View Full Version : For Fish-pun lovers only, or youŽll be sorry......

Dan D'air
13th Dec 2007, 16:59
What happened to the Chip Shop murders thread?? Can't find it anywhere. Answers greatly appreciated, DD.

13th Dec 2007, 17:11
Theres a time and Plaice for this kind of thing.

John Marsh
13th Dec 2007, 19:51
Nobody wanted to chip in.

Foxy Loxy
13th Dec 2007, 19:58
Maybe because it was cockle?

13th Dec 2007, 21:31
Mmmm - fishy!


14th Dec 2007, 21:56
Perhaps it was the piece of cod which passeth all understanding.

Lamenting Navigator
14th Dec 2007, 21:59
You poor sole. Haddock a chance...

14th Dec 2007, 22:31
He was killed just for the halibut, it seems. :ouch:

14th Dec 2007, 22:49
Deemed a load of Codswallop.

15th Dec 2007, 00:16
Just the thing for a frying forum!:}

15th Dec 2007, 00:19
I'll kipper look out for it.

15th Dec 2007, 05:04
Maybe the case was more or less wrapped up in the news so it was time to bid the thread a jew?

Richard Taylor
15th Dec 2007, 08:54
Guess people had bigger fish to fry...

15th Dec 2007, 10:24
... or were far too shellfish ...

15th Dec 2007, 10:24
You're just saying that for the halibut. :rolleyes:

15th Dec 2007, 10:49
From my perch, right from the beginning of this thread, I smelt a rat.

Why couldn't the sturgeon save him?

15th Dec 2007, 10:58
I don't know what you're carping on about. The Police are obviously following another angle across the border into Whales.

15th Dec 2007, 11:33
Too many bass allegations floundering round here, but no doubt the scales of justice will prevail.

15th Dec 2007, 11:38
whale oil (beef) hooked

Wavey Gravey
15th Dec 2007, 12:18
I think this is all just a red herring!

Hagbard the Amateur
15th Dec 2007, 13:15
It all makes you want to become a prawn again crustacean

15th Dec 2007, 13:44
It all makes you want to become a prawn again crustacean
LOL :D That was good!

15th Dec 2007, 14:03
For cods hake

Dan D'air
15th Dec 2007, 15:05
TwoOneFour, I sincerely hope that you will not be coming out with any more jokes like that and that your Minke joke was just a fluke.

15th Dec 2007, 15:18
TwoOneFour, I sincerely hope that you will not be coming out with any more jokes like that and that your Minke joke was just a fluke.
Salmon get him out of here

15th Dec 2007, 15:27
Is this a full scale thread?

15th Dec 2007, 15:45
And if not, are they gurnard do anything about it?

15th Dec 2007, 17:09
What, after fishing in the search function, you haven't smoked (the kipper) out?

I don't like the smell of it.

Dan D'air
15th Dec 2007, 17:11
All of these bad jokes are enough to make a grown man cry. Or blubber.

15th Dec 2007, 17:52
Wasn't this manta be a jokes thread? PPruNe is losing its sole. :(

15th Dec 2007, 18:19
As the French would say ...


Utrinque Apparatus
15th Dec 2007, 18:33
I think you'll all have to mullet over properly, for Cods Hake so stop carping. Anyway, if they ever find the culprit, it'll be a mackerel .............:}

15th Dec 2007, 18:42
Which is the name of the only station on the London Underground system that does not have a letter from the word mackerel in it?

Solid Rust Twotter
15th Dec 2007, 18:54

Which is reached by means of a transverse shift using the Escalator Ruleset first promulgated at the Krakow Symposium of 1924.

Hagbard the Amateur
15th Dec 2007, 18:58
I don't get it - why have we as the human race, at least in English chosen to find the names of fish funny?

Cow - not a titter...

Pilchard - hahahahahahahaha!

Kipper - worthy of a ha

The fish slapping sketch from Monty Python's Flying Circus - another example.

Is it our congenital fear of the ocean or the fact that fish are to us bl**dy funny?


the incivil beast
15th Dec 2007, 19:00
Thread deraylment !

