View Full Version : PC rules, even for the fish!

18th Mar 2008, 23:34
I live in a working watermill. Fixed it myself during the 15 years since
I retired from 747s. Mill saws logs and generates electricity. The river used to be polluted with farm effluent, but now has salmon after I conducted a stick & carrot approach to my farming neighbours. So there I am with a working mill, a lovely clean river, lots of fish, and otters, and all mostly due to my own efforts.
Along come the Environment Agency. They see the nice clean river and fish, but can't find any Lamprey (a kind of eel like fish) Therefore my mill must be damaging the river environment which is against something called the "Habitats Directive" So they want me to stop using the water, and may try to shut down the mill. Never mind renewable energy, never mind a family living simply without using up lots of oil, the bl...dy fish must not be disturbed.
Sometimes this country makes me want to :yuk:

tony draper
18th Mar 2008, 23:42
Since the demise of our manufacturing sector the powers that be had to create a whole new line of work for the little Hitlers who would have normally been middle management, foremen, time and motion bods in our factories and ship yards,hence the Environment Agency and the rest of the similar ilk.

18th Mar 2008, 23:45
Perhaps you could point out to them that people can die from a surfeit of lampreys!



18th Mar 2008, 23:53
Well another bunch of officials came by last year and listed the place. Its now a grade II working watermill. Perhaps I can get both groups to have a duel on the lawn :E

19th Mar 2008, 00:09
Perhaps I can get both groups to have a duel on the lawn

Salmon call? Swordfish at dawn, gentlemen?

Yippee, fish puns are BACK! :ok:

Sorry, I'm just LamPPRuNe'ing

tony draper
19th Mar 2008, 00:16
Of course one could always buy a few live Lampreys and install em surreptitiously in ones mill race and video em sucking the life blood out of some poor Salmon, that would **** em.
Horrible critter is yer Lamprey.

Straight Up Again
19th Mar 2008, 02:42
Well another bunch of officials came by last year and listed the place. Its now a grade II working watermill. Perhaps I can get both groups to have a duel on the lawn

You could have them do it weekly, and charge admittance to local folk. After all, the mostly spotted bureaucrat isn't endangered, in fact numbers seem to be at record highs. Time for a cull?

Solid Rust Twotter
19th Mar 2008, 06:58
Ah, the Yellow Striped Bureaucrat. Hardly worth hunting as they put up no fight and just dig in behind a brigade of lawyers and a fortress of paperwork. They're nothing but vermin so burning down their habitat and clubbing the survivors back into the flames as they run out screaming, is good for the environment.

19th Mar 2008, 06:58
The duel sounds like a wonderful idea, but the mind boggles as to what would be their weapon of choice....

guns and blades are terribly dangerous things don'tcha know?! :hmm:

19th Mar 2008, 07:08
what would be their weapon of choice....

Red tape.

Lots of it.

(They'd probably enjoy being tied up and gagged, but that's another story)

Krystal n chips
19th Mar 2008, 07:28
:E:hmm: Word association for civil serpents.

"Habitats Directive" / Environment Agency / cess pit.

Aren't otters carniverous btw ? Just a passing thought.

19th Mar 2008, 07:41
Horrible critter is yer Lamprey.

However, they are quite tasty!:ok:

From Wiki:

King Henry I of England is said to have died from eating "a surfeit of lampreys" [5]. On 4th March 1953 the Queen was made a coronation pie using lampreys by the Royal Air Force

Apologies for near aviation content.

19th Mar 2008, 09:25
Clearly, their motive is fishy!

19th Mar 2008, 09:37
Hmnn.. we are directly underneath the Brecon / Strumble G1 airway. Perhaps it should be diverted in case airliners upset the Lampreys. On the other hand whats the regs about unqualified Lampreys in controlled airspace. :bored:
Just knew PPRuNers would cheer me up :ok:

19th Mar 2008, 12:37
Ah! nostalgia: Green One. Those were the days.

Is the argument that the poor fishies are being mangled in the mill race? A wire mesh screen at the entry point might shut the meddlers up, although clearing it of debris would be a full time job.

19th Mar 2008, 12:40
This (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9SSOWORzw4)is how they should be treating each other.


