View Full Version : You're so ugly....

Buster Hyman
8th Apr 2008, 00:22
You're so ugly, when you were born they put tinted windows on your incubator.

You're so ugly you have to trick or treat over the phone.

You're so ugly, when your mother went into labor your father went into shock.

You're so ugly, I took you to see the zookeeper and he said, "Thanks for bringing him back."

8th Apr 2008, 00:27
The midwife slapped your dad!

Lon More
8th Apr 2008, 00:44
Get knocked back again, Buster?

Atlas Shrugged
8th Apr 2008, 01:09
You're so ugly your mother had to feed you with a slingshot

8th Apr 2008, 03:24
Your so Ugly, when you were a kid, your parents had to tie a pork chop around your neck just so the dog would play with you..:8

West Coast
8th Apr 2008, 03:37
That if my dog looked like you, I'd shave his ass and make him walk backwards.

8th Apr 2008, 04:13
Not even Bill Clinton would have sex with you!!! :eek:

8th Apr 2008, 06:39
'_ _ _ _ _ _' fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down...

8th Apr 2008, 08:25
...they call you Mister Personality!

Arm out the window
8th Apr 2008, 09:06
You're so ugly your Mum fed you upside down for the first six weeks.

8th Apr 2008, 09:20
your face looks like a bulldog licking shit off a thistle

but you have a loooooovely personality!

8th Apr 2008, 09:36
You're so ugly, your dog has to close its eyes when it humps your leg! ...

You are so ugly the last time you got a piece of ass was when your hand slipped through the toilet paper. ...

8th Apr 2008, 10:05
You're so ugly that if you entered an ugly persons competition they probably turn you away and say "sorry mate no professionals" :p

8th Apr 2008, 10:10
Your so ugly that your girlfriend takes rohypnol before she lets you touch her.

8th Apr 2008, 10:24
Your so ugly that your girlfriend takes rohypnol before she lets you touch her.

You're so ugly that you don't have a girlfriend... or anything close

Arm out the window
8th Apr 2008, 10:59
You're so ugly the Elephant Man takes you to bars with him so he can pick up.

8th Apr 2008, 11:06
When my ex-wife was born she was so ugly the mid-wife thought she was a breech birth.

8th Apr 2008, 12:02
Your so ugly that your girlfriend takes rohypnol before she lets you touch her.
You're so ugly that you don't have a girlfriend... or anything close

Ok then

Your so ugly that you have to give your wrist rohypnol.

bar fly
8th Apr 2008, 12:06
Your so ugly that your face looks like it was set on fire and then put out with a cricket bat.

8th Apr 2008, 13:57
She has a face like a bag o' spanners..........

She's not fat. She was built when meat was cheap!
(RIP Les Dawson)

8th Apr 2008, 14:00
Why does she go out with an 11-foot barge pole?????

'Cos no-one will touch her with a 10-foot one!

8th Apr 2008, 15:43
You're so ugly that when you were born, you parents sent a letter to the neighborhood with written "SORRY".

8th Apr 2008, 16:04
...that when you gazed up at the full moon one night, you suddenly realised that many equally ugly people / things might have also done this for at least millions, if not billions of years, before you.

You'll feel a little better after that, I promise... :ok:

8th Apr 2008, 16:45
Last time I saw legs like that they were supporting antlers and standing in shallow water eating lily pads.

8th Apr 2008, 17:01
You're so ugly I hear warthogs send you fanmail.

Ken Wells
8th Apr 2008, 17:43
She was so ugly that when she came to visit the mice used to throw themselves on the traps!

I know that Patsy Palmer has the right to be ugly, but she just abuses the privilege.

She had legs like an AA road map, a complection like beans on toast

she could turn milk sour at 14 paces.

She looked like a million dollars; all green and crinkly.

She looked like Liz Taylor, she went for a BURTON as well!

As Jo Brand said

I am anorexic, I stand in front of the mirror naked and say to myself "You're Fat"

8th Apr 2008, 17:59
You're so ugly you need to use the logrithmic beer goggles rating system

8th Apr 2008, 20:42
Your so ugly that your mum had to tie a steak round your neck to get the dog to play with you.

Your so ugly they put the bungee jumpcord around your neck.

Your so ugly they filmed "Gorrillas in the mist" in your shower.

Your so ugly that when you were born your mother said "what a treasure" your father said "yes lets bury it"

Your so ugly your mother had to take tranquilisers before breast feeding.

Ken Wells
8th Apr 2008, 20:44
UGLY? when Patsy Palmer was born , they slapped the mother instead!

Allegedly ( thanks lawyer of the skies)

C130 Techie
8th Apr 2008, 20:56
Must have been on the double strength ugly pills.

Got a face like a melted wellie.

I always liked Mike Hardings chat up line "You don't sweat much for a fat lass do you"?

8th Apr 2008, 21:01

Do you mind, my wife's a bit of a swamp donkey.

Ken Wells
8th Apr 2008, 21:03
Amy Whitehouse ; So ugly you wouldn't have it as a pet!

8th Apr 2008, 21:06
Ah, I have a friend who's so ugly, when she tried to put on her lipstick it kept backing down the tube. Including her own mum and dad she's never yet been kissed. Under grotesque in the dictionary is a picture of her face. She bought herself a dildo but she couldn't keep it stiff and if I ever cracked a fat for her I'd amputate my dick!

Oh, and the phrase is fugly. As in she's f#####g ugly!

Ken Wells
8th Apr 2008, 21:11
she was so Jade Goody!

8th Apr 2008, 21:27
She had the face of a dog so I thought I'd call 'r over.

9th Apr 2008, 06:10
Your so Ugly youv;e a face like a slapped arse!!

9th Apr 2008, 07:11
Thank you Kevin

'Supa Mega Fugly with a b'stard areshole twist'

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