the last line of my first post.)

Standard Noise
24th Aug 2008, 14:53
buying her mates drinks and meals
Well that's enough for a birching for a start.

giving tenners to the homeless
Tenners!!?? It's one thing buying 'The Big Issue' or throwing a few coins to someone in genuine need, but f**king tenners!?!?
Forget the birching FFS, hire a hitman!

chiglet
24th Aug 2008, 16:24
I think the rot started when you let her out of the KICTHEN!

What on Earth is a KICTHEN, then?:confused:
watp,iktch

Abusing_the_sky
24th Aug 2008, 16:32
I am very lucky with Mr. ATS being in charge of everything i.e. he pays all the bills, the massive every 2 weeks food shopping and so on. I tried to convince him to let me contribute but no luck (which made me feel a bit "useless" shall i say). He always says "I earn enough so don't you worry about expenses, what you earn is yours and do whatever you want with the money you earn" He even suggested i stop working as we don't need me to work; i passed:)

What i am trying to say is that i am so lucky to have a man who worships the ground i'm walking on; and he's looking after me and sees that i am happy. And no, it's not about the money, it's how he treats me (and nice treatment sometimes involves money too). Call me old fashioned (ok, i am old fashioned) but isn't it true now a days that "the man looks after the woman as best he can?".

The missus in cause seems to believe that too. I agree that giving a tenner to beggers is too much, as is paying for her friends drinks and meals. I would suggest to sit her down and have a chat about the above issues. Don't use the "i ALWAYS pay for everything" line or "YOU always spend money on useless things" as it'll probably cause an argument. Just simply say to her that you struggle with the payments at times and ask her why does she feel she has to pay for "friends" meals or buy them presents?
As for these so called "friends" well i don't believe they are real friends if they keep letting her to take care of the bills; my friends go bananas if i even suggest to take care of the bill and if i do pay that time, they will pay next time. Simple as, common sense and nothing else.

Rgds,
ATS


Incoming:O

obgraham
24th Aug 2008, 18:31
Garfy, it seems simple to me. You have two choices:

1. Carry on as you are, nag her more, and sleep on the sofa by yourself.
2. Give her more money, and continue to enjoy the benefits of marital bliss.

It's always been this way, and always will be.

finfly1
24th Aug 2008, 18:49
The inter-gender antipathy expressed here by both sides is depressing.

Gender roles have evolved greatly in my lifetime, and it has not all been for the better.

Abusing_the_sky
24th Aug 2008, 19:11
The inter-gender antipathy expressed here by both sides is depressing.


...but then again there's always the pessimist who always sees the glass half empty...:}


Rgds,
ATS

CityofFlight
24th Aug 2008, 19:39
I was raised by a very independent mother, so I've always worked and lived as such. In my 2 live-in relationships and 1 marriage, I maintained separate accounts and paid 1/2 for all living expenses, including mortgage/rent. That way I felt that I was entitled to spend the rest of my money as I pleased and vice versa. Although I will say that BIG cost items were always mutually discussed.

This came in handy for me, because I paid my bills on time. (My last ex did not.) I was able to maintain a good credit rating--even while married.

So...from my perspective, maybe the house hold bills should be paid more equitably so she doesn't pi$$ away her money into a black hole??



my 2 cents...

Nani
24th Aug 2008, 19:41
Perhaps you both can sit down and come to a decision about household budget.

Once certain amount is set for expenses (mortgage/insurance/food/transportation and of course CC charges) and put away,she can do whatever she likes with what is left in her account.

Monetary disagreements between young married couples is a sure way of heading into major trouble, best if you two can come up with a good/fair solution fast.

Flying Serpent
24th Aug 2008, 19:42
Find another woman....

or if that's not an option set up a joint account and pay X amout each per month to cover ALL bills (bogroll, mortgage/rent..etc). What's left after she's contributed her fair share is up to her to squander. Just make sure all your outgoings are covered before she gets a chance to raid the coffers.

Then again a new woman is perhaps an easier option.

FS

G-CPTN
24th Aug 2008, 19:52
My brother's first wife was a domestic science teacher (remember them?). She was adept at making clothes for the children (and herself), and she would 'price' the garments at high-street prices to show how much she was saving them, however, she would then spend the amount that she had 'saved' on luxuries, claiming that her needlework had paid for these items by saving them money . . .

Whirlygig
24th Aug 2008, 23:11
Paying for friends' drinks and meals sounds like she may have some inner insecurities and feels she needs to buy their friendship, similarly, large donations to beggers may be borne out of guilt.

There might be some much deeper issues involved than just being inept with money.

Cheers

Whirls

BlueWolf
24th Aug 2008, 23:52
You're getting ripped, man, and deep down you know it. You have limited options here. Basically, ride it as far as it goes, which will be until you don't think it's worth it anymore. Then, cut your losses and run (you won't actually be cutting them, merely not accruing them any longer, but it will make you feel better to think you are).

One day you'll look back on this and larf, but that day won't be soon.

