View Full Version : Water is carp

28th Mar 2008, 15:09
To my friends who enjoy an alcholic drink. And those who don't.

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in faeces.

In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of crap.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Crap Booze = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink booze and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing this as a public service.


28th Mar 2008, 15:15
Spent a lot of time working in remote areas of China in the late 1980s. After weeks of (cue) 'nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrea' followed the advice of an expat Dutch guy and only ever drank bottled Heineken.

Made the Colgate taste funny though.......:\

28th Mar 2008, 15:57
Can confirm the beer diet worked. Just come back from 10 days in Delhi and only drank bottled Kingfisher beer. got some strange looks at breakfast but didn't get the dreaded Delhi Belly. My kidneys still hurt though.:D

good spark
28th Mar 2008, 16:47
this must confirm that you cant trust anyone who doesnt drink alcohol


Solid Rust Twotter
28th Mar 2008, 16:51
Know of some mates who ran out of water in the bush. They were issued a beer every morning to brush their teeth (used sparingly, it lasted until brunch when more beer was served). Only lasted a few days but they were pretty happy with the arrangement.

Ken Wells
28th Mar 2008, 16:53
WC Fields quotes

"Say, Mr. Fields, I read in the paper where you consumed two quarts of liquor a day. What would your father think about that?"
WC: "He'd think I was a sissy."

"Never drink water, fish fornicate it it"

"In my left pocket I keep a bottle of whiskey in case I see a snake"

"In my right pocket i keep a snake!"

Beatriz Fontana
28th Mar 2008, 17:01
This is fantastic news. I always knew the drinking sessions down the pub with Dan were thoroughly justified!!

Lance Murdoch
28th Mar 2008, 18:19
I'll continue to drink water, as an engineer Im used to being fed sh*t

28th Mar 2008, 18:31
HOW MUCH DID THEY DRINK? THE CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL IN TRADITIONAL EUROPE (http://www.arts.adelaide.edu.au/centrefooddrink/publications/articles/martinhowmuchdrink0paper.html)

.........Alcohol was a necessary component of most people's diet. Although some people counselled moderation in the use of alcoholic beverages, no one suggested abstention, and the consensus was that alcohol was necessary to maintain good health, while the consumption of water was absolutely dangerous.

A typical attitude was that of the English physician Andrew Boorde, who praised wine for its beneficial effects in his Dyetary of Helth, published in 1542: "Moderately drunken, it doth acuate and doth quicken a mans wits, it doth comfort the heart, it doth scour the liver; specially, if it be white wine, it doth rejuice all the powers of man, and doth nourish them; it doth ingender good blood, it doth nourish the brain and all the body."

Both anecdotal and statistical evidence indicate heavy consumption of alcoholic beverages, heavy over time, heavy over space, and even heavy over social class to a certain extent, although the rich consumed more than the poor. Three examples of temperance from the sixteenth century make the exceptions that prove the rule.

The Venetian Alvise Cornaro promoted temperance in word and deed. He wrote a book, Discourses in favour of a sober life, in which he advocated a diet of extreme renunciation, confirmed by his own example; he drank only not quite .4 of a liter of wine a day, which is more than half a modern bottle of wine.

In The Life of the Duke of Newcastle, written by his wife, the duke received praise for his temperance; she wrote, "In his diet, he is so sparing and temperate, that he never eats nor drinks beyond his set proportion." His set proportion was three glasses of beer and two of wine a day.

The final exception to prove the rule was a temperance society founded at Hesse in 1600. Its members agreed to restrict their drinking to seven glasses of wine with each meal.......

A different country, England, and a different century reveal a similar gargantuan thirst. The household accounts of the Earl of Eglinton for 26 November 1646 document his consumption of ale: "To your lordship's morning drink, a pint; for my ladie's morning drink, 1 pint; to your lordship's dinner, 2 pints; more, 3 pints; to the latter meal, 2 pints; after dinner, 1 pint; at four hours, 1 pint; another pint; to your Lordship's supper, 3 pints."

Both these examples come from the idle aristocracy, who did not have to work, but the sources reveal examples of labourers consuming large amounts. In his Autobiography Benjamin Franklin recorded his observations while working for a London printer in the 1720s: "We had an alehouse boy who attended always in the house to supply the workmen. My companion at the press drank every day a pint before breakfast; a pint at breakfast with his bread and cheese; a pint between breakfast and dinner; a pint at dinner; a pint in the afternoon about 6 o'clock, and another when he had done his day's work." Such amounts did not make the drinker incapacitated for work; indeed the drinker felt that he must, in the words of Franklin, "drink strong beer that he might be strong to labour."

