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G-CPTN
10th Dec 2007, 15:58
The born-again canoeist, John Darwin, http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44281000/jpg/_44281946_darwin_cleveland_polic.jpg
was able to get himself a passport in the name of John Jones (!) by providing a photograph of himself wearing a false beard:- http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44291000/jpg/_44291698_darwin2_pa203b.jpg


How difficult is it to get a 'false' passport? I thought you needed matching birth certificates and a signed declaration that the subject has been known to the signatee (themselves a person of 'status') for a number of years? http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7136798.stm

tony draper
10th Dec 2007, 16:45
Said it before and people think I'm joking, which I am not,Chip everybody,be much easier to keep toot on peeps who need to be kept toot on as well.
:rolleyes:

S'land
10th Dec 2007, 17:43
Just goes to show that he read "Day of the Jackal" to find out how to get his false passport. :rolleyes:

frostbite
10th Dec 2007, 20:14
On the other hand - just try opening a postal/internet bank account with a new bank or BS!

(probably no problem for the villain)

Lamenting Navigator
10th Dec 2007, 20:51
Yeek. I just signed up for iris-scan wearing contact lenses..

unclenelli
10th Dec 2007, 21:19
I can't blame him for going missing
The last to crawl up that particular beach was hanged (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_hanger).

ORAC
10th Dec 2007, 21:26
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/graphics/2007/12/09/matt.gif

Blacksheep
11th Dec 2007, 01:31
The last to crawl up that particular beach was hanged.Seaton Carew was a favoured day out for folks round our way and I've had many a happy day on that beach.

But don't go there wearing a red and white horizontally striped T shirt, with white trousers, a blue waistcoat and a large beret. Everyone in Hartlepool knows what a French spy looks like and they're always on the lookout for one.

They want to get it right next time...:E

larssnowpharter
11th Dec 2007, 04:56
One is a bit of a Heinz 57 and this allows me to hold 2 passports from 2 different countries (there is also a possibility that I am entitled to a third).

One has fantasised about changing oneís name by deed poll so that I had passports in 2 different names.

Would that mean I would need 2 canoes?:confused:

BlueDiamond
11th Dec 2007, 06:08
Yeek. I just signed up for iris-scan wearing contact lenses..
Makes no difference, La-Na ... unless you're wearing coloured and patterned "fun" lenses which obscure your natural iris.

Shack37
11th Dec 2007, 10:33
This guy lied to get a second passport in a false name and cheated an insurance company on a life policy.
Wow, what a villain.
He and his wife are in the running to beat the West's (Rosie & Fred) for publicity and police time.
I hope the Cleveland police are as enthusiastic when chasing murderers, rapists and child molesters.
I wonder when the first book will come out?
s37:*

Blacksheep
12th Dec 2007, 01:47
I wonder why they needed to go all the way to Panama to hide? Living in Seaton Carew is as near to obscurity as it is possible to get - except perhaps for Trimdon Dene.

tony draper
12th Dec 2007, 07:12
Nowt wrong wi Crimdon Den Mr Blacksheep,one used to holiday there as a sprog,in me uncles caravan,twer converted from the top deck of a double decker bus,some good caves to explore at Blackhall rocks and fossils to be found in the pit heap as well.
:rolleyes:

AGPwallah
12th Dec 2007, 15:48
Sign erected in Seaton Carew and subsequently removed by killjoys.

"Welcome to Seaton Canoe - twinned with Panama City"

Blacksheep
13th Dec 2007, 03:00
Whey tony, Crimdon Dene (http://www.easington.gov.uk/services/tourism/tostay/4-10124.asp)is of course the well known, not to say infamous, Geordie holiday resort just north of Hartlepool and we would often visit Crimdon during my childhood to paddle in the sea and collect sea coal.

...but when I were a young lad "Trimdon Dene" was a coal miner's p*ss take, a mythical holiday spot added to The Trimdons - Trimdon village, Trimdon Grange and Trimdon Colliery - near Sedgefield. We couldn't let Blackhall Colliery be the only one with its own flash resort and spa now could we? The mock site of 'The Dene' is now a bird sanctuary and nature reserve.

