View Full Version : Mother-In-Laws

15th Mar 2008, 12:32
Now this subject is always a cracker!!

I, like a lot of other people see my mother-in-Law as little as possible. I find that she's always moaning. An example would be the time I gave her a lift to the shops and all I could hear was moan moan, moan. And she was still moaning when I let her out of the boot.

Anyway: being the good kind hearted son in law, I do make the effort to give it a kiss at christmas!!:)



15th Mar 2008, 12:40
Don't forget, you're the person that "made" her into a mother-in-law...:E

Bern Oulli
15th Mar 2008, 12:43
I think the title should be "Mothers-In-Law".

The Grammar Police are watching.

15th Mar 2008, 12:44
Bloody nora mate. I never thought of that. Its my own fault.

Okay, I'll visit twice a year and say a couple of nice things about her. Well... there must be something nice I could say.

Mind you, when she was born the mid wife slapped her mother and later they had to tie a lamb chop around her neck so that the dog would play with her.:ok:

So, looking at all of these facts, I guess its only partially my fault.:rolleyes:

Fine I don't feel guilty now, so I'll stick with my once a year routine.:)



ps: I've only ever had one mother-in-law so I suppose I'm lucky there.;)

15th Mar 2008, 12:55
Use your Marital arts you were talking about on your other thread:}

Now we no why you are out most of the week:ok:

15th Mar 2008, 13:06
Yes I'm out most of the week training and practicing martial arts in case my mother in law turns up unexpectedly.

You need to be ready for this kind of severe possibility, don't you.:ok:



15th Mar 2008, 13:21
when mine makes soup, pygmies come from miles around to dip their arrows in it.

15th Mar 2008, 13:25
I am not saying mine talks a lot but when we all go on holiday she has to put sun block on her tongue.

15th Mar 2008, 13:38
I was telling a mate in the pub that my mother-in-law was an angel. He told me I was lucky, his was still alive.

Took the dog to the vet to get his tail cut off. He asked me why a lurcher needed his tail cut off. Told him the mother-in-law was visiting and I didn't want anything to make her feel welcome.

They buried my mates mother-in-law last week so I went along as support. I asked the gravedigger why the hole was 18ft instead of 6ft. He told me that deep down mothers-in-law were very nice people.


15th Mar 2008, 13:56
Bah, amatures................. :*

15th Mar 2008, 13:57
Gave my mother in law a chair for christmas, she still won't plug it in.....

15th Mar 2008, 13:57
Not to spoil the party, but I shall ever be grateful to my mother-in-law for bearing and raising a daughter who, more than anything else, has made my life good.

15th Mar 2008, 13:59
get off your knees BenThere......jeez :E

15th Mar 2008, 14:08
Perhaps it helps that my mother-in-law lives 9,000 miles away.

15th Mar 2008, 14:10
BenThere....all is forgiven.....:ok:

15th Mar 2008, 14:18
I knew the mother in law was visiting, the mice were throwing themselves on the traps:}


15th Mar 2008, 14:22
I have the perfect MIL. She's dead. Took a while to happen but it was worth the wait.

15th Mar 2008, 14:34
wicked Binoculars.

I am fortunate in that my mother in law does not speak english....what a blessing.

15th Mar 2008, 14:45
I was out shopping the other day when I saw six women beating my MIL up. As I stood there and watched, her neighbor, who knew me, said, "Well, aren't you going to help?" I replied, "No. Six of them is enough".

Q: What do you do if you miss your MIL??


My MIL asked me, "If you hate me so much, why is my photo on the mantelpiece?" I told her, "So as to keep the kids away from the fire."

15th Mar 2008, 14:52
...waiting for Jerricho.... :E

15th Mar 2008, 15:34
Jerricho? Pah.... waiting for Lexxity.

Standard Noise
15th Mar 2008, 16:26
I wouldn't say my MIL is fat, but no matter where you sit in a room, she's sitting next to you.

I wouldn't say my MIL is fat, but my father in law was complaining the other day that his arse was sore. When I asked why. He said that when they have sex, the MIL won't let him turn the bedroom light off.

One's MIL is coming down next week for Easter. Lucyfer doesn't yet realise just how far I can actually walk in one weekend!

15th Mar 2008, 17:31
My MIL asked "Why don't you grow a moustache?" I replied "why would I want to look like you..."

Beatriz Fontana
15th Mar 2008, 19:02
My ex mother-in-law was Hyacyth Bucket. Even looked like her!

15th Mar 2008, 19:14
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So, the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you." "My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."


15th Mar 2008, 19:38
"My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog in the street."

"Oh, that's terrible!"

"Yes, it was terrible to watch the dog die slowly in convulsions."

15th Mar 2008, 19:40
And while we are at it . . . .

A man meets a genie.

The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double.

The man thinks for a moment and then says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

15th Mar 2008, 19:49
Unless you are a bigamist/polygamist...

Isn't the mother of your wife the "Mother-in-law" ?

No plural needed (?)

Mothers in law are surely "Mothers-out-law"??????:ok:

Capn Notarious
15th Mar 2008, 20:17
"That MIL was so fat, she had to be got off the beach to let the tide in."

15th Mar 2008, 23:22
Mine started off fine, at this stage I wish she would disapear in a ball of smoke...

Can't understand why we don't have to work 23 hrs a day to sustain ourselves, like she did.


16th Mar 2008, 04:45
All of the above jokes are even funnier if you read them with a Les Dawson voice in your head:}

16th Mar 2008, 05:19
Hi guys,
You are all so humorous. Have you forgotten that your own Mum is also a mother-in-law?
PS I am unbiased as I don't have any daughters, only sons. :)

16th Mar 2008, 05:41
They are just jokes!! I don't really put sun block on my MILs tongue.

16th Mar 2008, 05:49
Thanks for clarifying that about the jokes, otherwise I couldn't have figured it out:E

So, what you are saying is that you don't even give enough of a toss about your M-I-L to slap on the sunblock.;)

16th Mar 2008, 06:03
I see a formidable mother in law in the making Legally!:E:ok:

16th Mar 2008, 06:29
Actually I'm a very new M-I-L of one year's standing (youngest son). His wife has the same Christian name as me and same spelling, how scary is that? But we get on well and I try not to interfere, as tempting as it can be. As they lived in London for 4 years before coming back to marry I didn't have much opportunity to interefere anyway ;):) plus I don't have enough time even if I had the overwhelming inclination. Our situation is a bit different too in a sad way as my daughter in law lost her Mum just 3 weeks after the wedding so I HAVE to look after her.
Still, I am very protective of my 'boys'. :ok:

Standard Noise
16th Mar 2008, 07:27
Capn Notarious - I thought it was only my MIL who was that big!!!

Legally B - of course that only counts if a persons mother is still alive. I would love to be in the position where my missus could moan about my mother.

16th Mar 2008, 15:42
Your son married a woman named Legally? That's not scary, that's sick!

16th Mar 2008, 16:06
Hi guys,
You are all so humorous. Have you forgotten that your own Mum is also a mother-in-law?

My MIL is fantastic, an absolute diamond.
MIL of my wife however.............. :ugh:
Son was on the phone to her yesterday, heard him speak about half a dozen words, call time?............... 25 minutes!! :bored:

16th Mar 2008, 16:07
....having two people analyse and critique your conduct, judgement and prioritisation skills (three if you're self critical). :E

Divorce means ............... recovering the ability to suit yourself.


Cynical, moi?


16th Mar 2008, 18:20
Q. What's a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

16th Mar 2008, 18:22
My MIL is fine, very forthright but the energy of a woman half her age. :)

My hubby's MIL is a gem. :D

Both our MILs are approx 9,000nm away. :ok:

White Bear
16th Mar 2008, 20:24
My Mother In Law is so big she kick starts Jumbo Jets!:D
White Bear.

17th Mar 2008, 09:09
White Bear.........Ken Dodd I think??

17th Mar 2008, 13:35
Bit of advice me'eld fella once gave me.

Before marrying a girl, always take a long hard look at their mother....

'cos that's what they end up looking like.:)

17th Mar 2008, 15:48
..waiting for Jerricho....

if only you could go back in time for, say, 56 minutes... :ok:

17th Mar 2008, 16:06
Before marrying a girl, always take a long hard look at their mother....
'cos that's what they end up looking like.I certainly concur with that.

17th Mar 2008, 23:30
Nearly split up with my then girlfriend on the basis of the looks and psychosis of her mum. Then I found out she was adopted ... (HUGE sigh of relief).

She still can't work out why I said "Oh, that's all right then" when she told me.:}:}:} My darling wife to this day doesn't know how close she came...

to escape

Doctor Cruces
18th Mar 2008, 12:45
MIL was on phone to wife and she asked me "how would you like to talk to Mum?" She hit me when I said "preferably through a medium".

Having said that, she knows her mum aint perfect. MIL was due to arrive one day when a thick fog descended. I was extolling the fact that maybe it would prevent her arriving when wife chirped up, "no chance, her broomstick has Cat IIIB ILS fitted".

Doc C

18th Mar 2008, 12:46
I'm kinda lucky, I don't see my mother-in-law at all. She died 16 years ago

18th Mar 2008, 15:04
i just came back from a pleasure trip.i brought my mil to the airport.

Hill Walker
18th Mar 2008, 15:07
Mother-In-Law = Woman Hitler

18th Mar 2008, 15:38
Blessed with a lovely MIL, who not only seems to adore me and takes every oppertunity to pamper us, but also lives on the other side of Europe and doesn't speak a word of any language I master. That fact the her family is rather affluent hardly makes things worse (he said, casting a loving glimpse at the Patek Philippe at his wrist and savouring the thought of spending 2 weeks on the Seychelles with wife, all paid for my MIL and FIL)

If my wife will look the same when she reaches 60 I'll be a happy man. I belive she can be referred to as a Trophy-MIL.

The regular programming will now resume.

Dan D'air
18th Mar 2008, 16:12
Slightly off thread, but has anyone else noticed that the letters MIL and MUMS combine to make.............MUSLIMS.

Hill Walker
18th Mar 2008, 16:57
You mean MUSLIMM?