Or, you could sit down and work out a fair, responsible, and sustainable joint budget....but then again, how come that isn't already happening, unless you're getting ripped?

Good luck, dude.
:oh:

parabellum
25th Aug 2008, 01:45
Whirlygig beat me to it, she appears to by buying affection and attention, why would this be? Is it a hangover from childhood or could it be that she thinks you are neglecting her? (not materially, of course).

I agree with those who suggest a communal pot into which you each put a fair proportion of your pay. We used to have a system whereby her salary paid for all our food and I paid all the other bills, including the mortgage, given our different salaries that was a fair split.

You have two issues to deal with. A friendly sit down and work out a fair distribution of your joint income and you need to know why she gives most of her money away in drinks, meals, presents etc.

Abusing the Sky is lucky in her arrangement but in this day and age I would say that arrangement is not typical.

BeechNut
25th Aug 2008, 02:10
Then, cut your losses and run (you won't actually be cutting them, merely not accruing them any longer, but it will make you feel better to think you are).

Not around here you won't. If kids are involved especially, you'll be accruing them to her only it will be in the form of alimony, plus you'll be accruing losses to finance your lawyer's Porsche.

For men around here a divorce settlement is usually the equivalent of a vow of poverty.

If that's the case you might as well join a Trappist monastery in Belgium and at least get to enjoy great beer for free, plus there'll be no women to tempt you into making the same mistake again. :{

Kerosine
25th Aug 2008, 13:35
I am very lucky with Mr. ATS being in charge of everything i.e. he pays all the bills, the massive every 2 weeks food shopping and so on. I tried to convince him to let me contribute but no luck (which made me feel a bit "useless" shall i say). He always says "I earn enough so don't you worry about expenses, what you earn is yours and do whatever you want with the money you earn" He even suggested i stop working as we don't need me to work

I'm straight, but after reading that I'M considering marrying the guy ;)

Kerosine
25th Aug 2008, 13:41
On a more serious note there's 2 circumstances, either she is aware or she isn't. If she isn't, it's upon you to sort it by discussing. If she is but carries on, then you have a problem, the resolution on which appears to have been suugested by Flying Serpent & co.

Saintsman
25th Aug 2008, 17:56
Genetics play a big part.

Take for example when they buy a present.

1. Buy something that the recipient doesn't need.

2. Buy fancy wrapping paper.

3. Buy a fancy carrier bag to put present in.

4. Buy a fancy bow to stick on fancy carrier bag.

5. Buy expensive card to accompany present.

They just can't help themselves....

Jimmy Macintosh
25th Aug 2008, 18:00
Setting up a budget is the only way to go.

If she doesn't want one for herself, that's fine, but within your own budget set aside a lump sum of a certain amount.
Give it to her as you want, when she asks for you to pay for things or as a lump sum each month. When it runs out it runs out and sorry we can't afford that until next paycheque, the budget is the bad guy from this point.
As long as you highlight the actual amounts and she accepts what you're doing before hand, there can't be an arguement.

There's nothing like having $30 left for a week to focus the mind on the necessities.

Beer_n_Tabs
25th Aug 2008, 19:59
Ahh yes welcome to my world Garf mate I know how you feel.

I must be going soft in my old age though, because in fairness I don't mind as I am the 'bread winner' so to speak, in chateau _Tabs.

Have you heard this one? " God I have noooooooo money" then KAPOWWW shes in a new dress?

Oh well.....nightmare, but I get to unzippppp her dress at night ;) (not off my body ....for clarification)

I am working on a new process though and i will let you know if it works out....

Make her work Mon to Fri.... her salary paid direct to my account, chain her to the bed , legs akimbo Sat-Sun....no need for small talk or dresses....send her back to work Mon a.m.

If not my friend it gonna boil down to that old line......"Whats mine is hers, whats her is hers"

If that dosen't work....dump her for a cheaper, younger, more flexible model :ok:...that was a joke :O

BarbiesBoyfriend
25th Aug 2008, 21:22
I don't know why you even bother to complain.

twas ever thus.

And don't expect things to improve should you get a raise.:sad:

Glamgirl
26th Aug 2008, 00:40
I'm feeling compelled to be all sensible all of a sudden...

Firstly, the two of you should have sat down when you first moved in together/relationship getting serious and had a serious talk about money.

That's not an option, so we'll have to think of something else.

Firstly, I'd recommend 3 bank accounts: Yours, hers and an account for both for shared expenses such as mortgage, bills etc.

Work out between you how much each of you should pay into the shared account. I'm all for 50/50, but if she earns 20k and you earn 90k, it's different. It's up to you to come to an arrangement.

Set up standing orders/direct debit from your own accounts to the shared account (on pay day) to make sure the money is payed in. You can then have direct debit from the shared account to the mortgage/electric/gas/phone/tv/household essentials etc.

It's a very common thing for couples not to talk in depth about finance, for some reason. It is, however one of the most common reasons for a break up. So if you love this lady and want to remain in a relationship with her, talking is essential.

If she's a decent lady, she'll get with the programme. It is important to not seem to put the blame on her though. May I suggest that you tell her that if you have a proper system for expenses etc, it will leave you more of an overview over your disposable income and you may be able to afford more holidays/weekends away etc. This is always a great incentive for ladies.

Finally, you'll have to get tough. When you set up the "budget" (I don't like that word), and you have the whole thing figured out between you, and if she still runs out of money at week 2/3 each month, leave her be. I know it's hard and you'll probably seem to be in the dog house for a while, but she'll learn eventually. If she asks you for money to get to work, get her to buy a monthly travel card. If she drives, advise her to sell her car and buy a smaller one (save on petrol).

Keep an eye on the moneysaver web site (.com) for ideas towards saving money as well.

But most of all, GOOD LUCK!!!

Gg

Loose rivets
26th Aug 2008, 01:06
Look mate, what you've married is made of fifty-Trillion quasi-intelligent cells...all flying in formation. A bloke is made of snails and puppy dog tails and some other solid and well proven stuff that I can't remember.

Stands to reason they're goin' to be a bit scatterbrain and flighty. Yer just gonna have to put up with it.

Romeo India Xray
26th Aug 2008, 11:10
I know the whole story!!! Mrs RIX and I have spent most of this year undertaking a VERY expensive refurbishment at home. Because we were doing this she pledged to pay for all food/household bills etc (we are lucky enough to be mortgage/rent free). My part in this was that I would have to cover the cost of the refurbishment.

Now ......

I am getting a daily "briefing" of "do you have ANY idea how much I am spending on food", "why havent we got any money" and "why is it that I always have to pay". Alas .... welcome to my world darling!

And .. now she is working extra shifts to pick up some juicy double time overtime payments. Maybe, just maybe!!!

RIX

Abusing_the_sky
26th Aug 2008, 11:42
Any news Garf? Did you use any advice given here?

Let us know, i really hope it works out ok. A joint account seems to be a winner:ok:


Rgds,
ATS

Romeo India Xray
26th Aug 2008, 11:54
Joint accounts only work if you are just putting in the minimum needed each month, and there is no credit facility.

Many moons ago I was engaged to a not particularly pleasant young lady. We had a joint account and when the inevitable split came she took great delight in putting the maximum permissible overdraft on the account then transferring all the funds to her own personal account before removing her name from the joint account ... thus leaving me with something like a grand of debt. All this done just before 5pm on a Friday.

Smart girl but total b:mad:ch!!!!

RIX

p.s. I think since those dark ages, banking law was changed to make it a bit harder to remove your name from a joint account, but dont quote me!

redsnail
26th Aug 2008, 12:55
Got the opposite problem.

How do I convince my hubby to let me buy us economy plus return tickets to Australia next year from my money? :sad: I was keen for business class but he says no. :suspect:

G-CPTN
26th Aug 2008, 13:00
Can't you both bum jump-seat rides?

Philpaz
26th Aug 2008, 13:16
p.s. I think since those dark ages, banking law was changed to make it a bit harder to remove your name from a joint account, but dont quote me!


Tis true, but once she's cleaned the account out try getting any solicitor in the land to make her liable (even with her name on the account).
She got the car (which i'm still paying for), the house (which i was paying for 6 months after the split), the furniture and cleaned out the accounts and i still got stung with a 30k bill at the end. Asweel as another 12 years of payments for the little un (which i don't begrudge).

I've still got a shuffle that a cowboy would be proud of now.

1DC
26th Aug 2008, 13:18
When i retired i decided i didn't want to be bothered about money or paying bills etc., so i did a deal with Mrs1DC she runs the finances and i look after the investments. Since that time we have never been so well off she watches the money like a hawk, we always seem to get what we want and never go into the red. Before that she just assumed she could spend what she liked and i would be able to find the shortfall.
Works well for us but you have to be sure you can trust your wife, mind you we must have been married for more than forty years now so something works.
Mmm.., must ask her if she knows how long we have been married, probably not cos neither of us remember anniversary's..I know how old she is though cos we always remember birthdays...

400Rulz
28th Aug 2008, 15:54
OMG,
After reading some of the posts here, I realise how lucky I am. The Missus does not like jewelery, shopping (unless she knows EXACTLY what she wants), and I still have to ask her if I can buy essential power tools (and lets face it, they are all essential). She doesn't like kids (reckons I'd find them in the freezer when I get home), but is a great Mum to her step kids. Her only weakness is chocolate. And I can live with that.:E
My advice is to not have kids, unless you feel a REAL NEED! They will, indubitably, screw you over 100 x more than your present boss, break your heart to a greater extent than your hottest teen date, and then steal all your hard earned cash for an obscure degree you've never heard of. Then they'll want help for their first mortgage. My advice - tell them to get another Dad. We work hard for our Super, at the same time providing them with the necessities of life. Kids today need to get hard. We are NOT their lifeline to the world. They need to set up their own lives. If they haven't learned how by the age of 22, we haven't done our job properly. :}
Parent power. Teach them PROPERLY!
400R