Check out this Trimdon (http://www.aboutbritain.com/towns/trimdon.asp) link - now how obscure is that? :}

tinpis
13th Dec 2007, 03:01
And yer moving back THERE Mr Blacksheep? :uhoh::hmm:

Blacksheep
13th Dec 2007, 03:46
Nah Tinny. I left the North East when I was 16 years old to join the Royal Air Force, "Learn A Trade" and then seek fame and fortune. Having found neither, I'm headed back to Hatfield (http://www.adventureballoons.co.uk/locations-hertfordshire.html), which is nowadays our home base. For the time being anyway...

At least I never left me canoe behind when I left. :rolleyes:

tony draper
13th Dec 2007, 08:03
Crimdon Dene Holiday Park? looks positively posh now,our caravan was just in field,they called said field happy valley for some reason,all chemical toilets and a cold water tap over int corner, water had to be hauled as did sea coal from the beach to work the caravan stove,one would probably be arrested for child abuse if one subjected one's offspring to such conditions these days,but being sprogs we loved it.
Tell the kids nowadays an they wunt believe yer
:rolleyes:
I do recall the miners from Blackhall still spoke a version of Old English Pitmatic,full of thee's thou's thoo's and thine's.
:uhoh:

Ozzy
13th Dec 2007, 16:29
CANOEIST CHARGED WITH BEING AN ARSE

SUSPECTED canoeist John Darwin appeared before magistrates this morning charged with three counts of being a complete arse.

Darwin, 57, entered the dock at Hartlepool magistrates' court carrying a paddle and holding a placard with 'I am such an arse' written on it.

He spoke only once during his short court appearance to confirm that he was an arse. "Total. Fcuking. Arse," he said. "What was I thinking?"

Darwin faces one charge of having gotten away with faking his own death and then perpetrating an insurance scam only to throw it all away by being a complete arse.

He also faces one charge of being an arse in relation to moving to a foreign country to start a new life after faking his own death but still using his real name and living with his real wife.

He faces one other charge of being a complete fcuking arse for having his picture taken in Panama and putting it on the internet under his real name when he was supposed to be dead, and no one was even looking for him.

His wife Anne, who was arrested yesterday on her return to Britain from Central America, is expected to appear before the same court later this week charged with being a complete fcuking donut.

She also faces one charge of being an arse, and one of being an accessory to being an arse.

Legal expert Bill McKay said: "Initially we suspected we might be dealing with an incredibly sophisticated criminal mastermind capable of disappearing without trace and committing the perfect fraud.

"Instead it would appear we are dealing with a pair of moronic fat-heads who have made a series of imbecilic and bovine mistakes that would embarrass a two year-old during a game of sardines."


Ozzy

Blacksheep
14th Dec 2007, 04:05
Tis a good job for him that he has some fluency in Anglo-Saxon. Had he been suspected of being French, things would not have gone well for him... :uhoh:

unclenelli
19th Dec 2007, 01:21
Seaton Carew was a favoured day out for folks round our way and I've had many a happy day on that beach.

I caught my first ever fish on that beach aged 6 - a mackeral - caught by hand (in my bare hand) in a rock pool by the pier/Teesmouth North harbour wall.
We used to spend many a summer's day down on the beach beyond the dunes.
I remember it well - 1.5 mile drive from the main road, just after the Nuclear Power Station, to the car park, then 1/2 mile walk across the dunes through the WWII Pillboxes to the beach covered in seacoal (for all non-locals, it's coal/jet washed from the North Sea Coal fields, which washes ashore around the Teesmouth area and is found laid on the beach as black specks upto 3" in size (jet is more commonly found further south at Whitby)) One of the cleanest (non-polluted, yet covered in coal) beaches in Europe!!

Blacksheep
19th Dec 2007, 01:38
Ah, fond memories, unclenelli.

http://www.geograph.org.uk/photos/16/42/164274_ea8334cc.jpg

The bit of beach you're talking about is a fair bit south of Seaton Carew which you can see in the distance and those secluded dunes are actually called "Seaton Snooks". The nuclear power station was not yet built in my day and there really were seals on Seal Sands just over the estuary side of the North Gare breakwater (which is behind the photgrapher).

As a young teen I spent a lot of time there with E****a Whi*****se discovering how ladies bits worked while she discovered a few things about mine. :ok: