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frostbite
21st Mar 2008, 13:23
A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her
inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker
jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and slams the lion square on the nose with a powerful fist.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the biker, says "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life."

"Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right."

"Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's papers will have this story on the first page. What motorcycle do you ride?"

"A VMax."

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed
brings news of his actions, and reads, on page one, above the fold:



BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH.

Led Goose
21st Mar 2008, 16:26
Bear and a rabbit in the woods.

Bear: Do you have a problem with poo sticking to your fur?

Rabbit: Eh.. no not really

Bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his ar*e

seekayess
21st Mar 2008, 17:42
*Did I read that sign right?**

**TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW **

**In a Laundromat:*
*AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT**

**In a London department store:*
*BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS **

**In an office:*
*WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN **

**In an office:*
*AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD*

*Outside a secondhand shop: *
*WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? **

Notice in health food shop window:*
*CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS**

Spotted in a safari park: (I sure hope so)*
*ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR**

Seen during a conference:*
*FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR.**

Notice in a farmer's field: *
*THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES. **

Message on a leaflet:*
*IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.**

On a repair shop door:*
*WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

merlinxx
21st Mar 2008, 19:45
The Archbishop of Canterbury has partially got his way, British Weather has been declared Muslim.

It's either Sunni or Shiite!!




(Gets galabaya & sandals and runs for the snadpit!!)

Ken Wells
21st Mar 2008, 20:11
http://i249.photobucket.com/albums/gg224/kenwells_photo/Quagmire.jpg


well the wind was shere