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Dan D'air
13th Jun 2008, 22:56
Was walking home from the pub at approximately 1700 today when I was hacked by an 87 year old woman in a Mini Cooper who blatantly should not still be driving.

One broken nose, fractured cheek bone, 12 stitches and a Great Escape later, I'm sat at home pi$$ed off, sore, lamenting the sailing weekend I was going to have and wondering why on earth people are still allowed to drive at that age.

After having been bounced about 30 feet off the front of her car, I'm still waiting to find out if I would be prosecuted for throwing a brick through her windscreen and asking her what the effing hell she thought she was doing.

All good fun, fellow JB'ers discuss.............

Blues&twos
13th Jun 2008, 23:01
What the effing hell was she doing?

mixture
13th Jun 2008, 23:05
(1) Glad you're ok
(2) You should be counting your lucky starts it was an OAP ... therefore you were probably hit at or under the speed limit, which probably helped enable your medical state to be less serious than it could have been ...


Now I don my bullet proof vest for the rest.... :cool:

(3) You were walking back from the pub ..... there might possibly be two sides to your story ? :\

(4) I'm sorry, but there's really no excuse for violence (throwing brick through windscreen). A few expletives perhaps, particularly given the circumstances, but violence .... sorry mate, you deserve what you get if she does press charges. There's far too much violence around at the moment, no need for you or anyone else to add to it.

Get well soon and happy sailing when you are !

tinpis
13th Jun 2008, 23:06
1275S or BMW?

Buster Hyman
13th Jun 2008, 23:06
Why do we have to "discuss" it?

tony draper
13th Jun 2008, 23:08
Hmmm,difficult,not everybody ages at the same rate,though all get slower with the decades that is beyond a doubt,think in the USA a test has to be taken every year over a certain age,sounds like you were lucky if that's not a daft thing to say,heal soon Mr D'air.
:uhoh:

spinnaker
13th Jun 2008, 23:16
Sounds like an ex BEA hostie to me.

ShyTorque
13th Jun 2008, 23:19
Were you staggering about in the road or was she driving on the pavement?

Did she get the broken nose from the brick, or id jour dose out og doint?

And did you say you got haked? Those damned fish puns get us all in the end..... :E

Seriously, I tope your injury eels up soon. ;)

Dan D'air
13th Jun 2008, 23:32
ShyT.,

Am incredibly chuffed that you of all people have replied, you are defintely right about the fish puns, have you seen the Mil forum with at least two simultaneous aquatic joke threads??

brickhistory
14th Jun 2008, 00:51
Dan, glad you are relatively intact.

Glad it wasn't a Corvette Stingray.

BarbiesBoyfriend
14th Jun 2008, 01:02
Hey, Dan.

Can't take a joke? Shouldn't 'ave joined up!

Shit happens- buy insurance.:ok:

(might not feel so chipper if it was me tho'):suspect:

tinpis
14th Jun 2008, 01:08
You must have given the old trout a fright
Glad you didnt revert to coarse language
Your mussells will be sore for a while so dont get crabby.

seang
14th Jun 2008, 01:33
He said he got "hacked", what has that got to do with fish? Still, why let the correct spelling get in the way of a good pun? Speaking as a dyslexic, the puns were all carp anyway

BlueDiamond
14th Jun 2008, 02:35
Oh for cod's hake. Fish puns on a thread about a vehicle accident! I must be herring things. :rolleyes:

spekesoftly
14th Jun 2008, 03:32
Putting aside her suspect driving skills, I can't help admiring an 87 year old lady that chooses a Mini Cooper for transport. Herring about such things is good for the sole!

BlueDiamond
14th Jun 2008, 04:34
She'd have a whale of a time in a car like that!

ABX
14th Jun 2008, 05:00
Speaking as a dyslexic...

Q: What does D.N.A. stand for?
A: National Dyslexic's Association

Severe thread drift = hat, coat, oh dear...

winglit
14th Jun 2008, 07:12
A minnow cooper you say?

Are you sure it wasn't a chubbman?

What it one of Alec Issigonis' finest?

Or was it one of the new ones that come from Bavaria, The Ultimate Diving Machine?

Solid Rust Twotter
14th Jun 2008, 07:32
More fish puns?

Oh, gurnard then. Mullet over and come up with a few more. You know you want to...

Wingswinger
14th Jun 2008, 07:54
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
With an amateur lawyer's hat on:

Was walking home from the pub at approximately 1700 today when I was hacked by an 87 year old woman in a Mini Cooper who blatantly should not still be driving.

How do you know she is 87?
Did she mount the pavement or were you walking in the road?
Did you hear or see the car coming? If not, why not?
Were you walking in a straight line? If you think you were, how do you know you were walking in a straight line?

One incident does not mean someone should not be driving.

One broken nose, fractured cheek bone, 12 stitches and a Great Escape later, I'm sat at home pi$$ed off, sore, lamenting the sailing weekend I was going to have and wondering why on earth people are still allowed to drive at that age.

I'm glad you're not severely injured.
People still drive at that age because we like to think we live in a free society although it is becoming more unfree with each passing year. Remember, you'll be old too one day. It's not nice for old people to have youngsters telling them what they can and can't do. They know already.

After having been bounced about 30 feet off the front of her car, I'm still waiting to find out if I will be prosecuted for throwing a brick through her windscreen and asking her what the effing hell she thought she was doing.