In medieval England the normal monastic allowance was one gallon of good ale per day, often supplemented by a second gallon of weak ale. The daily ration for the Black Monks of Battle Abbey in Sussex was one gallon of wine a day, more if the monk was sick. In addition to this heavy day by day drinking, special events were occasions for gargantuan consumption. Guests at the banquet to honour the installation of George Neuvile as Archbishop of York in 1466 consumed 300 barrels of ale and 100 barrels of wine.

English peasants were regular consumers of ale. For example, the maintenance agreement for Margaret atte Green of Girton in 1291 included in her pension enough barley to provide her with 2.6 pints of ale a day. The evidence also indicates that peasants were able to consume more ale after the demographic slump of the mid-fourteenth century, so that in the late fourteenth century both the abbot of Newbo and the nuns of Nuneaton were giving their workers one gallon of ale a day.........

28th Mar 2008, 22:46
Wise counsel indeed. Last evening, however, I did quicken my wits, comforteth my heart, and scoureth my liver, rejuicing my powers and nourishing my brain and body, to very minor excess, leaving me, this morning, eternally grateful for the creation of paracetamol.

28th Mar 2008, 23:23
Alcohol does kill germs, but not very efficiently. Chlorine, iodine, boiling, ozone, micro-filtering and simple passing time will all do so better.

As a teen 'in the old world', one discovered beer and wine and took well to their use. Years passing on, whisky and whiskey joined the list, but scant few others - except rare special-occasion forays into kirsch, grappa, absinthe, acquavit and the distilled fruit of the mythical tecqui-bush, plus a few other odds with unspellable names.

To join up with Churchill on this topic, one could say: "Alcohol has done more for me than I have done for it."

One has grappled considerably in life with allergies - from childhood forward. Only in middle-age did the salient connection filter into one's noggin: ethyl alcohol is a first-rate antihistamine (meaning that it suppresses the most common irritant resulting from allergies) because the molecule is quite similar in shape to histamine proper, and so it grabs on to histamine receptors in the body, caressing them lovingly while the actual misery causing histamine gets flushed out the pipes with help from all the juices consumed along with the alcohol. This is the reason why alcohol makes you feel alright, good, or great, depending how much one has had and how low one was when the imbibing process began.

An unfortunate downside in this idyllic scenario is that the alcohol itself is somewhat irritating to body parts, and the chemical baggage accompanying it is often moreso. Result of this is the potential (proportional to intake) for hangover - a form of allergic reaction. Hair of dog resets the reaction with another dose of alcohol antihistamine. Can anyone see a root cause for alcoholism in this process loop?

One favors Mark Twain's admonition: "Do all things in moderation ... including abstinence."

29th Mar 2008, 04:08
Have also read that tap water is full of pheremones. Everytime we pee the water is recycled. It seems that the bacteria in the sewage plants can purify water with the exception of pheremones from the ladies. This is one of the main reasons why so many males have manboobs. We are drinking pheremone laden water. Also interesting too note that a glass of tap water has passed through 7 bodies:yuk:

29th Mar 2008, 04:12
Glad my water comes out of a bore in the back yard then :p

Artificial oestrogens and their mimics are everywhere, created in plastic and agrichemical manufacturing amongst other sources. Hops also contains a similar chemical, hence many a beer afficionado developing Moobs, as well as explaining Brewer's Droop.

29th Mar 2008, 04:17
Blue wolf
That was it, it was oestrogens, not pheremones. Thanks:ok:

29th Mar 2008, 04:21
Cold comfort in a bore, BlueWolf. The water you drink has been strained through thousands of Merino, and Shania Twain, droppings. All those oestogen-mimickers are now kicking their way through your body. Have you checked out your tits lately? It might be one of those good news / bad news situations.

29th Mar 2008, 05:06
Seems the space station is your best bet for a refreshing glass of aqua.

The ECLSS Water Recycling System (WRS), developed at the MSFC, will reclaim waste waters from the Space Shuttle's fuel cells, from urine, from oral hygiene and hand washing, and by condensing humidity from the air. Without such careful recycling 40,000 pounds per year of water from Earth would be required to resupply a minimum of four crewmembers for the life of the station.

Not even research animals are excused from the program.

"Lab animals on the ISS breath and urinate, too, and we plan to reclaim their waste products along with the crew's. A full complement of 72 rats would equal about one human in terms of water reclamation," says Layne Carter, a water-processing specialist at the MSFC.

It might sound disgusting, but water leaving the space station's purification machines will be cleaner than what most of us drink on Earth.


29th Mar 2008, 06:36
Oh, brilliant. Now I have a mental image of a merino, with Shania Twain's tits, crapping in my water. Thank you very fecking much. :*

29th Mar 2008, 06:38
I assume you'll be offline for the next ten minutes.

29th Mar 2008, 06:44
Ten minutes??? A merino may only be a sheep, but it still deserves due care and tender attention. Shame on thee. :=

Anyway, I've managed to edit the image, it's now Shania in a merino wool bikini, but she's still taking a dump :sad::ugh: