View Full Version : Places yer "Jolly Roger" was never meant to go...#1

Buster Hyman
14th Aug 2008, 05:01

Man's aroused penis stuck in park bench after attempt at sex

Staff writers
August 14, 2008 10:30am

A MAN is lucky to still have a penis after he inserted it in a metal park bench and became stuck, doctors say.
At least a dozen police and emergency services workers were called to the park in Hong Kong after 41-year-old Le Xing’s penis became trapped in a hole, apparently after he became aroused.

According to reports from Hong Kong, the “lonely and disturbed” Mr Xing told police he thought it would be fun to have sex with the bench, UK’s Telegraph reported.

Unfortunately for Mr Xing, news crews descended on the park to film the rescue effort

Howard Hughes
14th Aug 2008, 05:06
Sex with an inanimate object, reminds me of my first wife...:}

14th Aug 2008, 05:34
OMG....the PC police have descended upon me. Holding my hands away from the key board, keeping me from posting the ONE thing that would surely send me to Hell..... :} :E :ouch:

Why...oh, Why...did you post this thread? I'm weak...dear Lord, give me a power outage or something.

Howard Hughes
14th Aug 2008, 06:53
Come on CoF it's only me listening...;)

I mean how bad could it be? Do you fantasise about being park bench or something?:}

14th Aug 2008, 07:22
HH... seek and ye shall find. (PM's)

Buster Hyman
14th Aug 2008, 07:38
Cut n Paste when yer ready Howard...we're all waiting...:E

Sex with an inanimate object, reminds me of my first wife...:}

Is that why she left you?:E:ouch::suspect:

Brian Abraham
14th Aug 2008, 07:48
Sex with an inanimate object, reminds me of my first wife
Always go for a test drive. Or were you a victim of false advertising?

Howard Hughes
14th Aug 2008, 08:30
It would appear CoF has intimate knowledge of such matters...:ooh:

BA, if we are going with car analogies, test drive was like a Formula 1, sadly the race was a DNF... Oh shite I was married to Mark Webber!:eek:

14th Aug 2008, 08:40
HH...SO WRONG! Truly conjecture on my part.

Howard Hughes
14th Aug 2008, 08:41
Twas conjecture on my part too...;)

The Voice
14th Aug 2008, 09:16
Ahh .. not 1 but 2 cases of early conjecturlation .. :O

sorry .. couldn't help myself

(I must say though, I have heard of a pound of butter being the preference of another bloke I used to work with a very very long time ago .. :eek: )

14th Aug 2008, 09:30
Many years ago, a gardener in my then home town was convicted after he was caught with a goat where a goat shouldn't be. :=

In court his defence was that he was taking a leak in the field and the goat suddenly appeared and backed onto him :ooh:

Come on, CityoFlight, let us know what you are obviously dying to tell us!

14th Aug 2008, 09:36
I bet he's got cleats on the soles of his feet, so much be after a woolly one!

14th Aug 2008, 09:38
Mods. Kindly remove this post to Tech Log -

The very best in practical technical discussion on the web

14th Aug 2008, 10:34
I remember hearing on the radio a few years ago about a best man being 'trapped' in the bride at the post-match festivities and they had to be carted off to hospital on the same stretcher. That must surely be in the top ten worst places to be caught.

Ananova - Bit of a fix for bride and best man... (http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1414089.html)

Farmer 1
14th Aug 2008, 10:46
I remember reading of a similar situation a long time ago, in England.

i.e. before mobile phones.

And they didn't have a telephone.

So they had to go to the kiosk down the road.

I hope there wasn't a queue.

Lon More
14th Aug 2008, 10:51
she was given an injection to relax her muscles, allowing the best man to get free.

Obviously, having caught a man she wasn't going to give him up easily

14th Aug 2008, 10:57
"Man warned over cone sex"
This thread brought back memories of an incident o'er the border five years ago...
Warning for traffic cone sex pervert - Scotsman.com News (http://news.scotsman.com/weirdoddandquirkystories/Warning-for-traffic-cone-sex.2451907.jp)

Buster Hyman
14th Aug 2008, 11:12
Speaking of goats...

A young man is walking down by the docks one day and decides to stop by a bar and have a beer. He walks into a bar, and sees a grizzled old fisherman, crying into his beer. Curious, the young man sits down and says, “Hey old timer, why the long face?”
The old man looks at him and points out the window, “See that dock out there? I built that dock with my own two hands, plank by plank, nail by nail, but do they call me Simon the dockbuilder? No,no."

The old man continued, “And see that ship out there? I ’ve been fishing these waters for going on thirty-five years! but do they call me Simon the fisherman? No,no. ”

The old man starts to cry again, “But you **** one goat … ”

14th Aug 2008, 11:38
i once had a friend who was a lorry driver and worked mainly nights, which was not exactly the best situation for him and his wife. he regulary told me how he used to relieve his sexual frustration by simulating sex with the slightly warm exhaust pipe from his 18 Wheeler. unfortunately, as this had carried on for a number of years, he was given the devastating news when he wend for his last medical to renew his licence.

the doctor pronounced him HGV posative!

boom boom.

14th Aug 2008, 16:02
Obviously, having caught a man she wasn't going to give him up easily

In view of the first post, did he get a benchmark?