View Full Version : Terror in the skies at 37,000 feet!

james ozzie
16th Aug 2008, 07:55
A Qantas flight from Sydney to Brisbane today continued in flight after an in-flight equipment failure. A passenger in seat 17C reported to the cabin crew that his in flight entertainment screen was not working. The Captain of the aircraft elected not to return to base and instead pressed on with the flight, into deteriorating weather conditions. The passenger, Mr.I.A. Madildo was traumatised as he missed his early morning news update.

The aircraft landed at Brisbane without further incident, although another passenger, Ms Susan Goodhead of Melbourne, noted that the landing speed appeared to be far higher than normal. She also observed that “the big thingies that come out of the wing seemed to make a lot of noise; more than is usual”. She said that in the final plunge into Brisbane, neither the flight crew nor the cabin crew informed the passengers of what was happening.

The CEO of Qantas, Mr Geoff Dicks-on, at first denied all knowledge of the incident but later admitted that he had not been fully apprised of the situation as he was going into a press conference regarding this week’s earlier incidents.

The Air Traffic Control Centre remained tight lipped, only conceding that indeed this flight did land in Brisbane at the time reported and that light rain was falling. The runways were wet but inside the allowable limits for continued operations, we were advised. However, under close questioning, they did concede that Fire & Rescue was not put on alert. It has been learned that the weather conditions were so poor that the pilot had to use special instruments to fly the plane, to locate the airport, to locate the runway and to glide it down at the correct slope.

The Captain & First Officer have not been contactable; it is understood that they have been gagged by their own management.

The Qantas Head of Maintenance refused to comment but we have reliably ascertained the following information:

•This type of Boeing has been in service since 1967 and has been involved in 284 incidents, with a loss of life of 3,674 souls.

•This particular aircraft (The Spirit of Australia) is over 4 years old and has accumulated more than 2,000 hours of flying time. It has experienced over 800 bicycles and has not had an engine overhaul since new.

•The flight landed with less than 4 hours of fuel remaining in the tanks.

•This aircraft is not certified to fly with one pilot

•The aircrafts captain achieved an ”average” score in his most recent routine competency check. The first officer was rated “slightly below average”

•The last maintenance check on the aircraft was signed off by an engineer who has a brother-in-law who lives in Singapore.

In a press statement released late last night, Mr Madildo was reported to have agreed to receive counselling and a free business class upgrade on his next flight.

The Civil Aviation Safety Authority would not comment on the incident, stating that disclosure of a complaint before its investigation and report would not be in the publics’ interest.

16th Aug 2008, 08:12
[delete please, as in this post...]

16th Aug 2008, 08:55
"The last maintenance check on the aircraft was signed off by an engineer who has a brother-in-law who lives in Singapore."

That is pure GOLD. ROFLMAO

Good job that man. I needed a good laugh.


16th Aug 2008, 09:55
1 Mods, how bout bring this back to D & G

2 As much as I dislike them them, sums it up well

3 Wish my PC behaved as well as a Red Rat

16th Aug 2008, 10:07
over 800 bicycles
Nice bit of writing James, compliments. :E :ok:

What´s wrong with Jetblast then Marauder? Not prestigious enough for a parody on an Ozzer newspaper article? ;)

16th Aug 2008, 10:58
Brilliant Writing!

16th Aug 2008, 17:16
This should be moved to R & N. They'll spend three weeks, and 47 pages, debating whether the Captain should have continued the flight, whether it could also have happened on an Airbus, and what a lucky escape the residents of the orphanage next to Brisbane airport had.

16th Aug 2008, 17:44
James, brilliant writing. Are you sure you are not a journalist in disguise?:p

17th Aug 2008, 03:48
Major delay in Bangkok.
> Just prior to pushback the wily old silver haired Captain noticed an
> impending bleed valve failure. The ramifications were enormous if the
> problem valve failed. After consulting with the other flight crew using best
> practice CRM principles the Captain decided to delay the pushback pending
> further investigation and possible MEL relief. Major Effluent Load due to
> suspect green nuclear chicken curry and 4 litres of Kloster was just too
> much and the valve started to twitch. At this point the Captain very
> gingerly unbuckled his seat belt ( see FAM for procedure) whilst keeping his
> buttocks firmly clamped and stood. The pressure build up was now at a
> critical level. The out flow valve was straining under waves of pressure.
> Three quick steps past the aisle stand and into the flight deck toilet. With
> the door closed relief was close. Now a new dilemma faced the bold old
> Captain. How to suck in his copious beer gut, release the Qantas issue belt
> and drop his strides. The first two attempts gave new meaning to a turtle
> head and a cold sweat. By the third attempt the desperation was so great
> that nothing could or would stop the pilot from the waves of convulsion as
> the bleed/outflow valve failed and the Captain experienced a rapid
> decompression. The ATP (agony to poo) required a new CDL (contamination down
> leg) entry in the tech log. There was also an alleged frontal media leak as
> he passed out with the shear joy of absolute relief.

Can't have been the first time. Care to share?