15th Dec 2007, 19:13
Perhaps a dab on the tiller needed.


Dan D'air
15th Dec 2007, 19:17
Isn't it amazing that this Grouper people have nothing better to do just a week before Christmas, I should be fixing the back door at the moment, but I think I'll just Latchet. I just hope that Porbeagle doesn't come out with anything Oar-fish on this thread.

15th Dec 2007, 19:23
After a brief flounder on Google, I came across a tail I learned as a tadpole:

Why are fire engine's red?
Because one and one are two.
Two and two are four.
Four and four are eight.
Eight and four are twelve.
There are twelve inches in a ruler.
Queen Mary is a ruler.
Queen Mary is also a ship.
The ship sails the seas.
The seas have fish.
The fish have fins.
The Finns fought the Russians.
The Russians are red.
Fire engine's are always rushin'.
So that's why they're red.

15th Dec 2007, 20:28
I love this thread.

It's brill.

Standard Noise
15th Dec 2007, 20:37
Reading the last three pages has left me with a breaming smile.

15th Dec 2007, 21:34
Tense nervous haddock?

15th Dec 2007, 21:41
Then try singing Christmas corals, it really is a mackeral.

15th Dec 2007, 21:53
This sort of thing conger on forever.

15th Dec 2007, 22:09
To the contrary, I dont think you could be morwong. We're doing it for a moray.

Lamenting Navigator
15th Dec 2007, 22:13
This thread is really nothing to trout about....

15th Dec 2007, 22:38
Are you shore we should go on? Someone might harbour a grudge, and who knows what the net result would be?

alright, but it's still yer ackshul nautical ain't it?

15th Dec 2007, 23:42
What has green spiky hair and hangs out by the docks?
A sea urchin.

What do holy mackerel sing?
Nearer, my Cod, to thee.

Brine on some more!

15th Dec 2007, 23:43
Two Seagulls are sitting on a perch, one says to the other;

Can you smell fish?

Dan D'air
15th Dec 2007, 23:56
Just got in from the pub, where a friend of mine threw a green, rotting octopus onto the bar next to me. As I recoiled, I asked him what on earth he thought he was doing. "There's that sick squid I owe you."

Coat. Door. Gone.

15th Dec 2007, 23:59
Right thats it, I'm off to watch the rest of the... Codfather

Hagbard the Amateur
16th Dec 2007, 00:06
I'll make you a grouper you won't refuse...

16th Dec 2007, 00:09
Like the song says;

"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza-pie, That's a Moray." :)

16th Dec 2007, 00:26
I must be herring things.

16th Dec 2007, 00:39
This threads copping a battering.
Oh, The huge manatee...

16th Dec 2007, 00:51
Enough of this; I'm orfe to bed before I fall off me perch. :)

barry lloyd
16th Dec 2007, 01:02
"Vot is your name?"
"Don't tell him Pike!"

16th Dec 2007, 01:43
I think the whiting's on the wall for this thread: we're just floundering around at this point.

16th Dec 2007, 02:06
Don't be koi, say what you really think. :rolleyes:

Arm out the window
16th Dec 2007, 03:02
If I hadn't gone to the barr, acuda read this earlier.

Dan D'air
16th Dec 2007, 03:05
Arm out,

Thats rilly bad...........

16th Dec 2007, 03:07
If you must go out in this weather take a leather jacket and the white bait.

16th Dec 2007, 03:46
Now this is really fishy. My son Michael on the left, a catholic holding up a big Jew.

16th Dec 2007, 04:39
Did you know that there are Sharks for Sale in Stockport

16th Dec 2007, 07:16
There was the old musical hall song:-

"She was only the fishmonger's daughter, but she lay on the slab and said fillet."

16th Dec 2007, 08:00
or... she was only the telegrapher's daughter but she didit, didit, didit. But then she did come from Eel-Ling.

although her brother was a brain sturgeon who played and sang Salmon Chanted Evening beautifully.

16th Dec 2007, 08:07
Is this the dawning of the Age of Aquariums??:E

16th Dec 2007, 09:10

16th Dec 2007, 09:15
Somebody! Krill that man.

16th Dec 2007, 10:39
won't a gentle battering do?

And there's blenny more where they came from.

16th Dec 2007, 11:44
What a brilliant thread!!!!!!!!!

Gotta go to work now, must skate........... :}

16th Dec 2007, 12:16
Yeah, BRL, go on then. We don't want mods trying to mussel in here ... :E

16th Dec 2007, 12:29
surely even Mods should be made whelkome

16th Dec 2007, 12:31
You all seem to be having a whale of a time here, but do not worry I will not harp on about it.

16th Dec 2007, 12:33
Someone please put the seal on this.

Hagbard the Amateur
16th Dec 2007, 12:38
..before everyone starts doing the conga

16th Dec 2007, 12:40
give us a squid or two and I'll call-a-Mary to stop whaling and say tartare!!

16th Dec 2007, 12:41
I'll need to get me skates on to keep up with this!

16th Dec 2007, 12:49
It's not dolphin we get such an entertaining thread.

But I'm going to clam up until BRL gets back.

An unmoderated thread serves no porpoise.

16th Dec 2007, 12:51
Please don't think me a yellowbelly, but I'm seining off for the night.

16th Dec 2007, 13:48
Well, here I am finally on page 5, yet another JetBlast invertebrate in a long-line of lateral-thinkers. I wonder what triggered off this thread and why the usual JB bottom-trawlers haven't yet surfaced? To sting us with their "pearls of wisdom". Perhaps their tentacles do not stretch this far?

On a scale of 1 to 10, this thread must rate an octopus or 9. The last time I was tickled so pink I think it was Salmon Rushdie and the fatwas. But who would have thought that it would spawn such skate?

If y'all don't stop clowning around, I'm going to laugh so much that my facial mussels will start hurting. And they'll have to put me into a funny (fish) farm where I'll be subjected to electric shocks. And some film-maker will shoot a movie about it all at Ealing Studios?!

I should fly before my gills get clogged...

16th Dec 2007, 14:02
Being as I'm home Abalone today I've had time to look for the deeper porpoise of this thread, but then the carol singers came round and I had to stop to hear my favourite carol, "Coi to the world." And "Shark the herald Angels sing" always gets me a bit teary. God, I Need Kelp!

16th Dec 2007, 14:07
By all accounts (or in otter words), we have not yet reached our full quotas...

16th Dec 2007, 14:10
I hope you're not steaming though Airship. I don't want you to croaker through laughing too much.

Hagbard the Amateur
16th Dec 2007, 14:21
This thread is surely a bream come true.

16th Dec 2007, 15:12
Everyone, mount up and get on your seahorses - something's going down at the OK coral...

16th Dec 2007, 15:20
I am not sure if I am coarse enough for this thread but I must admit I am hooked line and sinker. I wont carp on but perhaps we should angle to reel in a few more to take the bait just as long as we are not accused of taking the pisces.

16th Dec 2007, 16:46
Listening to the latest song on the tune-o-fish should tide you over until the sturgeon can inspect your cargo. He got his deep-loma from the best diving schools, so should sort you out reel quick. After he saw fish shaking on the bottom of the ocean, he diagnosed it as a nervous wreck!

16th Dec 2007, 17:12
Im new to this site but this thread has got me well and truly hooked!

16th Dec 2007, 17:40
This all a load of pollocks, isn't it?:ok:


16th Dec 2007, 17:52
I was thinking about telling our local fishmonger some of these - trouble is, he's a bit deaf and his herring aid doesn't work.

Hagbard the Amateur
16th Dec 2007, 18:07
Kipper an eye on the radar. The pun is mightier than the sword(fish)

DX Wombat
16th Dec 2007, 18:11
Brilliant thread. :ok: :D :D :D

16th Dec 2007, 18:56
As they would say in the east end I am feeling Moby Dick about all this talk of fish

16th Dec 2007, 19:13
I hope thread stagnation isn't approaching.

16th Dec 2007, 19:16
Will be GUTTED if that happens.

16th Dec 2007, 19:28
Who likes their fish barbelcued? I love mine really charred!

16th Dec 2007, 19:36
Had to read through the whole thread. Dont want to poach anybody elses material.

Lamenting Navigator
16th Dec 2007, 19:38
We're becoming dab hands at this...

16th Dec 2007, 19:48
..as long as everyone comes out of the shadows!

16th Dec 2007, 19:56
With a sense of humour like that you must be one hell of a catch!

16th Dec 2007, 20:01
Thats not too hard to fathom.

16th Dec 2007, 20:19
Attempting to come up with an original contrivance related to organisms of a marine/brackish/freshwater habitat has made my head hake.

16th Dec 2007, 20:22
Oh, you can use any of my barbs - just throw me a few squid, or a silver dollar or two.

16th Dec 2007, 20:24
Been out today on my motorpike and sidecarp. After trawling through this lot I need a good kipper.

16th Dec 2007, 20:30
Is your motorpike turbot-charged?

16th Dec 2007, 20:46
No, I wish I had the turbot version; it floundered a bit on steep hills and I had to dab it along. I made a complete wrasse of myself in front of a grouper other pikers so came home pouting to mullet over. I threw a tarpon it for the night and am thinking I might just jack piking in till the spring. In this weather it's a load of pollacks. I cod go on....

But I'm feeling a bit cichlid and can't discus it further.

16th Dec 2007, 20:52
I wouldn't worry about it, Chum, unless the engine starts running roughy.

Lamenting Navigator
16th Dec 2007, 20:56
I hake you ShyTorque, that was far too good!

16th Dec 2007, 20:58
I powan to superior piscience!

16th Dec 2007, 20:59
Your tipping the scales with that one!

Lamenting Navigator
16th Dec 2007, 21:03
Oooh, that was a bit fishy...

Dan D'air
16th Dec 2007, 21:15
Sardine it really, that this is the depth we have descended to.

16th Dec 2007, 21:19
Looks like this thread is finished!

Lamenting Navigator
16th Dec 2007, 21:26
Tanks for the memories.

Dan D'air
16th Dec 2007, 21:28
Yes, it will be a sad ray indeed when the dorsal close on this thread, just like at the end of a good evening in the pub when the barbel sounds........

16th Dec 2007, 21:36
Maybe im wrong! It seems to be going rather swimmingly.

Lamenting Navigator
16th Dec 2007, 21:44
I think you're right, so far as I can sea... although some of these are a little cobbled together...

(For those who don't know, a cobble is a type of northern English fishing boat)

Richard Taylor
16th Dec 2007, 21:47
People continue to trawl for bad puns...& they continue to spawn...

16th Dec 2007, 21:58
Oh, please don't all scampi off and leave me here abalone? :bored:

Lamenting Navigator
16th Dec 2007, 22:03
Don't worry bnt, no one's shrimping away from the challenge...

16th Dec 2007, 22:03
We could do with a few more bites here!

Dan D'air
16th Dec 2007, 22:04
LN & Glazier, I seawrack can carry on with this for ages, as long as we have the tide to think up more bad punts.

Lamenting Navigator
16th Dec 2007, 22:07
Come off it, Dan D'air, don't stick your oar in like that. Or worm out of it!

Dan D'air
16th Dec 2007, 22:11
LN, I will seartainly try not to, I don't want to get a rowlocking.......

16th Dec 2007, 22:11
We need more like you just to stay afloat!

Dan D'air
16th Dec 2007, 22:16
It certainly is a top-knotch thread..........

16th Dec 2007, 22:17
People continue to trawl for bad puns...& they continue to spawn...

I do beg your parrdon! We're only shrimple folk!

Lamenting Navigator
16th Dec 2007, 22:17
Hmmm, need to mullet over for a bit... running low on lines!

16th Dec 2007, 22:21
Well, there are plenty of lines at my local prawn-broker.

Dan D'air
16th Dec 2007, 22:25
As long as we carry on in this timber, I'm sure that the mods won't pullet.....

Lamenting Navigator
16th Dec 2007, 22:26
Shad I wait til later?

16th Dec 2007, 22:29
I love this thread. I took the bait and theres no going back.

Dan D'air
16th Dec 2007, 22:30
Only if you really mast LN.............

Lamenting Navigator
16th Dec 2007, 22:30
You're hooked, aren't you?

16th Dec 2007, 22:33
Im in the keep net!

Dan D'air
16th Dec 2007, 22:36
Although this is fast becoming one of my favosites, I rilly must go and sea Mme. D'air, she is watching Parkinson on the ITV1 channel.

Lamenting Navigator
16th Dec 2007, 22:38
Leave her bream, Parky's got Peter Kay on...

Dan D'air
16th Dec 2007, 22:41
Dismast be the best time of year for 'oggin the TV.

16th Dec 2007, 22:43
I agree they have cast some good faces for parky!

Lamenting Navigator
16th Dec 2007, 22:45
Well, it's his last show, they had to fillet with something

Dan D'air
16th Dec 2007, 22:48
Boom Boom...............

Lamenting Navigator
16th Dec 2007, 22:56
Whatever floats your boat, Dan...

16th Dec 2007, 23:00
There has certainly been a stream of puns here!

Dan D'air
16th Dec 2007, 23:00
Yes LN, I am sorry it was porous and not up to the level of my usual plimsoll lines, Its late, I'm tired and the whiting must be on the wall!!

Lamenting Navigator
16th Dec 2007, 23:13
Yep, must call it a night, soon. Whale meet again...

Dan D'air
16th Dec 2007, 23:22
Lamenting Navigator, It will be a privilege to steer a course with you again.......

A fin chap indeed you are Ma'am.

Arm out the window
17th Dec 2007, 00:02
I'll bet ane mone this thread can't go on for much longer!

17th Dec 2007, 00:05
You must be codding there are plenty more lines to be cast here!

Lamenting Navigator
17th Dec 2007, 00:10
Oh cod, eel we go again...

Dan D'air
17th Dec 2007, 00:14
It does sea-moth though it could go on all night!!

17th Dec 2007, 00:25
Im all at sea now. Cant think of any more!

Arm out the window
17th Dec 2007, 05:07
There's only one thing to do with the dastardly punsters contributing to this thread that I can sea - slug 'em with a suspension, that'll blow 'em out of the water!

17th Dec 2007, 06:46
*Sings quietly ...*

Oh, mahi's making eyes at me ...

Let's flipper coin for who gets to go next. :rolleyes:

17th Dec 2007, 07:24
that'd be a dollar fish no doubt.

17th Dec 2007, 07:35
I really don't know what to mako that!

17th Dec 2007, 07:46
Thats exactly what Marlin Brando would've said.

17th Dec 2007, 07:57
eleemosynary - sharing gold while swimming with carp

17th Dec 2007, 08:38
oyster clear o' that meself!

17th Dec 2007, 08:54
That's very shellfish of you ...

17th Dec 2007, 08:56
Ah, someone's still here. I thought you'd all clammed up!

17th Dec 2007, 09:09
That was a very bass assumption, Wingswinger. In dace gone by we'd have had yer head on a pike for that!

17th Dec 2007, 09:28
I went out with me local hunt the other day. Porbeagles smelt nothing. Nice to see the horses scallop around, though.

17th Dec 2007, 12:30
I'm all out of puns and tired with a long day ahead. I'm looking forward to this evening when I can seabed down south.

I don't think I'll be lucky enough to see Annette there.

I'm really scraping the bottom now so I'd better not make any mention of herring :oh:

Sorry for that last one, I reely am. :p

17th Dec 2007, 12:49
This is all becoming a bit sole destroying now!!

17th Dec 2007, 14:16
Whelk, whaddya expect? You're all Urchin each other on here. :rolleyes:

Hagbard the Amateur
17th Dec 2007, 14:41
I guess they call it guppy love

17th Dec 2007, 15:40
Time to call time - ding - a -ling

17th Dec 2007, 17:51
Why, when there's blenny potenchial left?

17th Dec 2007, 18:07
'Hark the Herald Angel Fish Sing....' oh bugger it, wrong thread. Or is it?

17th Dec 2007, 19:16
You can't wind me up said the eel, I'm electric

17th Dec 2007, 19:43
Looks like you have been reeled in to this one!

Hagbard the Amateur
17th Dec 2007, 20:12
Langoustine-age kicks have no limits after all....

No - I really have to stop now

17th Dec 2007, 20:14
Is that offishal?

Arm out the window
17th Dec 2007, 20:20
This is a swell thread. It's not time to wave bye-bye yet, or give it the chop.

17th Dec 2007, 20:23
I couldnt agree with you more Arm. But salmon wants to end it.

Arm out the window
17th Dec 2007, 20:26
I suppose that's only natural when we're up to the tuna nine pages.

17th Dec 2007, 21:21
Will it reach the Tench?

17th Dec 2007, 21:28
I ruddy well hope so!


I toped it would.:ok:

Lamenting Navigator
17th Dec 2007, 21:51
Sorry chaps, these puns aren't half as tunny as they were last night. Think you've missed the boat!!

17th Dec 2007, 22:03
Bit of a bleak outlook there, LN

17th Dec 2007, 22:15

Dan D'air
18th Dec 2007, 00:09
We should combine this with the Christmas Puns thread and be Grateful that no-one is singing corals............

kiwi chick
18th Dec 2007, 00:20
Oh my Cod. I kina keep up with you all, more paua to you.

18th Dec 2007, 00:40
I think we're trawling the bottom of the barrel now, sounding eely bad and contrived. Maybe this is the FIN??

kiwi chick
18th Dec 2007, 00:42
No, I think we can gropher ound for some more yet?

18th Dec 2007, 00:51
I guess we can snap a few more off if we keep trying. Here's another to add to Ma' Lin

18th Dec 2007, 00:55
Be nice to kc ... she could be the krill of your dreams and she just lobster do puns! :)

kiwi chick
18th Dec 2007, 01:12
and she's an Angel in disguise, but some think she's an aholehole

(tis true! I got it from Wikipedia. Just trying to work "Airsac Catfish" in without gettin sent straight to hell) :E

18th Dec 2007, 01:17
I looked and looked for a good pun, and then I flounder. Better stop, were skating on thin ice...

18th Dec 2007, 07:48
The lull may only be tempura ly.

18th Dec 2007, 08:42
That last one was a fluke.

18th Dec 2007, 19:39
Su shi reckons? :suspect:

18th Dec 2007, 19:50
I think its time we tackled this from a different angle!

Arm out the window
18th Dec 2007, 20:19
I don't like the sounder that. Maybe it's evin rude to stray from the main topic, so I won't be the manta do that.

Hagbard the Amateur
18th Dec 2007, 20:20
Or we're going to offend the Crayfish twins

18th Dec 2007, 20:41
weever taken it too far

18th Dec 2007, 20:50
Maybe you are right. I cant think of anemore!:confused:

Hagbard the Amateur
18th Dec 2007, 20:57
I can't think of anaemonemore either. Surely there are more fish in the sea.

Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of Plankton....

18th Dec 2007, 21:19
I might just take a little wanda around the site.

Lamenting Navigator
18th Dec 2007, 22:59
It's all Dover! (sole)

18th Dec 2007, 23:03
This thread has been battered.

18th Dec 2007, 23:05
Time to get it wrapped up, to take out?

Arm out the window
19th Dec 2007, 02:12
This thread is Dead, Sea. Perhaps we should just let it go to the plaice where old threads go to die, and cuttlefish references from our typing.

19th Dec 2007, 12:08
Not so fast! I'll be back in a minnow ..... when I think of something.

19th Dec 2007, 12:21
I've been trying to rhyme cinguatera with guantanamera for a while, to produce a catchy tune.