Bounced 30 feet? Are you sure? You're very lucky to be alive.
You threw a brick through her windscreen? That sort of reaction is one of the ills that beset us in modern Britain. There's no excuse for it, especially when there are so many personal injury lawyers who will work on a "no-win no-fee" basis. If she was at fault, sue her.

I hope you are prosecuted for criminal damage, especially if she was in the car at the time.

All good fun, fellow JB'ers discuss.............

May not be the answers you sought but you did ask.

winglit
14th Jun 2008, 07:57
Did you have to see a plastic sturgeon to fix your face?

I hope you had medical insurance or it codhave cost a lot more than a hundred squid

The moray of this story is don't walk home from the pub. Phone the missus at home and get her to pike you up. Or batter still call a hakeney cab.

heli-cal
16th Jun 2008, 06:35
Seems pretty clear.

Experienced, mature driver loses control of vehicle because some drunk threw a brick through the windscreen! :eek:

BBE777
16th Jun 2008, 08:29
I just got to know about this last night...
im glad u ok... it was a nasty one!!:ouch:

about the brick... you are sooooo peaceful!!!! hehehe
yo la hubiera sacado del coche a patadas!!!!!!!:eek: hahahaha

kluge
16th Jun 2008, 09:30
Well that seemed to knock you off your perch and put you in your plaice.
I do hope your conch recovers quickly.

Was her car a bit of an orange roughy ? I hope she doesn't claim that you group(d)er.
Still at least you now have time to pursue other activities. You could learn to be a trumpeter or even read some of Salmon Rushdie's novels.

Get whelk soon.

ShyTorque
16th Jun 2008, 19:35
Some people just don't seem to be able to resist these fishy puns and once one starts, others seem to join in, whatever the original subject.

As far as I'm concherned, long may they conchtinue.

How's the noggin, DD?

Dan D'air
16th Jun 2008, 19:43
Getting better thanks but think I could do with a Puma animal jokes!!

PS. I realise now that my original post could have been construed to have read as though I actually did brick said minnow cooper. I didn't, have amended it and all I meant to say was that I wanted to!!! Too much analgaesia, shock, anger etc. to be totally compos dentist. Oops.

Human Factors, anyone!!

Beatriz Fontana
16th Jun 2008, 19:44
Mr D'air is made of spectacularly strong stuff. Suffering from a lack of a stiff drink though :}

Human Factors? You know something I don't? ;)

effortless
16th Jun 2008, 20:09
Sounds like an ex BEA hostie to me

Nah B Cal. More glue vicar?

G-CPTN
16th Jun 2008, 20:22
Was walking home from the pub at approximately 1700 today when I was hacked by an 87 year old woman in a Mini Cooper who blatantly should not still be driving.
Were you staggering about in the road or was she driving on the pavement?
So how about an account of events?



I think we should be told,







especially if you expect sympathy . . .

Dan D'air
16th Jun 2008, 20:57
No I wasn't drunk Capitano, nor staggering!! I only know that she was 87 because the Police told me!! Only had 2 glasses of wine, and was still intact.

PS., No sympathy wanted, just fish puns!!

helimutt
16th Jun 2008, 21:06
injurylawyers4u!!!!

I can read the future. You are to receive some money very soon. Well you will if you sue the old biffer!

FLCH
16th Jun 2008, 21:09
Thank Cod you didn't lose your leg I'd have to call you Heather.... don't worry you'll eel up soon enough...

Parapunter
16th Jun 2008, 21:15
I conga on with this. Dan, you suing the old trout?

acmi48
16th Jun 2008, 21:56
a load of codswallop ..

goudie
16th Jun 2008, 21:58
Good to see Nurse Beatriz is on the case. A decent kipp......er will see you feeling much better tomorrow Dan.
As for the driver I think the whitings on the wall once you've done her for a few squid!
Was the minnow turbot charged?

eticket
16th Jun 2008, 22:05
I wonder if Dan needs some reading matter? Eel possibly need some kelp with sugggestions, as he gets over his blackchin and his bent-tooth with his pint of Bass.

Can I suggest 'Whiting for Codot'?

Beatriz Fontana
16th Jun 2008, 22:23
Good to see Nurse Beatriz is on the case

Blimey, goudie, don't go giving him ideas!! ;)

Dan's currently working his way through a few James Pond books:

Goldfishfinger
Live and Let Fry
From A View to a Brill

and Octopussy, of course....

eticket
16th Jun 2008, 22:30
Don't forget 'Moonhaker'.

Beatriz Fontana
16th Jun 2008, 22:36
I suppose if he gets really bored I could lend him the DVD of Fry Another Ray.

Followed by The Man With the Goldfish Pun...

reynoldsno1
17th Jun 2008, 00:47
Only had 2 glasses of wine
2 of those 250ml glasses that seem to be the standard in the UK now? = 2/3 bottle of wine :hmm:

kluge
17th Jun 2008, 02:01
Well you do know that DD is a bit of a winegulper. I hear he's a hog sucker also. His bigeye(s) are too big for his belly. :ooh:

Sounds likethe elderly ladyfish was a bigmouth buffalo or a black swallower ? :eek: Either way she was probably a loosejaw when it came to nagging with her friends. Such a boarfish. :zzz:

I hope your bent-tooth will be fixed soon. I can recommend a dentist called John Dory :}:

See you in Trevally. I'll be basking with the sharks. I'm the one with the Flathead and sound like a Californian Smoothtongue. :cool:

GOLF_BRAVO_ZULU
17th Jun 2008, 13:51
Sounds like an ex BEA hostie to me.


More probably an off duty Air Canada one!