View Full Version : A new business model for commercial airlines (patents pending)...

23rd May 2008, 15:43
After a substantial amount of time examining the airline industry and a lot of ahhing and uhmming, here are some of my findings:

The problems:

1) The 'companies' that actually buy or own commercial airliners almost invariably always make a profit from onward-leasing (or otherwise) these assets to major airlines, their own airline 'affiliates' and lesser 'airline' operators. Whether or not their clients (or affiliates) enter into, remain or eventually exit 'chapter 11' after numerous sacrifices have been extracted from employees under some duress...

2) In order to display the lowest prices on their websites, airlines are increasingly obliged to charge 'as extras', all sorts of services hitherto understood to be 'normal' or which ought to be 'inclusive' in their announced prices. This inevitably gets them into trouble with the competition authorities.

3) Soaring fuel prices (which ought to affect every operator more or less equally, depending on the aircraft type, route and obtained capacity).

The solution:

1) All commercial aircraft owners and lessors will be nationalised forthwith (it should be obvious that these companies have been running some form of cartel or similar because they're the only ones to have declared any sort of continuous profits over the history of modern commercial aviation). They'd become in effect, an aviation sort of 'Network Rail', licensed to operate aircraft, airports and ground-based services on a non-exclusive basis.

2) Groups of individual pilots and cabin personnel would then be invited to form 'co-operatives' with a view to operating one or aircraft (but limited to a max. number of aircraft per co-operative) between two or more points.

3) Once all airports have suitably enlarged 'holding areas', no aircraft would take-off before both the pilots (operators) and passengers had reached agreement on the eventual fare to be charged (ie. the officially-announced departure time and price was 'X', the actual departure time and (a lesser price) depends on the on-board voting system updated in real-time). So we might have for example, a BP or Microsoft employee desperate to get somewhere on time who would actually make it all worthwhile to take off as soon as possible. Otherwise, everyone would just have a nap until there were enough seats filled.

The consequences:

1) I believe that most people would benefit. Pilots would again be in complete control. Only flying when they felt like it (or when the aircraft was sufficiently full) in order to provide profitable (and ecological service).

2) As a passenger, delays may sometimes be as important as in the past, but bookings could be made in the confidence that substantial amounts of 'in-flight' sandwiches were always at hand, 'FOC''.

3) Instead of passengers being faced with barrages of confusing and conflicting offers, they would instead be invited to consult 'up to the moment' online info on price and current aircraft status from their airplane seats aboard their favourite airlines.

IMHO, those passengers who wish to be allowed to change airlines on the taxiway should be obliged.

But I guess I'd still like to know why airlines can't (or won't) just jack-up their prices in order to maintain profitablity in the face of fuel-price increases. Instead of crying out for taxpayer intervention (ch. 11) for example...?! :rolleyes:

Jetex Jim
23rd May 2008, 17:04
As an alternative, I'd like to plagarise an idea from Philip K Dicke. Instead of actually flying people around the world on holiday, we give them virtual trips. They experience the entire holiday experience in some monster Centre Parkes type resort somewhere within the M25 area.

They can send postcards home, and download a generic set up digital photographs to show all their friends.

The home IT industry gets a boost, all the money stays within the UK, and a massive amount of CO2 is not discharged into the atmosphere.

23rd May 2008, 20:41
I can see it now, a massive warehouse near Slough with lager piped in from a local lager-factory, tanning lamps in the ceiling, tanker-loads of suncream, and a pool for everyone to fall into when inebriated. Mountains of burgers and chips available 'inclusively' within the price.
A few lithe youngsters to encourage mild bonking, and Benidorm would go bust!!!:E:eek::D

24th May 2008, 00:31
Ah yes, now I remember, bonking in Benidorm. I knew we went there for something.

24th May 2008, 14:49
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Unless they'll cooperate and participate for women passengers. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women. Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'

Muslims would think twice before boarding the plane to avoid seeing naked women.
Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, because strippers will take every passengers' clothes off thus revealing hidden weapons and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset. Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself? Sincerely, Bill Clinton