19th Mar 2008, 12:56
For goodness hake, Ozzy, you posted that just for the halibut didn't you?

No use carping about the situation, vee-tail, one of these dace they'll debait the issue in a civilised manner instead of floundering around whiting for something to happen.

Tell them how you feel. Don't be koi.

tony draper
19th Mar 2008, 13:08

19th Mar 2008, 13:19
Nice picture Tony, I see a condom in a silver cage and a gauge behind that says "Stop".

Seriously, is the Lamprey historically proven to be a natural inhabitant of your piece of water VEE Tail?

19th Mar 2008, 13:49
They were the sole inhabitants of the plaice but being hard of herring they coddn't sense natural predators. :rolleyes:

19th Mar 2008, 14:07
Mr Draper, I wos tode at school that lamphrey helped to do away wi Henry the 8th, with syph and gono helpin on the side so to speak! It still is a nasty critter as well, I agree.


19th Mar 2008, 18:37
Fishy Factoid: The Lamprey is also known as the Hagfish.

Witch is quite amazing.

Ken Wells
19th Mar 2008, 21:40
The word **** has various meanings, dependent upon regional dialect. Although its main meaning in British English is usually that of 'idiot' or 'stupid/idiotic/tasteless' (male person), it is understood in American English (and elsewhere including Britain) as a vulgar synonym for the human vulva,[1] vagina, or clitoris, and is used as a derogatory epithet.

It is also the word for a small FLAT FISH.

Sole Plaice DAB

****: young flat fish

20th Mar 2008, 00:04
Drapes parabellum GBZ et all
Wiki suggests Lampreys prefer shallow slow moving rivers with lots of gravel beds. Wheras my river is fast flowing with boulders and occasional floods.
So I have offered to provide "B + B" for Lampreys in the mill leat, which would of course need to maintain a constant and adequate flow. A wire mesh screen should keep the little buggers from attacking my waterwheel. I hope my cooperative and reasoned attitude will impress the civil serpents :hmm:

20th Mar 2008, 02:17
There is a Ray of hope then!

20th Mar 2008, 03:16
I wouldn't count on that. A bunch of Civil Servants are a grey cloud all by themselves. They can usually be counted on to:

1) not be reasonable;
2) ignore common sense; and
3) remove all rays of hope with a single "community consultation".

Windy Militant
20th Mar 2008, 11:37
In a previous existence I welded up a Channel for a Mill Race for an ex Airlines type not far from that neck of the woods! Not you was it Vee Tail-1?
At first I thought they were getting confused with Lamphrey where the Bishops palace is but a quick google shows that there's conservation area I don't recall Lampreys from my poach.....er fishing days but the larval stage my not look much different from common or garden elvers. :confused:

20th Mar 2008, 15:52
Windy it might have been you. People like watermills,(except the Environment agency!) and lots of folk have helped over the years, particularly with metalwork. [Have just given up trying to post a picture on here of the waterwheel :confused:]

tony draper
20th Mar 2008, 16:03
I recall talking to a chap doing up a watermill on the River Coquet in Northumberland,just upstream from a place called the Thrum,a place where said river ran fast through some hard rock strata and had over eons worn some deep pools suitable for swimming,not been there for many years hmmm, one wonder if the chap ever finished his mill.

22nd Mar 2008, 00:42
Yay! the photo system works.

tony draper
22nd Mar 2008, 00:48
Aha! an overshot wheel,much more efficient then yer undershot, one learned this from Fred Dibnah, apparently there were a big debate on the efficacy of each int olden days, seems obvious now,falling water has the added bonus of gravity on its side.

22nd Mar 2008, 01:04
Yes, and note the use of old telephone poles to hold up the assorted recycled metal parts. The officials who listed the mill thought it was all original, and remarkably well preserved. ;)

22nd Mar 2008, 09:14
I looked at buying a water mill but the cellar seemed a bit damp.

22nd Mar 2008, 16:44
Looks as though there is a proper garden shed to the left hand side as well.

Windy Militant
25th Mar 2008, 21:03
That support frame looks familiar, Mind you it was a long time ago! Didn't see any Lampreys over the weekend but the Teifi had plenty of dead trees and old tyres heading for the sea. ;)